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See yourself as a leader, we all know it's lonely up there
by anna at 08:24 AM on August 10, 2003
You can separate politicos into two categories: 1) Aw Shucks Grandpa 2) Policy Wonk. ASG is earnest and given to mouthing homilies, yet quite visionary. PW is well versed in the vagaries Pressing Issues and given to use of euphemisms like "undocumented worker." While ASG tends to be a gifted or at least able communicator, he doesn't feel the need for frequent news conferences or speeches. PW isn't such a great speaker but will talk your ear off nonetheless.
ASGs include Ronald Reagan, Harry Truman, George W. Bush and Jimmy Carter. PWs include FDR, both Clintons, Al Gore and any number of legislators.
The electorate loves ASGs and will forgive their transgressions. Whereas we view PWs with a healthy mixture of envy and mistrust. They are the kid who was always raising his hand in class. One misstep and it's curtains for them. Meanwhile, Reagan could have taken a mistress and it would have been greeted with a wink and a nod. Look at his shrew of a wife, people would say. Clinton, whose wife is a shrew among shrews, bangs a bimbo or two hundred and he's practically run out of town.
An ASG can pull off a showy landing on an aircraft carrier with aplomb. A PW makes a fool of himself tooling around in a tank.
ASGs project confidence and dignity. PW exude cleverness. Reagan would have never assembled reporters for a morning jog to McDonalds or fielded questions about his underwear on MTV.
Which brings me to the matter at hand, California's election fiasco from hell; which makes 2000's presidential debacle seem orderly. Governor Gray Davis faces an unprecedented recall. A motley crew of 130 challengers include Larry Flynt, billboard hussy Angelyne and of course, Arnold S. Arnold is a muscle-bound version of an ASG. He actually said this: "Ve don't vant to leave chidren with any books." He pronounces "California" like a hated white vegetable. At his news conference, he paid lip service to a number of Pressing Issues but you can bet he isn't real familiar with the details. Nor does he have to be. Thousand cheered. (In defending his decision to back the 6 time Mr. Universe, one voter sniffed, "Hey, he's better than Flynt." I dunno. Has Woody Harrelson ever portrayed Arnold in a movie?)
PWs fume that he's an unseasoned fluke who doesn't know jack about urban sprawl, smog or budget deficits. People tune them out as always.
Forget about Gray Davis. First off, there's the inescapable fact that his name is Gray and so is he. Talk about a stranger to the sun, this guy looks like he's been living in a crypt. And he's left Cauliflower in shambles, drowning in debt, overrun by illegal aliens (not "undocumented workers," dammit) and worst of all, home to blowhard Alec Baldwin. He's a PW and not a very bright one either. He's history.
Speaking of which, it's clear we prefer big-brained PWs in Congress and ASGs in the White House. America hasn't elected a sitting Senator since JFK. And he'd only served two terms, not long enough to become tainted. Besides, he displayed many ASG qualities despite his youth: vision, ruddy good looks, detail-delegating and that Teflon deal which allowed him to cavort with a veritable harem without repercussions. And it never hurts to get shot. Just ask Reagan. Or on second thought, don't. He's said to be in a bad way, babbling and incoherent.
Actually there's a third category I almost overlooked: Strident Committed. Think John McCain or Ralph Nader. SCs are earnest too, but in an off-putting, strident sort of way. We don't like them, not one bit.
For what it's worth, here's my prediction: Arnold will eke out a victory over the saucy billboard chick. The governorship will be but a stepping stone to the presidency. Hey, don't laugh too soon. Look at Reagan. The Bedtime for Bonzo star has major airports and battleships named after him even though he's technically still alive. Or don't.
comments (22)
hmmm, energy deregulation was set up under Pete Wilson. isn't that a large part of california's financial woes?
by laura at August 10, 2003 10:25 AM
Like Arnold S, I'm not real familiar with the details of that. When I'm reading the papers it is one those things like Enron, WorldCom, campaign finance reform etc. that just makes my eyes glaze over. But yeah, odds are Davis is just a convenient skapegoat.
by anna at August 10, 2003 11:12 AM
technicality....arnold can't be president because he was born in austria. huffington can't either because she was born in greece. but the rest of that prediction may well come true. i don't much like davis, from what i've seen, but a new governor having gwb's blessing gives me the willies.
we're at the part of the movie where the deathstar is still under construction, but just months away from being able to melt other planets.
by lajoie at August 10, 2003 2:31 PM
For a Brit you sure know a lot about American political rules. Then again, I know there's a House of Lords, House of Commons and that if I went that way, I'd do Tony Blair in a heartbeat. I'd cuddle him.
by anna at August 10, 2003 3:35 PM
blair eh? you'd spoon or fork? i wouldn't get too frisky. he'd likely stick something up in the soft of your crumpet without first consulting parliament.
by lajoie at August 10, 2003 7:51 PM
The more I think about it the less I want to fork or spoon or boo-foo or anything with Blair. Fork?
by anna at August 10, 2003 8:59 PM
Insightful as usual Anna. I couldn't believe the cast of characters arrayed against Davis. What a fiasco. Only in California. Along with Angelyne there is also an exotic dancer in the pack. Not that I wouldn't vote for an exotic dancer, if she was qualified, but this chick could barely form a complete sentence when she was interviewed. Shit, I should become a California resident and run for governor. After seeing all of those yahoos, I bet I could finish in the top five.
by Ezy at August 11, 2003 5:30 AM
well, top six maybe. let's not forget that gary coleman is in the mix, which in direct contrast to the naturalized arnold, means he could qualify to run for president should his tenure as governor of california prove to be a successful one.
and anna, proper decorum dictates that a spoon comes after an unusually good fork.
by lajoie at August 11, 2003 10:27 AM
Ahhhhh my old nemesis, Gary Coleman. Whatchu talkin' bout Willis?
Oh, a porn star, Mary Carey, is also running. I wonder what her platform is? If she enacts steak and blow job day she's got my vote. I'll move to Cali for that.
by Ezy at August 11, 2003 11:50 AM
already there, mate. literally. you can buy my vote for the price of the steak.
by lajoie at August 11, 2003 2:27 PM
Well then, I'll take your blowjob. And yes, Spell Check confirms that it is one word, Ezy.
by anna at August 11, 2003 5:16 PM
agreed. if gary coleman wins, you get his blowjob. watchoo...*gag*...talkin' bout *gag, cough* anna? spit.
by lajoie at August 11, 2003 5:28 PM
I was just enunciating overly well so there would be no mistakes Anna ;-)
by Ezy at August 12, 2003 7:54 AM
I wanna be called "mate!" I wanna be called "mate!"
by Linz at August 12, 2003 8:48 AM
Ok, mate ;-) Sounds like I'm starting a screwing contest. On your mark, get set, MATE!!
by Ezy at August 12, 2003 10:11 AM
Ah, Ezy. I'm looking forward to hanging with you sometime.
Are we still looking at the first weekend of October? has michael weighed in lately?
by Linz at August 12, 2003 10:55 AM
errr, ummmmm..uhhhhhh..yeah ok...this'll be a hoot....what can i say that's clever.....a real zinger......oooh this'll leave a mark....ahh shit...ok, mate! but only for you linz.
by lajoie at August 12, 2003 11:13 AM
Looking forward to it myself Linz. I'm still good for the first weekend in October. Michael is AWOL again. Verizon must have a hand in it. They are pure evil ya know.
C'mon Lajoie. I can't be your mate too? Damn! ;-)
by Ezy at August 12, 2003 12:15 PM
ye all me maties....
*adjusts wooden leg*
*urinates off plank*
by lajoie at August 12, 2003 12:23 PM
Woohooo! I made mate!! I've gotta call somebody.
by Ezy at August 12, 2003 2:52 PM
Whoa. This joint is jumping like old times and I have to credit Lajoie. And yeah I am 5'7" so Gary Coleman should be just the right height to do me standing up.
by anna at August 12, 2003 5:13 PM
you guys are electric. maybe i just accidentally pissed on the spark. i can only imagine the kind of action going down when MG and others return. i can only criticize so much in these little response boxes. not that there's anything wrong with small boxes...(said gary coleman to the little robot girl from that other old sitcom)
by lajoie at August 12, 2003 6:02 PM