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Say you want an answer the answer isn't no
by mg at 12:10 PM on December 04, 2003
I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned it here before, but I’m a bit of a manners Nazi. I think it is shameful if someone sneezes and no one says “God Bless You.” I think you should have your license taken away if you don’t let someone merge in traffic if the person before you didn’t. I’ll hold an elevator door open if I see you walking down the hall toward me. And I still stand up whenever a lady leaves a table, and will not sit again until she does.
That is just the way I am.
Yesterday I stopped in to the bank to get some money out of the magic money machine. I’m not sure how it is in other places, but in NYC you have to swipe your card twice, once to get in the building and again to actually get money out of the magic money machine. I suppose they do this so homeless people don’t sleep in the ATM alcove, though it doesn’t really work since there are always homeless dudes waiting to hold the door open for you, stare at you hungrily throughout your transaction, and then make you feel bad for not handing them a twenty for opening a door you could easily have opened yourself for free.
But, in this situation, there were no homeless anywhere in sight, so as I was finishing my transaction I noticed a fella approaching the door. Yesterday was the first below freezing day in the city since March, sp I decided to hurry over and let him in so he wouldn’t be stuck out there any longer than he had to be. I even did that gay little stutter-hop-step thing that you do when you don’t want to run, but need a little more speed than a walk. I’m sure the guard watching that security camera had a good laugh at my expense.
I opened the door and was exiting, because although I hurried to help the would-be-banker, I still needed to leave the bank. Rather than waiting for me to open the door and egress, he pushed past me through the door. I was expecting one of those Three Stooges moments, where we’d both be wedged in the doorframe, but somehow we managed to pass without incident.
Now, I was helping this dude out, and he couldn’t even wait for me to open the door and walk through it before barging through the door, and me, himself. What was even worse was he didn’t acknowledge my presence in any way, much less throw a “Thank you” or even a nod of the head my way. Perhaps you can (and should) ignore most homeless people, but I’m not wearing a months worth of B.O. on me and hadn’t just peed down my leg.
Normally, I take these etiquette faux pas in stride. I didn’t hold the door open for a thank you, but something about the guy really annoyed me. So, I turned around and yelled “Your Welcome” back through the door. I usually don’t joy or a feeling of vindication in making someone else feel bad, but I did see a look of “Oh crap, I’m such a jerk” twitch across the guys face, and, well, it did make me feel good.
Perhaps he left that bank, and wasn’t his normally dicky self for the rest of the afternoon. Probably not, but hopefully he at least felt a little bad about continuing to be his dicky self for the rest of the afternoon.
comments (17)
You guys have all the luck with running into ornery strangers... sigh...
by Linz at December 4, 2003 4:38 PM
I never mentioned the first time I was publically cursed at by a stranger a couple weeks ago when a fellow behind me honked as a traffic light was turning green, and decided to teach him a lesson by counting to ten before hitting the gas. He sped up next to me on the next block, dislodged a strong of expletives while showing off his middle finger, before speeding off in front of me.
by mg at December 4, 2003 5:15 PM
All Three Stooges moments are to be cherished.
Whenever I berate a stranger, it sticks with me more than it does them, I'm sure. Was I too hard on them? Was I a wimp?
by anna at December 4, 2003 6:40 PM
my favorite thing to do to needlessly angry people is laugh. when they flip you off and swear at you in traffic, i just laugh and laugh. i laugh my fucking head off. usually at that point they're ready to kill me.
instead they just drive off somewhere and probably beat their kids.
but if i was there to see it, i'd keep up with the laughing to really get'em steamed.
by lajo at December 4, 2003 7:03 PM
*sigh* My boy used to do that every single time when we first met. He doesn't anymore and too bad, too. I must admit that there is a certain charm to that. More guys should stand up whenever a lady arrives at or leaves a table.
by Lucy at December 5, 2003 1:42 AM
I try to be nice and courteous and so on-- holding doors, 'please' and 'thank you', etc. but sometimes the general gyroscopic self-centeredness of New Yorkers gets to me. Little things, particularly on sidewalks and on the train. E.g., someone walking veeerrryyyy sssslllooowwwlllyyy, or drifting from side to side on the sidewalk; or someone getting onto the train and stopping right in the doorway, or blocking the way on an escalator. Things like that get right up my nose.
Lajoie-- I work for a publishing company, so manuscripts get rejected all the time, so we often get letters from authors appealing the decision, and there was one recently to one of the editors that was basically a string of insults. I suggested replying to the email with just one sentence-- "Flattery will get you nowhere"-- but he didn't. I thought it would have been drop-dead hilarious, but it probably would have made the author come here with a rifle.
by Adam at December 5, 2003 9:24 AM
I have to say that I'm a bit of a manners nazi too. Growing up in a southern household with, at times, four ladies present, manners were part and parcel for a happy existance. Saying yes sir, yes ma'am, please, thank you, holding doors for ladies, standing when they arrived at or left the table became an involuntary process. It has gotten me in trouble at times though. I have been reprimanded for calling ladies ma'am that didn't think they were old enough to warrent the title. To me it isn't an age specific thing so much as a show of respect. I have also held the door for "ladies" that informed me that they could open their own doors just fine. Again, no disrespect meant, I was just trying to be polite. Chivalry and courtesy seems to have gone the way of the dodo bird in today's society especially if you live close to a large city. It's sad really.
by Ezy at December 5, 2003 10:36 AM
I struggled with the door-opening thing for a while. If you don't open a door on your own, does that make you helpless or less of a person? I decided not. Some doors are ridiculously heavy-- obviously designed by males, maybe even Lou Ferrigno or Arnold Schwarzenegger themselves. So let them open them :) But if I get to the door first, I'm opening it-- I'm not going to wait around like a princess for the guy behind me to dart around and do it for me. It's awful that you've gotten snide remarks for doing it, Ezy.
by jean at December 6, 2003 3:51 AM
Ah New Yorkers. Myself I've always found them rather genteel. But (and excuse me if I mentioned this before) here, when you wave a pedestrian across a street you're driving on, they smile nervously and cross. In Queens, it's like they think it's some kind of trick. Like I'd wave someone across and then run them down with my SUV.
by anna at December 6, 2003 12:26 PM
Yea Jean, it is sad when someone takes a nice gesture and turns it into something demeaning. Yes, I know women are capable of opening their own doors. Hell, if they weren't what would they do? Stand outside until a male came along and let them in? It's a ridiculous reaction I think. Then again I have no idea whether this woman has been male dominated her entire life and has just gotten tired of it or if she just hated males, or any number of other things that could trigger that response. The funny thing is that I said "Yes ma'am, no problem" and let the door go. Good thing she was on the other side of the glass or I probably would've gotten a ear full for calling her ma'am. Opening doors and saying ma'am/sir is an involuntary thing for me. I was brought up in that environment so it's tough not to do those things.
by Ezy at December 8, 2003 9:50 AM
we should invent some retalitory lines, right here and now, to defeat the manner's defeatists, like uppity old women for instance. i'll start:
"it's just that you looked so old, and your arms so withered...."
"whoa, you looked much nicer from far away."
"well there was no handicapped button, so i just thought..."
"i didn't think you and your high horse would fit under the door frame anyway."
'ok, fine. fuck you."
"what? no i only said 'fine', i'm pretty sure of it. fuck you again."
by lajo at December 8, 2003 1:49 PM
*laughs to self while feigning disapproval*
by Linz at December 8, 2003 2:42 PM
That's beautiful Lajo. Poetic my man. I'll begin using them immediately.
by Ezy at December 8, 2003 3:44 PM
Those are brilliant, Lajoie! Ooh, they make me wish I were male.
Ezy, you opened a door AND said "yes ma'am"? I would've asked you to dinner. The sucky thing about doing the right thing is having to do it when people don't care. But all the good does come back, if only so that you can sleep easy at night.
by jean at December 8, 2003 4:18 PM
Jean, that's how I justify being nice to people who don't really deserve it; I sleep well at night. Poor sad souls. I would've happily accepted your dinner invitation. Kindness repaid with the same is a great thing.
by Ezy at December 9, 2003 9:14 AM
I don't give anyone the finger anymore when I am in my car driving but I do "give them my teeth" and rather enjoy the reaction of the bad manners guy when I snarl silently and stick out my front teeth at them and nod my head vigoursly all the while showing him/her my bared teeth when he has ignored the fact that I am stuck in the middle and can't merge without his help, etc. Try it. It's cool and since I laugh at myself I am usually over the surge of anger I experienced in the first place at being rudely treated in traffic.
by geo at August 19, 2005 1:41 PM
I don't give anyone the finger anymore when I am in my car driving but I do "give them my teeth" and rather enjoy the reaction of the bad manners guy when I snarl silently and stick out my front teeth at them and nod my head vigoursly all the while showing him/her my bared teeth when he has ignored the fact that I am stuck in the middle and can't merge without his help, etc. Try it. It's cool and since I laugh at myself I am usually over the surge of anger I experienced in the first place at being rudely treated in traffic.
by geo at August 19, 2005 1:43 PM