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anna

And his hair was perfect

by anna at 05:47 PM on September 30, 2003

While I have wearied of being jostled by those souped-up motorized scooters, I don't share Liz's loathing of the grocery store. I celebrate the vast array of products as a triumph of our decadent mercantile society or something.

What I do hate is getting my hair cut. First, aside from my wife and mother, I don't care for people touching me. I avoid shaking hands. I couldn't imagine doing that European kissy-kiss thing. Also, I always draw one of two types: 1) Rough-hewn redneck women with sweat stains on their blouses. They like to talk about their kids. Don't get me wrong, I love kids---specifically, my own. 2) Scraggly-haired youngsters who look like the ink on their cosmetology degree is still wet. This hardly inspires confidence in the mind of one who's come out looking like Moe of the Three Stooges more times than I could count. Third, a childhood memory haunts me. A barber joked about how many ears he'd lopped off by accident. Thus I live in constant fear of being Van Gogh-ed by some sadistic stylist.

I've considered making like Michael Jordan and shaving my head bald but that doesn't work so well with white guys. See: New Jersey Net Jason Kidd.

Ah but when coworkers start making snide remarks about your unruly mane, it is time. So I gather up my son and head for World of Hair with trepidation coursing through my arteries. We duck through the doorway and I survey the scene. No redneck women, no scraggly-haired lasses in sight. No female patrons either, which means none of those foul odors of permanent chemicals. And no cat. Just three well-coiffed Oriental women snipping away at guys' heads. They appear overdressed.

I mention their race only because in my experience most Asian folk are intuitive, hospitable and fastidious. Good qualities in a stylist.

My stylist put my mind at ease by lobbing some softball questions about the obvious subject of my newly shorn son. When I'd say something in that obligatory haircut chitchat mode, she'd act interested and not steer the conversation around to her kids like the rednecks. She tested the water and then asked me if it met with my satisfaction, which it did. Only then did she start spraying it on my hair. After shampooing it, without me having to ask, she applied conditioner. She did this much longer than necessary in a manner reminsicent of a therapeutic scalp massage. Afterwards she semi-dried my hair with a warmed towel. The overall effect was quite soothing.

So I feel alright. She doesn't put me on the spot by asking how I'd like my hair cut. I think these people are professionals and they should make that decision, not me. She seemed to sense this and proceeded to fuss over every strand with a bunch of different instruments. Then she threw in a blow dry and gel (again, with me having to ask) gratis. The end result proved nothing short of magnificent.

She mentioned that World of Hair had come under new management. I told her I was glad because the old management used to have an annoying cat roaming freely. I asked what had become of the tabby. "I think it died," she said. Hmmm.

Not that I'm implying anything about World of Hair, but it did have a certain geisha house atmosphere to it. The bill came to $42, much more than I'm accustomed to paying. Nonetheless, I was feeling generous and tacked on a whopping 17% tip. And I've finally overcome my fear of haircuts. Now if I could just learn to cope with inching by bicyclists on the roadway, sure that they'll swerve at the wrong moment and wind up suing me.

comments (22)

forty two bucks? for a haircut? dude. this is be why i cut my own hair. plus i'm good at it, because i've always been a big ole cheapskate, and almost everyone sucks at cutting my hair. my hair *needs* to be cut uneven, it looks even then -- if it's cut even, it's allll lopsided.

my hair is quite a bit like the head it grows out of, in other words :)

what no pictures of the new 'do?

by lizard at October 1, 2003 3:56 AM


I would pay $42 for a haircut, assuming it was a good haircut. I know what you mean about being afraid of haircuts. I'm not afraid of it, per se, but I hate going to a new stylist. I once went to the same stylist for 4 months, even though he cut my hair only mediocrely, just because I didn't want to go to a new one.So, needless to say, Rome has been a challenge, since I've had the same stylist for 1 1/2 years now. Ah well, growing experiences.

by snaggle at October 1, 2003 4:49 AM


That included $15 for a youth cut. Though my son's 13 they treated it like he was under 12. Cool.

by anna at October 1, 2003 6:17 AM


That was one of my hardest endeavors moving to this area. I am, probably, one of the most loyal patrons ever once I have found someone who can cut my hair correctly. My last barber, Jerome, cut my hair for six years, until I moved. It was funny how that came about also. I had just gotten out of the Army and couldn't find anyone who could do a decent fade. I went by a shop, in my neighborhood, one day and decided to stop in. I walked in and was the only white boy in the joint. Everyone looked at me like I must be lost or crazy until I explained my predicament. Jerome stepped forward and explained that he could cut white hair. I might have been offended but, from my hair cutting days in the Army, I knew how different the hair textures were and how each demanded a different style of cutting. I never went anywhere else the entire time I was in NC. Hell, while I was dating Stephanie and driving to NC every other week, from here, I would still wait until Jerome could fit me in to get my hair cut. Cynthia has replaced Jerome, due to distance, but my loyalty remains steadfast.

by Ezy at October 1, 2003 8:35 AM


How funny; you boys seem more concerned about your haircuts and stylists than the women here. My cuts cost $35. But I have to admit, I'm growing it out and pretty psyched about my new flat iron. See? You too can have Friends hair!

Anna, I have the same freak-out every time I encounter a bicyclist on the road! Totally. I will drive behind them, afraid to pass, until the opposing traffic lane is clear. Much to the dismay of those behind me.

by Linz at October 1, 2003 9:40 AM


Dammit. Let me try one more time.

See?

by Linz at October 1, 2003 9:42 AM


linz posts picture of self.
picture is recent.
picture is cropped.
part of boy head visible.
which boy head?

it's not so much a concern, as a need for stability. i've had two local barbers who were doing damn fine jobs bail on me since i moved out here. now its a crapshoot. to my credit, i've stopped bringing in the video box for 'revenge of the nerds' to point at when the barber questions me.

by lajoie at October 1, 2003 10:52 AM


i forgot to add that i almost get mashed into, onto or under moving traffic each day on my bike to work. it's all part of the game. expected even.

aaad i'm loathe to find out what will become of women's hairstyles once friends has stopped guiding them, and taken the pipe. maybe 'the mrs. cunningham', will once again be hot. or 'the laverne'.

by lajoie at October 1, 2003 11:01 AM


It's a girl with long hair, see the brown curl on my shoulder? She's a musician from Los Angeles that played on the radio show too the other weekend. We hit it off. No, not THAT way... not that I would have minded... she's foxy.

by Linz at October 1, 2003 11:26 AM


She is pretty hot Linz. I must say that the thought of you two together did cross my mind when I first saw the picture. I know, I know. Men are pigs and I just happen to fall in that catagory ;-)

by Ezy at October 1, 2003 11:48 AM


i realized just after i'd sent it, that it could be a girl. not for the hair, which is almost impossible to see against the black cropped background. no, it was the edge of the face. the cheek bone, more precisely, which could only belong to a girl (with nice cheek bones), or a girly-man (with nice cheek bones). too bad nothing went down though.

lousy metaphors.

by lajoie at October 1, 2003 12:19 PM


I must assume Ezy's seen the whole pix or else how would he know anything about the mystery chick? Oh, and right next to this joint is a black barbershop. It's like walking into the segregated South. I did once and everybody eyed me funny too.

I would post current pix of me but it's that other bane of my existence, my digi-cam and all it's pricy non-functional accesories that prevents it. Suffice it to say I now look like Patrick Bateman in American Psycho.

And Linz I am glad someone else shares my neurosis. Then again, maybe that fear has kept LaJo alive.

Appreciate the comments.

by anna at October 1, 2003 5:24 PM


speaking of comfort places, take the company bathroom for instance. now, i know people sometimes brush their teeth in there. and while there's something inappropriate about it that i can't quite put my finger on, i accept it as inevitable. i even try and ignore the occasional careless folk who leave the tools of the above activity, on the sink edge...probably by accident. but i draw the line at incedental toothpastings of the general sink area.

quite common in a home environment, i'm not so naive not to check the sink before swooping in to check the mirror. but when i'm leaning in close at work, and making faces in the mirror like i always do, i expect to come away from the lavatory, toothpaste free in the crotch area. if i miss it, we're talking white spots on the trousers, and in the region of course, generally attributed to unseemly white spots on young males. if i catch the gob, it's watersville. and in the same physical region, that spells p-i-s-s for my coworkers and general public.

today it seems, i can't win.

by lajoie at October 1, 2003 7:15 PM


Even expensive stylists can’t seem to cut my hair right. I have thick, thick, thick dirty blond straw that no one is able to cut. I’ve actually broken a pair of clippers with my mop. So my haircuts are always far and few between. To show that I’m clueless about stylists: are you supposed to tip them? Maybe that’s why I never get a good cut.

Cyclists have right of way to the whole lane. When you pass give them the whole lane so they have enough room. Then they won’t get run over. Linz knows how to do it right. I wish there were more people with that attitude.

by MrBlank at October 1, 2003 10:59 PM


Yeah I think you're supposed to tip them if they do a decent job.

Lajo, guys shower in my company's bathroom. It's most disturbing to see them naked.

by anna at October 2, 2003 6:37 AM


holy moly! really? ok, you've got it worse.

by lajoie at October 2, 2003 10:04 AM


For $500 I veal cut Monsieur Blank's hair. I make him look like cross between Pink and Blondie.

by Cristo at October 2, 2003 6:20 PM


A good haircut can do wonders for your look. It's one of those things you wouldn't expect, I think. Bravo for forking out the money on the cut, Anna. Now figure out your camera and post something for us to see!

by jean at October 3, 2003 4:07 AM


Oh, I've got it all figured out: 1) Save up $300. 2) Buy a new one. 3) Throw out my prototype HP dinosaur.

by anna at October 3, 2003 6:39 AM


For years I used a simple cycle to manage my hair. I'd grow it continuously for a year, then have it all shaved off. It may not have always looked fantastic, but it did give rise to the handle I'm now known by.

In recent times though, I've started cutting my own hair.

I don't have a fear of someone cutting my hair, not directly. I just hate the conversation. I used to go to the greek barber down the road to get my head shaved during my "cycle" days. It seems that it's only when you both know you can't communicate are you free to not communicate during the hair cutting process.

by Fuzzy at October 7, 2003 3:49 AM


I definitely agree about the obligatory chitchat, particularly when it centers about someone else's family or medical woes.

by anna at October 7, 2003 6:52 AM


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by Lisha at March 1, 2005 3:33 AM