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two thousand fifty zero zero zero party over, oops out of time

by mg at 12:02 AM on February 09, 2002

Bad Samaritan is on the verge of a momentous occasion. Since this site first began on October 3rd, 2000 there have been 249,121 unique visits. If the law of averages remains in effect, well break 250,000 sometime early Saturday morning.

Of course, those stats are from Site Meter, which is anything but accurate. According to Webtrends Live, the other counter I use, weve had about 260,000 unique visits since just last May. But, a milestone is a milestone, and I wont let anything, least of all basic math, tarnish my unabashed joy.

I always say I dont do this for attention, but in lieu of actually winning awards, hits will do. Itd be nice to be Stanley Kubrick, but Ill settle for being Steven Spielberg. Of course, itd be nice to be both, though Id hate to have my readers walking out on me like people were doing during the finale of A.I.

I could never have imagined, a year and a half ago, that Id get even 100 people visiting this site, much less a quarter of a million. Okay, sure, there probably havent been 250,000 different people with badsamaritan.com in their location bars; most of the visits have probably come from the same 10 people who regularly comment. There are some crazy stalkers who check the site in excess of 20 times a day, and for that, I love them.

However, there is no way to prove how many unique visitors there have bee, just unique visits. Besides, Im much happier thinking there are 250,000 people from all over the world (more than 120 different countries) chuckling at our witty writing (not just Mariah Carey Nudie Pictures) on a daily basis, and 249,990 of them are just too shy to comment or send me an email.

In honor of this truly momentous occasion (on par with only the moon landing and the day Pamela Anderson hit puberty), Id like every single one of you who visit Bad Samaritan on a daily basis, but have never (or infrequently) commented, to do so now. I want Wil Wheaton to be green with envy about the number of comments this post gets. Can you do that for me? Please? Im begging here.

If you all can do that for me, Ill do something for all of you. If the Site Meter counter (Site Meter) says you are the fabled 250,000 visit take a screenshot (to prove it was you) and let me know. Whoever it is gets a fantastic prize. I will take suggestions from everyone, and especially the eventual winner, about just what that prize should be.

I probably should begin putting a little more thought into these little contests. Anyway, the next milestone will be 1,000,000 total hits and that should occur sometime in April. See you then.

comments (25)

Damn, baby, I got some comment lovin' for you!

Just leave the cash on the dresser when we're done.

by Bill at February 9, 2002 12:23 AM

I think I've commented a few times, but here's to throwing you a bone just in case :)

by Xkot at February 9, 2002 12:51 AM

Oops. Forgot to mention that in writing this post, I got my first googlewhack: spielberg tangelo. Woo hoo!

by mg at February 9, 2002 12:54 AM

No comment.

by Muad'Dib at February 9, 2002 3:08 AM

Seeing as your willing to beg, how can i refuse to comment.....great site, entertaining writing.

Bad Samaritan rules, yeah.

by emma at February 9, 2002 8:04 AM

yeah, okay, i'm one of the faceless strangers that drops by every so often...

by laura at February 9, 2002 8:36 AM

monotony is the enemy.

my friend and i were waiting in line someplace and i got bored, so i surreptitiously started calling his cell phone from mine, with caller id blocked of course. my hand was in my pocket so he didn't know it was me doing it. every time he'd answer i'd hang up. aloof, i kept asking him who he thought was calling. he said he didn't know. sometimes i'd wait a few minutes before hanging up, and he would think somebody was there. he'd say things like, "hello? who is this? i hear you moving." then i'd hang up. after repeating this for a while i told him to give me his phone the next time it rang. "i'll get the person to talk," i said. when i called his phone again, he handed it to me, and i pretended to try to elicit conversation from this nonexistent caller. while doing this i turned away from him, hung up the current call, and then placed another call to a real person, somebody who would actually talk. he was unaware of this. when somebody answered, i handed the phone back to him and said, "the person's talking now."

maybe i have a retarded sense of humor, but i think it's hilarious to see somebody unwittingly call somebody else and then vehemently argue for five minutes that he didn't just place the call.

by Bobby at February 9, 2002 10:05 AM

I'm thinking you might offer a round-trip ticket to New York, wherever the two-hundred-fifty-thousandth visitor lives. Wouldn't that be fun.

by leez at February 9, 2002 10:51 AM

To quote Reese Witherspoon from "Legally Blonde:"


I was Mr. 250k. Although I almost closed the window by accident, but I didn't.

by tj at February 9, 2002 12:02 PM

do i get special credit for being 250,052, a cool palindrome number? http://surreally.com/pics/sitemeter.gif

by kd at February 9, 2002 12:37 PM

Yet again here's a "little" list that's true [there have been other lists on the subject that are similar, but this one has some new/different twists to it]

1) Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

2) All men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color

3) If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

4) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

5) Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

6) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

7) Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, shotgun formation, or how they calculate horsepower.

8) Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

9) Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

10) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

11) You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes. Way too many.

12) Crying is blackmail.

13) Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

14) No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark Anniversaries on the calendar.

15) Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.

16) Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

17) Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

18) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

19) Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

20) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

21) Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.

22) Check your oil.

23) It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

24) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

25) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

26) Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

27) You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both.

28) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

29) If it itches, it will be scratched.

30) Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

31) If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle

That last one..is especially true.


by p3 at February 9, 2002 12:44 PM

see, people, anything is an occasion to rejoice. merry christmas, all !

by stan at February 9, 2002 12:49 PM

When the Alabama's keel was laid,

Roll, Alabama, Roll!

They laid her keel at Birkenhead,

Oh, roll, Alabama, roll!

Oh, she was built in Birkenhead,

Roll, Alabama, Roll!

Built in the yard of Jonathan Laird,

Oh, roll, Alabama, roll!

Away down the Mersey she rolled one day,

Roll, Alabama, Roll!

And across the "Western" she ploughed her way.

Oh, roll, Alabama, roll!

by Dafalgan at February 9, 2002 12:56 PM

What ? Only 13 comments ? Disillusionned.

by stef at February 9, 2002 4:51 PM

I was 250,382--but that's worthless. I'm just adding my comment. If I can't win, then contributing to the comment tally'll be my bit.

by tricky_48 at February 9, 2002 5:28 PM

I'll confess that at least 6 comments that were posted here, excluding this one, are of my composition, so that makes really only 9 comments thus far.

by LvB at February 9, 2002 7:02 PM


by crazy maniac at February 9, 2002 7:04 PM

i like to play with young boys

by crazy maniac at February 9, 2002 8:08 PM

I could not just *not* say anything here.....YEAH B.S. here is to six times that much by 2004!

by Pristine at February 9, 2002 10:26 PM

I am leaving my comment now. I'm getting better at this whole "fashionably late" thing, I think.

by Antwon at February 10, 2002 3:32 AM

i woke up this morning, thinking that, yea, i was a freak. i'm aware people like me should be neutered.

by crazy maniac at February 10, 2002 6:43 AM

I am writing on behalf of 4039 of your fans - just so that we don't flood your comments section.

(We're considerate like that.)

by Lizzie at February 10, 2002 7:34 AM


by Charles at February 10, 2002 4:56 PM

Sweet criminey, 250,000? That's a lot of pressure. Then again, you have to care about looking stupid for there to be pressure, and bloggers as a breed just don't have that gene, thank god.

by Eric g at February 10, 2002 6:52 PM

I'm here! I'm bad at coming daily (low sex drive) but I do my best to keep up!

by Lex at February 12, 2002 12:37 AM

comments are closed