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Regrets, I've had a few

by d at 09:01 PM on February 27, 2002

Is it better to have loved and lost? I've yet to meet somebody who agrees.

I can already split the audience of this post into the two groups, those who disagree and those who have never been in love. I mean really in love, when your every waking thought is filled with when next you'll see them, be able to watch the movement of their body, feel the smoothness of their skin... when your very joints ache to be with them again, and then when you are together the time just seems to disappear...

As a young and very foolish teenager I made the mistake of falling in love over the Internet. A real pioneer, very few people were doing it back in those days. I only mention it because The Crow is on one of the movie channels and I'm overwhelmed right now with feelings of bittersweet regret, melancholy, some of the joyous memories float to the top of the pile but mainly I just feel the regret that I had a good thing and I fucked it up only to land on my feet with something better.

If ever there was a perfect movie to accompany the guilt and loss of a failed relationship then this would have to be it. The story was taken from the self-written, self-pencilled, self-everything but marketed comic book by James O'Barr, written in a fit of depression after his fiancee was killed it stands as an allegory about love, loss and the retribution that O'Barr never received.

Mixing poetry and paintings in with the atmosphere noir of the inked comic pages, O'Barr created a magnum opus to avenging wronged lovers, writing and drawing over 300 pages, with a visible progression in his style between the outset and the conclusion.

Is it good to get melancholic from time to time about lost loves and the paths unchosen? Sometimes. Is it right to dwell on the guilt and regrets? No, unhealthy and a waste of time, since the inescapable reality is always there to catch you in the end. So I don't dwell, I barely even pause for the thoughts. But sometimes, just sometimes, a reminder will creep in, an image, a song, a work of art that she liked above all others and the tears well up behind my eyes and my fingers ache and I think of those days again and know that I didn't make the right choice or the wrong choice, I made the only sane choice.

Forgive me father for it has been nearly two months since my last Bad Sam post but I have had various problems with my real life and problems with my virtual life on Acerbia. "I am pilot error, I am fetal distress, I am the random chromosome, I am complete and total madness..."

comments (1)

::Tear:: I've loved and lost, and have renewed my fancy for the same chap.

by Agatha at February 27, 2003 3:54 PM

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