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Job and life: Intersections, and Crossroads
by chuck woolery at 11:54 PM on January 19, 2004
As most of the people who frequent here have undoubtably seen, I haven't been posting much since being granted author status. Thankfully the other author, Lajoie, who came on at the same time has been similarly unprolific. At least I don't think I look too bad in comparison.
Mostly I haven't been prolific because I have been busy. Not so much with work, but mostly spending time with my girlfriend, Erin. Happy times for the most part.
I do find though that from time to time we spend less time with each other, and not necessarily when I would like us to spend less time together. Oops published teh beginning of the rambling. If you're reading this in a previous post, and it trailed off unexpectantly just before here, its because I got called away after trying to save and then delete this post. Not quite up to speed with this entry system yet. but I digress...
Anyway, back to Erin...
I met Erin back in March of 2003. I met her in a place I didn't expect to meet a future girlfriend in. A job interview. Not as a fellow candidate, but a interview panel member, namely the Human resources girl. She is a cute looking redhead girl, and I definitely found myself attracted to her. Of course, being a job interview and all, I wasn't able to flirt or otherwise explore whether anything would come of my attraction.
While I commented to my co-workers about the cute redhead, I didn't follow up at all, at least not until I ran across Erin at my then new office building in mid-June (having started in the new office at the beginning of June) Anyway, we went for lunch, she talked way too much, and it was almost over before it began. That is until she sent me a e-mail a week later, and I decided that she might be worth pursuing a second date with... Women who talk too much on first dates are not generally girls I go on second dates with... Glad I made an exception in this case.
We've been dating since that time, and things have started to get more serious here, with us talking about co-habiting etc... This has caused me to re-evaluate where thngs are with her, and has left me at a bit of a crossroads...
I've definitely fallen for this girl, and she seems to have fallen for me even more than I for her. I do however see some issues largely because our personalities are quite different (spender v saver, carefree v. worrier, messy v. fanatically tidy, good enough v. perfectionist). (in case you're wondering, its me v. her throughout the above)
These various issues have led me to question our basic compatibility in the longer term... I've already been divorced once, and I don't care to go through that wringer again.
What predictors are there that a relationship will survive and thrive on difference versus those relationships that degenerate into the the realm of divorce and messy disputes over the house and dog... Any sage wisdom from the BS community?
comments (16)
Look at the aftermath of arguments. Is there some variation i.e. both parties apologizing, always the same one etc. If it's consistently the same outome, that isn't a good sign.
by anna at January 20, 2004 7:48 AM
Chuck, I think the biggest question here is if both of you are willing to love each other for who you are and not expect the other person to be what you think they should be. I have friends who are with, pretty much, polar opposite SOs and they make it work through communication and compromise. If the differences are moral or based on values then you might have a problem. "Spender v saver, carefree v. worrier, messy v. fanatically tidy, good enough v. perfectionist" are all things that can be compromised on until you both meet in the middle. Amy and I, as much as we are alike, have differences too. She cleans like a professional and I just don't. She doesn't ride my ass over it and I try hard to be better because I want to make her happy. There we have found a happy median. Amy and I have talked it over and the only things we can't work through are lying and betrayal, though they usually go hand in hand. Everything else that falls below that we classify as "small shit" that can be compromised on by talking, listening to what your partner has to say, and making an effort to be better at what they need. In the grand scheme of things, if you look at it realistically, there aren't too many things you can't work through if you love each other.
by Ezy at January 20, 2004 10:50 AM
I am of the "if it makes you happy, go for it" school of thought. Are you happy more or fighting more? It should at least be like 60% happy. But I agree with Ezy... I know a LOT of couples with the same kinds of opposing traits as the ones you mention. But they work it out just fine because (to be apallingly cliche) love is a strong foundation. How does she make you feel? How do you make her feel?
by Linz at January 20, 2004 11:43 AM
hey that hurts...
at least i've been putting badsam off for work and school. i'd never ditch you guys for a girl.
not yet anyway.
by lajo at January 20, 2004 12:04 PM
That's ok Lajo, I still love you.
by Lucy at January 20, 2004 12:46 PM
Yea Lajo, you're ok for a slacker ;-)
by Ezy at January 20, 2004 1:23 PM
Hey, not meant as a critiscm Lajo. If you were posting left and right I'd feel bad that I'm not. Its just nice to see my fellow boatmate being as slack at this as I've been.
The love each other is a given. If I didn't love her I wouldn't be asking for advice, I'd have moved on long ago.
As for the not sweating the small stuff, hey that's my mantra, but not hers (good enough v. perfectionist). Really I'm trying to figure out if I can live with her in the long run given her general stickyness regarding things
ie it bothered her that I bought a television on a no 12 months no interest credit card thing, at a mere 1900 cdn (1400ish US) because I didn't get her permission first (we'd talked about it, but when I got it I didn't tell her that I had made the decision...)
The reason she was bothered was that I used credit "too casually" and that I wasn't planning for our life together and saving for our eventual mutual domicile... very different attitudes about those sorts of things generally...
Oh yeah, I broke down and bought a TV, 32 years old and I finally own one (and a DVD too). Not gonna bother getting cable though, I don't want ot spend that much time in front of it.
by chuck woolery at January 20, 2004 7:12 PM
of course no offense taken...just givein you some shit.
and if a lawyer can't drop a few queen's head's on a t.v., who the hell can?
my $.02 ($.027 CDN)....since you're the carefree one and she's the one who may be in deeper, act like yourself and don't sweat it too much. she can learn to love your willy-nilly ways if she really loves you.
and you, for your part, can occasionally stop "airing out" your natty drawers all over the apartment.
by lajo at January 20, 2004 10:26 PM
I have been watching "Lingo". I like the program but wondered what your relationship is with the Lady on the show with you. It looks like there is mutual interest. I do not appreciate the "less covred up clothing" she wears - tho she seems charming. I think you two would be a good match if you aren't presently married. - C Frecker
by C Frecker at January 24, 2004 5:34 PM
I think Lingo is terrible after Stacy was added. She doesn't make the show any better as she comes in in her tight fitting dresses and her boobs that don't already show, look like they'd pop out any minute. Look at the Contestants they aren't dressed that way and makes the show far better. She and Chuck can do their love-in after the show. When I think about her I think "Puke"
by Lenora Shawhan at January 25, 2004 3:28 PM
Oh my god. Some people think Chuck Woolery is actually Chuck Woolery. Some people were searching for Chuck Woolery and found bad samaritan. That's so excellent.
by Linz at January 26, 2004 2:12 PM
I really want to know is Chuck and Stacy are "ReallY" doing it after the show Lingo..Please respond..I wanna know.
by BrazenCat at January 27, 2004 10:27 PM
Wait, you mean our Chuck isn't the Chuck?
by mg at January 28, 2004 12:29 AM
That's hilarious. (and excellent too)
I haven't seen the "lingo" program, and I am certainly not on it.
I would have thought that the picture of myself on the posts would give that away. At least I don't think I look like the "real" Chuck Woolery (I wouldn't be surprised if that isn't his real name either...), maybe in about 20 years...
by chuck woolery at January 29, 2004 6:54 PM
We love Lingo and wonder all the time if "something is going on? " between Stacey and Chuck.Shes young enough to be his daughter!!!
by Rita at May 12, 2005 3:54 PM
Does Chuck have kids? Hes 64 now I believe
by Rita at May 12, 2005 3:55 PM