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The Truth about Cats and Dogs
by anna at 06:20 PM on July 02, 2003
Well, well, well. Ezy reports that his romance with Amy has blossomed into a full blown...relationship. Lockheed speaks of his porcelain doll fiance. Linz is juggling a collection of promising Boys. Could wedding bells be far behind?
Back in the day folks used to distinguish between "marriage material" and less respectable chippies you'd date and discard like toilet tissue. I'm here to say that this attitude is alive and well. It's just that the criterion has changed. In place of virginity we now have certain traits I'll relay below.
A chartered jet recently transported Kid Rock and Alyssa Milano from a USO junket in Iraq. Some steamy Mile High Club action reportedly ensued. You'll recall how until recently Mr. Rock was cavorting with va-va-voom siren Pamela Anderson. Let's contrast the two: Milano is cute in an ethnic, pixie-ish, slightly flawed sort of way. Anderson is top-heavy, heavily made-up with a shocking mane of bottle-blond hair. We watched Milano blossom on Who's the Boss and later on Charmed. We watched Anderson give Tommy Lee a slobbery Monica.
Now let's suppose Rock is in the market for a long-term partner to help him raise his daughter. He'd choose Milano over Anderson. Here's why: Marriage-minded men think in terms of compatibility, stability and shared interests. They aren't thinking in terms of flashy, trashy girls they'd be ashamed to present to mom. Nor are they after a gal who has racy videos circulating across cyberspace; ditto for those who'd do the voiceover for Stripperella or star in Barb Wire.
A recent Cornell study delved into this subject matter. Researchers found that above all, people select mates in their own image. Their findings also confirmed my point i.e. that people choose not necessarily the highest quality partner available but the one best suited to their needs.
Should the prospect turn out to be physically attractive in addition to these crucial attributes, why then, that's gravy. I myself enjoyed such dumb luck in landing my amazing wife (help me out here, Ezy!)
But God seldom bestows all those desirable qualities on any given person. Which is why you so often see seemingly mismatched couples: Drop-dead gorgeous knockouts walking hand-in-hand with scrawny nerds or beefcake hunks rubbing suntan lotion onto the shoulders of homely trolls.
The Cornell study also showed that marriages between like persons tend to last longer. Opposites may attract but their unions last about as long as a prom date sexual encounter. Stroke, stroke and it's over. Both participants are left frustrated.
Some men might remain unconvinced. Solely for their benefit I'll share my single-days experience with the head-turning party girls as epitomized by Anderson. They're easy as a Vaseline jar but not real imaginative betwee the sheets. Sex with them is like sex with someone on roofies only less gratifying. It's like what my old friend Brian used to say---fat girls are better in bed cuz they try harder. Moreover, flashy party girls are seldom faithful.
Nor do they age gracefully. At 96 Katherine Hepburn looked better than Liz Taylor does at 71. At 65 workout guru Jane Fonda looks better than onetime sex kitten Raquel Welch at 62. The list goes on...
comments (10)
Hear, hear Anna. I do believe you've hit the proverbial nail on the head, in my case at least. My ex and I were, almost, polar opposites and we had to work very hard to find common ground. We never found that ground for a meaningful foundation so our relationship was always turbulent. Amy and I have travelled a very similar road getting to where we are now. We've both been promiscuous, are a little off the beaten path personality wise, have travelled extensively, are fiercely loyal to those we love, and have many of the same outlooks morally and intellectually. The list goes on. I wonder who came up with the idea that you're supposed to find the opposite of yourself for a mate. It just seems that it would be easier to find someone like you with just enough differences to make it interesting. I guess that's why I'm not a relationship counselor huh?
By the way, your wife does rock. I liked the way she and Amy got along. You guys fit together well also. That's what it's all about right?
by Ezy at July 3, 2003 7:09 AM
I think opposites attract in terms of certain less quantifiable character traits. For example, I think it's great that my Shannon is messy and "Joseph" is anal. My exes are all quiet and steady and I am loud and... miscellaneous. But definitely agree, socio-economics, level of attractiveness, religion, etc... these things are better off similar.
by Linz at July 3, 2003 10:53 AM
Until recently, socio-economically, my fiance and I were quite disparate. Then I lost my fortune, and she still is the most supportive and wonderful person in my life, and I would be completely happy being a janitor or a factory worker in some suburban mill town, leave the big city behind for the rest of my life, as long as we love each other and continue to laugh together. It's true. She woke me up from a nightmare. I've been on a self-destructive path all my life, and I didn't expect to live past 30, so I did terribly reckless things, drugged myself to oblivion, gambled like a madman, tattooed my body to the point where I have to wear long sleeves, that of which I'm undergoing laser sessions on my forearms at least, which will take years and a lot of budgeting. If not, they will be reminders of a life that was almost lost, and with her love, I can accept the scars. Hopefully, by the time BadSam SummerParty in NYC occurs, my forearm tattoos will be fading a bit, but if not, they're actually really good pieces of work. Love you all...
by LOCKHEED at July 3, 2003 5:59 PM
Ezy, I agree that the opposites attract idea is ludicrous. But as Linz points out, it often does happen in terms of certain traits---the messy vs. anal being a prime example.
Lock, all I can say is that is one of the most moving things I've ever read. And it parallels my own story; which I would tell here except no one would believe the extent of it. Suffice it to say some people just aren't meant to be.
by anna at July 4, 2003 7:05 AM
Anna, Linz is absolutely right about the messy/anal thing. Damn! I said messy anal. He He. Anywho, detail oriented traits such as messy versus clean are one thing. Deep rooted moral and sociological convictions are another. You can have a messy person with a clean person and they will, eventually, find common ground. You can't have, let's say, a soldier and an anti-military activist or a fanatical pro-choice / pro-life activist pit together. Those are differences that would be damn near impossible to overcome. It's possible; I'll grant that but easy it would not be.
Lock, man that was beautiful. I feel your pain my bro. Isn't it amazing when you find that one person that makes you give a fuck? I know what it is to be self destructive and now, thank God, I know what it is to want to live and be a better person for someone. Glad to hear you've come out of the darkness and can't wait to meet you and the woman responsible for it at the Bad Sam fest. If you want to get rid of the ink by all means do but wear your scars with pride bro. They are the reason you are the person you are today.
by Ezy at July 5, 2003 2:12 PM
Are we getting any more details on the much-anticipated possible summer get-together? I'm dirt poor right now, but I know my credit limit can handle a cross-country plane ticket. I need something to take my mind off my fiscal patheticness.
And "messy anal"... that's possibly even a better catchphrase than "asshat".
by jean at July 5, 2003 4:33 PM
On mycompany's system, if it doesn't know the claimnt's occupation, it defaults to "hat cleaner." I am going to start changing it to "asshat cleaner." How's that for a gratifying job to have?
by Anna at July 6, 2003 1:47 PM
I think the show (Stripperella) is written pretty well, but it is too vulgar. Why cant we have entertainment that is intelligent without the sex?
by Jim, New Jersey at February 1, 2004 7:55 AM
No Jim from New Jersey, we can't.
by Ezy at February 2, 2004 10:08 AM
dogs are smart and cats are smart there sad things about dogs and cats dogs can get killed and there is alot i love are animals especilay dogs i love them i even have dog dogs rule the day.
by TERRENCE at July 12, 2005 8:48 PM