« POP goes the world! | Main | Amidst the throes of passion »

effenheimer

Onan the Conqueror, the power of honesty and a wild cherry POP!

by effenheimer at 11:58 PM on December 08, 2001

I love you too MG, this web log stuff actually give me a location where someone will read my uncensored ramblings. Believe it or not, the good people of Council Bluffs are not ready to hear all my really deep dark secrets. Oh sure, they think I'm all crazy and wild because I say things like "Hal Daub is to Omaha what Joseph Goebels was to the Third Reich" when I can get away with it.

I never tell them my drugs are making me spray orange oily shit when I stand up without clenching, they just wouldnt appreciate that level of honest. Honesty is truly the only thing that really turns me on besides having my scrotum pulled tight and shaved by a woman i love and trust.

Lies are just too damn common and I don't mean the big ones, oh they are out there too. No I mean the common boring lies, the fake laugh, the feigned interest, the "hi how are you?" when someone just obviously does not give a fuck even in the theoretical. People are boring liars anyway, we lie so regularly that the lies are more just a ritualistic farce we go through like stopping at a red light on a deserted street at 4 in the morning when not even the cops would give a shit if you ran it. Jesus, is there even any reason to ask how I'm doing on a daily basis? Ask me how my diet is going and I will tell you the details, ask me how my novel is coming along and I will give you a list but "hi how are you?" I have answered that question one million times and now I say things like "not too shitty" or "sweeeeeet!" or "oh my god you don't even want to know!" just to liven things up.

From now on, I am going to answer that god damn question just so people will get offended that I did and when they do get offended I am going to shout "why the fuck did you ask if you didnt want to know? just say hello next time and LEAVE IT AT THAT!"

fifteen minutes til quittin' time and home to watch Dr. Who. GOD that show takes me back to my youth. GOD BLESS YOU IOWA PUBLIC TELEVISION FOR SHOWING DR. WHO NOW FOR WHAT 27 YEARS NON-STOP?!

normally, i would have stopped at the store for a can of Squeez-E Cheese and box of Wheat Thins, but tonight it is a case of Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi POP and mabye a can of black olives after i do my daily carb/calorie/fat calculations and see if there is any leeway for a few morsels. Three meals and one snack apple today, percectly normal, probably WAY under on calories. maybe I will hop on the stationary bike, that always takes the edge off my hunger, especially when i ride it naked so i can hear my belly slap against whatever the hell it is slapping against.

not for long though. did i mention my libido is coming back? jesus, the other day I beat little nazi johnny into submission and fell promptly to sleep. I woke up several hours later because of an intense erotic dream and I do mean INTENSE. It even featured a woman! what a stud! even hugh hefner probably never managed anything like that in his life.

just thought I would share this because we are all friends and you guys talk about your sex lives. Mine might be boring and onanistic but it is all i have for now.

comments (1)

well, don't feel lonely with your onanistic sex life -- these days, when i have sexy dreams, they involve self-love, it's all i really know to dream of. shit, should i really post this comment? naah...

by kd at December 11, 2001 3:50 AM