« and when the samba played the sun would set so high ring through my ears and sting my eyes | Main | sometimes you think you're gonna get it but you don't and that's just the way it goes »
Fritter And Waste The Hours In An Offhand Way
by anna at 09:32 AM on January 26, 2003
I'm constantly hounding my son about wearing deodorant. He's 12, yet hasn't quite grasped that deodorant application is an everyday obligation. I do this because I want him to be accepted by his peers. I want him to enjoy a healthy social life. I do not want him brooding alone.
When your child has a tough go of it socially, it's as if it is happening to you. Childhood traumas come flooding back. You reel in the agony of a sucker-punch to the gut. Your head is stuffed into a grimy toilet bowl anew.
Children's cruelty knows no bounds, and misfits bear the brunt of it. Thus the question isn't why Columbine occured but why schoolyard massacres aren't more commonplace.
And that's why I hate that dating service commercial where the priest implores the congregation to voice any objections they may have to an impending marriage. A man sheepishly allows that he's gotten quality dates as a result of his affiliation with match.com. Emboldened by his admission, others follow suit. The underlying premise being that loneliness is a shameful condition, a scourge to be combated.
It's no surprise that such terms as "loner," "aloof," "hermit" and "austerity" carry negative stigmas. Greta Garbo raised eyebrows with her "I want to be alone" pronouncement. (Actually she said, "I want to be left alone," but that's nitpicking.) Fact is, sociable types hold their bashful counterparts in disdain. Those who'd rather go it alone are considered defective in a way. People assume that if they could forge relationships, they would.
Conversely, I relish my time alone. I fritter away untold hours surfing the porn-strewn Net, which by definition is done by oneself. I also love to soak in the bathtub, working crossword puzzles that inevitably wind up sopping wet. It is hard to do a wet crossword.
One day, while online alone doing research for my book, I chanced upon this. (The actual site doesn't exist anymore, or at least I couldn't find it.) At first I thought, what could be any more ridiculous than a club for recluses? But the more I pondered it, the more sense it made. Just because one prizes time alone doesn't mean he or she shuns all human contact. Even loners crave companionship sometimes; which is why we're hosting a Super Bowl shindig today. Red-hot chili! Buffalo wings with blue cheese dip! Beer!
comments (7)
CNN says there's been more violence in Israel. Lockheed says he's in Tel Aviv. He almost always adds a comment to my posts. There are no comments here. So hopefully he's ok. Or else maybe it's this internet worm that's going around.
by Anna at January 26, 2003 2:21 PM
I can speak as one that used to cry to my mom a lot as a kid because the other kids were mean, but who turned out okay. I know it killed her though, at the time. You moms have it rough.
Not that that is the point where your post ended, but that's where it began, anyway. The loner thing, I can't relate to personally, though I always think loners are kind of badass. They aren't needy.
by Linz at January 27, 2003 9:37 AM
Loners used to be cool. And then that "he always kept to himself" / serial killer cliche caught on, and now loners are scary. I can't imagine the terror a group of loners might inflict on the world.
by mg at January 27, 2003 9:40 AM
props for the floyd reference. and as far as i'm concerned, people who aren't good at being alone have dependency issues that they need to deal with. (yeah, i just ended a sentence with a preposition...wipe that smirk off your face.) the trick is to balance the being alone with socializing...because it seems, as with anything, that too much of something is bad for you. you just gotta find the happy medium (and i'm not talking about chipper psychics.)
by JC at January 27, 2003 12:19 PM
Thanks for the input, y'all. I was a little apprehensive about posting this for the exact reason MG cited. JC, I think sentences should end with prepositions whenever possible. "...with which they must deal" sounds forced. As for the childhood cruelty thing, I myself was on both ends of it. It puts you in a position to be a moderating influence to bullies, and that's kind of cool.
by Anna at January 27, 2003 6:48 PM
Thanks again Anna. Well, I guess I'll post on this topic and Eff's. Is he an only child? Age 12 going on 13 is somewhat crucial, if he is going to leave his old school and interact with many new people. It's a good time to start fresh, and it's vitally important. I've always been a loner, and I know that all I had to do was have an outside observer tell me that, and I could have stopped the snowball effect before it became irreversible. I say it negatively, in that, like JC said, I have a rather lopsided imbalance with social activities, and it does make me not just a 'loner' but 'lonely', and that is when a lot of damage can be done to oneself and loved ones. He's gotta learn some sports too maybe. But if not, and he stays the same, then DAMMIT, let him be! He'll become like me! A rugged optimist, he will be well-equipped to deal with conflict, succeed and thrive in his chosen field, women will be attracted to him, but after the first meeting, if at all, he will unwillingly turn them away, a comment, a look, an aura, the one of major depression, all vitality flees from this beast.
And he will be alone... I for one, would give it all up, all the money, all the achievements, if it meant that I would not be alone. Segway into EFF's, basically, I described the state of the Freak on the other side of the date. That's me, so if anybody who dated me(which is rare), they should post an article. Toda... Sharon won obviously, nothing is going to change just yet.
by Alphaheed(lock) at January 29, 2003 7:14 PM
He's not an only child but his sisters are older so he might as well be. And yes, he'll be going to a new school soon. It will be a chance to begin anew. Fortunately, he does have a circle of friends and does play sports. The problem is, he complains bitterly of boredom when alone but won't seek out others.
by Anna at January 30, 2003 7:41 AM