I thought I peed in my pants and only seconds later realised that my period came. Talk about being slow for a girl. Tsk. Couldn’t do much about it as I was halfway through my Assam Laksa ( noddles ) with Hui Sze at Central Park near my place. It was almost blissful to know that I’m menstruating and at the same time, no awful cramps to paralyze my mobility like it always does. So, we promptly moved on after dinner to Kool for some bubbly pearl tea.
Yes, I was too gleeful to bother about sanitary pads and stuff. Wearing a pair of dark denim doesn’t do much towards my conscience either. I assure you ( in best imitation of Justin’s voice ), that Zia usually knows better when she’s not too smitten with her once in a blue moon pain-free menstruation.
Should have known it sounded too good to be true. Was awoken countless time at wee hours by spasm of abdominal pain and the blood flow like an irreparable leaky tap. It was difficult to fall into slumber when you have warm sticky fluid spreading up to your butt as you were lying down. I seriously would jam a stopper or a cork or whatever at the source if it would freaking stop disrupting my much needed sleep. Apparently I did fall asleep eventually. I guess my exhaustion from the day won over.
Not surprisingly, it was no better this morning. The moment I stood up minutes after I was awoken ( naturally ), my already heavily-soaked pad was once again hit by the mini crimson flood. It was like they ( the flood ) have been ‘waiting’ all night for the ‘dam’ to open just ‘wide’ enough for them to make a mad rush for the ‘outside’ world. My knickers stretched downwards from the weight of the liquid discard. Super absorbent pads are not necessarily efficient when you’re a scary ‘leaker’ unless your knickers come with industrial strength elastic bands.
Why are some of you cringing at your seats? Its not everyday you get to read explicit accounts of my menstrual grind you know. Just about once/twice a month. How much
more less can you ask for? Hehe.
Last month I peed Ribena. This month, it looks more like diluted grape wine minus the sparkle. Seriously, if I scoop a glass of ‘grape wine’ off the * coughs * bowl and proffer it to any ( undiscerning ) wine lovers, I bet they couldn’t differentiate the real thing right from the bottle and straight from the bowl because the resemblance is simply amazing. Just like Pepsi and Cola. Until they *urk * drink it of course…
Looks like I’m grossing myself ( and you ) out by my own admission.
All that in less than 24 hours and I am not finished yet.
Okay okay, maybe I’ll consider really really carefully whether I should spare you guys those monthly gore in near future or just proceed otherwise just for the hell of it.
Wow, that was very educational. I think I'm a better man for knowing that.
by MrBlank at February 7, 2002 12:34 AM
Men should get the "dot" just a few times in their life:
1. On the eve of a very big event:
A football rivalry in which they are a key player
2.On the eve of a big vacation; so they have to pack the dreaded pads/tampons in their suitcase
3. On a hot and muggy day in August.
4. On their wedding day.
by tina at February 7, 2002 6:53 AM
i thought that was very intresting and very brave of u to give such deatled information. I think that Mr Blank will be the only guy who has the guts to stomach the info.
by Eve at February 7, 2002 9:24 AM
I have lots of girl friends, I've heard this all before. From what I hear, going on the pill virtually stops all those bad period related symptoms. You should look into that, if not for the joy of guilt free sex, than for getting rid of most of the cramps.
by mg at February 7, 2002 9:31 AM
Thanks for reminding me why I should thank God every day for making me male.
by Xkot at February 7, 2002 9:37 AM
by bri at February 7, 2002 10:58 AM
Ditto Xkot. *vomits all over*
by snaggle at February 7, 2002 11:43 AM
you know, i've often wanted to write about it but not had the guts, but i DO think that men should know some of the gorier details. they do need to know.
since you've covered this aspect of it, maybe i'll do childbirth, eh?
by kd at February 7, 2002 11:56 AM
I'd advise the shot...eliminates periods all together, and you only have to get it once every 3 months.
by Sprout at February 7, 2002 12:22 PM
My apartment has a mouse problem. In particular, there's a little mouse that somes out at night and eats my pita bread, if i leave it on the counter and dont hide it inside a covered pot or something. One days, I swapped the pita bread with a birth control pill. The next morning, the pill was gone, and I havent seen my apartment mouse ever since.
by Tom at February 7, 2002 12:28 PM
umm.. you had a birth control pill laying around, tom?
by kd at February 7, 2002 1:04 PM
Read our article thoroughly..
you do bleed an awful lot doncha?
Are you anemic?
Menstruation once or twice a month?
Are you seeing a GYN regularly?
Just am concerned is all......
by toxiclabrat at February 7, 2002 1:59 PM
ah, reminds me all over again how happy i am to be done with all that. you have something to look forward to, you know.
by lavonne at February 7, 2002 3:24 PM
see, instead of xkot and others thanking god for making them men, they should be thanking god for making woman.
by miss b at February 7, 2002 6:30 PM
I thank god for women once a day. Three times on weekends.
by mg at February 7, 2002 6:58 PM
Hmmmm . . .Zia disappears for months and then comes back with a . . .bang?
by Charles at February 8, 2002 1:37 AM
I've almost stopped being squeemish about this, but maybe this post proves that I'm not quite there yet. My girlfriend is shocked at how calm I am about the whole thing - apparently most guys freak out over their girlfriend's periods. She's so circumspect - "Not Friday, I have a Red Flag."
by westernexposure at February 8, 2002 7:26 AM
So you don't go down on her those days?
by Charles at February 8, 2002 6:42 PM
No, even I have my limits. And besides, don't you know that blood isn't kosher?
by westernexposure at February 8, 2002 7:37 PM