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The Decline of Western Civilization Pt. 1,976,703 Ch. 11 "Joe Millionaire"
by effenheimer at 10:05 AM on January 09, 2003
The evidence against evolution piled higher this week as FOX premiered its latest reality-based television show. The program, “Joe Millionaire,” is similar in format to FOX’s “Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?” with the following differences: the eligible bachelor makes only $19,000 in any given year and none of the women participating will be told this until they “win” the contest.
I would like to say I am constantly amazed at how little our species has progressed over the millennia, but I’m not really that surprised. After watching a few hours of FOX, FOXNews, FX and even the Fox Family Channel, one becomes inured to all forms of jejuneness. That a man who has no pot to piss in should be dangled in front of 20 women as though he were worth $50 million so we can enjoy her ultimate humiliation is chicken feed when compared to the drunken debacle that is “The Anna Nicole Show.”
We will be on the inside of this gag from the start and that gives the theme of “Joe Millionaire” a slightly more upfront and obvious cruelty other shows have lacked.
Part of me can’t wait to see the look on the face of the gold-digger who wins. I will no doubt see her disappointment as self-imposed and well-deserved ... should I choose to watch all of this realness.
While reality TV seems like a fairly modern trend, there has always been reality television and reality films before that. They were called “documentaries.” Of course, the term “documentary” sounds boring and – God-forbid – educational. “Reality-based television” is merely an au currant marketing term to make documentaries sound more hip and cool to people who wouldn’t watch an hour on Roman bacchanalias, but don’t mind seeing three 19-year-old doofuses befoul the waters of their new 8-person hot tub in the premiere episode of “The Real World-Las Vegas.”
Talk about divergent evolution. Since the advent of “reality TV,” these low-rent documentaries about strangers living together in odd places have given way to more and more bizarre gameshow-style themes with people being voted off and out and winners getting the big prize. “The Mole,” “Fear Factor,” “Survivor,” “Big Brother,” “World’s Scariest Places,” “The Island,” “The Osbournes” and – coming soon – a CBS reality show based on “The Beverly Hillbillies” that has Appalachian Advocacy groups up in arms. Who knew they had advocacy groups?
The list goes on and likely WILL go on ad nauseum until the evermore sharply declining shame spiral we call American televison becomes nothing more than a wasteland of programs that show contestants betting on how long it takes them to make babies cry and prisoners fighting to the death for a few days reduced sentence. Oh, and cheap Japanese animation, of course, that stuff isn't going anywhere any time soon.
comments (14)
I heard on the radio that he actually only makes 12k/year but that the producers fidged it to make it moderately less pathetic. He also apparently makes a small side income as a model.
by Muad'Dib at January 9, 2003 3:42 PM
I inadvertently saw those pics on a late night episode of Access Hollywood. He's an underwear model. gah. I think they're also on that 'Smoking Gun' website.
by quicksilver at January 9, 2003 4:37 PM
In my opinion beauty isn't in the eye of the beholder. Ask 100 people and they'll all tell you Catherine Zeta-Jones is hot. What's more, those who are beautiful know it. Those who aren't do too. So what gets me about Joe Millionaire, The Bachelor etc. is the fact that most of the contestants are outright skanks without a snowball's chance in hell of being chosen. Why then would they degrade themselves for nothing?
by Anna at January 9, 2003 6:02 PM
not for nothing...they're on tv, and as such, have a small shot at "getting noticed." they're whoring themselves out, but i wouldn't say it's for nothing.
by JC at January 9, 2003 6:39 PM
Personally, I have yet to endure an episode of any "reality television" series. People on television in their "natural habitats" are, presumably, extraordinarily boring. My thirst for base human behavior and conflict can be quenched by a trip to any corner grocery in my neighborhood. The mere presence of the cameras (in these shows) negates any credibility of the cast members' actions.
As far as "Joe Millionaire" is concerned, I would take the meager salary in exchange for his looks and charisma. I think it's safe to say this guy gets laid on a semi-hourly basis. Fox missed the boat on this one; they should have used an ugly guy, first of all. Obviously chicks are going to get moist over a hunk worth $50 million. Watching them soak and fight over a fucking troll would have been way better, though. If I was on a show with the opportunity to bang Tera Patrick, her annual income would be the last thing on my mind--I'D MAKE IT HAPPEN, BABY! If the chick "up for grabs" happened to be Kathy Bates, however, I would demand to see a bank statement before removing a stich of clothing. Anyway, the only interesting moment in the whole series will be the woman's reaction to his actual economic status. Let me know what happens...
by douchenation at January 9, 2003 9:56 PM
Does anyone want to make a bet that the winner will NOT be an ethnic person? I was surprised to see a 'blue-collar' worker excercise his awareness of political correctness by making sure in the FIRST episode, to choose at least one black girl and one asian girl. A valid point in social dynamics, not another fascist race war post for the CO's. I wonder if BET has its own reality series with black bachelors?
by LOCKHEED at January 10, 2003 1:34 AM
No, I wouldn't take that bet. Indeed, until recently, that very same wink-and-a-nod brand of bigotry was @ play in the Miss America pageant.
by Anna at January 10, 2003 7:41 AM
maybe he just wants to bang a black/asian chick? frankly, i doubt he could do anything to win on that issue. had he "been honest" and chosen only white chicks, he would have been a bigot and if he picks the tokens, he's a bigot. i think it only confuses the issues to bring PC into this show.
CNN wa talking about some old shows that were about this bad. one from the 50s had people competing for prizes based on how sad their stories were. the audience voted between several sad stories and the winner was "Queen for a Day" because her 7 children and upcoming surgery were sadder than the next lady's kid with asthma, can't afford medicine story.
point being people have always been sick. I think we knew that, but as the sickness comes aroud again, I think we are all entitled to dissect it, abhor it, mock it or whatevr it takes to encourage a bit of evolution. claiming superiority because one chooses to ignore it is just psuedo-intellectual posturing.
by eff at January 10, 2003 9:48 AM
Totally agreed eff. These shows are interesting as hell, and saying you aren't interested in real life, even the made up real life of all of these shows is really pretty ridiculous. Personally, I don't see a damn thing interesting about a underwear model lying to girls; I could go to just about any New York City bar and see the same thing. The one thing you never get to see, though, is when the girl finally learns the truth. So, I'll be ignoring Joe Millionaire until the last episode, when I'll be glued to the TV.
by mg at January 10, 2003 10:32 AM
My favorite part of The Bachelor II was when both of the Asian girls that made it to round 2 stood up and announced that they had no interest at all in this guy because he was, let's be honest, a total skuzzbucket and the southern belles that were going on and on about how great he was were skanks. Also stupid. Mostly the second one.
Remember The Dating Game? Remember how, when the bachelor/bachelorette was white, that all of the contestants would be white? And the same if he/she was black? Virtually nothing has changed.
by Adam at January 10, 2003 2:49 PM
MG, I genuinely have no interest in those programs. Really. The extent of my "reality television" viewing is the improvisational Curb Your Enthusiasm on HBO, and the occasional video of Stuttering John asking Ted Williams if he ever farted in the catcher's face.
Although I'm pretty sure it's me Eff is ripping for "pseudo-intellectual posturing," I have to agree with his take on the irrelevance of PC on Joe Millionaire. A lot of this shit must arise from guilty consciences. Is it really the job of some schmuck to promote racial diversity on a television show so utterly retarded? Why don't people give shitstains like Christina Aguilera flack when they publicly state a preference for Black men? Is this offensive to males of other ethnicities, or just condescending to Black men? You just can't win.
In choosing to ignore a show like "Joe Millionaire," I do not recall claiming superiority. There are few things I DON'T think about so, forgive me--I'm going to ignore that show and others like it. To me, the concept of reality television is like sending yourself a postcard to your hotel room while on vacation. Furthermore, the original post I responded to bemoaned the "evidence against evolution," and the fact no one wants to watch documentaries anymore. Why am I the one posturing?
by douchenation at January 12, 2003 3:22 AM
That's a lot to digest. Douchenation mentioned a tape o Stuttering John harassing celebs. I'd love to see a compendium of that action. Like that classic time he cornered some snob and stammered, "So, du-du do you blame them for everything?" Reply: "Who?" "The-the-the...Jews." Long, uncomfortable silence, followd by a Sensible Answer to a nonsensical question.
by Anna at January 12, 2003 11:08 AM
Hmm. Interesting. I like my coffee Black.
Since there are no new posts, I was wondering if ANNA should have her own section on the Left Margin of the Site, called DEAR ANNA, like a DEAR ABBY commentary. And then she could answer all of our questions with the heart of an unconditional mother....
Anna, girl, before you go now, I want you to know now, that I still love you so, but if he loves you more, go with him...
...Anna...just one more thing girl...
...you give back your ring to me...and I will set you free... go with him...
aannnaa.... aaannnnaaa...
by LOCKHEED at January 12, 2003 3:30 PM
Stuttering John...Hero of the Stupid.
Lockheed and Anna could be the next Captain and Teneille.
by douchenation at January 12, 2003 4:15 PM