« If he married me, it'd only be for the honeymoon that he'd be naked | Main | It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad March »
There's Something About You Girl, That Makes Me Sweat
by anna at 07:01 PM on March 18, 2003
Amid all the chatter about impending war, rounding up Arab-Americans and terrorists holed up in your cabana, some might have missed this nugget: Research has shown that male body odor is a major turn-on for chicks. This certainly came as news to me. Nobody’s ever found the pungent aroma of my sweat appealing. In fact, the exact opposite is the case.
The other day I was rushing out the door. I uncap the deodorant only to find that it was all gone. The little piece that was left crumbled to the floor. That whole day I avoided close contact with coworkers lest they catch of whiff of my smelly armpits. It’s difficult to be effective in business when you stink and feel all self-conscious about it. That is, unless you happen to work in this field of endeavor.
I was once charged with the odious task of telling my subordinate that he stunk like a crusty gym sock. This was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. There is simply no delicate way to broach the topic of one’s stench. You have to be blunt. Feelings are bound to get hurt. I am not cut out for this sort of thing.
All of this got me to thinking about deodorant and its place in modern society. Contrary to what you young whippersnappers might believe, people didn’t always wear it. In the late 50’s, Mad Ave concocted the notion of body odor or BO. Products like Right Guard were offered to help combat this imaginary scourge. Of course, it was first necessary to foster the notion that your natural scent was undesirable. This was accomplished with a barrage of ads on TV and in magazines. Gradually the deodorant notion took hold and became ingrained behavior for most folks. Those who balked became pariahs.
Nowadays one rarely sees those ads, since Mad Ave has succeeded in creating a universal if artificial demand for a product that didn’t even exist fifty years ago. Thus it’s no longer necessary to drill the need for smell-good remedies into your heads.
The deodorant and mouthwash ads have been largely replaced by ads for prescription medications. Admen follow the very same script. Get people to fret over something like acid reflux disease eroding your esophagus. Offer a remedy and repeat it over and over again. Bingo! Profits pile up. Pharmaceutical laugh all the way to the bank. Pfizer revels in your misery.
For some reason, this guy who sounds like an auctioneer must rattle off a list of disgusting side-effects and potential risks of using this medicine or that. My personal favorite being, “women who are pregnant or who could become pregnant.” In other words, half the population is at risk for bloating, nausea or spontaneous combustion. They’ll require more remedies for the side-effects. It’s a vicious cycle.
Time was you never saw commercials for prescription drugs. Now you can’t escape them. Fact is, next to talk of Big Terror and its efforts to obtain weapons o’ mass destruction, this deluge of revolting ads has become the hallmark of this fledgling millennium. This isn’t a good sign.
On the other hand, some ads are downright hilarious. I myself am partial to that one for Miller Beer, where the two buxom chicks wind up flailing at one another in a mud pit. The bemused look on those gals’ faces at the bar is priceless.
Be they funny or irritating, admen know how to control your behavior. To them, we’re all marionette puppets on a string. Which is why they gladly cough up millions for a 30 second spot on the Super Bowl. It’s also why so many consumers insist on brand names rather than generics. (Although the Mad Ave menace did hit a rough patch in the 60s, what with the counterculture and its rejection of crass materialism. Hippies smelled bad, and they didn’t care. Admen retaliated by co-opting many aspects of the long-hairs’ style and ethos. But that’s all a distant memory now, no?)
So which ads irk you the most? Which ones tickle your funny bone?
comments (14)
That body odor study was pretty obvious stuff. I've definitely noticed that chicks like me more when I smell bad. One time, I met this girl right after a basketball game because I was running late and didnt have time to shower. Still got BJ! This other time, I was having a really bad case of the runs and man, I just couldnt do anything to keep it from squirting down my leg during the date. But what do you know... it really turned her on! She was all over me.
by Eviltom at March 18, 2003 9:35 PM
Well, obviously every woman dreams of having sex with a guy who's got shit leavings dribbling down his leg. That kind of goes w/o saying, ET.
by Anna at March 18, 2003 10:15 PM
I have a fish named Stinky.
by Jen at March 19, 2003 12:54 AM
So if I stay stinky and dirty for life I will be able to make women PAY to have sex with me (cause NOONE will ever stink as bad as me after 3 days). This is better than it sounds, it has business perspective...
by necropethamenos at March 19, 2003 8:30 AM
I just saw that acid reflux commercial Anna! I was on the treadmill at the gym, laughing my ass off... Wonder what the other people thought...
But it's hilarious! These people all standing on these tall rock croppings, staring at the sea, or staring proudly into space... While a disembodied voice discusses the potential damage to their esophagus... "Did you know?" "I didn't know..."
by Linz at March 19, 2003 9:13 AM
During my younger days I had a stint as a construction laborer. My buddy and I always seemed to pick up women during lunch while we were dirty and aromatic. I never understood it.
Jen!! I have a fish named Pinky!! We should get them together!! ;-)
by Ezy at March 19, 2003 9:16 AM
Anna, I'd have to say that all of those damn "hello moto" commercials, with that annoying voice, grates on my nerves.
I'd also think ESPN has some of the funniest commercials on TV. If you like sports that is. Hell even if you don't they're funny.
Most Bud Light commercials are good. I like the one where the guy is crawling through the duct and falls into that woman's apartment. Classic.
OH! And that one with the chicken chasing that dude while it's being narrated in a foreign language never fails to crack me up. Nike I think it is.
Damn! I watch too much TV.
by Ezy at March 19, 2003 10:10 AM
This morning I saw a comercial where this lady was voodoo-ing her ex thru the internet. Qute amusing, actually. My all-time favorite is an ad for a deodorant for men, curiously enough. It's pitch is that if you are a man who never gives up trying to hit on women (no matter how many times you are rejected and publicly humilliated) then this deodorant is for you. It even has it's own jingle/hymn!
by Lucy at March 19, 2003 12:18 PM
I can't wait to ride the New Batman Ride in Baghdad! I don't have much pit hair, but still use deodorant/anti-perspirant(but that's a more functional product, something that I'd put on, even if I didn't mind bad smells and was alone), so there is an argument, but I guess the post was mainly about advertisement, not sure how it got turned into sex, probably because EvilTom was the first commentator, I wonder if BS will be busy or slow tonight due to all eyes glued on CNN, imagine how much the 5 MINUTE commercial Spot before 8pm est, is going to COST? Do you think there will be NEW commercials on all the major Networks around this time?
by LOCKHEED at March 19, 2003 4:32 PM
I guess it goes w/o saying that that smug Sprint PCS guy should be shot on sight.
by Anna at March 19, 2003 6:01 PM
Roman chicks used to spend big money on Gladiator sweat. We all complain about stink, but at heart we are still just animals and animals are all about the stink.
My mom used to joke that when I was a kid and got sick, I would lay in the dirty laundry. She would even put off doing the laundry so I could lay in it. I remember this worked really well mostly because my dad had some stinky work shirts. To this day, I don't mind the smell of dad's sweat. it's pretty comforting. Sounds gross, but fuck it, I don't care what anyone thinks. the more we try to distance ourselves from our animal natures, the more perverse we truly become.
by eff at March 20, 2003 10:12 AM
Until I was like eight I thought all dads smelled like whiskey.
by Anna at March 20, 2003 6:19 PM
it's all about the pheremones, baby! i think the key is to be sweaty enough to put 'em out there, but not so bad that your odor repels everything within a three block radius.
by JC at March 25, 2003 1:26 PM
Gave up deodorant and anti-perspirants, since the recent British study that
claims a link between the ingredients and cancer. We'll see how lucky I get now.
by A;terEgo at March 19, 2004 1:57 PM