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This is as straight as my face gets
by doyce at 11:49 AM on November 14, 2002
The United States and Britain warned their citizens Wednesday to avoid a camel bazaar in western India because of the risk of terrorist activity.
"That's right," one British spokesperson said to a group of sniggering reporters. "I said 'camel bazaar' -- yes, a real terrorist thre -- oh, honestly, you bloody... quit laughing!"
As near as the reporters were able to determine (what with the distraction from all the chuckling and head-shaking and asking themselves what else Britain and the U.S. would think up to add to the pile of directionless dread they seem hellbent on heaping on the general public to keep the war-fervor high), the centuries-old bazaar is held annually in the desert town of Pushkar, in Rajasthan state some 200 miles southwest of New Delhi, putting it about 1600 miles east-by-northeast of Friggin' Nowhere. Hundreds of thousands of camels, horses and cattle are sold during the fair, which has become a popular tourist event.
"Well it has," one U.S. spokesperson, nearly reduced to tears, shouted over the resurgent peals of helpless laughter from the pressbox. "It has so become a popular tourist event."
"While we have no indication of a specific threat to American citizens, we advise that they should avoid this event," the U.S. Embassy statement said of the Pushkar bazaar. "Not as though we need to say that, really. Seriously, there isn't any more chance that American tourists will be visiting a camel bazaar in Pushkar than there is of a salient thought pushing it's way to the front of GW's head... wait, is this mic still on?"
The British Embassy issued a similar advisory about the camel bazaar. "Pushkar fair which starts on Friday 15 November, is assessed as being a potential target of terrorist activity," the British statement said, calling upon all the famed British stiff upper lippedness in the entire genepool to keep a straight face.
Neither embassy said what terrorist group posed a threat at Pushkar -- as yet they've been unable to find a legitimate terrorist group even willing to admit they know where the bazaar is at.
"You can't be serious, Pushkar?" one alleged terrorist muttered. "Great Merciful Allah, they're really reaching now, y'know?"
comments (4)
Maybe it's the camels themselves that pose the threat. Always wondered what they've got going on in those humps---a cache of C-4 perhaps?
by anna nimez at November 14, 2002 2:33 PM
I love this morning's latest on CNN.com...
"Amid rising fears of Al Qaeda resurgence, a federal law enforcement bulletin warns the group may be planning "spectacular attacks" in the U.S. that will cause "mass casualties" and "severe damage" to the economy. The warning is not specific and has not prompted an upgrade in the terror threat level."
Nonspecific warning of SPECTACULAR attacks! STUPENDOUS attacks people! Freakin FABULOUS, WONDERIFFIC! Uh, mass casualties? Maybe. Where? Uhm, we don't know, really... but keep your threat level on violet!
by Linz at November 15, 2002 10:34 AM
something else of mine is violet.
by Eviltom at November 15, 2002 10:40 AM
eek!
by Linz at November 15, 2002 11:59 AM