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mg

fuck me? hey vonnegut, fuck you!

by mg at 11:48 AM on January 14, 2003

I’ve been thinking about heading back to school for almost as long as I’ve been out of school. I’ve been looking forward to this since before I even finished my graduate school application. And in just a couple days now, I’ll finally be heading back to school. Being a student again means I won’t have to worry about being a productive member of society for at least two more years, but with the prospect of homework, and reading, and tests – oh my! - I’m scared shitless.

It’s been three years since I’ve done anything vaguely academic, and, unlike sex (something else I haven’t done in three years), school isn’t like riding a bike. I’m terrified I’ve forgotten how to be a student. Which is really strange considering I spent 18 years of my very short life in school, and during that time I could hardly imagine any life besides homework, books and teacher’s dirty looks.

But, these three years off, they’ve made all the difference. I never made it over to the ‘Nam. I didn’t even go to Gulf War I. But, working really changed me. The real world (finally) made me a man. There is such freedom you gain from work. I’m really not sure if I can handle going back to school after living in the real world.

Sure, much of this time, I haven’t even had a damn job, but, how can I be expected, after all these years, to show up at a certain place and time for three whole classes a week? It’s going to be torture. It means I can only sleep late four days a week. Actually I can sleep late five days a week, since one of my classes isn’t until 6:30 pm, and I am usually up by then. But, still, starting next week I can only sleep late five days a week. It’s going to be torture.

And, unlike meetings at work, I’m going to actually have to pay attention in class. Instead of just playing Mahjong on my PDA while pretending to write things down and look interested, I’m going to actually write things down and be interested. Sure, I could probably still play games, but I probably should pay attention, because I might actually be required to remember and use the information I’m being given in the future, which is so different from work.

Seriously, has anyone ever been in a work meeting that was productive? And, in those rare situations that one is, someone has been tasked with writing up a summary of the meeting with a bulleted list of action items. I’m pretty sure no one does that for you in grad school. I bet there aren’t even students paid to take notes to sell at one of those off campus copy centers. This is going to be so hard.

I can’t even image what it’s going to be like to have to hand in papers again. At work, clients have to accept the projects I hand in, even if my work is sloppy and awful, because they are being charged several hundred dollars an hour for my time, and they don’t have the money to pay me to redo it the way they really wanted. If I hand in a crappy assignment in graduate school, I’m pretty much screwed; that shit goes on your permanent record.

Yeah, I’m heading back to school. Pray for me.

comments (13)

Ah, brings to mind those horrible dreams (I still have 5 year out of school) of missing a class for an entire semester and not remembering about it until the day of the final.

Good luck, hopefully I'll be joining you in a year or so. I still don't know how you managed to get into grad school so quickly.

by sydney at January 14, 2003 12:02 PM


I'd be happy to demonstrate my sympathy by kicking your spoiled ass!

by Linz at January 14, 2003 12:59 PM


last time i was in school was after a stint in the real world. it worked well. the maturity level develped after so many years of bs work meetings makes you appreciate school more. i did much better in my last stint, as you may or may not have been aware.

the first time i was at ISU was a waste of years. i got more out of my last three years at ISU then out of all the other years combined. sad but true.

and as for studying, it ain't no thing. learning is wasted on children who think of it as a hassle. college students are an extention of that childishness, but as an adult you can really get something out of it. enjoy it my man, just don't use it to relive all the drinking you did the first time.

by eff at January 14, 2003 2:12 PM


*Sniff* Lockheed is going to miss you. For the first time, *Sniff* Lockheed is at a loss of words...
*Sniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiffffffffffffffff* oh yeah, now I'm really high!!!!

by LOCKHEED at January 14, 2003 6:06 PM


Sydney, might as well get used to it. I've been out 20 years and I'm still plagued by that exact same dream. And no MG, I've never attended a productive meeting. Talk about an oxymoron.

by Anna at January 14, 2003 6:20 PM


I only started having those dreams after i left school. Maybe now they'll stop.

And Lock, I'm not going anywhere. What makes you think that 6 whole hours of class a week is going to mean I have to stop writing here? I'll probably end up writing way more, just as a way of procrastinating on the whole "studying" thing.

And yeah, I agree Eff. I took one year off as undergrad and after that year off, I definitly appreciated being in school more. Sure, that year off was working an overnight shift at Target, so who wouldn't appreciate being in school more.

by mg at January 14, 2003 7:24 PM


Proper. You worked at 'Tar-jaiieah'. That's the high class, high maintenance way to say 'Target' stores. Thanks for the peace of mind.

by Lockheed at January 14, 2003 9:44 PM


you're going to do soooo well. especially if you get one of those hot chicks to help you out. then, you'll get the hang of school and sex... or was it bicycle riding???

by überchick at January 14, 2003 10:11 PM


I applied for a job at Target once and they offered me the night stocking shift. I turned it down. I ended up moving summer camp kids in and out of the dorms all summer. Church camp kids are the brattiest shits in the world. The Art camp kids were cool when they weren't trying to pick fights with the football camp or having sex in closets. I think I chose the right job.

It's been three years since I graduated and I still have those dreams of forgetting to go to a class all semester and being clueless at the final. Oh well, at least I never had that dream where you go to school naked.

Have you thought about getting a job at the university you are going to? The one I work at pays for 75% of any class I take there. I really should look into some classes.

by MrBlank at January 15, 2003 12:22 AM


Sydney, I've had that dream, except it really happened, and I remembered the class. I just 'forgot' about the attending-it part. Still did well on the final though. Ah, multiple choice.... Of course, the other few classes I practiced this practice with didn't go as well.

by Adam at January 15, 2003 9:07 AM


The permanent record...it's the "wait 'til your father gets home" of the educational system.
My mother wants me to go to law school. I've had enough subjectivity in a classroom setting--enough postmodernism, circular desk arrangements and "Socratic Seminars." In other words, I can't cut it--not the work, just "it." Kudos, MG, for you are braver than I. Good luck, Godspeed, and make it so. ["braver than I" not intended as a back-handed compliment.]

by douchenation at January 16, 2003 2:33 AM


Wow, I haven't been to Bad samaritan in a long time, don't ask cause I can't tell...lol. y'all probably won't remember me, but that's cool I can start all over.

Congratulations on returning to school, that's a big responsibility, but one I'm sure you'll be able to handle. I too am trying to return to school, yet being a member of the military seems to be a deterrant to scholastic admittance. I signed up for classes at the local community college, but then I got word from my commander that we're up for mobilization, so I'm like F*ck, and I go to the school and withdraw, I could write more, but this isn't the forum to dump my crap out on.

Thanks for keeping this site around, I used to love reading here and I will do so again I'm sure. best of luck in your academic endeavors!

by Hugh at January 20, 2003 12:31 AM


Just noticed this post from the "On this day" feature and thought it'd be worthwhile to note that the title came from the underated Rodney Dangerfield film Back to School. One of the very few times I've ever used anything but a song lyric as a post title.

And that ends tonights edition of "Pop Up Video" on VH1.

by mg at January 14, 2005 9:49 PM