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mg

flying away on a wing and a prayer, who could it be?

by mg at 09:27 AM on March 20, 2003

I case you are living in a cave (ha ha, funny, get it?), military strikes have begun in Iraq

For those who still insist on thinking the United States is acting on it's own, I'd like to point out that there are now more than 30 countries signed on with the coalition. Not all are providing military support, but all agree that every other option has been exhausted in Iraq. I don’t see how anyone can claim America (and the U.K.) are going this alone.

Sure, that 30something countries represent only about 1/6 of the United Nations, but 30 is a lot bigger number than 2. And sure, if we actually take a look at those countries, the coalition becomes a little less impressive, but even the Beatles had their Ringo.

Personally, I like to think of this coalition as the ass-kicking equivalent of the old Saturday morning cartoon Super Friends.

Of course, the United States Superman – bullets bounce off us, we can shoot lasers out our eyes, can leap tall buildings in a single bound, and are pretty smart to boot. Except for that pesky kryptonite thing, we pretty much don’t have a thing to fear in the world. We totally kick ass on our own, but we still like to hang out with our (slightly less) super friends. Friends like:

England who’d take on the role of Batman – they actually don’t have any superpowers of their own, but more than make up for with a combination of brains, determination, and awesome gadgets. Spain would be like Robin, Batman’s spunky partner, who, beside for wearing a really flamboyant outfit, and making a snarky comment now and again, is never really all that helpful in a fight. Australia is Wonder Woman – they look good in a bathing suit, and are a bit savage compared to the rest of the more civilized super friends, still, at least they speak English and come from the same planet. Japan is our Aquaman – they are both all about hanging with fish, but once you get them on land they really aren’t much use at all.

The Czech Republic and Slovakia are like the Wonder Twins, because it’s really too easy a joke to pass up. Iceland would be the Green Lantern, just because it’s another cheap joke. Italy is like Hawkman, because, uhm, their country is shaped like a boot, and he had a hat shaped like a pair of wings. Yeah, that’s it. Ethiopia would be the Black Vulcan, because they were both included just to make the group not look too racist.

Germany would be the Flash, because, damn, do they switch sides fast. Turkey would be Plastic Man, since they’re government is bending parliamentary decisions to help us out anyway. Eritrea, Uzbekistan, and Azerbaijan would be like Wendy, Marvin and Wonder Dog – it doesn’t matter which is which - since I’m pretty sure none of those actually countries, and were all just invented for the sake of the war, and will be totally ditched for the Wonder Twins when the ratings start to wane and the show needs to reinvent itself.

I’d keep going, but I’m running out heroes that appeared on any of the many incarnations of Super Friends. Thanks to our friends mentioned above, and those in Afghanistan, Albania, Bulgaria, Colombia, Denmark, El Salvador, Estonia, Georgia, Hungary, Korea, Latvia, Lithuania, Macedonia, Nicaragua, Philippines, Poland, and Romania for supporting us. Sorry I don’t know enough about your countries to make fun of them, but seriously, thanks for not being all French about this war.

comments (23)

Most of those 30 countries are supporting because they need the U.S aid and are afraid to lose it if they don't comply to the Bush regime. And the Beatles were 1/4 Ringo, not 1/2 Ringo, as this list of countries is. The large majority of the world's population are still not walking behind the U.S, but who really cares about international law and what other people think anyways? We're big and powerful, who's going to stop us? Who really cares about what the rest of the world thinks? This war benefits us, that's all that matters.

Death toll after night 1: 14.

by The Rev at March 20, 2003 10:09 AM


i agree with the rev, but i thought the death toll was 1 and 14 were injured.

by shannon at March 20, 2003 10:19 AM


The death toll was only one. But why let facts get in the way of a good arguement?

I think I pretty much pointed out that a lot of the countries involved aren't all that impressive. But, if similar countries have a vote in the U.N. Security Council that we were supposed to wait for to make a decision, how come when similar countries actually agree with the United States, and against your beliefs about the war, we are suddenly supposed to ignore their voices?

In a democracy one vote is one vote, no matter who casts it.

But, if we want only want to listen to the voices of the powerful, the coalition is made up of the US, UK, Germany, and Japan, the four largest powers in the world, representing more than 70% of the global economy. Going back to the Beatles analogy - when you've got a songwriting duo like Lennon-McCartney, you could saddle yourself with 100 Ringos and still be the biggest selling artists of all time.

This doesn't have anything to do with just aid. Every country needs U.S. aid. The United Stated offered Turkey an $11 billion development package to let us base troops there. They turned it down. If this was just about aid, why would Japan, Germany, and the U.K. be involved? They have nothing to gain here by joining the coalition. Why would Mexico, Canada, and China, all heavily reliant on trade with the U.S., have decided against being involved? They have everything to gain by joining.

Just because you disagree, doesn't mean other people, other nations, don't see this war a neccessary evil.

by mg at March 20, 2003 10:43 AM


I'm sorry. I'm just a little pissy because, on one hand, we have MG, an innocent civilian, who is able to crack jokes about how funny this fucking war is and how it compares to a cartoon, while in another country, innocent civillians are evacuated from their homes and are living in terror. Tell me again how you care about these people and want them to be liberated? Even the countries that are supporting you, you look your nose down at. YOU ARE NOT BETTER THAN A PERSON IN IRAQ, OR ERITREA OR UZBEKISTAN. So stop acting like it.

Yes, those countries have a vote in the U.N. Yes, 30/180 or so countries support the war. 45 maybe, if you include the 15 countries that "didn't want to be named". But you know what? I could probably poll 180 people on the street on their views about gays, and there is a good chance that 30 are going to be against them. Does that mean that we have the right to do something about those gays?

I'm not ignoring their voices. I'm merely saying they are still a vast minority in the grand scheme of things. Not that it matters these days. Money talks, I guess. But I'm not listening.

by The Rev at March 20, 2003 11:01 AM


I resent the Ringo bashing. Next thing I know you'll be bad-mouthing Harrison, too.

As far as the war is concerned all I have to say is this: I am not in support of it, but I realize most of my arguments, which stem from my pacifist nature, have been repeated over and over, and do not actually offer an alternative solution. Therefore I choose to accept the fact that what is happening had to happen (maybe), and I just wish it to be over and done with as soon as humanly possible.

by Lucy at March 20, 2003 11:36 AM


If you are coming here for news, leave now. I am cracking jokes. I will continue to do so. I live in a city that’s been on high terror alert for two years now. The past several days have seen armed soldiers waiting for me to at the train station each morning, and undercover officers with radiation meters and chemical detectors wandering the city. And, unlike the Americans going into Iraq, when NYC is attacked again, there will be no warning, no opportunity to get away, and no attempt to merely remove our leaders. They will be coming after all of us.

I know a little something about terror. And god damn right I'm going to make jokes. Because I'm human being. We look for joy anywhere we can find it when reality gets too hard to handle. I'm going to crack jokes every opportunity I can today, because anything I can do to make myself happy, I will. I hope people stopping by here can forget, for a minute, the state of the world today, and get happy too.

Don't you think the citizens in Iraq are looking for any reason to laugh this morning? Would you say they were making light of the situation if they managed to find something to laugh about? Did you sit in quiet contemplation all morning? Are you wearing a black veil to honor the dead? No, you stopped by a website called “Bad Samaritan.” Why? You are looking to be entertained, so don’t fucking blame me for trying to do so.

I perfectly understand the seriousness of this situation. Do you hear me cracking jokes about people dying? Am I reveling in death and destruction? I think I’ve been pretty clear that, despite supporting military action in Iraq, I’d love to live in a perfect world where every dispute could be resolved without anyone dying. I’m not making light of that. All I’m making fun of is the lame-ass coalition we've got together.

Still, let's be realistic here, even if the U.N. decided to go into Iraq, you'd still be against the war, because you are against the war. You should be, war sucks. But don't argue that the US is doing this alone when that obviously isn't the case.

by mg at March 20, 2003 11:48 AM


Just for clarification, if the U.N decided to go to war, I'd support it. I support the U.N governing world relations. No, I wouldn't be "for" it (you are right, I am against war). But the fact that at least half of the countries in the U.N thought it was right to go to war, I'd support that cause. If I was alive during the second world war, I'd have supported the Allies wholeheartedly. This is not half the world. This is not the second world war situation. It's 35/180, with the updated numbers. It's a minority with a large amount of power, money and gusto deciding what is right. It's U.S politics. I don't support that.

by The Rev at March 20, 2003 12:50 PM


Personally, I absolutely adored and appreciated the HAWKMAN analogy of Italy, it was right on. I also absolutely appreciate the absurdity of seeing M-16's everyday(I take the 2,3 to Time Square every working day and the Shuttle and those are markee spots to trash.) I agree with neither REV or MG on the UN issue, but I still can't wait to ride the new Batman Rollercoaster in Baghdad as mentioned before. Six Flags will monopolize the Theme Park in Iraq not Disney, I don't know who their parent company is, but buy some now(from me). As for the Argument for Humor, I agree with MG 100%, this ain't the Economist or the WallStreetJournal, and honestly, if you're offended by the POSTS, by all means necessary, NEVER read the COMMENTS that follow.(UNLESS LINZ DECIDES TO EDIT OTHER PEOPLE'S OPINIONS: TALK ABOUT A PARADOX. LINZ, are you a wolf in sheep's clothing, or sheep in wolf's clothing?) STICK TO YOUR GUNS, if you waver like that again, Lockheed won't ever believe you are the TRUE LIBERAL LEFTIST you WANT the public to SEE you AS. heheheheeh ehehe yeah....

by LOCKHEED at March 20, 2003 4:01 PM


huh? Why are you picking on Linz all of a sudden? And how come no one has agreed with me that Ringo is cool? I mean, after all:

"The Beatles were composed of 4 equal elements:

Lennon was the Soul,
McCartney was the Heart,
Harrison was the Spirit, and
Ringo was the Drummer"

Someone has to AT LEAST admit that the movie Caveman was hillarious.

by Lucy at March 20, 2003 4:13 PM


Lockheed, the upright citizen that he is, used a bigoted slur in the comments of one of my posts, which I'm sure is very funny, and totally necessary to convey his point. But, being the uptight, censoring, freedom-oppressor that I am, I edited the word to a harmless alternative.

Which, if he is not a bigot, does not change the meaning of his post whatsoever and prevents hurting people's feelings. And which would be much more appropriate coming from someone who claimed in early emails to me to abhor bigotry.

But, if he is a bigot, I have taken away his voice. I have not allowed him to express his bigotry. I feel really sorry. Really, I thought it was an accident that he would write something so rude so I was just trying to help him be a more socially acceptable human being. Trying to teach him how to interact with people that don't sit in front of the computer and masturbate all day while looking at panthers and smoking crack.

Honestly, he-who-calls-himself-LOCKHEED-usually-in-caps-and-refers-to-himself-in-the-third-person, do you kiss your mother with that mouth??

by Linz at March 20, 2003 4:36 PM


You're RIGHT linz, and also wrong too. Right in that yeah, it was an abrasive term, sorry. But NO, the meaning was changed with your substitute PETA friendly term. And thanks for helping Lockheed adapt to this social existence, he wants more than anything to be a DRONE FRAT BOY. Um, as for the change in words, it was in regards to the THREAT LEVEL being raised. Now, the word FAGGOT in that context, didn't mean slur for GAYS. It was more meant to mean 'PANSY', 'PUSSY', or 'SALLY'. I was just upset because everytime they raise the alert level, the bonds go rip roaring up for about two seconds and that's enough to kill my career. AND HEY! I have to go all the way up to HARLEM to get that crack, so who are you to tell me that I don't INTERACT with other people?

by LOCKHEED at March 20, 2003 5:13 PM


I stand corrected.

Anyway, I know what you MEANT... but I don't sit around using derogatory slurs against Asians to talk about things that piss me off. Would you like it if I did that? I'm overly PC, I know. But really, would you?

by Linz at March 20, 2003 5:26 PM


Honestly, LINZ, I wouldn't care if you said taking out IRAQ is just a CHINK in the ARMOR of hostility in the world. I GUESS LOCKHEED is just so SURE OF HIMSELF and his ABILITIES as a human, that SLURS used in JEST are FUNNY when put in WITTY context. Otherwise, they are just boring like the words, and, if, the, is, etc. however, still not offensive, unless there are used in an argument without merit by a dumb uninformed fucking retard. I mean, mentally challenged, obese, chronically offended, etc. Oh, and I'm sometimes mildly bigoted, but as for GAYS, I don't have an issue with them. In fact, I LET A GUY GIVE ME HEAD BACK IN COLLEGE, while my girlfriend watched, and when I buy her flowers, I stare at the flowers more than she does. So there, I'm not anti-gay, and the gays should be SO SURE of WHO THEY ARE, and NOT INSECURE as to take offense at the word Faggot. ATA MIVEEN, YAFA? And yeah, that's my real email address. Oh, and LOCKHEED is also named ALEXANDER C. LAI. OH, and he lives at 160W71st #16K, oh, and my cell phone is 917-568-8419, oh, and I'll always pay the Consequences of my words, I ACCEPT THAT. AND I keep paying and paying and paying.

by LOCKHEED at March 20, 2003 5:40 PM


I won't touch that, but I do feel good that those Aussies always seem to side with us. A population that can trace their lineage to criminal outcasts must be of some value on the battlefield. Plus I love their accents.

by Anna at March 20, 2003 6:28 PM


HOLY SHYTE>>>>> MG, DOUCH, and all other BadSam Manhattanites, stay on guard, stay AWAY from any Jewish areas, well, if that's possible. WHOA

by LOCKHEED at March 20, 2003 7:03 PM


It's censorship, pure and simple. If one is opposed to Lockheed's comments, it would BENEFIT them to leave the "offensive" word in the original post and attack from there. And why would Lockheed be offended by anti-Asian sentiment? He obviously can't escape his own mind--do you think he is going to argue on behalf of a people who really haven't had it that rough (relatively speaking) in the first place?
I would be shocked if MG does not address this issue further--perhaps after the war. I am not alone when expressing confusion toward the original banning of Lockheed (speak up, folks). However, to MG's "credit" he did not alter any of Lockheeds' posts. Any purveyor of a website--humorous, satirical, or otherwise--should be appalled by this type of censorship. Christ, even HIGH SCHOOL and COLLEGE newspapers state explicitly: "we do not censor anything...any objectionable material will not be published." Maybe Linz should spend A FUCKING WEEK revising the empty, anti-American rhetoric spewed by countless assholes in the archives--but we all know that will never happen. What a tool--disgraceful!
As far as criticizing MG for a "comical" take on Allied support, why not write into the ONION each week and bitch about their TONGUE-IN-CHEEK rendering of world events? "Um, excuse me, ONION--I didn't like the way you handled the 'Turd Scare at the Kremlin' story." Before I leave, probably for good (YYYYAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!), I would like to commend Allied forces for their improvisation and restraint. A brilliant strategy: pull back your fist, grimace, and throw a fake punch. By the way, the U.N. sees many billions of dollars a year from Iraqi oil. Maybe it is a war over oil after all. Later...I have to go burn every copy of HUCK FINN at the library, and stick copies of ROGUE STATE in its place.

by douchenation at March 21, 2003 3:27 AM


I'll bash Harrison. He didn't even play the solo on While My Guitar Gently Weeps. That was Eric Clapton who later stole his wife.

by Anna at March 21, 2003 7:50 AM


Oh no you don't! Harrison was as great a musician as the other 3, and whatever he lacked in the guitar-playing area he more than made up for with his citar playing.

by Lucy at March 21, 2003 8:40 AM


The thing is, Alexander, I was hoping to express my wishes not to have that kind of comment in a post I wrote. I brought my switch to your attention to see what your reaction was, which was to rewrite the word and several others several times. Fine.

My personal opinion on those words is that they are often used as weapons, so they seem tainted to me. They inflict pain. They are the rally cries of bigots. If you want to use them, and if you don't think you're hurting anyone, or if you want to use them because you are a bigot, go to it. I don't have to agree with you. And for the record, I don't.

I don't even try with the 12-year-olds on those old posts because they don't "know" me at all, so why would they care? [Mg on the other hand, thinks that there is hope for them. Which makes me ponder that possibility...] Anyway, I thought you, Alexander, might care. Clearly you don't.

Douchenation, all I can say is if you think that I believe in censorship because of that, you are sorely mistaken. I want to spit nails when I hear that books are not permitted in some schools. What I did & said were a hint to someone who I thought might want to respect me. The way that I respect my grandmother and don't say "fuck" around her because I don't think she'd like that.

The only time I heard those words growing up was from people wanting to hurt others, make them feel inferior, or belittle them behind their backs. I guess that is what's stuck with me. I guess I am "chronically offended," which is a phrase I am definitely going to co-opt. I just want everyone to have equal opportunities and I don't think the existence of bigotry (which sometimes uses derogatory terms to perpetuate itself) allows equal opportunities.

by Linz at March 21, 2003 3:51 PM


I think PJ O'Rourke coined the term "perpetually aggrieved." What a dick.

by Anna at March 21, 2003 4:36 PM


Hey all, I think it sucks that Linz even needs to justify herself here. This site is all about fun, isn't it? Cmon now. Stop bickering. I also think that Linz wants to have a party in my pants. (I'm not even sure what that means, but that's never stopped me before...)

by Eviltom at March 21, 2003 6:19 PM


Damn, I'm late.

Coalition of the willing is a joke. We buy allies, what's to stop them from taking the money and fucking us over, especially when our own budget's stretched tight and our deficit keeps growing? I am glad that the Iraqis are more or less smart enough in most cases to surrender instead of dying for that dick.

MG, hope you don't get killed in an attack. Hell, I hope that for everyone. However, whenever and wherever the next attack comes (my money's on LA or SF or Seattle, where I live) the world will laugh at us and tell us it's our own fault. And of course that will piss us off more.

As a part-time faggot, I support Lockheed's right to use that word. Linz, it was a noble impulse, but unneccessary. Oh, and fuck you, Lockheed. May a million penises enter your every orifice until you explode from all the semen.

Harrison was the coolest Beatle just because he would have been the absolute man in any band in the world except the one he was in. And Ringo was cool because he knew he was Ringo and he still showed up every day and was just thrilled to be there.

Hope that covers everything. Gonna go not watch CNN now. Maybe I'll go get laid.

by Ezrael at March 22, 2003 3:57 PM


Laid? What a concept! Ditto for part-time faggot. You're killing me, Ezrael, even if I find your screen name hard to type.

by Anna at March 22, 2003 5:28 PM