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bad news: catching up with george w.
by mg at 06:36 PM on January 31, 2003
MG: As the web's most trusted source for news and information, we here at Bad Samaritan, reporting from the news desk of the BNN, have been granted an exclusive interview with President George W. Bush following Tuesday night’s State of the Union Address. Thank you for joining us Mr. President.
GWB: Thank you for inviting me. I love your site. It's part of what I like to call the World "Wild" Web. Bad Samaritan is my start page. I just wish the other authors posted more.
MG: So do I Mr. President. My first question has to do with Universal Health Care, which was a major issue during the Clinton administration, but has seemed to disappear from public debate since you took office. Speaking as someone who has been without health insurance for 2 years, I'm wondering what you plan to do to insure all Americans have access to medical care?
GWB: Americans are healthier than ever today. That Jared guy is a perfect example; he didn’t need a doctor, all he needed was a sandwich. If you eat right and use home remedies you don’t need medical care. Just look at Dickie, he's got a battalion of doctors and they ain't none of them been able to fix his faulty ticker.
MG: During the 2000 campaign you said you'd be the "education president." Yet, education programs have continued to lose funding. How do you explain the discrepancy?
GWB: Uh?
MG: Discrepancy, it means the difference between what you've said and what you've done.
GWB: Oh! Discrepancy. I know words.
MG: Yes you do. The question Mr. President?
GWB: You know I believe all children are special. But we got bigger fish to fry. What good is a textbook gonna be if Iraq decides to invade the United States?
MG: I don't think Iraq could possibly inva...
GWB: 'Sides I never finished college and look where I am?
MG: Mr. President, you graduated from Yale. You got an MBA from Harvard.
GWB: Really? The 70s are kind of a haze to me. The 80s and most of the 90s too. Apparently I owned a baseball team too. Seriously, I don’t remember that at all man. Those most have been some good times.
MG: Speaking of ingesting deadly chemicals, you announced on Tuesday night that you are beginning a $1.2-billion Freedom Fuel initiate the development of a national hydrogen fueling system.
GWB: Some of dad’s friends have started up Hydrogen refinery. Or, however they make hydrogen. I’m not exactly sure the science of it all, but I do know none of them Arab’s have any Hydrogen. Wait, Fleischer is waving at me… what’s that Ari? Oh, right, I’m supposed to say something about people always accusing me of not caring about that environment. That’s just silly - I love all God’s creatures. Is that right guys?
MG: Since you bring up God, many people feared when you were elected that your strong religious beliefs would threaten the boundaries between church and state. It hasn’t seemed to be the case so far, but what do you say to allay those people’s fear?
GWB: Well, religion is a personal thing. I can't tell anyone else what to believe but He is my savior. All the decisions I make are became of him. As dark as things may be for me, the President, and for the country He will guide us. And in 2004 when it is time for reelection, I know He will make sure I remain your President.
MG: Thanks for joining me Mr. President, and thank you at home. Next week my guest will be talking North Korean General Secretary Kim Jong Il and we'll be discussing the first few weeks American Idol. Good night, and have a safe tomorrow.
comments (5)
MG, you didn't ask him any intra-Israeli-american Jewry questions. At the very least, ask Kim Jong what he thinks. Jehovah came in a u.f.o, and they'll all be back, the aliens, I mean angels... soon... the volatile times we live in now... these things must and shall come to pass, but don't worry, there will be proper peace afterwards.
by Alphaheed(lock) at February 1, 2003 12:49 AM
Hey GWB, you sure have a way with words. Particularly your latest warning to any Iraqi general who'd follow orders from his commander-in-chief: He' ll be, "treated, tried and persecuted as a war criminal." A Freudian slip perhaps?
by Anna at February 1, 2003 10:00 AM
Since you brought up the subject of government, does anyone know what happened with this bill?
by Lucy at February 1, 2003 8:35 PM
Lucy: As a New Yorker I can say that Charles Rangel is a complete dumbass, on this and so many other issues. It's true, the military population may predominantly skew toward underprivledged (read: minority), but I read an article just this (and I wish I could remember exactly it was) that said during the Gulf War the frontlines were made up of a mix much more similar to that of the general U.S. population.
Secondly, Rangel's only purpose in submitting this bill is to force people to take an interest in foreign policy. Perhaps the reason why 18-26 year olds aren't up in arms about the possible war in Iraq is because, onlike Rangel, they don't unilaterally disaprove of it. I'm always infuriated that whenever the populace doesn't take up someone's cause, they assume it must be because that populace is apathetic, rather than that they just don't care as much about an issue as you do.
by mg at February 1, 2003 9:16 PM
That may be so, MG, but what if his proposed bill passes? It's stupid things like that which can make radical changes, even if the person proposing the change is an complete dumbass, you know. I haven't heard or read anything about it since, though, so I don't know whether to be worried or relieved.
by Lucy at February 3, 2003 10:02 AM