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An Ode to Anne Sexton on her Deathday
by effenheimer at 04:14 PM on September 26, 2003
Get up ev’ry mornin’
and wash in the sink.
Brush my teeth with the clean finger,
put on old boots. Do I smell cheese?
Man, I’m hungry!
Grab some jerky and a Dew
at Eddy’s, your place for breakfast.
Air up my tires before the day’s ride,
run a rag over my Huffy. Sweet smell of vinyl.
I don’t say ‘vaya-dock,’ I say ‘vaya-dock.’
I don’t get trapped between 3 trains,
I take a bridge to a higher plain...
of mass transportation and public imagination.
Exodus, movement of da people.
From one side of town to th’other,
at 5 miles per, don’t honk at me, brother.
Only so fast I can go up this’ere bluff,
best to get off and walk at this point.
Don’t you look at me!
Feel the wrath of my central digit!
Over the tracks and through the woods
to grandmother’s house I go.
To take out the trash and borrow a fiddy,
then back to Brewski’s for a bottle to go.
Drive-thru, that is. Alcohol. Cigarettes.
Last Saturday, got a case of the Beast,
hard to carry on just one knee.
Up and down, round and round.
Damn this bike! No, that’s not fair.
Shouldn’t oughta drove drunk and impaired.
Got a DUI from a cop named Ronnie.
We used to get drunk in my Gramma’s Monte... Carlo
at the T.J. games, back in ‘84.
Said he was sorry. Was high school for naught?
I guess so, the past is the past.
Woe is me, people be cursed.
Can a guy catch-a break? Never nay more.
Five cans down... back on the Beast!
Drunk by 5, eatin’ pot pies,
got a salt rush no banana can cure.
It’s happy hour somewhere in the world!
Might as well be mine.
STOP! I see uh article, it speaks to me,
mocking me, hurting me, operatically, dramatically.
Stab at me?
We’ll just see!
Who is this man, this fop, this mocker
to make light what I do? To hold himself higher
than me? You think you’re better’n me?
I’ll show you! You ain’t!
I pick up the phone and dial the number,
thank goodness the brew’s made my mind limber,
I got a good’n to lob at this dude,
‘MOVE TO OMAHA!’ That oughta do it.
Nobody there? That’s a surprise!
On a Saturday? Does no one work?
Got the voice mail, oh joy, what luck,
Now who’s in charge you summanabuck?
I’ll leave a bold message, but not mine name
because let’s face it, if you can harrass someone without saying who you are, it makes you feel tough
to spite all evidence to the contrary.
‘I used to crack heads
in Roger[sic]&Scotty’s parking lot’
a reference to murder most foul,
could I be clever’r? Prolly not.
Like I’m vir-ILE, a killer even!
Don’t get trapped by trains,
I take the vaya-dock, it’s a state of mind
I skip the hullabaloo of sayin’ my name.
That’s right, I said ‘hullabaloo,’
you got a problem with that?
I make anonymous calls,
but my real name’s Nancy
‘cause I’m a big wuss
whose never heard of caller I.D., I guess.
comments (8)
I'm reminded of that old Stones line, "I know it's only rock n roll but I like it, like it yes I do!"
by anna at September 26, 2003 10:35 PM
i just can't thank you enough for this. i just can't.
by lizard at September 26, 2003 10:50 PM
WHoooooaaaa! That cowboy hat makes you look SOOO gay! HAHA. Are you also wearing leather chaps but no pants in that photo?
by Eviltom at September 27, 2003 3:59 PM
nice hat, man. You look like that guy from "Road House" who had the polar bear fall on him.
j/k
by thankyoumaskedman at September 27, 2003 5:47 PM
I dunno, on anyone else ET would be dead-on correct. But Eff looks so secure in his manhood he can pull off the cowboy hat thing. Which reminds me, one day I will have to post my piece that divides the entire human race into Hat People and Non-Hat People. Examples: Hat Person: Bill Clinton Non-Hat Person: George W. Bush Hat Person: Billy Crystal Non-Hat Person: Clint Eastwood.
Love the screen name above!
by anna at September 28, 2003 8:32 AM
I think I need mg to weigh in on this matter. I'm wondering if mg actually requested the cowboy hat photo... kind of like this: "Say Eff, send me that picture of you in the cowboy hat. C'mon you rough rider you. You know you want to."
My guess is that this didn't really happen. I think Eff volunteered the pic, but I can picture mg snickering to himself as he was cropping and resizing the photo: "This picture is soooo gay. Everyone's going to be all over Eff's ass for this."
Kind of like how people were making fun of Ezy's soul patch. People are mean that way.
BTW- Where is Lockheed?
by Eviltom at September 28, 2003 10:18 AM
No, you're both right, I do look good in that hat and I AM wearing chaps.
Granted, it isn't self-consciously urban in a vain attempt to prove myself minutely superior in that psuedo-intellectually alternative vein to a bunch of people I've never met, but I had just come back from an art show, clean shaven and lookin' fine when my photographer caught me in the midest of my creative process talking to somebody. It was a rare glimpse of my true face, relaxed, unselfconscious, not posing just being me.
by eff at September 30, 2003 10:22 AM
I kept reading this, not understanding what everyone was talking about. Just today, the picture changed.
Weird.
by Linz at October 1, 2003 3:46 PM