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war has shattered many a young man's dreams, made him disabled, bitter, and mean
by mg at 12:23 PM on October 15, 2002
I think I want to become a warblogger. It seems like that is what all the cool kids are doing, and the surest way of getting yourself written about in Wired.
Forget about quality original content, just bitch about that darn Ashcroft or those damn Arabs for long enough and people are bound to flock to your site. It seems an easy road to super stardom. Or at least web superstardom.
But, as easy as it seems, I think I’ve got one major stumbling block to the whole warblogging thing; I really couldn’t care less about politics. I’m a registered Republican, much to most people’s surprise, but when it comes down to it I’m pretty middle of the road. I choose Republican over Democrat less because of agreement with GOP ideals than disagreement with the kinds of people who make up the leftist majority; I’m a Republican solely because most Democrats annoy me.
Sure, I could belong to one of the third parties, but I’d like to actually be on the winning team, at least occasionally. With one of the big two parties I get to win at least 50% of the time. Besides, I don’t really care about politics or issues, remember, why would I join the Right to Life or Green or parties? To hang out at conventions with those hot Nader-groupies?
If anyone’s ever gotten into a political debate with me, they might find it strange to say I don’t care about politics since I get as heated about a topic as someone with actual opinions. I’ll argue passionately about any topic, but, within a matter of minutes I can switch from contending that Palestinians have every right to be pissed off at Israel, to maintain that Israeli military action is a perfectly justified response to Palestinian attacks. It all depends on who I’m talking to and where their passions lie.
Yes, I’m that guy.
It really infuriates people who try to have discussions with me since I’ll always take the opposing side, no matter what that side might be. Child porn? All for it. Nationalizing all corporations? Preach on comrade. Ethnic cleansing? Count me in. Cleaning up the environment? I’m so there, dude.
Now, despite what you might think, it isn’t just to be obstinate; I can honestly see both sides of the issue. Okay, some of it might have to do with some passive aggressive thing about always having to win, no matter what. I was never very good at sports, but I always excelled mentally. If I couldn’t beat someone out there on the field (I was a consummate little league left fielder) I could certainly beat them into intellectual submission off the field. I was the Mike Tyson of logical pummeling’s.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of smarter out there in blogland, and it isn’t all that fun to argue with someone if you can’t see the flecks of spittle foaming around their mouth as they try to make their point with someone who will never see their point. I guess I’ll just stick to talking about sex and mass murderers and robot monkeys.
comments (21)
Not that I don't believe everything that I was saying here
by mg at October 15, 2002 1:05 PM
I'm a registered independent. Republicans and Democrats annoy me equally. I think the whole two-party thing has oversimplified things for the people who only want to think about politics once every four years, and who vote based on their one or two pet issues. They let their party affiliation make their decisions for them on all the other issues. So easy! Yippee!
Do you want me to send you a picture of me with spittle flecks? You know I have time to do that here at work.
Also, please, mg, please, haven't you learned not to mention the child porn thing? Especially in the context of you being in favor?
by Linz at October 15, 2002 2:07 PM
Interesting story about that. I'd actually written this post several weeks ago, but never got around to using it. When I realized I had nothing to say this morning, I looked through my junk folder and came upon it and realized it remarkably appropriate. I did a quick rewrite, and when I came on that line, I actually did stop for a second and reconsider, scared to get myself in trouble again. But then it made me giggle, so I decided to keep it in. I think it's pretty obvious I'm not really into child porn. Ethnic cleansing though, I'm absolutly serious about that one.
by mg at October 15, 2002 2:38 PM
You "came on that line"?! That's disgusting.
by Dodd at October 15, 2002 2:59 PM
The warblogging remark is very true. The post I made on Canada a while back (http://blank.badsamaritan.com/archives/000009.html) still gets comments posted to it.
A great way double your hits — that and talking about Gameboy Advance ROMs.
by MrBlank at October 15, 2002 4:20 PM
Kelly Clarkson is also a good strategy. I'd make a link if I knew how.
Top post: http://www.badsamaritan.com/original/archives/2002_08.php
oh, it makes me chuckle, it does.
by Linz at October 15, 2002 4:38 PM
Hey, don't knock it-- robot monkeys could well be the wave of the future in warfare. Come on, if wars were fought exclusively between small, chittering, berserk metal monkeys, wouldn't you want to watch that?
Of course, there's the danger of them turning on humans, like in Terminator. Imagine, a monkey Terminator. Ha! Hilarious.
by Adam at October 15, 2002 4:45 PM
You realize now I'm going to get all kinds of hits for Canadian monkey child warblogger porn as performed by robot Kelly Clarkson?
by mg at October 15, 2002 5:03 PM
Dude, you're Mike Tyson alright... the Mike Tyson of punctuation and proofreading. I submit to the jury the following exhibits...
Exhibit A: "why would I join the Right to Life or Green or parties?"
What's with the extra OR at the end?
Exhibit B: "I can switch from contending that ... , to maintain that..."
Should be MAINTAINING.
Exhibit C: "logical pummeling’s"
No apostrophe.
Exhibit D: "there are a lot of smarter out there in blogland"
I feel as though something is missing here. Hmm... a noun perhaps.
Dickhead.
by Eviltom at October 15, 2002 11:25 PM
Tom, just cause you're hurt that mg once loved me doesn't give you an excuse to be a grammar Nazi.
[mg, why don't you make Eviltom a writer since he does everything you say, and then we can make fun of his grammar?]
by Linz at October 16, 2002 9:42 AM
That second part was whispered...
by Linz at October 16, 2002 9:42 AM
Eviltom does have a login here, and he can write something whenever he wants. In fact, he has written a thing or two (or three) in the past. Unfortunately, he'd rather sit on his ass, watch wrestling, and bitch about his problems over AIM, rather than bitch about his problems here, in front hundreds of people instead of just one or two.
Maybe if he had some encouragement, you all could convince him?
by mg at October 16, 2002 10:53 AM
DUDE! I am SO not a grammar Nazi. Granted, Exhibit B above is grammar, but the other 3 are just downright wacky issues, like jamming in a word that doesnt belong, or missing a word that's essential to forming the sentence.
I repeat, I am not a grammar Nazi. I am not crazy. In fact, I'm pretty chill guy. I enjoy running in Central Park, cooking, going out to dinner, wine, and golf. I also have an enormous package. Ladies, send me your pictures (tasteful pics only, please, e.g. naked pics ok, pics of you getting jizzed on by three brawny dudes in straw hats not ok).
by Eviltom at October 16, 2002 11:35 AM
I think that, after that comment from EvilTom, the only way this post could possibly be better fodder for Google would be if someone mentioned naked palestinian girls fucking horses.
by Dodd at October 16, 2002 1:34 PM
I am wiping away a tear! I didn't know Tom & Michael were gradeschool friends. How precious! Oh wait, no. That tear is because I was laughing at Dodd.
Tom, what if it's 3 scrawny dudes in fezzes?
by Linz at October 16, 2002 4:33 PM
I'm laughing at Dodd too! But instead of eeking out a tear, I pinched a loaf. Hmm... is that even reasonable? Linz, did you even have to ask about the 3 dudes in fezzes? You are so sick.
by Eviltom at October 16, 2002 4:55 PM
If ya'll are going to Google-bait, might as well spell feces right. And, how did this conversation devlolve so quickly? Even when I try to be serious, it gets all icky and illegal in 16 states.
by mg at October 16, 2002 5:48 PM
mg, please tell me you know the difference between a fez and feces?
Or maybe I was referring to the lovable character from That 70's Show.
Nonetheless, even as part of the degradation machine that systematically dragged this post into the gutter, I am still not certain how it happens. It just does.
by Linz at October 17, 2002 8:53 AM
p.s. pooping out hats is NOT normal. SEE A DOCTOR!
by Linz at October 17, 2002 8:59 AM
I'd like to say I purposefully misinterpreted "fezzes" as "feces." So I will.
by mg at October 17, 2002 9:05 AM
Great article!
by mature sex pics at October 1, 2005 1:00 PM