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Leaving Evidence is for Losers

by eric at 02:53 PM on February 20, 2002

I am now the owner of a paper shredder. It's a used model, given to me by the woman who house sits for me. She got it from another client she house sits for, but she didn't want it. I think it was too technical for her. She once told me that the location of the on-off switch for my kitchen garbage disposer in the little fold out drawer in front of the sink basin "freaked her out."

It's not a great shredder, and it smells somewhat like burning plastic when it's on, but it's given me insight into the minds of criminal oil company accountants.

Lets face it, when you've got paper in front of you and a shredder next to you, it's hard not to want to chip that pulp into... smaller pulp. It's a unique feeling of control to completely annihilate the material that archives our society. I'm drunk with power as I look at my bank card statement and think to myself, "My god, this information could same day be used against me and it should be destroyed!" Every scrap of tissue, every envelope with a window, every magazine blow-in card, every single page of the phone book it's got to go to protect my future and that of my loved ones.

Thank you, Ken Lay. You've taught me so much.

comments (3)

Back when I was working for the Israelis, they required us to shred everything. I think as much from the heightened sense of security necessary to survive growing up in such a war torn country as the desire to protect our "valuable" work product. Me, I didn't care why they wanted me to do it, I just liked doing it. One of the only good things about that job.

by mg at February 20, 2002 6:06 PM

Shredders are the bestest. I used to cut up my credit card bills by hand (I would NEVER throw one whole into a trash can!), but now I have a machine with steel teeth to do it for me. I know the probability of identity theft is pretty low, but I figure it only needs to happen once to cause you a whole lot of trouble.

by jean at February 20, 2002 10:36 PM

As a lawyer, sometimes I go shred useless stuff at the office just to make it seem like I'm working on something important. Other times I really do have to shred things.

by Charles at February 21, 2002 2:21 AM

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