Dead Man's Curve Is No Place To Play

by muaddib at 03:04 PM on April 05, 2002

I got to go to Traffic School last night. Oh, stop.... I know you're jealous. Just try and restrain yourselves.

I'm a bit older than I once was, so I don't tend to get tickets as often as I used to. But I still get one once in a while and, truth be told, they got me fair and square on this one. We can opt for Traffic School once a year here (that's pretty cool, isn't it?), in lieu of taking any points on our licenses, so that's what I did.

Traffic School is always an experience. I should know, this was my fourth or fifth time (not counting the time I had to accompany my sister to it before I was old enough to drive because my parents didn't want her driving around downtown at 10 PM by herself; though why they thought a 105 pound 13 year-old would keep her from being kidnapped is beyond me). The best Traffic School experience I've had was in California. The classes are contract out to private parties there and one of the options, at least in San Diego, is Comedy Club Traffic School. So - believe-it-or-don't - it is possible to spend all day in Traffic School and have a good time.

That isn't really the case in Kentucky. Ah, well; it's only 3 1/2 hours long. The guy we had last night was a retired cop and had his gab down pretty well. Thanks to his sense of humour - and his penchant for skipping the stuff he thought was silly - the time went by much less painfully than my last Traffic School experience. Nevertheless, next time my lawyer offers to get me off entirely, I'm going to take her up on it. I didn't want to take up her time when I had Traffic School as an option, but, well, I really don't feel like doing that again any time soon.

The only fly in the ointment was one I really should have expected. I don't know why, but there always seems to be one guy who insists upon debating the finer points of the law with the instructor (as if he can do anything about it). Last night it was a guy who wanted to go on and on about how seatbelt laws are an intrusion into our privacy. It's not that I am not sympathetic to that argument (actually I am - I always wear mine, but I don't think they should give tickets to adults for not wearing seatbelts). It's just that there are appropriate times and places for climbing on a soapbox. 9:15 PM in a Traffic School class full of people who have to be at work in the morning and still haven't had dinner is most definitely not one of them.

I am glad to report that Traffic School isn't a total waste of time. It doesn't hurt to have a refresher in some of the basic rules every so often. I (like most people) think I'm a better driver than most of the morons who try to kill me every day on 264. But I am also a pretty aggressive driver, so, whether I am actually being unsafe or not, there's no doubt somebody in another car says nasty things about me at some point almost every day. I could do worse than to remember that the next time I'm screaming at some twit who's just cut me off or won't get out of my way in the fast lane.

Who knows? Having been to Traffic School last night, I might not scream and yell and chase anybody for a at least a few days. But even if I do, there's one other thing about driving that changes as I get a bit older and (at least a little bit) more mature, whether I go to Traffic School or not: I no longer feel compelled to chase people past my exit.