I'll treat this as some sort of confessional, and I must make haste before I second guess that decision and burn eternally in hell. I recanted the story of my reuniting with my baby's father elsewhere. I told all about how at lunch I kept looking at him and not feeling the same way ... blah blah blah ... closure ... blah blah blah ... felt sorry for him. I did, however, leave out a good part of the story. And that would be the part that came between "Let's rent The Mexican" and "See you later". That would be the part where we had a little bit of the sex. Just a little bit mind you. Nothing to panic over.
For the past few months I have thought about this situation over and over. What it was going to be like seeing him for the first time after he did me so wrong. Most of the time I envisioned myself looking very sophisticated and acting very aloof. He'd regret tossing me. He'd think,"Why, this isn't trash at all!"
I had envisioned meeting in the park where we'd talk about the baby and how all of those prenatal visits were going. We'd talk about names. We'd talk about how great I am. Never, never, did I envision we'd eat a couple of cheap steaks, rent a really bad movie, and end up rolling around on his paisley comforter.
I was totally honest about the fact that I had really reached a point where I was no longer even interested in being with this guy anymore, and that the only thing I felt for him across that table was pity. But I will also be honest and say that I really wanted to have the sex. I don't just have sex with whoever's around either. Perhaps that would be the more convenient route, but it's not mine. So I have to admit, to a much wider audience than I'd like to think about, that I, Melissa, used a man for nothing but sexual purposes. What's worse was the cockiness I exhibited afterwards. We're talking on the verge of using Austin Power's speak. Looking in the rear-view mirror and telling myself, "You are a sexy bitch aren't you?"
Worse than that? Tomorrow I'll be at lunch sharing this same story with my best friend, Amy. Only I'll be in a truer melly form. I'll be talking about him like he's a piece of man meat. I'll be talking about how he owed me this one. I'll be joking about how he fucked me and now I've fucked him. But that's okay because just a few miles away, he'll be at Nathan's house talking about how he hit that you know what. You know, we actually had the nerve to hug each other afterwards.
I can think of at least two people who walked away from that hug with a nice, sarcastic roll of the eyes. One of them thought enough of themselves to strut. That one was me. Female-chauvinist melly.
Melly, this isn't trash at all!
by mg at November 17, 2001 3:00 PM
Sounds like something I would do. It is a form of revenge sex...Now he will think about who actually won in that last session (Men often think they do!)I think he will have conflicting thoughts. Good.... and please, "Listen to your inner voice"!
by toxiclabrat at November 17, 2001 6:08 PM
I am glad to hear you finally got some.
by kd at November 17, 2001 9:21 PM
a friend once brought up the erotic possibilities of grudge sex, which sounds similar to revenge sex. i happened to be angry with my then-husband, so i tried it and found that my friend was right. very good. i especially enjoyed getting off [and then getting *off*, if you know what i mean] before my partner got off. now that is true revenge sex.
by lavonne at November 18, 2001 1:46 PM
heh, well I guess we'll have to keep reading both blogs
by Charles at November 18, 2001 5:34 PM
And now the kid will have a dent in her head.
Did I just type that?!!
by D at November 19, 2001 11:37 AM
A dent is the least of this child's worries.
by melly at November 19, 2001 7:40 PM
Move over, Snaggle. Melly is my new fave Bad Sam contributor. Whoo for you, girl. I would have nad no respect for you if you didn't strut afterwards. You rock.
by Lilly at November 21, 2001 7:32 PM