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No retreat baby, no surrender
by anna at 05:36 PM on August 18, 2003
A while back I compared Bill Clinton to Ronald Reagan. I pointed out the self-evident fact that the latter would never stoop to discussing his underwear on MTV. But why is this self-evident? That will be the subject of this terse post.
In a word, it’s dignity. This is something most us aspire to but seldom achieve. The more we abase ourselves with drug abuse, promiscuity or other hurtful activities, the harder it becomes to be dignified. In my mind it’s a two-pronged test: 1) Are there certain things you’d consider beneath you no matter the circumstance? 2) Would it never even cross your mind to screw a farm animal, strike a woman or child in anger, get so drunk you make an utter fool of yourself or patronize a glory hole?
No matter the circumstance. This is key in an age plagued by moral relativism. When everything is relative, nothing is absolute. We have guidelines, not rules. And the uniquely Catholic concept of instant absolution via confession only compounds the problem. People who engage in such wanton acts deserve our condemnation, not forgiveness. With few exceptions, we need to hold them accountable for every single action they’ve taken and every word they’ve ever spoken forevermore.
Even in his present state of delirium, Reagan would not set foot in a glory hole or even a whorehouse. Nor would he have conducted national affairs whilst a bimbo gnawed on his dick. It would have never occured to him.
I like to fancy myself as dignified. Then I remember how I once used a stick of butter to grease up a girl’s ass and put it back in the fridge. The next morning I saw my roommate spreading it on toast. And let's not forget the time I forgot half the alphabet during a sobriety test and told the ossifer that I didn't consider the letters after Q all that important.
People speak of death with dignity, which seems a bit oxymoronic. But for my money the prime example of this was the culmination of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Paul Newman and Robert Redford come storming out of their Bolivian hideout with guns a-blazing, only to be cut down in a hail of gunfire. That's death with dignity.
Then again, it’s easy to confuse temerity with dignity. Surely Clinton has balls the size of grapefruits. Yet I’d venture that he is above nothing. To this day there are websites that catalogue his complicity in dozens of unexplained murders and disappearances. And while much of that might be fabrication or mere speculation, there’s an old saying that goes where there’s smoke there’s fire.
The thorny matter of Islamic terrorism complicates the equation as well. I tend to think George W. Bush has some modicum of dignity. But how does he sleep at night knowing that he alone can and does lock up American citizens he suspects of nefarious activity, without benefit of formal charges, attorneys or trials? Put aside his arguable legal authority to single-handedly impose life sentences on people who’ve been proven guilty of nothing? Is it the right thing to do?
So, are there things you simply would never do? How would you define dignity? Do any of the players on today’s world stage possess this unique quality? Can it possibly be restored in the topsy-turvy world of mankind’s 21st and final century?
Ha! I’d like to see you jokers steer this learned, highbrow discussion around to a discussion of bestiality or post mortem lovin'.
comments (13)
god bless anna for finding the butter.
by lajoie at August 18, 2003 5:55 PM
Oh it wasn't hard to find. The hard part was convincing this chick that this was a normal part of human experience. It seemed so futile that I was totally unprepared with jelly or anything when she suggested that maybe we should give it a whirl.
by anna at August 18, 2003 8:10 PM
No Crisco in the house Anna? You guys didn't bake cookies?
No matter the circumstances is what seals this for me. If someone were holding my family or people I love hostage and told me the only way to keep them alive is to bang a farm animal, smack a child/woman, visit the glory hole, or get drunk and publicly humiliate myself you'd better be damn sure I'll do it. Under those circumstances I would kill to keep my family alive. I may have to be in a mental home for the rest of my life but, at least, I'd know my family was safe.
Under normal circumstances I would do none of these, although I think I vaguely remember a glory hole in Germany. Damn German beer makes you forget every time.
by Ezy at August 19, 2003 10:08 AM
Bah, Ezy. While I see the advantages in anonymity, I could never get past not knowing the gender of the person kneeling on the other side of the wall. Oh sure, there'd be clues like lipstick or tongue texture but you'd never know for sure.
by anna at August 19, 2003 5:39 PM
glory hole?/? oh right...a 'dutch uncle'. that word vague, though, seems to be in ill-use. sounds more like: "i'm strongly forgetting a glory hole in Germany"....
Ezy: oouhh baby....mmmm...ooo that's good..yeah right there..
Heinrich (deep voice from the other side of wall): are vee troo yet veef my efficient german blowjob?
by lajoie at August 19, 2003 6:25 PM
If: "...you'd never know for sure." How could it possibly make a difference?
On another note, why should anything be absolute? Is anything really absolute? Feelings change, observations change, perceptions change, convictions change. What responsibility do I have to hold someone accountable for something I don't care about? I really don't care what Clinton does with his penis. Honestly, I really don't. It might be tempting to say that God is absolute, but there is no absolute way to prove it, and confidence in faith (for those who beleive) can fluctuate. To be "below" something is to accept a certain viewpoint, and yet I often find that my view of the world differs from many (most?) of those around me, and sometimes going from being below to above can change with a subtle flip of intuition.
by chris at August 19, 2003 6:38 PM
"Absoluteness" is possible. The unfortunate thing is that in the list of criteria required to determine absoluteness, things like an individual's personal experiences and feelings must be taken into account. While based on a certain set of facts, one person can conclude something as absolute, another person can come up with an absolutely different conclusion.
And to say that the current age is any less relatively absolute than any other ignores history.
As for Bill Clinton and his penis, I don't care what Bill clinton does with his penis. I do, however, care very much what the President does with his penis, especially when what he does with that penis forces him to lie under oath and abuse the public's trust.
by mg at August 19, 2003 6:54 PM
dignity. dig-nitty. if ever get to rapping, i've got a name all picked out.
truly though, who's to say? for my money, it's too personal. sure decorum & pride is shared between larger interest groups like cultures, and 'capture the fag' teams in prison yards, but my own experience comes down to the inner-personal. ultimately you only have to answer to yourself. i don't really care what I THINK about what another guy did with his dick (assuming of course its complete removal from my immediate life, and certainly my bed sheets). but it's up to him, her, you or i to decide if our own rightness was acheived. if absoluteness was approached. trying to live with your own sense of pride is all that ever seems to matter. i've let myself down before, but more times than not, guns have been stuck to.
left sock puppet hand: right?
right sock puppet hand: right.
by lajoie at August 19, 2003 7:54 PM
I stand corrected, y'all. Screw absolutism. I think Ezy's hypothetical pretty much says it all.
by anna at August 20, 2003 6:54 AM
Thanks Anna. I'm a pretty simple guy though. I would act more on emotion at that point than anything else. I would have to think about my actions later when the demons come at 2am. Also, for the record, the person on the other side of the glory hole was Heidi Klum in my mind. So don't go and try to tell me any different.
That's disturbing Lajoie. Are you trying to put me in therapy?
As for the President and his penis, I don't really give a rat's ass what he does with it. He can bang interns until his johnson falls off and it won't faze me. If it starts interfering with his ability to run the country then I will have a problem. Clinton's adultry affected the nation because the press had a field day with it and high brow. puritanical, holier than thou politicians and interest groups wanted him impeached. Should he have done it? No. Should we be the ones to judge him? No. The only people he should've had to answer to, for getting head and stuffing a cigar up Monica's ass, is his family in my opinion.
by Ezy at August 20, 2003 10:07 AM
nah. you've got a good attitude about it. no therapy necessary. besides...you would have noticed some facial hair chafing anyway.
by lajoie at August 20, 2003 10:45 AM
Nope didn't.......Heidi Klum.......notice.....Heidi Klum......any........Heidi Klum...........facial hair.
by Ezy at August 20, 2003 11:35 AM
Let me weigh in on the Clinton thing. I didn't care about the BJs or the lying. What irked me is it made us look like a bunch of morons who can't tell a lecherous buffoon with bad taste in women (WJC) from a lecherous buffoon with exquisite taste in women (JFK) overseas.
by anna at August 20, 2003 5:01 PM