in case you're wondering we're singing about growing up

by snaggle at 01:58 AM on June 03, 2002

I always thought teen angst would fade after I was no longer a teenager, but it seems that it's been replaced by it's parter-in-crime, twenties-angst. I remember being in high school and talking with my friends about our hopes and dreams and how we'd always be idealistic and never sell out. I'm sure many of you had similar experiences (though we may have been unique in the fact that we weren't high when we had these conversations. God I was such a loser in high school...)

Now after four years of college I realize that yes, in many ways I am still just as idealistic and I haven't sold my beliefs for a paycheck... often. But I'm seeing that there's almost something wrong with this now. I was talking with my friend Nora about growing up and how we realized that we hadn't really done it yet. It seems that too often people trade their dreams in for a job. They concentrate on making a living, not life. If you think about it, the entire educational system is basically set up for that. The ones that make something of themselves are the true renegades, not the upper-middle-class kids from Iowa. Nora and I both realized that we had no desire for "the American Dream." Owning a house, a secure but unchallenging job, suburbs... the whole shebang. Not interested. My sister would say, "Sure, you can say that. But when you have to make a choice between food and your idealism, we'll see where you draw the line."

Is she right? I don't know. Sometimes I think I just need to escape my own mind and inhibitions. I suffer from delusions of grandeur and think that everyone should try to make one's life extraordinary. I'm sure everyone has that dream and grows out of it, so maybe I just saw Dead Poet's Society one too many times. I keep feeling like I'm stuck in some low-budget movie and I keep expecting to hear the soundtrack play and the credits to roll without a déneument to the storyline. Maybe if I were on the path to great discovery and world renown I could handle it, but what great contributions to life can I make with my interests? Music perhaps could have done it but I lacked the dedication. Design shows no promise of that, what with most people not even knowing what graphic design is and with idiot clients who hire designers and then proceed to tell them what to do, completely disregarding their professional opinion. Just because you have eyes doesn't mean you can see. Just because you can take out red-eye in Photoshop doesn't make you a designer. I don't try to design a bridge or software or balance budgets, so what makes you think you can do my job?</rant>

Can we tell I'm frustrated by school and my job?