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anna

Why you want to give me a runaround?

by anna at 08:53 PM on April 17, 2003

Hello you've reached the voice mail of Anna Nimez in the claim department. Your call is very important to us, though not so important that we'd ever dream of addressing your concerns personally. Also, please note that this call may be monitored not to optimize customer service but simply because we're nosy. Listen carefully to the following list because our options have changed to eliminate the possibility that by some wild coincidence one might fit your specific needs. *Snickers snidely*

Press one to hear me sound all bored and unsympathetic to your petty concerns. Press two now to hear me say I don't field this sort of inquiry. Press three to hear me get all shifty and evasive about why I've failed to fulfill some hollow promise I made just to get you off the phone. Press four to hear me say that due to systems problems I cannot look up that information. If you'd like to speak with me whilst I rudely stuff my face, press five. Press six for a directory of other persons who will refuse to answer their phones. If you know your party's extension, please press seven to access another voice mailbox that is full. For further assistance, you can visit our website here. To be connected to our suicide hotline please hold for a torturous eternity. To give up in anguished frustration, hang up now.

Do not bother to leave a message. I have caller ID and if I had any desire to speak with you I'd have picked up the phone.

We're Dorothy and her bedraggled cohorts groveling at the feet of Corporate
America's great and powerful Oz. "Please sir, might you find it within your callous heart to permit us to speak with a live human being during our lifetime," we simper.

Companies talk a good game when it comes to customer service and how committed they are to it. I have seen scant evidence of this. For instance, I tried to purchase a set of matching dishes to replace the mishmash we currently have. The cashier couldn't get the scanner to work so she sent me to get another set. Still the damn thing wouldn't scan. When I humbly suggested she punch it in manually she looked floored. Company policy dictates that each purchase must be scanned. Eventually she informed me that Sears wasn't willing to sell me the dishes. I shuffled away empty-handed, never to return. So much for the softer side of Sears.

I love that chicken from Popeye's. When I go there I'm fully prepared for the interrogation. The following exchange always takes place: Me: "I'll have combo nmber one, white meat, spicy, for here. For a side dish I'll have your red beans and rice." Her: "You wan spicy o mile?" Me: "Like I said, spicy." Her: "Why me o dock?" Me: "White meat. Did you hear a single word I said?" Her: "No. What kind sigh odor?" Me: "How about red beans and rice." Her: "Fo he o to go?" Me: "Argh!"

comments (15)

Anna, I fucking HATE automated phone systems. I understand the manpower issue and company savings but, damn. They piss me off. I have to call manufacturers, for my job, every day and it takes me a half an hour to get a question answered that would take five minutes if I didn't have to stumble my way through a freaking six level menu. Ohhh. They can't make it easy either. You have to listen to twenty options before you get to the one you need. Evil.

by Ezy at April 18, 2003 1:09 PM


Obviously I do too. But the worst part is the way they always make it sound like everything's being done with your interest in mind.

by Anna at April 18, 2003 6:00 PM


Me: "I'll have the steak and shrimp combo."

later

Waitress: Here's your steak and salmon.
Me: I wanted the steak and shrimp
Waitress: No, you ordered the salmon [tip's going down]
Me: No, I ordered the shrimp
Waitress: You told me salmon, but I'll change it for you anyway [tip's going down]
Me NO I ORDERED SHRIMP
Waitress: walks away

I don't care if I told her to bring me pig brains on crackers. Why argue with someone who has your tip in their pocket? What difference does it make? Is she the Longhorn's Waste Prevention specialist in disguise? Is it going to hurt their stock price to make me happy without trying to make me feel like I'm an asshole customer who's being difficult? I could list an endless string of this type of shit, but then probably so could everyone else.

by Tom at April 19, 2003 8:19 AM


That is so on target. Why not just go with the flow and bring you the damn shrimp? Then she could eat the salmon so it didn't go to waste?

by Anna at April 19, 2003 8:47 AM


Well, where waitressing is concerned, it goes both ways. The fact that you have their tip in your pocket does not give you the right to be an ass. I am not saying that the comment above is an example of a customer being an ass, I am saying that there are people who think that just because they are paying for something it gives them the right to treat people disrespectfully and that I disagree with that. Does this make sense? Oh well.

by Lucy at April 19, 2003 1:50 PM


Lucy I agree. I grew up literally in a restaurant and got to know the waitresses real well. Sometimes too well for my parents' liking. They learned how to judge customers' propensity for tipping. The absolute worst were groups of middle-aged women. They were lucky to ever get any service. It was like a vicious circle. Tip 20% & you won't have that problem.

by Anna at April 19, 2003 1:55 PM


Not to pad my meager recent comment count but it occurs to me that the last peep we heard out of our gracious host was on 4/10/03. That was 9 days ago. What, is he writing War and Peace or what? Has anyone thought to check his apartment?

by Anna at April 19, 2003 7:10 PM


While I agree that the waitress in the salmon/shrimp problem was rude, resolving the situation is not as simple as eating the salmon so that it won't go to waste. Managers like to rail on servers about food cost. Nothing like your manager finding out you just wasted a $10+ entrée. The waitress' behavior (and the fact that she forgot what he ordered in the first place) was unacceptable, but I understand her apprehension about having to change the check that she probably had already rung up. Where I worked as a waitress, we had to have the manager punch a code into the computer to be able to change the check. They hate it when you drag them away from other work to tell them you just upped their food cost and possibly drove a customer away forever.

by Steph at April 20, 2003 3:12 AM


Well, it doesn't really apply to waitresses, but... press 0! Always press 0 and you can talk to someone cranky. :)

by Jen X at April 20, 2003 7:59 PM


I think insurance companies are worst of all. I mean I spent 5 days just trying to get a "yes" or "no" answer.
And in many cases the machine was much friendlier than the guy I had to talk with (another one every time, so you have to explain everything all over again).
2nd place occupied by mobile phone companies!

by necropethamenos at April 21, 2003 7:48 AM


Oh, and if any waitress behaves bad after getting me the wrong plate, then she'll get no tip at all. I might even just walk out and leave her with her shrimps in hand.
No excuses.
If I do the same in my job I'll have no excuse. Not me or anyone.

by necropethamenos at April 21, 2003 7:54 AM


That was a very good 'phonetically' correct imitation of an Asian person, Anna. You're wise not to have posted... 'and so I go to Popeye's and there's this Chinese lady working behind the counter...' instead, you let the paragraph speak for itself. And lucky for you, it wasn't a black employee, because if you specifically ordered, 'white' meat, she'd sue your ass for slander and win. Also, it's funny that, instead of saying, and red beans on the side, you say, for a side dish, I'll have 'your' red beans and rice...' That's fucking hilarious. It's such a thoroughly grammatically correct complete sentence. Very polite.

by LOCKHEED at April 21, 2003 4:59 PM


Well Lock I'm glad you liked it. But it wasn't Asian, the lady in question appeared to be of Middle Eastern descent. As for the tipping, I only frequent a few restaurants. I'd never stiff the server for fear they'd hock loogies or worse in my food next time.

by Anna at April 21, 2003 6:13 PM


At Sears you should have asked for the manager. As I was once told, managers' jobs are to make the customers happy. So long as your request is reasonable and you don't behave like a jerk (which means keep smiling even when you want to throttle them), I've found that you get what you want. Not being able to purchase an item simply because it can't scan is inexcusable. Absolutely inexcusable.

by jean at April 23, 2003 11:05 PM


Actually I thought about that but the whole ordeal just left me dumbfounded. We got the stupid dishes elsewhere.

by Anna at April 24, 2003 1:51 AM