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don't trust your soul to no backwoods Southern lawyer
by mg at 02:21 PM on August 19, 2003
Hi. I just flew back from vacation, and boy, are my arms tired. Seriously, my arms are really tired. Well, maybe my arms aren’t so much tired as have become masses of molten flesh, burned raw by the mid-August Florida sun.
You might question why someone with pretty almost no responsibility finds it necessary to take a vacation. Well, the answer is simply that without little things to look forward to, like a few days away from home, ice cream on a hot afternoon, and a nice air-conditioned bedroom to ease you off to sleep on a summer night, then the universe can’t crush your hopes and dreams and make you realize that you’ll never be happy when she decides to take those things away from you.
As you may or not have heard, New York City experienced this little blackout at the end of last week. Actually, about 7 states and 2 countries, 50 million people in total, also experienced this little blackout.
When the blackout hit, about 4:30 on Thursday afternoon, I was out shopping on Steinway Street, near my apartment. The lights went out and I thought it was merely a brown-out, the kind of thing you typically see in mid-August in a city where most stores will turn the air conditioning up so high that they can leave their front doors wide open and chill a 20 foot square area of the great outdoors enough to make an Inuit feel right at home.
Almost prophetically, the shopkeeper immediately brought up the blackout of ’77, where, he confided in the packed shop, he stayed in the tub all night and made love. So skieved by that little disclosure, I exited the store as quickly as possible and started walking down Steinway, which is sort of a major little thoroughfare in Astoria, and is usually packed with people, even on a weekday afternoon. So it was no surprise that there were tons of people milling outside each of the shops, until, after walking several blocks further, and still no lights, and the dawning revelation that this power outage was not limited to this block, but the whole neighborhood.
Slowly, there were murmurings of rumors passing through the teeming masses – the power wasn’t just out in Astoria, or even Queens, or even just New York City, but much of the east coast. I began to suspect something terrible had happened, and when someone yelled out “It’s the end of the world!” most people nearby laughed, but it made me feel uneasy.
Okay, sure, I suppose you’ve all heard about the blackout already, so I guess this trying to build suspense is a little pointless. Still, even though this little electrical impotence was not caused by any of those nasty Arabs and their filthy prophet Mohamed, walking around New York City in the dark, with no telephone, and no way of even finding out something from a credible source (who has battery operated radios these days?), is more than a little disconcerting.
The night passed uneventfully in my neck of the woods, no fires, no riots, but also no electricity, and no idea how long it might be until I could be expected to be watching Jerry Springer and drinking cold milk again. The real unfortunate part of the whole blackout, at least for me, was that I had a Friday morning flight to Miami. Luckily, our electricity came on around 5:30 a.m. (one of the first neighborhoods in the city). I called the airlines and, remarkably, the flight was still scheduled to leave on time.
I got to the airport and immediately new I should have stayed in bed, as numerous people were still sleeping outside (and many more inside) the terminal. Rather than waiting there and just getting consistently more annoyed, we drove home only to spend 142 minutes on hold with the airline rescheduling the flight. Unfortunately LaGuardia airport didn’t get power until much later that afternoon, about 4 hours after the rescheduled flight was supposed to leave.
After another long stretch on hold, I got rescheduled for the next day, Friday, and actually got into Florida just 29 hours after we’d intended. We only had another 48 hours to enjoy our time away, so decided this would be an eXtreme vacation, and we’d savor every minute of beach, sun, fresh seafood, scantily clad hotties, and etc. Of course, I go and get sunburned almost immediately, and am still suffering the worst and most diffused pain I’ve ever felt in my life.
In the course of a few days, my problems went from not enough light, to entirely too much light. Still, it was good to be away, and even though I’ll always have my memories, once my skin starts peeling I’ll also be able to save that to remember the blackout of 2003, and my all too brief visit to the sunshine state. Or is that California?
comments (45)
I like the theory in practice... about not looking forward to anything... hence indifferent universal torment... I like it alot. I will apply it NOW.
by LockFuckheed at August 19, 2003 2:39 PM
"we’d intended", "We only had", "we’d savor"
Who is "we". Are you talking about an actual we or just have an episode of split personality. Just being nosy.
Welcome back from your vacation.
by syd at August 19, 2003 2:45 PM
Well if "we" savored the "scantily clad hotties" then can we presume that the
"we" mentioned was yourself and a (presumably) male friend?
Nice to see your post.
by chuckwoolery at August 19, 2003 3:12 PM
Aloe, aloe, aloe. I can't stress ALOE enough. C'mon MG, I know you live in a smog infested environment where the sun rarely graces the ground dwellers but didn't you think to, maybe, put on a little sun block. Florida is aptly named "The Sunshine State." Good to see you back man.
Did anyone watch the Daily Show last night? Jon Stewart was ragging on how no one incited riots or went on a killing spree during the blackout. He was like " There was no catastrophic event. The lights went out. There was no terrorist attack. The fucking lights went out" or something to that effect. I found it amusing that the lights were out in all of those places but every channel could do no more than gush about how everyone in NYC wasn't resorting to cannabilism and offing one another while showing the same camera shots repeatedly. Gave me a chuckle.
By the way, who is we?
by Ezy at August 19, 2003 3:27 PM
Yeah, I was wondering who the other part of "we" was too.
Oh, glad you are back, MG.
by MrBlank at August 19, 2003 3:38 PM
Well, we've tried to keep the home fires burning during your hiatus, with varying degrees of success. And while this is a most entertaining post, we need more. MORE!
As for your jaunt southward, I've been all over FLA and I have to say that Miami Beach wouldn't be my top choice. Given me Ft. Lauderdale or even Daytona during Biker Week. Do they still have that or is too Disneyfied these days?
by anna at August 19, 2003 5:32 PM
As someone who has a lot to complain about (re: the blackout), the thing I found most interesting is that while, yes, it did suck to have no electricity, all these politicians have been screaming that "someone must pay!" What cry babies. Yes, the power went out. It happens. The last time (in NYC) was 26 years ago. To look for someone or something that went wrong is to really ignore the fact that, sometimes, shit happens. There is no need to try to explain it, and no one to blame it on. Sometimes stuff that happens that can't be avoided, so get over it already.
We didn't actually go to go to Miami. We were staying in Fort Lauderdale. Or near it, at a very nice resort and spa, Bonaventure, I think. In terms of things to do and see, Miami has Ft. Lauderdale beat for sure, but if we were down there for a longer period of time, we'd certainly have spent more time at the Ft.L. beaches than down in Miami.
Did I say we?
by mg at August 19, 2003 6:30 PM
mg- I KNOW you went with Lockheed.
by Eviltom at August 19, 2003 7:53 PM
"Still, even though this little electrical impotence was not caused by any of those nasty Arabs and their filthy prophet Mohamed"
wtf?!
by ? at August 20, 2003 6:45 AM
Well, Lock has been noticeably absent of late. Hell, for all we know MG IS Lock.
by anna at August 20, 2003 6:47 AM
Thats some guts leaving a comment without a name. Dick. Anyway, the point of that statement, which I think was obvious, is that everyone's initial reaction was that the blackout was caused by terrorism, when it really was just a couple of wires in Ohio. Perhaps you were too busy feeling needlessly indignant to actually think that through though.
by mg at August 20, 2003 7:09 AM
Sorry MG but my names not Richard.
I've seen some crap in my life but the reasoning and justification behind your use of language (RE: the nasty Arab thing) is utter bollocks.
You're a closet racist MG, you always have been. Many times I've witnessed it within the content of your posts, more proof would be the ferocity in which you seek to cuss people off that challenge it. You always stoop to a name-calling run. How grown up of you.
A true Republican, George would be proud.
Oh and guts? Wake up this is the WWW it doesn't require guts and it's nothing I wouldn't say to your face if we ever met for real.
by ? at August 20, 2003 7:38 AM
guts. i don't know about that d?ck. we all attach our email addresses.
by lajoie at August 20, 2003 10:54 AM
I've grown up, and lived most of my life, in areas where at least half the population was born outside the U.S. I didn't choose where I was born, but my most recent move was to neighborhood with more opportunities to buy Turkish coffee and smoke a hookah than buy a pair of khaki chinos. I choose this neighborhood for its diversity. Just within my building, their are people from Morroco, Italy, Greece, Argentina, Russia. Why would I force myself to live with these people if I hated them?
That my gut reaction was this had something to do with Al Queda didn't prevent me from sitting with my Egyptian neighboro n the stoop of my building for much of blackout. Not once did I suspect he had anything to do with it and hate him for it. Not once did it cross my mind that if someone who looked like him was responsible for it, that I should hate him for it.
If I'm racist for thinking the blackout was a terrorist attack, fine, I'm a racist. But the truth is that you are the one looking for racism, and because of that, you are going to find it, no matter whether any exists at all. You are so stuck on this politically correct idea that to be considered racially sensitive you need to scrub all thoughts that someone is different than you are from your mind. It isn't racist to notice someone's race. It isn't racist to note that, hey, the vast majority of terrorist activity comes from Islamic fundamentalist.
by mg at August 20, 2003 11:23 AM
I can vouch for what MG is saying because we grew up in the same neighborhood. According to the 2000 and 1990 US Census (I didn't look further back), that neighborhood was the most ethnically diverse in the entire US. Now, as soon as I earned some decent coin, I moved my ass outta there. Quick. (To the stodgy and homogeneous Upper East Side, no less.) But not MG. He's still there in the old neighborhood... smokin' that hookah... and having sex with lambs.
by Eviltom at August 20, 2003 12:09 PM
The only part of your little blackout story that I construed as myopic was the filthy prophet Mohamed line. But I wouldn't go so far as to say that Religion bashing seeminly for its own sake is racist.
I've met lots of decent fokl like your Egytian neighbour who believe in that particular prophet, and calling those decent folks religion into disrepute because some nasty Arabs (a particularly accurate and apt term) have misconstrued that religion, and use it to justify terrorism.... well that just seems unneccesarily inflammatory and not well thought out.
And at the same time I didn't feel the need to comment one way or the other, until the anonymous ? fellow started up more ?s about it.
It seems to me that you're decent folk just as the fellow you sat on the stoop with, and calling you names serves no constructive or beneficial purpose either.
as for guts... has any of you tried to send an e-mail to chuck@chuck.com? surely not posting a valid e-mail address in a public forum, where people like ? might abuse it doesn't make one a coward...
And MG you still haven't answered the "we" question...
by chuckwoolery at August 20, 2003 12:22 PM
Perhaps this is one of those situations where the Internet stripped meaning from something that required tone of voice or body language to fully portray. Filthy and nasty should really have been surrounded by flying quotes, and Arabs should have been pronounced as "A-rab." Maybe that would have been better to express how I was really feeling.
As for your fake email Chuck, there is a difference from using a fake email address and not even using a name. This person, "?" claims to have been reading for a long while, and, as far as I can tell, has commented here before using a differenet name. If I really cared, I could track down the name and the previous comments, but I don't. This person wants to comment, but not take any sort of responsibility for what they say. That does make them a dick. If you started making comments using a different name just because you wanted to say things to piss people off without having them pissed off at the "Chuck" character, then I'd be upset and calling you names too.
by mg at August 20, 2003 1:33 PM
hey, maybe i have few boundaries. less stop signs. more restraining orders...but claiming personal responsibility for whatever pours off your fingers and onto the 'net' seems to me to be only fair. the internet allows for all of us to be nebulous. you won't find lajoie on my birth certificate for all your tearing through official cuban government files, or looking into my rare inuit passport, but if you've got something to say about what i wrote that's too important or private to write here, fucking email me already and quit puching the fucking shift key and the fucking ? button. enough already. i'll respond too unless it looks like those penis enlargement spams. in which case i'll just go to the bathroom, snap a few blurry pics of my forearm and start my reply with "hey! your product works!"
i'm with mg on this one. and those questionable lines read as pretty facetious.
by lajoie at August 20, 2003 2:05 PM
Wait MG. I thought you were being literal and serious. You shouldn't play with my emotions like that man.
Who's we?
As for ?, I'm pretty sure MG was saying that in a strictly satirical sense. Not that he or anyone else that writes or comments on this site owes you any explanations. If you have anything relative to add then do. If not, it's just like running across an episode of Full House, on the tube, at 2am. Move on.
by Ezy at August 20, 2003 2:20 PM
Come back after all this time and already some anonymous reader is heckling you. Jeez! And I would point out that it is perfectly natural to suspect the worst whenever something goes wrong in NYC. Remember when that plane fell out of the skies soon after Sept 11?
by anna at August 20, 2003 4:58 PM
Awww... we are such a warm fuzzy family here. Rushing to the aid of widdle MG when the big bad ? comes and takes issue.
?, yep, at first glance, it does look racist, but I am surprised that a longtime reader would have these perceptions of mg. Given his history, as detailed here, and the fact that this site has featured authors from all backgrounds (even Osama himself has written here!), didn't it occur to you that maybe mg was speaking in jest?? I personally wouldn't write shit like that because I am hopelessly worried about making sure I am PC, but that doesn't mean that someone that is not so restrained with their words is a racist. I would guess mg's always been more comfortable making jokes like that bc he has always had friends from all backgrounds who would know it as a joke.
You know what annoys me? I don't care if someone calls themselves "No Name"... just use words. I don't like calling people by punctuation. Like "o_O" or "?" etc... it just doesn't feel right. Come on, we are all anonymous to some degree. I don't care if ? wants to reveal him or herself or not. I just want to be able to call him or her something.
MG, it's great to see you back. I had to pinch myself to make sure it wasn't a dream. Twice. In places I won't mention.
by Linz at August 21, 2003 8:15 AM
It's interesting you mention "o_O" and "?" together, seeing as they are the same person. Very astute observation Linz. Speeking of your astute, tell me more about this pinching thing.
by mg at August 21, 2003 9:05 AM
"?" isn't me for the record, though it could be someone from the same academic network as me. We're all behind the same proxy so all our IP's are the same. Soz MG :)
by o_O at August 21, 2003 10:26 AM
Pleeeease pick a name... pleeeeease??
I like the look of o_O, it's rather cute, but it bugs me bc I can't hear anything in my head.
c'mon, c'mon, pick a name!
by Linz at August 21, 2003 10:50 AM
If you don't pick a name, I am going to call you "Oh" just so I can hear something. Beware, I will name you if you don't name yourself.
by Linz at August 21, 2003 10:51 AM
Suggest something then, I'm no good when it comes to names, hence the lack of one!
by o_O at August 21, 2003 10:59 AM
Are you male or female? (or do you prefer that to be an unknown as well?)
I suspect you are male, but have no good reason for that.
by Linz at August 21, 2003 11:04 AM
I did a google search for "a good name is" and found out that "A good name is better than precious ointment." Thus, I suggest "Neosporin." Or maybe Neo, if you want to be all Matrix.
by Linz at August 21, 2003 11:06 AM
Neosporin it is then. Neo is a bit to cliché these days, even if it is a good name :)
I AM THE ANTI-BIOTIC!!! LOL
by Neosporin at August 21, 2003 11:39 AM
NICE!
by Linz at August 21, 2003 11:55 AM
Aww man! Y'all settled on a name before I had a chance to weigh in. I would have voted for "Asshat." LINZ- you need a nickname too.
by Eviltom at August 21, 2003 12:24 PM
Aww Tom, I'm sorry I didn't wait for your valuable contribution there :)
by Neosporin at August 21, 2003 1:16 PM
Well, there's nothing left now that Neosporin is taken.
Why do I need a nickname? I like being my own name.
by Linz at August 21, 2003 1:47 PM
Asshat is sacred here Tom! You should know this.
by Ezy at August 21, 2003 2:50 PM
All hail our gracious host, who is back with a blockbuster. Now listen to me: I need a new name too. Anna has worn out its usefulness. I thought about Dick Weed but that's lame.
by anna at August 21, 2003 7:32 PM
How about "Asshat"?
by Eviltom at August 22, 2003 7:48 AM
From Anna to Asshat. Precious.
by Ezy at August 22, 2003 3:36 PM
MG, what are the logistics involved?
by asshat at August 22, 2003 5:35 PM
In the future, make disparaging remarks about Christians to avoid controversy.
by douchenation at August 23, 2003 12:56 AM
Or better yet, dis agnostics. They don't care. Hey, wtf? Mg, I "edited my profile" and it said eveything would be cool if I changed my username. But now I'm just an x and the word "ass."
by asshat at August 23, 2003 9:17 AM
It's quite a pain to change names. I'd kindly suggest you change it back for now, and if you really want to change it, I'll look to work something else out and let you know.
by mg at August 23, 2003 9:32 AM
X-Ass. Exass. Excess. Hmmmmmmmmm.
by Ezy at August 23, 2003 9:37 AM
Damn MT or in the cool vapors vernacular, MT.
There's a fake Fred Flintstone on TV. It's very disturbing, as are those fake Simpsons episodes. Does anyone know what was up with that?
by asshat at August 23, 2003 1:27 PM
Oops. Damn Movable Type or...
by asshat at August 23, 2003 1:28 PM
MG nothing will stop your stupidity.So shut your face Uncle Fucka.You suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by Windex at September 1, 2003 11:39 PM