You are like a hurricane. There’s calm in your eye.

by ezy at 02:55 PM on September 16, 2003

Hot damn! A hurricane is coming. I’m not too sure why this excites me but I’ve always been a freak for storms. I’ve been through a couple of tornadoes and I, personally, thought they were beautiful. There is something about Mother Nature’s destructive side that draws me in. Am I an idiot? Maybe. Am I certifiable? Probably. Oh well, all of that aside I can’t wait. There is only one hitch, my car.

You see, I broke the rear window out of my car a little while ago and have just gotten all of the crap done to get it fixed. I was taking my nephew to a baseball game and he wanted the top down. It was a nice day so I said sure. While I’m putting the top down, my little homey and I were discussing his batting average and how to be a better hitter when BLAM! A loud sound behind us startled us both. It seems his dumb assed uncle left his golf clubs in the back seat, forgot about them and snapped my $400 driver in half while demolishing my back window. I cut a piece of Plexiglas to fit and taped it in. You may ask what the hell takes so long to get a rear window replaced. Well, besides procrastination, there is the fact that my car is a convertible. I didn’t think this made too much difference. Wrong. Well the first thing is that the window is a dealer part only, almost $900 worth of glass. Then the dealer has to send it out to an upholstery shop to install it, due to it being a cloth top. That’s another $300 fee above your deductible. Then there is the upholsterer’s labor which is another $400. I have a $250 deductible, though, so I didn’t worry. I called Geico, put in my claim, and called the Chrysler dealer. I thought I would be smart about it, bypass the dealer with their $300 fee, and talk directly to the upholstery shop. They gave me the upholsterer’s number; I called them and set up an appointment. When I got there the shop owner wanted the entire amount up front. That’s $1300 for all the math whizzes. I don’t know about you guys but when the insurance company tells me that, with a $250 deductible, my only out of pocket expense will be $250 that’s what I expect. I told him to pound sand and called Geico back. They hooked me up with a company they use and assured me they would find a shop in my area where I could get the work done for my deductible amount. They did and I paid him a visit. After filling out all of the paperwork he gave me my bill, $1200! What?! Well, at least he was a hundred less in labor. I explained to him what Geico had told me but he was of oriental heritage, didn’t speak English too well, and as a result had no idea what the hell I was talking about. We went back and forth for a while and I told him Geico would be in touch. I call Geico back and let them have it. I was tired of being run around at that point, was pissed at the time I had spent screwing around, and had deadlines staring me in the face back at the office. Geico was apologetic, called the shop and straightened everything out. I went by today to check the status and timeline we were looking at.

Me: Hey there. I was just wondering when you might be able to get to my car.

Shop Owner: Very busy.

Me: I know. It’s just that there is a hurricane coming Thursday and I wanted to figure out whether I should find a garage or not.

Him: Yes! Hurricane Thursday. You no window! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Me: Yea it’s pretty funny. So do you think you can get to it before the hurricane?

Him: Hurricane. Lots rain. Wind. Sheeeeeewwwwwww. (Imitates the sound of high winds while waving his arms like a tree succumbing to them)

Me: Yep. That’s what they’re saying. So I should get a garage then?

Him: Bring car in morning.

Me: Cool. Thanks man.

I think he was fucking with me but that language barrier is a bitch sometimes.

The other thing I have found amusing is all of the doomsayers buying my supermarket out of water, milk, and other perishable items. Come on people. Even if the hurricane hits the NC coast as a category four we’re hundreds of miles inland. We may have some flooding, in low lying areas, maybe downed trees from higher than normal winds, which could knock out power for a bit but jeez, I don’t think things are going to be bad enough to get in the panic room. I have an acquaintance at work that, during lunch, was busy telling every one of the preparations he had been making. He had filled his extra refrigerator with extra food, (“You won’t be able to get out with all of the flooding” he reasoned), stocked up on potable water, trimmed the trees around his house and bought candles for when the power went out. Huh? I said “Hang on a minute Jim. How is your refrigerator going to work with no power?” He got this blank look then the bulb went off. “I guess I need to go buy a generator after work and hook it into my main” retorts Jim. “That will probably work pretty well Jim” I say back. Now, I wouldn’t let Jim hook up speakers to a stereo in the middle of a rubberized room and he’s going to wire a generator through his main power box and put in a trip switch? I watched this guy reverse polarity (hook it up backwards) on his new auto battery and have to go get another. Ok, whatever. Mrs. Jim had better have paramedics, the power company, and some sticks handy to knock him off the current. It cracked me up and I suggested he call a licensed electrician. I hope he does but believe Jim thinks just enough of his handyman skills, not to mention his ego, to try a fool stunt like that himself. Oh well. I’ll be watching the ten o’clock news for word of a strengthening hurricane bearing down on us or a homeowner in serious condition after trying to wire a generator in to his house. Either way it will be something amusing to watch while smoking a bowl.