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Narcissistic Nabobs of Negativistic Nookie

by northstar at 04:33 AM on February 21, 2002

Foremost among the many wondrous things in the great state of Texas are the women. I know; my wife isnít going to want to hear me say that, but itís true. The women here are among the most attractive in the world. (Yes, dear, you really ARE one of themÖ) Of course, they happen to be some of the most materialistic, but thatís another story. So why, then, do so many women feel the need to lift, tuck, smooth, and just generally augment what nature has already endowed them with in such healthy abundance? (Of course, Iím not trying to attract a man, so I by definition ďdonít get it.Ē)

While perusing this monthís issue of Texas Monthly magazine, I counted 20 pages of slick, glossy ads for cosmetic surgeons of various flavors. These folks will do it all: slice, dice, reassemble, you name it. I doubt that the handbook for the Witness Protection Program has more options available.

I should qualify this by admitting to my own little cosmetic peccadillo: I dye the gray out of my goatee. Hey, I know itís shallow, but what the hell. I know Iím not 22 anymore, and itís only a little bit of gray. What I fail to comprehend is the idea of actually undergoing a SURGICAL procedure- as in allowing someone with a white coat and a KNIFE rearrange various body parts.

The ads in Texas Monthly all seemed to portray cosmetic surgery as a way to better looks, greater vitality, and enhanced self-esteem (and of course being more attractive to men- no small thing in Texas). Of course, if it takes a boob job to enhance your self-esteem, Iíd say youíve got more issues than can be fixed by a knife-wielding cosmetic surgeon. Try to remember that itís what is under the hood that keeps things running.

comments (6)

Well you know what they say perky breasts equals a perky mind, or is that a healthy body equals a heal........oh i don't know it can be so confusing. Must be the Bust Booster messing with my mind!

by emma at February 21, 2002 11:30 AM

I went through Texas once. All I remember seeing is giant bugs,steak houses with 15 lb. slabs of meat, and a lot of pick up trucks.

by jesus at February 21, 2002 5:10 PM

heh I don't know if it's the state so much as the Texas Monthly demographic. The other ads in there are for Mercedes and Jaguars and jewels and furs...

by Charles at February 21, 2002 5:18 PM

Big boobs, and scarily big boobs, really turn me off. As someone once mentioned, wine glass sized is optimal. And I know I'm not the only one.

by mg at February 21, 2002 6:06 PM

My Natalie Portman and Shirley Manson on the same beautiful page.

*sniff sniff*

Sweet, sweet dreams.

by jesus at February 21, 2002 6:11 PM

Oh no! I am all about the maximum boobage possible . . . just not fake ones.

by Charles at February 22, 2002 10:28 PM

comments are closed