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A plug for good, old-fashioned morality
by effenheimer at 03:36 PM on August 27, 2003
Today’s story is a cautionary tale that’s been brewing in my mind for over a year. I used to have a friend named Jane who was determined to hit rock bottom. Her story is one of a girl’s journey into darkness through sheer force of will and a desire to be loved, sophisticated, cool and popular.
Jane was quite different. She was a 15 year old prodigy going to school with college kids. She worked at my paper. She was slightly smarter than the average bear and bored out of her mind – unlike every other 15-year-old who ever walked the earth?
I didn’t like Jane much at first. She was a snotty teenager who should have been in high school bugging her teachers instead of trying to grow up too fast and bugging me.
Like most teens, she resented anyone who didn’t give her what she wanted immediately and tried to prove me a hypocrite on every minor contradiction. It was like being in a bad “After School Special.”
Jane also had sex on the brain. She enjoyed talking shop with the other women in the office who said more than they should. Jane couldn’t wait to lose her virginity. It was like she was on a mission. She took to lying about her age until she found an appropriate “suitor.” Of course, everything became grist for the gossip mill.
Jane did just about everything one shouldn’t. She started smoking (tobacco and pot), drinking (everything she could get her hands on) and eventually dropped out of high school altogether because she was already on her way to getting a college degree so why bother with high school.
She had her good points though and I eventually warmed up to Jane by the time she was 17. Once she started chilling out, she wasn't bad at her job.
When I left the paper, we kept in touch like most friends do. I cared about her and where she was going. I talked every couple of weeks until she was about 19 and tried to get her a job in the real world.
Things went down hill quickly the last year I knew Jane. She blew off her work and was forced to quit her job as editor. She started hanging around with college hipsters and dropouts at the deli she worked at. They were a bunch of predatory losers who knew how to get just want they wanted out of a victim waiting to happen like Jane. Jane was a walking collection of neuroses, daddy issues and an overpowering need to be liked by everyone. Hell, even I sometimes had to fight the urge to just bend her over a chair.
Trying to convince Jane that drinking, toking and screwing around was bad for her was like trying to convince a 5 year old that candy is bad for them Halloween night.
Jane thought she was the “It girl” when everyone else – male and female – just thought she was a slut. Jane never had a real date that I heard about. She'd blow a dude just as soon as shake hands. Eventually, Jane’s life was scene from “Valley of the Dolls.” People were amazed at what she would do if they'd just tell her. "Take off your shirt." "Lay down." "I'll come up, but only for sex."
Jane hit “rock bottom” one night when she had unprotected sex with a 30-year-old, married Mexican drug dealer she hated and couldn’t even remember exactly how it happened.
Suddenly, teenage kicks were very serious indeed and after months of telling her to slow it down and get away from the creeps she was hanging around, she finally got into Alcoholics Anonymous, which was farther than i would have suggested for a first step. It works, but its like trading one addiction for another.
AA didn’t solve all of Jane’s problems, but at least she isn’t going to die from liver failure by 22.
Of course, she shit on me about six months later right after she spent the night at my house with three of her college aged AA buddies. I suspect one of the little cultists told her it was "weird" that we were friends and suggested she stay away from me because I didnt hear from her for a long time. I even stopped by her apartment on my way through Ames one day. She answered her buzzer and then walked away. A few months after that, she DID call me and proceeded to lie her ass off. "I thought you were (the 30-year-old Mexican drug dealer) adn that's why i wouldnt return your calls, answer the phone with caller ID, come to the door when you said it was you." I guess if you are going to lie, you have to lie big. Its funny, because if she had told me the truth, I probably would have forgiven her. I mean, I pretty much forgave all of her other terrible personality flaws, what's one more egregious error?
There's nothing wrong with a little experience, but what amazes me about all of this when all is said and done, is how one person can think what they are doing is having fun and experiencing life when they are really just being used and damaged beyond repair.
comments (27)
Well, I'll break the eerie silence around here. Let me say that AA, while useful for many, can become its own problem. Almost all my boyhood friends are in AA and NA and I just can't hang out with them anymore. All they want to talk about is our raucous, abusive past and I'd rather not.
by anna at August 27, 2003 4:47 PM
Hey, I'm sooo sorry Greg. I really am. Can we be friends again? I will blow you. I will. Please let's be friends again.
by Jane at August 27, 2003 6:10 PM
She didn't think she was having fun... no way... she knew she was gonna get the big hurt... if you're too smart... you get bored... and then you get dangerous... and hurt... does she have family? Where was the family during all this?
by lOCKheed at August 27, 2003 9:45 PM
I remember you talking about some this stuff before. At least the part about you getting blown off at the buzzer etc. The girl sounds like an interesting piece of work.
How long has it been since you've heard from her? More interestingly, do you want to hear from her at this point?
by chuckwoolery at August 27, 2003 10:00 PM
I don't know if I want to hear from her or not, frankly. You take someone you used to NOT like at all, make them a friend, then have them screw you over because they basically ARE that person you didn't like and it just makes you think your first instincts were right on target.
I've had plenty of people tell me AA just fucks people up. Sure it keeps some of them alive, but at what cost?
I am not addicted to alcohol. I am not addicted to drugs. So I can't really understand how anyone could be without assuming it is just some kind of weakness in them that can only be "fixed" by replacing it with another addiction which is basically a fucking 12-step cult.
What really gets me is how poisonous some of these addicts are. They call you at 3 am drunk and whining about their lives, they show up on your doorstep unannounced reeking of booze, they chain smoke in your face.... all the while you try to convince them to get their shit straight and when they finally do take some measures, it's like all they can remember is that you "enabled" them once because you and 60 other people drank in front of them.
by eff at August 28, 2003 9:22 AM
I find the whole blame game "You enabled me to become what I am" is total bullshit. You make conscious decisions every day as to how you will live your life. If you choose to drink or do drugs to the point where you need them physically and psychologically then that is on you. If you know you have a problem with a substance then don't put yourself in the position of having to turn it down. It really is common sense if you think about it. If you run through a pit of angry rattlesnakes you're, probably, going to get bitten right? Why then, as an alcoholic, would you put yourself in an environment where you know everyone will be drinking? To feel normal? You're not normal at that point. You're an addict. That changes things.
by Ezy at August 28, 2003 9:32 AM
Witht he women, its always the same thing, too, they get wasted and then get used as a pin cushion by every freak out there and the only way they can keep any vestige of self esteem is to pretend this is all part of some free-wheeling lifestyle choice. It's amazing how often people claiming to be free of inhibitions are even more chained down than the rest of us.
this is what fascinates me. granted, one can be uptight about things, but a certain amount of restraint and self-discipline is required in life as well. where do you draw the line?
by eff at August 28, 2003 10:11 AM
Weird, a work friend was just telling me about this guy that sorta broke her heart. They started dating, it was great, then she finds out he's 3 months into AA.
Whatever anyone says though, I think AA far surpasses the alternative. Addicts are probably not balanced to begin with Eff, they're bound to become more fucked up for a while when they actually stop numbing whatever they've been numbing.
by Linz at August 28, 2003 1:18 PM
I meant to finish the first paragraph by saying he suddenly revealed this to her, and they were at a sport event, surrounded by alcohol, and he freaked and had to leave and then told her he's not ready for a relationship though he's crazy about her.
by Linz at August 28, 2003 1:19 PM
Still ... it HAIRTS! Yeah, you know, great for anyone who STOPS drinking, but I tell you, I'm tired of being a magnet for the fucked up. No offense to anyone here of course.
by eff at August 28, 2003 3:35 PM
ha!
by Linz at August 28, 2003 3:49 PM
None taken. Now who drank all my wine?
by anna at August 28, 2003 4:57 PM
None taken. Now who drank all my wine?
by anna at August 28, 2003 4:57 PM
None taken. Now who drank all my wine?
by anna at August 28, 2003 4:57 PM
I mean, I like to be as depraved as the next mutant. I've done things in places and what not, but sometimes it's just nice to take a night off and read a book or watch cartoons.
I think some people just WANT to hit the skids. When you lose everything, you have nothing left to lose.
by eff at August 28, 2003 7:09 PM
Some folks are just freak magnets Eff my man. I fall in this catagory also. We end up being approached by freaks and then our compassion, or whatnot, pressures us to take in the strays. Not a good practice but what can you do? Stay inside?
by Ezy at August 29, 2003 9:06 AM
I thnk guilt has alot to do with it. I can't take advantage of peole or even get the best of people without feeling guility. if I( fail to help someone, i feel guilty. whereas my little freaky friend would blow anything that didnt leave her apartment before Conan came on just to get rid of them. and what do i get for appreciation? unceremoniously disposed of. i measure my progress in decades. i'm 35 and only since i turned about 30 have i even begun to make progress in telling people to fuck off when they are are trying to suck the sould out of me or use me to make themselves look good. esp. women. i should just turn hardcore misogynist instead of feeling guilty when some bitch accuses me of being one because i dont want to give her money for pop and shit because her whole thing in life is trying to see how many quarters she can get men to give her as if that means she is sexy and able to manipulate men to her wiles.
by eff at August 29, 2003 3:10 PM
Women like that are best left alone Eff. I know you may feel guilty afterward for not doing something but it always turns out the same. They're going to use you, if they can, for everything they can get and move on. Women of this nature are vampires. Instead of blood they suck the very essence of your soul out and leave a husk behind. Jettison that whore and don't look back.
by Ezy at August 29, 2003 3:32 PM
Funny you should mention whores. To me, they are one rung below prostitutes ("sex workers"?) because they don't even get paid except for the soda pop they can cadge afterwards. They are like prostitute interns.
by anna at August 30, 2003 8:07 AM
So is this chick pregnant?That is usually where that type of person goes from there.Collecting welfare,adc,wic,section8 housing,food stamps...then they watch Springer all fucking day. So what this ho has problems,you may show up one day ringing the buzzer and she lets you up.Don't be suprised when the cops show up on your door step the next day.To quote Bobby Gaylor "Not everyone wants to be saved...not everyone should be saved."Before I close what are all those cunts going to do all day when Springer becomes a Senator or is it Congressman in Ohio?
by Windex at August 30, 2003 10:40 PM
actually, she was a great admirer of ann coulter for some fucking reason. but then, that explains a lot... about ann coulter any way.
by eff at August 31, 2003 1:03 PM
All I know about Ms. Coulter is that she's got mile-long gams and I like that. I also like the way she flaunts them while she spouts her nonsense so you don't notice how ignorant and spiteful she is.
If I could just wag my hefty penis on this site, maybe I'd get a similarly distracting effect.
by anna at September 2, 2003 6:20 PM
I'm going to make that my band someday... Hefty Penii! It's a mental image that lasts and lasts.
by jean at September 3, 2003 2:23 AM
Hefty Penii! That's beautiful. There's the name for Linz's new band if she doesn't already have one. I played in a band called Boner when I was fresh out of high school. We were terrible.
by Ezy at September 3, 2003 8:57 AM
yes. hefty penii is stellar. provocative....weighty. i also offer the name hapenis, should your band dissent and require a two penis system upon which to vote.
by lajoie at September 3, 2003 10:18 AM
why don't you just give her the fucking of a life time like we all know you want to. What's with these "chick guy friends" anyway. Pound the living shit out of her balls deep already.
by billy adams at February 12, 2007 10:34 PM
why don't you just give her the fucking of a life time like we all know you want to. What's with these "chick guy friends" anyway. Pound the living shit out of her balls deep already.
by billy adams at February 12, 2007 10:35 PM