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anna

Devil With A Blue Dress On

by anna at 08:01 PM on March 05, 2003

Back in HS there was a girl we'll call Anita Dick. Since she transferred from Catholic school freshman year, no one had laid eyes on her. Guys made up for lost time by ogling her 24-7. They also spoke aloud of how much they'd like to jump her bones. If rumors were true, many did. Glory holes see less action.

Anita was far from classically beautiful. She was stubby, standing 5'3" in stiletto heels. Her skin was pale as alabaster. Yet she inspired an outpouring of lust. It could have been the way she'd swing one crossed leg in class, an unnerving habit that drove rival girls to fits of jealousy. Or perhaps it was her walk, which was more of a burlesque routine than a means of locomotion. Or else the way her bra strap was forever creeping down her shoulder. Whatever the reason, guys obsessed over Anita and gals despised her. Many tried to emulate her strut nonetheless, to ruinous results.

I've always been intrigued by the illusory nature of sensuality, because it's something you either possess or you don't. When someone is blessed with angelic or finely sculpted looks, it's easy to see why they attract droves of suitors. Ah, but what to make of the Anitas of this world? How come guys get all sweaty and tongue-tied in their presence?

Sensuality shouldn't be confused with beauty. Back in the 50s, Jayne Mansfield was pretty by any standard and she boasted an ample rack. Yet she was overshadowed by Marilyn Monroe, who turned heads faster than Linda Blair's in The Exorcist. Bear in mind that Monroe weighed in @ a hefty 151 lbs at death. Dude, that's Anna Nicole Smith territory!

Humphrey Bogart, Paul Newman, James Dean, Frank Sinatra and Marlon Brando were hardly pretty boys in their primes. Yet women would miss no chance to be bent over car hoods by any of them, preferably one after another. Same goes for such flawed specimens as Jean Harlow, Rita Hayworth, Monroe and Raquel Welch. Who did JFK choose to bone, Monroe or his angelic wife Jackie O?

It's not strictly a matter of animal magetism. Consider Anna Kournikova, whom Maxim readers crowned the hottest chick alive. Surely she wouldn't have qualified were it not for her lackluster tennis career. A whiff of ethnicity helps too. Most folks prefer a NY hussy strutting about on her FMPs to a California girl wandering barefoot across the Santa Monica Pier. Ditto for accents. People fall hard for southern drawls or Brit-speak.

Although it's likely Kournikova falls into the ditzy blonde category, that alone can't explain it. You don't have to be a moron to exude sensuality. In fact, Monroe was rumored to be well-read and quite articulate. She also abhorred blowing studio execs to garner roles.

I think a shaved head on guys conveys a devilish streak ladies find irresistible. Not so with comb-overs. Tattoos serve the same purpose on chicks, whereas track marks do not. Nothing says "I intend to steal your watch once you fall asleep" like track marks. Similarly, gaunt, vacant-eyed fashion models exude all the seductivenenss of a lukewarm pus bath. I daresay sex with then is less gratifying than post-mortem lovin'. Indeed, if the corpse is freshly deceased and still twitching, it might prove better. Plus all models smoke and that's disgusting.

I am curious about this whole sexiness-despite-glaring-flaws phenomena. What qualities stiffen rods, moisten laps and send hearts aflutter? Who among today's cookie-cutter star pool embodies these X-factor traits? Surely not haughty Gwyneth Paltrow or cutie-pie Meg Ryan. That is, unless she's faking an orgasm or thrusting her dainty, manicured fingers down Russell Crowe's trousers. Same goes for clean-cut Tom Cruise in Minority Report.

Well, what say you?

comments (18)

I dated a girl who thought Steve Buscemi was attractive which makes me wonder what she saw in me. When I think about it, I can’t put my finger on what it was about her that drove me nuts. She was weird sexy the way David Bowie is. She did have that look of a pulp fiction cover art girl, though. Attraction is a strange thing.

As for Anita, she was a Catholic school girl who put out. If she was on the cheerleader squad too … God help those boys.

by MrBlank at March 5, 2003 8:20 PM


I would have to say Angie Dickenson has to be JFKs best "conquest." Myself, I would have been too busy with Jackie-O to leave the bedroom much less run a country. Grrrrrr!!

by Ezy at March 5, 2003 8:25 PM


Anita was a cheerleader briefly but she got kicked off the squad after a certain keg party got out of hand. She... never mind. I didn't know JFK nailed Dickenson too. Men are such dogs!

by Anna at March 5, 2003 8:31 PM


Hmm. I like the necro-paragraph... Quite simply, there's Sexy, and there's Elegant(or Pretty), put together you get Beautiful. One part Sexy, one part Elegant... makes applesauce, and makes guys not only lusty, but woozy and boyish. And makes the woman the Captain. I'd take Elegant over sexy any day though. I'm much more into the scent of a woman's neck...and hair...and soft skin... you'll stay as beautiful....with dark hair... it makes me come with much more gratification and less sin, may I light your cigarette. Anna, I have to say, your posts are still my favorite. I mean, you got fellas and sallys in here, writing nice stuff, but afraid to let it out, don't know why, because their youngins'... like their in a straightjacket... don't know why...

by LOCKHEED at March 5, 2003 11:11 PM


Raquel Welch in that prehistoric movie was hot as fuck. What was it, 100,000 Years BC?
There are comic-book hot girls, like Pam Anderson, but their looks transcend beauty, approaching sterility. Angelina Jolie's gigantic, perpetually-chapped lips do it for me--I will moisten them lovingly, my dear. And she's not the prettiest actress by any means, she just exudes "fuck me...fuck me...ha ha just kidding." That drives me up a wall.
I have to disagree on the smoking thing. I know that girls who smoke will eventually resemble Yogi Berra's Little League catcher's mitt, but I think it's hot.

by douchenation at March 6, 2003 2:05 AM


Wow. Douche and Lockheed you guys are dead-on. Elegence (sp) isn't necessarily sexy but it's the combination of the two that is commonly known as beauty. As for that cheesy movie, it ran here recently. The station was so cheap they didn't run subtitles. When the actors would grunt to one another, you had no idea what they were saying. That made it all the better.

by Anna at March 6, 2003 7:44 AM


Hmmm...
I like confidence myself. Confidence is like an airbrush as far as making someone more attractive. Conversely, lack of confidence is an ugly stick...

by Linz at March 6, 2003 9:43 AM


I went over to www.anybirthday.com to see if there were people actually named Anita Dick. Apparently, a whole bunch of people have this name.

by Eviltom at March 6, 2003 11:43 AM


don't forget about the four ben dovers...tragically, there are no seymore butz.

by JC at March 6, 2003 11:58 AM


and 5 mike hunts...poor bastards

by JC at March 6, 2003 12:00 PM


So there was this radio station that would give prizes to listeners if they went to public places (like Walmart, the Airport) and had customer service announce something like "Mike Hunt, your party is waiting for you at the service desk." I never got the joke until years later when someone explained it to me.

by mg at March 6, 2003 12:39 PM


Confidence...I guess if Linz saw me she'd turn to stone. Heard the best fake name the other night: a Greek guy...Harry Paratestes.

by douchenation at March 6, 2003 1:04 PM


Seems yet another post has been highjacked--at least no one was selling tickets.

by douchenation at March 6, 2003 2:19 PM


I've been considering the same subject in the past week. Mostly becuase I have an old beau who's resurfaced who is the embodiment of sexy, while my recent ex just isnt'. What is it about the older boyfriend that is just plain GRRR? Both are attractive, with a good build. But the hotboy has something special, a swagger, a scent, confidence yes, but not quite. I don't know but it is yummy.

by sydney at March 6, 2003 2:48 PM


Eviltom, you'll never believe this. The girl I referred to was actually named Theresa. But, I swear, there was gal in my class named Anita Dick. True 2 her name, she was indeed a filthy whore. And yeah, it's another post hijacked. That's what they are there for.

by Anna at March 6, 2003 6:14 PM


How about my ex-wife's, "Sharon Cocks". Or her good friends name, "Peter Goesinya".

by Mike at July 30, 2003 8:43 AM


That rocks Mike. How did you keep from laughing hysterically whenever they were together. I would've lost it.

by Ezy at July 30, 2003 11:01 AM


It could be argued that the reason we find people "sexy" instead of beautiful is because we arent paying attention to the things we're used to. To illustrate my point, a guy will scan a girl ... spot her legs, her ass, her stomach then her boobs (not in that order! lol) and sometimes even her face ... then decide if she's hot. If those things are average, but he still finds her very sexy ... he's confused. The things that made her that way were more discreet though ... it's the way she's standing perhaps, or the "not so innocent smile" on her lips. There's a subtle balance between innocence and trashy that men find irresistable. Women are the same, but they're not looking for trash ... they're searching for that "dangerous bad boy" that will treat her like a lady in public and a whore in the bedroom ... go figure! lol Nice guys really do finish last in the bedroom!

by Pyro at July 30, 2003 12:23 PM