I suppose that's why they call it "Middle Age"....

by northstar at 03:00 PM on June 07, 2002

Two weeks ago, as I sat in a coffee shop in St. Paul, MN, on a lovely Saturday morning, I had one of those revelations that can seem both earth-shatteringly profound and mind-numbingly obvious. Still, it did give me some things to come to grips with.

I looked up from my newspaper and my second cup of coffee, and noticed that on one side of the room was a group of young 20-something college kids. On the other side was a group of people who were, shall we say, more on the elderly side. I was sitting between them, when I was struck by the realization that this was a metaphor for where I find myself in life.

I’m 42 now; old enough to have two teenage stepsons, but young enough to still remember my dissolute college days. College was 20 years ago, but it many ways it feels much longer. I am grateful that I am not the person I was in college- immature, undisciplined, unfocused. I like what the experience of the past 20 years has done to lend me perspective. Still, I’m not so sure I’ve been able to shake all of the “immature, undisciplined, unfocused” part. It gets better with time, but there are still occasions when I feel at least as clueless as I did 20 years ago, but I have the aches and pains to remind me of where I am now.

In a sense, I still feel that I have one foot in both worlds- that of the “young” and that of the, well, if not “old”, then certainly “older”. That’s why it’s called “middle age”, eh?? I’ve been fortunate in many respects, but I’ve also been battered by the storms one inevitably navigates during the normal course of living a life. I’ve discovered that experience and perspective are truly treasures to be cherished. Though there are times when I miss the challenges and opportunities and heartaches that await those innocent 20-somethings, but I don’t miss the “flying blind and hoping to land safely” feeling. Now I feel a greater kinship with the more senior folks on the other side of the coffee shop. It is time now for me to sit back and watch my stepsons have their time. I’m eager to see where life takes them, and though I wish I could spare them the pain and heartaches they will inevitably encounter, I know that is part and parcel of life.

In the meantime, if you’ll excuse me, there is still much of today left, and this really is the first day of the rest of my life. Now, if I could just figure out what I'm going to do when I grow up....