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busting my cherry
by jen x at 02:44 PM on January 27, 2004
My romantic life has always consisted of relationships. I meet someone, I like them, they like me (or so they claim), then it’s into relationship territory. I think in my 9 years of active relationships, I’ve been out on three dates total – and one of them I didn’t consider a date ‘cause it was just friends hanging out; another wasn’t a date because the boy and I had had a romantic history together... it was only the third that really counted, and that was a year and a half ago.
Pathetic, ain’t it?
Anyhow, lately I’ve been doing the real, honest-to-goodness dating thing. I met a boy at a party, I met him again at the next party, he asked for my website (yeah, he’s a geek), I gave him the URL and my phone number, and three days later he phoned me to ask me out.
Three days after that, we went out. Three days after that was the phone call for the next date – booked two days later, this time. Ooh, variety!
After two dates, I figured it was my turn, so I asked him out two days after the last date for a date two days later. Two days after that, he called to say he’d had a great time and was looking forward to getting together again, but that he was booked all week and I work Sundays (true). It was at this point that I figured we were likely “dating.”
Oooh, active tense.
Later in the week (coincidentally enough, three days after that phone call), I had a movie pass and no accompaniment, so I called him up on the off-chance that he was free. He cancelled his plans and off we went.
When I hadn’t heard from him four days later, I called him up (this is last night, for those of you who really want to keep track). We chatted for awhile and have since made plans for furniture shopping (of all things) on Thursday – three days from now.
Admittedly, I’ve trimmed out all the salacious bits, but it’s because (for a change), that’s not the part I want to focus on. What gets me about all of this is how structured it is, but not. It’s following all of the rules of proper dating – he paid for dinner the first two times we went out, and got twitchy when I paid the third time (although he didn’t say anything when I bought the movie tickets on the second date). For the most part, there hasn’t been any last-minute plans (although he said he’d thought of doing so at one point, and my movie tickets were last minute), and it’s all been ... well, mostly proper.
And that’s the part that’s thrown me for a loop and a half. I actually had to run something past a male friend of mine for interpretation, and once he explained it to me, I was amazed I hadn’t seen it for myself. See, the last few boys I’ve dated have been the hyper horny little puppy variety – the ones that need a whap on the nose with a newspaper to be dissuaded from my leg. This boy, while in a similar vein, has a different kind of approach – the kind where he says he has to leave, then starts removing more of my clothing.
I didn’t see this for what it was, ‘cause it’s been so long since I’ve been in this type of situation. Usually it’s me saying, “I have to go,” while desperately fighting both the boy and my own knowledge of how much fun I could have if I stayed just a few minutes longer...
But this time around, I’m doing things right. I’m trying out the dating thing, I’m not rushing into the sex thing, and I’m giggling madly at every little aspect of it as I go. It’s a new thing for me, learning someone else like this, and while it isn’t as easy as the last few relationships have been, that’s as much a personality thing as it is a different situation thing.
Where this is going to go, I haven’t the faintest. Maybe in a month I’ll be back, bitching about how stupid dating is and how it’s only cheap sexual flings with skilled men that are worth my time. But it’s been falling for the wrong boys that’s always hurt me in the past, so for now, I’ll just have fun and try something new.
comments (11)
Jen, good to see ya around. Sounds to me like you have a bona fide courting ritual going on here. I do like my spontaneity, though, there is a lot to be said for structured dating. At least you know what is going on and can plan.
by Ezy at January 27, 2004 3:03 PM
Jen! Yay! You've been missed...
Huh. This is the kind of crazy, calculated, slightly anxiety-ridden kind of approach that makes dating so thrilling. Mystery is great... being denied (sort of) is great... makes you want him so much more...
Not that I know anything about waiting...
by Linz at January 27, 2004 4:51 PM
Linz I bet you do. I think you play that side of you up for yucks or something. Now Jen, this sounds like more than a hook-up. Good luck w/ it.
Is that picture how you look currently? I like it, but it kind of looks like you're hiding something.
by anna at January 27, 2004 5:21 PM
Hey guys, good to be back -- basically just waiting for inspiration and all that other good stuff to come together again.
Ezy, normally I'm all up ons with the spontaneity, which is why this tickles me so. :)
As for what Linz had to say, I know what you mean -- usually I am not one for waiting very long, especially when I listen too well to my hormones (and they are loud), but this time I feel no need to rush. I also feel no need to jump this boy's bones -- at least, not yet. Maybe soon.
And the picture... well, kinda. That's the version with the costume photo-shopped out. If you want to see its original form, it's at http://eiram.blogspot.com/pics.htm -- the second one. Add some glasses, a moronic expression, and maybe a few pounds, and then you get what I usually look like in photos -- that's about the only thing I'm hiding, ugliness. ;)
by Jen at January 27, 2004 5:39 PM
hmmm...but for the words:
"I also feel no need to jump this boy's bones"
i'm kind of thinking that you like this fella, but are not as attracted to him as you have been others in the past. perhaps his wit is charming you, or maybe he bakes really nice pies....
ehh, what do i know?
and also welcome back and stuff.
by lajo at January 28, 2004 1:20 PM
It's definitely not the same kind of immediate lust that I've felt in the past. Then again, the lust side is usually a slow build for me, especially when I've been going without, or at least not getting it regularly.
I'm still learning him, which is the new part on me; starting from not knowing him at all to getting to know him in small bits and pieces, that's the interesting part. In the past, I've usually flirted for awhile or been friends with someone before the relationship started.
But I'm also occasionally wrestling with the nostalgia of ex-boyfriends, the ones I still lust after. My head is a confusing place to be. :P
by Jen at January 28, 2004 1:29 PM
yes.... your head, and that of every other woman i've ever known...
so you mean that past girlfriends might have been thinking of other boyfriends when we were...you know?
ahh piss.
by lajo at January 28, 2004 1:42 PM
Well, we haven't gotten to the "you know" phase yet, and generally during the pre-you know stuff, my attention is on him.
But I can't deny that once in awhile my mind has drifted to exes past during "you know" -- and it happens even with the good ones. Like I said, my mind... well, it's a mess. :P
by Jen at January 28, 2004 2:00 PM
I feel the need to let you know Anna, that I really don't know anything about waiting... The only times I have were bc the boy wanted to. The times I've tried have lasted all of maybe a week, two maximum, and those times were rare. I do play up my dating life though... I really do tend to care about the people I date/hook up with, even when they don't care about me.
Jen, I sometimes slip into thoughts of "you know" with someone from the past while with someone in the present... Doesn't everyone or is this a female thing? It's never on purpose, and most often it is in a "damn, he is so much better than that guy from 2 years ago..." kind of way...
by Linz at January 28, 2004 2:23 PM
Nice picture, Jen. I wish Halloween was two times a year. I had too much fun this year. I checked out your site and you have links to webcomics! Have you seen megatokyo.com? More things to keep me from doing work at work. Maybe I'll get inspired and post on my site again. I have a redesign of my site on paper, I just need to get to it.
by MrBlank at January 28, 2004 4:07 PM
Eh, who needs to wait for Hallowe'en to dress up? Admittedly, not all of my outfits are quite so "outdoor-" or "friend-" friendly, but who's complaining?
I have seen Megatokyo, but it's not one that I follow; actually, that comics page needs a bit of updating. I'm just lazy. :)
If you really want things to keep you from working at work, check out http://www.fark.com or http://www.x-entertainment.com -- fantastic stuff. It's how I get through the daily government grind. Well, that and writing for my sites. :)
by Jen at January 28, 2004 10:19 PM