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Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage
by anna at 11:29 AM on August 23, 2003
I confess, I watched the Shania Twain: Up concert. I am no fan and am not familiar with her tunes. I was pleasantly surprised. The anti-Christina Aguilera, she underplayed her sensuality by sporting a modest blouse and loose-fitting leather pants. Her style could be described as subdued. When she did act all perky and upbeat it came across as forced, like she wasn't altogether comfortable with the cheerleader role. Ah, but when she invited three young lasses onstage to sing along she looked to be in her element. You can always tell a mother by how she interacts with children.
Although she discounted any resemblance when I brought it up, Shania reminds me of my wife. They're both understated brunettes of modest stature. And as I mentioned, exuberance doesn't come easily to Shania. Ditto for my wife.
I met Nancy in a bar. She had her nose buried in a book. Nothing says "leave me alone" like a book in a bar. Always up for a challenge, I approached her. She seemed a tad wary. Surprisingly she agreed to pay a visit to the group house I rented from my mom. As usual it was a raucous scene replete with much brawling. Nancy took it all in stride. I was impressed. A few weeks later came my birthday, which no one but my future wife noticed. She sent a bunch of balloons and a card. Again, I was wowed.
She was raising two yound daughters, which was an adjustment for me. Nonetheless we fell in love and semi-lived together for a year. At the same time I carried on my ruinous life with my boyhood pals.
This was a bone of contention because these people were hardcore criminals. But they were my hardcore criminals.
Due to repeated complaints from neighbors and visits from the police, my mom threw us out. I moved to a new group house down the street. And that's when the trouble began.
At the new digs I was no longer the landlord but just a lowly tenant and I didn't adapt well to my new role. Conflicts and tensions arose. Through it all Nancy remained supportive. Then a new girl moved in. She was the type to whom other females take an immediate and intense dislike. Nancy suspected we were carrying on, which ironically enough, we weren't. A teary and emotional breakup ensued. Only then did I begin to date the new girl.
This disrupted the group house dynamic even further and before long we were forced out. We moved to yet another group house, the one where I lost my best friend. He didn't approve of this girl any more than Nancy had.
I introduced her to my clique. They are an attractive if crazed bunch of rogues. Many of them took a liking to her and vice versa---too much vice versa. We'd all been dancing alongside the abyss for years but she had not. She fell apart and wound up fleeing for her life. None too soon, I might add. She'd worn out her welcome and had ceased bathing regularly.
I returned to Nancy's humble abode down to 125 pounds. "You look like hell," she said. By contrast, she looked radiant. I groveled for the first time in my life.
I should stress that this was no rebound deal. This other chick was long since gone by then.
Our wedding reception was a gala affair held at my parents' country estate. What had been an orderly soiree descended into chaos and madness soon after we jetted off to Lake Tahoe. They used to be such nice boys. They used to cut the grass.
The daughters are both pregnant now. Our son is 13 and coming into puberty. My wife says she always assumed the wild-eyed views I espouse were a joke. Only after we were married did she realize that I'm dead serious.
Our main difficulty stems from my male tendency to be goal-oriented. She'll complain and I will present her with a menu of potential solutions. She doesn't seek solutions, she wants solace and understanding. She doesn't want things fixed, she wants me to be Emotionally Available. I can never get that through my thick skull. Somehow I doubt this is all that unusual.
comments (12)
PS There's a reason I didn't mention this chick by name. She isn't exactly a favored topic of conversation here at the House of Anna, er, Asshat. Sorry 'bout the typos but I'm too lazy to edit it. MG, how do I get my thumbnail back?
by asshat at August 23, 2003 12:11 PM
I hear you with that last paragraph. Women think it's fun to play with a gun. When they shoot themselvs in the foot they want you to come and patch up the wound. When you tell them that they need to learn to handle a gun or just stop using it, they get mad. They think you are trying to punish them for something when they are the one who's hurting. Then when the foot heals they shoot it again. It's an endless cycle. I can't even begin to explain it.
by MrBlank at August 23, 2003 2:09 PM
Mr. Blank, I agree with respect to every gal I've known expect for my wife. She learns from her mistakes for the most part. The lone exception, and the one she complains the most about, is the way people tend to take advantage of her generosity.
MG's user counter says there are 14 of you looking on. But it's the weekend crowd, which never seems to add any comments at all. Why is that? Why don't y'all say something? I've opened up about myself for the first time and I'd like to hear your thoughts. And it's free!
by anna at August 23, 2003 3:19 PM
here it is, half past five, and i'm so hung over i can barely breathe. sometimes i can't see the forest for the trees when i'm handing myself yet another drink. i can't possibly appreciate what the next day might feel like. i can tell you what it smells like though, because i'm sweating it out. i haven't had to open up the window to vomit in years....
...so that's what marriage is like. from all you've written, i get the sense thst your wife is a pretty understanding person. but the relationship between what women need, and what men naturally give is the dynamo that powers long term interest. if things were dealt with, wrapped up, and handled perfectly on the first try, well that just wouldn't be as much fun. you wouldn't have any cute stories to tell at holiday gatherings, or at those board game parties that i understand are so fashionable among the married set. i can only imagine that a life of perfect appropriateness, flawlessly lived, is like being slowly rocked to sleep. when you wake, you're ready for the end. the big end. but these little peccadilloes keep the scab fresh. they are the nutrients. the little things that keep us going. like vitamin k.
by lajoiehat at August 23, 2003 7:36 PM
I wonder if Manna approached his wife with that horrific, coked-out stare (see picture). It's not so much of a "come hither" look as it is a "go thither" stare.
Anyway, every chick I've seen in a bar with a book may as well have been wearing a shirt that said, "Look at me...I'm in a bar reading a book...I'm so sophisticated...I can't wait for some loser guy to approach me." For that reason alone, I salute you, Manna; I can scarcely muster the testes to even flirt with a drunken sorority girl. If your wife truly looks like Shania Twain, CONGRATULATIONS! Christ, I would have ripped the Danielle Steele novel from her hands and porked her mercilessly, until the bouncers threw rice in the general vicinty of our bodies. "By the power vested in me...I pronounce you Manna and wife."
by douchenation at August 24, 2003 2:30 AM
Look at it this way, when you give your guy friends advice on their problems, how often do they follow it anyways? I don't think the percentage is any higher than for girls. With girls what you have to do is do the "I understand" thing first, and then come around to the advice part later.
by jean at August 24, 2003 2:42 AM
There is nothing wrong with being goal-oriented. I tend to do that with my friends too. After a "reasonable" period of time of hearing them complain about something I tell them to either take action concerning their situation or shut the hell up about it and embrace it. Then again, when *I* screw up, I like to complain about it to no end, so yes there is that double-standard. What I'm trying to say here is that I agree with Jean. With women, it's always good to just listen and try your damnest to be empathetic, or at the very least comforting. Only after you do that can you go ahead and suggest a course of action.
by Lucy at August 24, 2003 3:35 AM
Douche, how did you know the precise nature of that picture? I wish MG didn't have to crop it, because in the full-sized version I am holding a black cat as if prepared to throttle it to death.
Agreed about the empathy first thing but it's so hard for guys. I think there's an engineer hot-wired int our DNA.
by anna at August 24, 2003 10:01 AM
I guess we're talking about the way men and women think differently. Problem: lack of butterflies flitting about our yard. My solution: grab a net and head off to the nearest meadow. Capture butterflies and make them my own. Her solution: plant a butterfly garden. We actually have one and the butterflies love it.
by anna at August 24, 2003 10:25 AM
Going back to Jean's comment, and since we're on the subject of how men and women think differently, it could be argued, that male friends don't take your advice cause they want to be the ones to solve their problems, rather than having someone else solve them.
Btw, I find Anna's proposed solution to the butterfly problem very amusing. :)
by Lucy at August 24, 2003 5:14 PM
I think the typical man's response to that butterfly thing would be "Why the fuck do we need butterflies?" As for me, I would have gone the route of a butterfly garden if I had known that there was such a thing. You learn something new every day.
by MrBlank at August 25, 2003 11:30 AM
Marriage is a Legal way to torture each other...
by Rajiv at October 30, 2005 7:35 PM