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It's a real weenie-shrinker....

by northstar at 10:08 AM on February 27, 2002

Yes, Virginia, palm trees are a good thing. Why? Because you will never see a palm tree in a snowdrift....

It’s so cold in Houston this morning that there are reports of lawyers wandering around downtown with their hands in their own pockets…. Chickens are laying freeze-dried eggs…. Lawyers are leaving accident scenes before the ambulance arrives….

It was 26 degrees above zero when I woke up this morning. Now, I don’t know what parts of Siberia y’all live in, but Old Man Winter is an infrequent and very unwelcome guest here in southeast Texas. Cold is a relative thing, though, depending on what you’ve been acclimated to. This is about as cold as I can remember it getting here, but I’ve only lived here for five years. I grew up in far northern Minnesota, near the Canadian border, where cold takes on an entirely different meaning, and where fishing and snowmobiling on frozen lakes are treasured cultural experiences.

The coldest I can ever remember is –54 degrees, and there was no wind chill. People would start their vehicles (if they could) and leave them running, because if the engine died, it might not start again. Imagine trying to start your car, and hearing only a click- the engine won’t even turn over because it’s frozen. Even if your car did start, the tires would be so frozen out of round that they couldn’t roll properly. Imagine antifreeze freezing. Imagine wondering how long it would take to get tickets to Orlando.

When native Texans complain about cold weather, I’m tempted to trot out my stories, but it’s hard for them to relate. Icicles are a foreign concept. Imagine the blank stares when you try to explain snow drifts. Since it hasn't snowed here since the Eisenhower Administration, regaling people with stories of 6-foor drifts and snowblowers is a pointless exercise.

It will be like this for a day or two, and then things will get back to normal. Soon, summer will be here, and living in southeast Texas will once again feel like inhabiting the inside of a pizza oven. For now, though, I’m going to enjoy life on the frigid side. At least here it is short-lived. For those of you unfortunate souls who live above the Mason-Dixon line, don’t put your shovels away just yet….

comments (4)

We were down to 29 in Dallas, but today were back up areound 80-ish.

by Charles at February 28, 2002 4:58 PM

small winnes are cool like snow and by the way fuck u biznach

by fuck u at January 4, 2003 1:32 AM

well it is pretty cold here today too ... about 3 degrees celcius.

by bruce at January 23, 2005 10:24 AM

well 59 below isnt so bad ,especially when im used to about 75 below. hell dude i was born with icecicles on my balls and thats cold. just thought i would let you know that since you think you have it so bad

by troy at February 6, 2005 3:08 PM

comments are closed