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She’s Cold, Like a Starfish
by blank at 01:42 PM on April 14, 2003
<ed note>Mr Blank has been consistent member of the BS family for longer than anyone I can think of. He is also the guy behind the brilliant Blank Headspace, the first ever drawn blog . He wanted to join in on the sex talk too, so here goes. And, at the risk of really turning this into the Penthouse Forums, please feel free to send in any sex story you'd like to share. </ed note>
Since everyone is sharing their greatest sexual adventures, I’ll share mine too. Um, er, uh … They all sucked, and not in the good way.
I’m going to tell you about my worst experience instead. I was dating this girl and we went on a date that included dinner and a movie at my place. Instead of watching the movie we were busy dry-humping on the couch which lead to dry-humping in the bedroom with less clothing. Once she realized that her cloths were on the floor, she got up and turned off the light. “I don’t want you to look at my fat,” she said.
I’d been seeing this girl for a few weeks and I felt like I was getting to know her pretty well. She was creative and studying art which gave us a lot to talk about, even if we didn’t agree on much.
A big part of a guy’s libido is driven by visuals. Flipping the switch killed more than the light and I couldn’t understand what the big deal was. Sure, she had a few extra pounds but she was in no way a big tub. They gave her curves in the right places and endowed others. I told her she looked great, but she didn’t believe me and the light stayed off.
She seemed to have a lot of problems. When she would do badly on an assignment for school it was because of her dyslexia or the professor was sexist or any other problem advertised on prescription drug commercials. She rented an apartment outside of town even though she didn’t have a car to get to class. Friends drove her around. I wanted to help her out with some of her problems, get her partway out of a rut, but any suggestions of mine were treated as judgments.
So, now we’re at it missionary style with her feet in the air and she’s whaling like I was giving her the ride of her life. I was getting bored and my mind was still on the light problem. We’d try other positions, but it was the same pushing and groping in the dark. She’s still moaning it up and I ask her if she’s close.
“I can’t come”, she said.
“What am I doing wrong?”
“Nothing. I just can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m on anti-depressants.”
“Oh.”
We fool around a bit more and then go to sleep.
I’d like to think that my problem is caused by my uncanny ability to attract girls with low self esteem and emotional problems who want to get attached to a “nice” guy, a guy who will be happy to pump up a depressed girl’s ego and let her cry on his shoulder every time she breaks a nail.
In reality, I bet that all girls are emotional and I am a big insensitive, selfish, bastard.
comments (20)
It only takes one normal girl to break the trend dude. Don't lose faith! You sound more like the nice type than the callous type.
I think.
That darkness thing, that's a bummer. Candles are one step below a must for me...
by Linz at April 14, 2003 3:48 PM
THAT'S your worst experience? Man, I have to tell you a story about a Yacht, a british absolutely great looking 21 year-old, an overweight stupid 15 year-old (that would be me 9 years ago), 10 seconds of agony and her father...
(as for the rest, it's like you're describing my ex, no that's not what all women are like!)
by necropethamenos at April 14, 2003 5:54 PM
Well, the sudden mention of medications tends to spoil the mood for sure. It's like, "I had this weird fungus growing down there but tough-acting Tenactin took care of that." But you raise an interesting point about people. It seems like some have myriad problems, physical, emotional and financial. Others seem to have none. It just doesn't seem like a fair distribution.
by Anna at April 14, 2003 6:36 PM
In that relationship, I did learn that I need to be way more sensitive to other people’s problems and I’m not going to be the one that can fix them. Me being a know-it-all problem-fixer was NOT a good idea.
by MrBlank at April 14, 2003 7:43 PM
I heard that about the meds. And I thought a combination of Paxil and Viagra would make any guy a porn star. When club kids are doing embalming fluid, and cat tranquelizer, I'm surprised that combination hasn't made it into recreational use.
by mg at April 14, 2003 8:39 PM
It has. We use it in conjunction w/ nitrous we suck from whipped cream canisters and tar heroin. It puts us in the mood.
by Anna at April 14, 2003 9:45 PM
Sounds like someone Ezy ought to date, after the Goth chick. ;)
by Jen at April 14, 2003 11:04 PM
Hey!! Simma down now! This is exactly the kind of thing I am trying to avoid, Jen. ;-) Good one though.
I do feel better after reading this though. Thanks Blank.
by Ezy at April 15, 2003 10:54 AM
Anna, that's so true! The people I know (men and women) with deep emotional problems seem to always get tragedy piled on top of it. It doesn't seem fair at all.
Blank, I do agree with Necro that for a "worst sex" story, that's not too bad. Not that I don't sympathize.
Sigh... it's great when we are all playing nice. I am feeling sappy right now... 'sup with that? I LOVE YOU GUYS! Seriously. I love you man.
Am I still drunk??
by Linz at April 15, 2003 11:14 AM
Awwwwwww. Love back at ya Linz. Bad Sam is turning in to a regular love in. Sweet.
by Ezy at April 15, 2003 12:35 PM
Lights off is a drag. But at least she was vocal. A landscape of erotic sound can be stimulating. Dark silent thrusting, when you have to remind yourself of what you're doing and why you're doing it, is no fun.
by chris at April 15, 2003 12:36 PM
lights off is definitely less than preferable, but at that point you just gotta make the best of it and replay the highlight reel of past escapades in your mind. and if you've got a live soundtrack to go with it, all the better!
by JC at April 15, 2003 1:23 PM
Paxil is making me so fucking sluggish in the morning, I keep going into work dangerously late and in no condition to be cold as steel. When you do find yourself having an orgasm while taking Paxil for a long period of time, the orgasm is not only delayed, it really loses its kick. The erect Penis on Paxil loses its sensitivity, somewhat numb and disassociative, in fact, the process of sex becomes a kin to snoring while you are asleep. However, a brief holiday from Paxil, say, for a week, if you were taking on average 37.5mg a day, will result in premature ejaculation, but much more acute and intense.
by LOCKHEED at April 15, 2003 9:58 PM
ya should have grabbed the bitch by the hair, dragged her through three rooms, ripped off her fucking clothes, smacked her ass calling her, your little slut, made her beg and demanded the light stay on....
"yes Master!"
End of story!
Well, that's how I like it anyway!! ~grinnzzzzz wickedly~ Hard, raw...Dominant sex! None of this.."does that feel good hunny?"..or "I didn't hurt you did I?" or "Wanna make love baby?" CRAP! It's... "You're gonna be fucked the way I like bitch!" mmmmm! ~winks~
ok ok I am really fucking kinky!
Pantera
by Pantera at April 16, 2003 4:19 AM
Pantera you freaky freak. Beautiful.
by Ezy at April 16, 2003 10:44 AM
Either a freaky freak or just a traditionalist? I believe Men should be the Dominant Role, but our gender fucked society disagrees...and now its all Called ABUSE!
Women should submit and Men should be in control...but they're not and now being raised in this "I'm not sure what I am supposed to do" society...I become a Dominant Bitch because not many men will take control...MEN have lost control and now we all sit around blaming our parents and wonder why we cant keep relationships...go figure... FUCK WOMENS LIB! Women and MEN are not fucking equals...we're just are not.
Later
by Pantera at April 16, 2003 4:58 PM
I agree with PANTERA, Men and Women are not equal. Women are cleary much Stronger than Men, pretty much in all species with male/female entities..ow fuck! I was chewing on a fucking TOSTITO and it jammed into the gums of my back molar... That's BULLSHIT. FUCK. trying to dislodge it with my tongue, I'm so fucking pissed off now. hold on...
by LOCKHEED at April 16, 2003 8:16 PM
Oh, quick question PANTERA... you said you had three sons, was just wondering, does the oldest one want to fuck you? I have no idea how old they are, but, if you still hug them and cuddle, do they get erections?
by P.S. LOCkheed at April 16, 2003 8:29 PM
What the fuck kind of question is that coming from someone I deemed intelligent? My oldest is 20...I told you that in another post. AND if he did ever want to fuck his Mother, he'd BETTER never let me know that...I feel like punching you square in the eye for such disrepect. BUT...you are the type who just gets off on starting trouble...so...I'll let that slide.
Why Lockheed, do you wanna fuck your mother?
by Pantera at April 17, 2003 2:08 AM
No. But she's pretty. Looks alot younger than she is. I'm sorry about the disrespect. I'm surprised that you deemed me Intelligent. I had a revelation today, after losing my hard earned scalps within the last ten minutes before the close, thus, I snapped and REALIZED this: I'm an extremely intelligent RETARD. I'm retarded. This man needs a Helmet. Can I just wear a bicycle helmet? I'm SORRY again, didn't intend disrespect, Lockheed thought it was a Valid question. And you certainly can 'feel' like punching me square in the eye, but 'please don't' attempt. I was a longtime member of a recently closed down Boxing gym in Providence, RI, which was closed down due to it's brutality rate. I can take punches, perhaps too well. I was punch dummy for professionals(welterweight) and I would spar with ROOKIE heavyweights, which of course, I was too quick, and I punch fucking hard for my weight, and so, well, it was the quicker MEXICAN boxers that gave me brain damage. Um. I wish Lockheed was old kindhearted good Asian boy Alex, and went to med school, instead of this, this, monster, this, what has been done to me, what has been done to others? Every sign has told me that I should have died long ago... to and to others...what has been done to you...
by LOCKHEED at April 17, 2003 3:16 PM