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the olympics theme has no words, so just hum it to yourself now

by mg at 02:11 PM on February 22, 2002

They claim this is the most watched Olympics in years. They claim this is the most attended Olympics in years? But does anyone care?

Iíll admit, I watched about 20 minutes of the opening ceremonies. But I was shortly annoyed by the dumbfounding announcing duo of Katie Couric and Bob Costas. They may be the two cutest little folk in the country, but they are also the most mind numbing. After a couple minutes of watching them, all I wanted to do was head out to Utah, not to watch the games, but to chase after CouricCostas and try to find their Pot oí Gold.

It was tough to concentrate on the opening ceremony with those two yaking, but really, what was there to see? A bunch of loser countries walking. Not even doing any sports. They were just walking. And they were losers.

What chance, really, does the Trinidad and Tobago Curling team have of winning a medal, when, of the 80 countries participating in the Olympics, 70% of the medals are won by 5 countries? Even if I cared about the Olympics, or, for example, Alpine Skiing, why would I need to watch Norway win another Gold medal?

NBC is showing what seems like 24 hour a day Olympic coverage.

I donít know how much longer these Olympics are going to last, but I must see my must see TV. Is Doctor Greenís brain tumor back? Are Joey and Rachel going to get together? The only thing that is getting me through is the fact Friends is only on two more time a day in syndication. Whatís worse than that is that all the other stations, bowing to the awesome viewing draw of the Olympics, have been running reruns for the past couple weeks.

Iíd think, like NBCís wonderful idea of running Playboy Playmate Fear Factor during the Superbowl, the other stations would likewise come up with great cross-programming ideas. For example, during Ice Dancing, while the entire female and homosexual male population is watching NBC, all any other station would have to do is show a hot gal in a bikini. She wouldnít have to be do or say anything, just sit there. I know Iíd be watching.

When a straight sport, like hockey, comes on, why not run the latest Barbara Streisand movie, or a prime time Oprah special? When youth-oriented sports, like snowboarding, come on, all a savvy network executive would have to do is run a marathon of Murder, She Wrote and Matlock. They wouldnít even have to be new episodes; they could even be 12 year-old reruns and your target audience would never notice.

And when cross-country skiing comes on, well crap, you could put on anything, since having your pubic hair tweezed would be more enjoyable than watching cross-country skiing.

Donít get me wrong. I donít have anything against the Olympics as an organization. Itís just the Winter Olympics have never excited me. Maybe itís my third-world mentality, but I prefer the summer games. Womenís gymnastics. Womenís volleyball. Womenís tennis. Heck, I even enjoy watching womenís field-hockey.

Ah, only two years Ďtill Athens, and I'm ready for some javelin tossing.

comments (8)

Genius idea, but how about something more unconventional? Why donít we just turn the TV off? You can go out side and find sexy women, go to the gym and watch women work out, go to bars and find drunk women, read novels about women, draw pictures of women, read comics about super women Ö you get the idea.

Thereís also cable. I can always depend on Cartoon Network.

by MrBlank at February 22, 2002 4:22 PM

Well, it sounds simple to turn off the TV and go out and find your own women, but there is a problem; restraining orders.

by mg at February 22, 2002 4:54 PM

Ah, but Britain won *a* gold medal, so the whole thing was worthwhile.

by Bob Knight at February 22, 2002 7:54 PM

mg, clearly this is your calling: tv programming. get thee to a network. now.

by lavonne at February 22, 2002 9:48 PM

I know! I sat down last night to catch ER, one of two televisions programmes I regularly watch - and the damned blood Olympics were on. Fine I think, we have about 200 cable channels. You know what? It was all shite.

I know, I know. You are thinking "Surely Charles. With all those channels something must have been on." Nope Check it for yourself. I mean, yes The Craft is an excellent film for obvious reasons, but I've seen it about 100 times. Tasting Alaska? Diagnosis Murder? Heh. Granted I didn't notice South Park there last night. This isn't our full digital cable lineup. We have about 50 more channels, but they all play the same movies, changed out about every two months. I finally decided perhaps I'd watch the movie Making Love on channel 734 (Appropriately that is the "LOVE" channel.) Why do you ask? OK, read the description, and mind that this is a movie from 1982 starring ex-Charlie's Angel KATE JACKSON!

"A successful young L.A. doctor and his equally successful television-producer wife find their happily-ever-after life torn assunder when he suddenly confronts his long-repressed attraction for other men. Zach and Claire live a comfortable life secure in their love for one another when Bart, a swinging L.A. novelist, walks into Zach's office and awakens unfamiliar feelings in him. In a move which leaves him wracked with guilt, Zach cancels dinner with his wife in order to go out with Bart. He is inexplicably drawn to this man who seems intent on keeping him at arms distance. Why can't Bart allow their relationship to grow? he wonders. Exasperated, he asks Bart, "Do you snore? Does anybody ever get a chance to find out?" As Zach's absences become more and more frequent, Claire's concern manifests itself in the suspicion that he is having an affair with another woman. Jilted by Bart and feeling alone for the first time in his married life, Zach resolves to tell Claire the truth about himself. Predictably, Claire is shocked that she could have known so little about the man she has loved for so many years and accuses him of deceiving her from the very start."

Sounds reasonably hi-larious, no. So I go to the "LOVE" channel, and apparently this is one of the about 10 that we don't get with our $80 a month plan. Bullocks!!! So I put on the "alternative" TV music channel until I realised "alternative" meant Dave Matthews and The Strokes.

God damn I was having bad luck. Finally ended up popping in Peter Murphy's new live CD and doing some reading.

So that is one reason I hate The Olympics.

by Charles at February 22, 2002 10:08 PM

yikes, I think I was thinking faster than I could type. The first bit should, of course be "television" and "bloody."

by Charles at February 22, 2002 10:10 PM

Katie Couric = VERY EVIL WOMAN!!!!!!!! ack!!!!! :-)

by Pristine at February 23, 2002 1:14 AM

The Olympics need to be sponsored by porn companies...

"Alpine Skiing brought to you by Company X which brought us such film classics as Anal Intruders 4." Of course that would illicit some fabricated response from one of those show hosts like Katie Couric.

"Anal Intruders 4 is one of my favorites Bob..."

by dendr1te at February 23, 2002 3:31 PM

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