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Dust in the wind
by ezy at 01:01 PM on August 12, 2003
Well, Amy and I have thrown caution to the wind and are moving in together September first. This should have my ball sack all in knots but, for some reason, I’m not concerned at all. This is unprecedented for me. I am usually the one on Zoloft at the thought of, maybe, going through what I have been through in the past. Hell, she should be terrified too, given her past, but the truth is that we’re both just really excited. She’s in NYC, at the moment, on business so I got an apartment guide and tried to narrow down the field a bit so we wouldn’t waste our time on apartments we deem out of our range. We’re both trying to get rid of our unsecured debt and clear everything so we can buy a house down the road and not be maxed out. I have quite a bit of unsecured debt thanks to my stupidity. Stephanie’s credit wasn’t so good and her interest rates were astronomical so I consolidated about 30k for her on a credit card, in my name. At the time I thought we were going to be married and it just seemed like the right thing to do. Needless to say, this is now my debt. I’ve paid it down to about 10k and can see light at the end of the tunnel. I guess I could go after her for the money but, in the big picture, it would be much more of an ass pain than I’m willing to put up with. Live and learn.
Oh yea, can’t forget to tell this. Amy and I went to my family reunion last Saturday. It was quite a trip, literally. Before we left my buddy came by with mushrooms so I bought some. They don’t come around that often and neither of us had done them in years so I couldn’t pass them up. We weren’t really planning on taking them at the reunion but we’d both had enough alcohol to blur judgment and ate them anyway. We had a blast. I gave some to my brother-in-law, also, and watched him face out in the corner. I’m not too clear, on the events of the night, but evidently, from the stories passed around the next day, I donned Amy’s shirt and went in to the store and bought beer. Again, I am from redneck central and here I am in khaki shorts and a shirt with lacy shit around the collar and sleeves. Oh, and it was a nice shade of orange too. I must have looked like Freddy Mercury on his day off. Well, I get back out to the car and this guy is leaning in the window talking shit to Amy. My oldest niece is in the car also so, I’m just going on second hand gossip here, I went up to the guy and told him if he didn’t get his head out of the window I was going to stuff him in the trunk and find a place to bury him. I, honestly, don’t remember any of this. That must have been the Jager talking because I have never wanted to do anything on shrooms other than look at pretty shit and commune with nature. I can only guess what this guy thought of a 6’2” 215lb guy in a woman’s shirt getting all redneck on him. I think he must have thought I was crazy because my niece told me he beat feet to his truck and sped out of there like the devil himself was after him. I don’t blame him. I probably would’ve too. The rest of the night was very chill. We hung out with my cousins, their friends, my sisters, brothers in law and had a grand old time. That is until one of our aunts came out around 2am and kicked everyone out. The family really dug Amy and she was on mushrooms. That’s my girl.
comments (45)
Classic. Esp. love the last 2 sentences. You two sound made for each other. You know what I have tried 2x that did jack? Mushroom chocolates. But the others with me were tripping. What's up with that? Can you get immune to the shroom?
Alcohol + mushrooms... interesting.
And finally. Dude. I had no idea you were a giant. You could use me as an ottoman.
by Linz at August 12, 2003 1:16 PM
i want to be "stuffed in a trunk and buried!"
i want to be "stuffed in a trunk and buried!"
by lajoie at August 12, 2003 1:34 PM
Hardly a giant Linz. I have always been tall but the Army filled out the rest. When I went in I was 180lbs and when I finished basic I was 205. I've put on 15lbs of cushion, since I've been out, but I'm still in decent shape. An ottoman huh? Sounds like fun ;-)
I think that it's possible to build a tolerance to anything but you'd have to do a lot of it. It could've been nothing more than something you ate. Some foods can affect the potency of drugs.
If you watch the show Friends, I think I've found my lobster.
by Ezy at August 12, 2003 1:43 PM
Ok Lajoie. You're stuffed in the trunk and buried. Happy now?
by Ezy at August 12, 2003 1:46 PM
6’2” 215lb guy?? From your pic I imagined you as a 5'3" 140lb guy that could kick some major ass. Now, your ass kicking doesn't seem so impressive. Not to bash you, or anything. I'm sure you kick ass real good.
by MrBlank at August 12, 2003 1:50 PM
One more thing.
Are you fucking KIDDING me? She unloaded $30K on you and you are paying it off? And you still are on speaking terms?? And a few months ago were considering going back to her????!!! Thank you, powers-that-be, for delivering to Ezy a girl that doesn't totally fucking suck.
Sorry man. You know I love ya, but jesus. I couldn't resist.
by Linz at August 12, 2003 2:11 PM
Actually, I grew up fighting. Where I'm from that is how things were settled. I remember, when I was a kid, my ex-brother-in-law and his friends used to make me fight kids 3 or 4 years older than me. I used to get my ass kicked good until I learned tricks to take them down. Then when I was in high school my best friend, Reggie, was black. This was a no-no to some of the rednecks and hillbillys so he and I used to have to fight almost daily. We'd go to the bathrooms and they'd be waiting. We usually gave as good as we got. There always seemed to be a couple more of them than us. Fucking cowards.
Honestly, I despise fighting. It is one of the most idiotic things I can think of. As I have gotten older I will walk away more often than not. The only thing that will make me react violently now is if someone threatens someone I love. Then it is more of a reaction than a conscious thought. It's almost like the training I received from the military. Given a certain circumstance or situation I can react a certain way without having to think too much about it. I don't like letting that guy out though. I put him away a long time ago.
by Ezy at August 12, 2003 2:14 PM
Thank you Linz. I thought I was in love with my soul mate. When we were talking about getting back together she kept telling me all of her plans to take care of the debt. She now has her MBA from Wake Forest, she just bought a house and is debt free other than the house. It really is my own fault though for being to trusting. I'm an idiot sometimes.
by Ezy at August 12, 2003 2:19 PM
no, you should ask her to take the rest of her debt back. the kind part came when you paid the all the rest until now. now she takes it back. yes, i like that much better. you can use that 10k much better on your new love, your new life. all sorts of things. propriety & fairness my man.
by lajoie at August 12, 2003 2:29 PM
Okay, you are supposed to say "shut up bitch," not agree with me when I'm mean. You pushover!
; )
Anyone think I'm getting a lot done at work today? The A/C is broken in my bldg; I think that means I can blog all day.
by Linz at August 12, 2003 2:32 PM
Lajoie, I have thought this thing out a hundred ways and the only way I could get the money from her now is through legal channels. She's not going to give it to me. Legally, I don't have a leg to stand on. I willfully did this for her and even though things didn't pan out, between us, the card is still in my name only and I am solely responsible. If she had cosigned I could've just not paid it and forced her to take action but that would've screwed my credit too. No win situation man. I'm just going to have to take my medicine and finish it off. Sucks but I did it to myself.
by Ezy at August 12, 2003 2:37 PM
Shut up bitch! You're mean! *wipes tear from his cheek as he contemplates ending it all* ;-) NOT!
by Ezy at August 12, 2003 2:40 PM
you know, sometimes i think i blog a bit more when i have a deadline, which i most decidedly do now. i don't smoke, so this is how i recoup all my lost smoke breaks.
ezy, that's too bad, but check this out...you're in love. you have all the great, simple things. you get to breathe and smell the breath of others. the trees hum and whistle around you and you're allowed to hear the branches clicking. and when the sun falls each day, at last, you can know peace through the cooling of dewey skin.... its so easy to think about the few bad things we have going, like damp, knotted underpants or wrongfully accepted debts, but really, there's far more going right for us at any given time. but when i do think about those that wrong others, it gets back to something jack handy once said "I'll be waiting for you in heaven--with a gun."
by lajoie at August 12, 2003 3:07 PM
"Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, when painted brown & nailed to the skull with thick wooden pegs, can make a child look like a deer."
~Jack Handy
Oh! Oh, and my favorite: "The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw."
by Linz at August 12, 2003 3:15 PM
alcohol will definitely alter your shroom trip...but pretty much anything will. the one time i had a semi-bad trip was when we were on mini-thins and drunk and decided to shroom. it was wild...went to some parties and kept thinking people were in arguments and about to fight when they were just talking normally. i kept trying to break up non-existant fights...ended up back home under a blanket listening to and reciting billy madison and yelling at a roommate that i didn't like to "go away, hitler!" (in a billy madison voice.) not a bad night, all in all. ;-p
and linz, if you think ezy's big, you don't want to meet me...6'3" and 240. not much of a fighter though...have been in a few but usually avoid it like the plague. like ezy, my only reason to get mad enough to fight is someone fucking w/ or threatening someone i love. that's the one surefire way to unleash the beast.
by JC at August 12, 2003 3:47 PM
You are like, literally, twice as big as me. Whoah. Are you gonna come to NYC badsam mixer? I'm starting to get a little afraid of you guys.
sincerely,
5 foot 2, 115 pounds but very, very loud
I wonder if there's an open mic that mg can find so we can play while we're there Ezy.
by Linz at August 12, 2003 3:53 PM
That's what they teach you in Business School, Ezy... how to get 'good' debt, and the best way to get rid of really, really, 'bad' debt. My fiance is moving in with me in NYC September first too, she's looking for a job, but it's beyond frightening, this here job market. However, we are going to save enough money to buy some fishing poles and will be catching eels and fish along the Hudson River boardwalk, and live under the Hudson River Parkway and as long as she's with me, it's better than being a single bar hopping bond trader who only cares about his career.
by LOCKHEED at August 12, 2003 3:56 PM
Lajoie, I hear you on that one. I learned to let the small shit, in life, go a while back. I've been in places that made me ashamed of what I considered to be nearly insurmountable problems. I do believe in karma though and that everyone will have to pay a price for their past transgressions. I just refuse to let people that have wronged me make me a bitter person. I like laughing much more than brooding. Brooding never does you any good and there are always people out there worse off than you. I have everything I want in my life right now and the details will be worked out as we go along.
I love Jack Handy! Those are two of my favorites Linz.
by Ezy at August 12, 2003 3:58 PM
JC, that's fucking great. "Go away Hitler" in a Billy Madison voice? Classic. Now I don't feel so bad for flipping on that guy. It was just my niece and Amy, two women I love very much, in the car and asshat (for you Linz) was leaning in. I went straight into protect mode. Hell, I don't even remember it. It was more of a subconscious reaction than anything.
An open mic would rock Linz. I'd be just as happy playing for everyone that shows up to the fest though. We can hold our own little Bad Sam concert. Fun! 5'2" 115lbs? I can curl you Linz ;-)
Glad you've found love Lock. It is so much better than hopping bars and having one night stands that don't mean shit huh? Very cool on the Sept. 1st move date too. So what is the fastest way to get rid of unsecured debt?
by Ezy at August 12, 2003 4:15 PM
do not fear me linz, i am only 3 or 4m tall and about 21 stones in weight.
"We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town." -handy
by lajoie at August 12, 2003 4:16 PM
Crap I always get to the party late.
You know, congrats on your decision to commit. Also, this is weird, I went to a type of reunion back in July and tripped on shrooms too. And I just made a decision to commit to someone.
Man, its too much really. Oh and I am 6’2” 215lb also. So, weird man. *walks away shaking head*
by syd at August 12, 2003 5:05 PM
He's even bigger in person. So is Amy, but in a reaL good, feminine way. But I can't even believe you could be around your family on 'shrooms. Once I dropped several hits of acid and immediately stopped by my family's restaurant to hit my folks up for money. They were drunk and in a chatty mood. My girlfriend and I had to sit there choking down beers with them just as we were getting off. As Jim Morrison once said, 10,000 mikes, baby.
by anna at August 12, 2003 5:05 PM
"I'm just going to have to take my medicine and finish it off. Sucks but I did it to myself."
WOW. Are you real? Can I shake your hand? Are there more like you?
In case you are wondering: 6'1", 165 lbs, thin - I should work out more, dirty blond, glasses, blue eyes, fair skin, pessimestic.
by MrBlank at August 12, 2003 5:47 PM
glad you're in love and all is good man, but seriously, fuk i hope you learned your lesson about trusting people when it comes to the scrilla (cashflow). ah yes but then you know this now. jesus christ you are a master of self control and all knowing schwan like wisdom, cuz dam i would've busted out the ak if i'd gotten fucked out of that kind of cash.
but i'm kind of an irrational fuckhead sometimes.
by kool keith at August 12, 2003 9:50 PM
I am only 5'9" but my cock weighs a good 14 pounds.
by Eviltom at August 12, 2003 10:30 PM
soaking wet? i think you're supposed to stop measuring your cock at the base. but hey, i pad my stats by including my thigh, to the knee - over 2.5' long, about 25 lbs. with a rock hard femur running base to tip.
by lajoie at August 12, 2003 10:49 PM
Strange days have found us, huh, Syd? Congrats on your commitment also.
It was cool Anna. My family isn't the normal run of the mill type. We waited until all of the kiddies and older folks had gone to bed though. It was just the younger crowd hanging out. Hell, half of them were like " You've got more right? Tell me you've got more!" I didn't ;-) Yea and Amy is about 5'10" so she's up there. I've always dated shorter women but I'm diggin' on this tall babe.
MrB and Keith, I believe in taking responsibility for my actions. No one made me take out that loan for her. I did it of my own free will. I could lose my shit and go after her but to what end? I just want her out of my life and not bothering Amy and I. To me it's worth it just to eat the money and not subject Amy to any of my past bullshit. Money means very little to me. I make enough to live like I want even with having to pay off Steph's shit. Like I said earlier; karma will get her eventually.
Tom, you're not supposed to weigh you're entire body when taking a cock weight. Try putting just your johnson on the scale next time. You'll get a more accurate reading.
- over 2.5' long, about 25 lbs. with a rock hard femur running base to tip.
That's some funny shit Lajoie. Classic.
Amy got back home last night. I couldn't believe how excited I was to see her. It felt like Christmas did when I was a kid. Damn, I love that mofo.
by Ezy at August 13, 2003 9:03 AM
Good for you Ezy. Bitterness only hurts you, won't solve anything. I believe in karma too. This is one of my mantras: "People like that are their own punishment."
by Linz (the free weight) at August 13, 2003 9:35 AM
I agree Linz. Instant karma is going to get ya. Did you go out with the Brit last night? C'mon c'mon. Tell all.
by Ezy at August 13, 2003 9:48 AM
Nah, I went to an open mic in the burbs. We talked on the phone though. And I hate the phone, and I was so fucking tired, and I STILL wanted to keep talking on the phone. I basically talked until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore.
by Linz at August 13, 2003 10:21 AM
i've fallen asleep talking on the telephone before. the other person was like "um, hello...you still there?" and in my dream this sexy pink balloon starts talking to me "heeellllooo.....aaarrreeee yooouuuu steeeeell theeeerrreee?" some people don't even call anymore. most people don't even call anymore.
ezy, you are my model for 'water off a duck's back'. that and axe handling guys right in the back. me? i prefer a raucous headutt to the groin.
by lajoie at August 13, 2003 11:09 AM
i meant headButt. you'd think i could hunt and peck a B.
by lajoie at August 13, 2003 11:12 AM
Talked until you couldn't keep the eyes open huh? Sounds like this may be going places. When I'm tired there are very few people I want to stay on the phone with. Good sign.
Lajoie, there's a lot to be said for headbutts to the groin. Quick and effective. As for "water off the duck's back" I just think about things a little bit differently now. I, usually, try to think if something is going to matter to me in ten years. If I believe it is or if I think I may have regrets about it I'll take action. If not then I won't. It's served me pretty well so far.
Oh! I just got back from apartment shopping with Amy. We found our place. Huge one bedroom with a fireplace and jacuzzi tub. Grrrowl! We're pretty stoked. Go us!
Evil Tom, I know you're out there. I misapplied a semicolon again in a comment above. Just wanted to let you know.
by Ezy at August 13, 2003 1:33 PM
jacuzzi tub? great, now you guys can have ducks.
fireplace? great, now you guys can have duck.
and if they start hatching in-house, you never have to leave. ever. you can even start farting aloud and blame it on the ducks. really, this sounds like a relationship saver. nice work ezy!
by lajoie at August 13, 2003 3:41 PM
Thanks Lajoie. I'll talk with Amy about the ducks immediately. They have to be better than a dog to blame farts on.
by Ezy at August 13, 2003 3:45 PM
EZY- I'm just happy to know that you're on the road to correctly using semi-colons. Now if you would only figure out what to do with your colon, my job would be complete.
by Eviltom at August 13, 2003 3:55 PM
Thank you Evil One. With your help I may even be a grammatical genius one of these days. Somewhat like yourself. Sweet!!
by Ezy at August 13, 2003 4:03 PM
clean as a whistle! oh wait, we're talking about ezy's colon. not sure about his.
by lajoie at August 13, 2003 4:11 PM
i have a question. if you're addressing a letter the head of a major corporation, do you capitalize the word 'fuck'? and blowjob is just one word right?
how many shits is too many in one day at work?
i say 7.
by lajoie at August 13, 2003 4:33 PM
ET isn't so smart, grammar-wise. For instance, "semicolon" is a word in its own right and thus requires no hyphen.
by anna at August 13, 2003 5:28 PM
Anna- you're right about "semicolon" but technically speaking, I made a punctuation error... not a grammar error. I'm not sure why I wrote "semi-colon" in the first place... probably because it's funnier when the colon stands out.
by Eviltom at August 13, 2003 11:22 PM
that's called a prolapse ET. and no it's not. gather round, weary legs and eager minds, for i have a tale...
....once upon an athletic eve, an amateur weightlifter was trying to put up his personal best, in what i think is called the 'clean and jerk' (which by virtue of name alone, could spin off a new thread about all sorts of discreet habits). after the initial jerk and subsequent hoist, and in full squat with the weight straight-armed above his head, the stout young gent sucked in his gut and pushed hard as the old timers say. from the depths of his being hard. now, i like many of you, sometimes wonder what my own depths are. what, exactly, i'm capable of at any moment, in any given circumstances. i wonder what it might look like to an outsider, and what i might look like, to myself, viewed from without. some need wonder no longer, for our friend felt a snap, heard a pop, and his little unitard took the crackle. he fell to the floor, in dazzling array of pains and barnyard odours. his spotter behind him, sprayed with shit and given the gunner's view, passed out immediately. of course now we know the lifter had blown out his colon and assorted rings. but at the time, some were sure that magic was afoot, as it appeared as if a shiny purple tomato, had torn through the very time and space of his man-panty, in a location i need not detail any further than 'sub-tailbone'. not one person dared move the supine figure, moored to the floor for close to thirty minutes, until the ambulance arrived (much to the delight and nausea of the gazing crowd, who i might add took more than one grizzly photo, one of which is posted on the web somewhere).
i usually like to save this story for halloween breakfast at the orphanage, but you all have wrested it from my uneasy mind. happy now?
by lajoie at August 14, 2003 12:41 AM
Yeah I am. Just seeing the word "unitard" in print does it for me. It's like "llama" or "fecund."
by anna at August 14, 2003 6:39 AM
Pretty much the opposite of happy after hearing that story.
by Linz at August 14, 2003 8:10 AM
Owwwwwww! That must have sucked like Seka. * Note to self. No more cleans and jerks* Well, with weights anyway.
Tom, isn't punctuation, technically speaking, a part of grammar?
by Ezy at August 14, 2003 8:29 AM