Punani is Hawaiin for "I'm straight."

by effenheimer at 12:54 PM on November 22, 2001

Happy Thanksgiving... from Honolulu, Hawai'i. I know what you're thinking: "What a lucky bastard. I wish I was in Hawaii. I wish I was this guy. Why can't I make sweet red hot monkey love to a guy like this?" Well believe me, it is not all it's cracked up to be... on either account.

What your travel agent never tells is Hawaii is a shithole!" Oh sure, it's technically a tropical paradise, but the reality is this place is a complete fucking disgrace. It looked so cool on Magnum PI, but I've seen parts of the South that were cleaner and more respectable and I've been to Mississippi. (listening to digital radio station Retro Active: the clash-should i stay or should i go?)

It is hotter than shit and so humid my nuts feel like three dumplings in a pot. (yes, three. it is that humid) At this rate I will not be able to go to the "relaxtion parlor" later. what a cute name for a handjob joint... relaxation parlor.

The god damn birds never shut the hell up and my buddy's house is at the bottom of a fucking volcano. You try to sleep with these conditions, it's really intolerable.(the replacements)

There are roads EVERYWHERE and no two of them run parallel so it is this huge mess of streets that make no god damn sense. Half the freaking palm trees are dead, there are Army boys everywhere and

that flight... Jesus H. Christ on a popscicle stick that was the longest 8 hours of my life. I flew through Dallas and apparently in Texas, random searches means they pick the swarthy men with goatees to search their shit. Fucking hayseeds. This bothers me not because I minded being searched. Yes, do random searches, RANDOM searches, but don't pick me out of the crowd because of my appearance then tell me to my face it is random. What really burns my ass is the first thing a terrorist would do is change his appearance enough to fool one of these dumbasses so here, in this situation, prejudice is not only immoral it could easily get someone killed because these crackers are checking the most suspicious people they can spot. A few blonde highlights and Osama bin Laden himself could waltz through Dallas International. (Sex Pistols-pretty vacant)

Jet lag is no problem, but the time difference has thrown off the old diabetes routine. Thank god I can just completely ignor by doctor's advice and do whatever I want and let the drugs do all my work for me. Later on, the drugs are going to help me consume massive amounts of turkey with gravy, mashed potatoes AND gravy, stuffing with liberal doses of gravy on it and my homemade gravy sopped up with a dinner roll the size of your head, chief. (annie lennox)

My buddy, Mark, has somehow not taught his children about the greatness which is thanksgiving. As an army guy he is sworn to protect our American way of life by killing foreigners, but, like a true American, he is too lazy to pass on American culture to his own offspring. He makes me want to puke my fucking guts out frankly and I might just piss on him while he sleeps. So I am here to teach him the fundamentals of Thanksgiving. I made a stuffing that is going to rock harder than Gene Simmons of KISS. Two cans of oysters, garlic, two Fuji apples, two onions, three stalks of celery, two carrots, giblets, this stuffing has everything: Tradition, honor, discipline, bread crumbs. It will rock or so help me god my name is not effenheimer! I'll let you know. (adam ant - strip)

Last night, we went to an all nude juice bar and I got pissed off because because they didn't make smoothies. If you are gonna advertize juice, then at least make an attempt. Now we don't have juice bars in Council Bluffs, our strip clubs are PG-13. So when this stripper shoved her punani in my face last night I was faced with the shocking possibility that I might in fact be gay. Sure, there is nothing wrong with that in theory, but theory doesn't help you out none when you are looking at the biggest clam in the shoppe and thinking, "oh please don't stick my face in it, please don't stick my face in it." Is it just me? I had this odd attraction/repulsion thing going on where I was kind of curious but sort of turned off by the idea of getting too close to it. Where's the mystery, the mystique... the UNDERPANTS?

So just to prove to myself and my buddy that I am straight, I had about $120 in lapdances (two-for-one specials all so that makes about 10 lapdances. WHAT?). Is this rampant Don Juanism or just my natural hetero instincts taking over?

Well, I have a bird to stuff and side dishes to prepare. It is almost 8 a.m. local time and I am gripped by the Fear.

comments (68)

please. it hurts when i laugh so much. thanks for the tip on hawaii. i won't be going there anytime soon, or visiting any 'juice bars' either!

by bornfamous at November 22, 2001 3:54 PM

Hmmm well it's Dallas-FORT WORTH International. And I think you mean "rednecks" (or "hicks") "Hayseeds" applies, I believe, only to places like Iowa.

by Charles at November 22, 2001 9:34 PM

I live in Honolulu. I hate it here, and no one ever understands why. Thank you for confirming my sanity, at least when it comes to how badly I think Hawaii sucks.

by westernexposure at November 23, 2001 12:04 PM

well i can definitely see why you would hate it. all the tourists for one suck ass and i should know because i am one of the mo fo's.

and it is expensice as hell.

i did get to swim in the pacific for the first time in my life yesterday and that did rock.

tell you what, you come to Iowa and tell me which one you hate more.

truth is, every place sucks in its own way. every city is unique and can be made into whatever you want. sure that sounds like happy joy bullshit but between starting your own band, theater company, comedy troupe or lesbian poetry reading club, you can make whatever city you live in whatever you want.

i'm hitting the glass submarine today then the missouri and arizona before i do the flea market tomorrow to buy myself some more of these awesome huge shorts with the flowers and surfboards on them. then its off to the vietnamese joint for beef soup. that is pretty good and i must learn to make it myself.

if you have any good recommendations for some fun, shoot me an email mein freund.

by effenheimer at November 23, 2001 1:32 PM

WAY too Funny !! You've got the gift. Too True, strip bars both rule and suck. So it's really that bad there? I'm probably moving to east Oahu later this year. Any advice?

by Andy at February 13, 2002 10:30 AM

haha. I agree w/ effenheimer...well it's not that it sux your just sick of it. i live in california. all my friends say it sux & they want out...to move to places like Las Vegas or France or something. I want to move to hawaii sometime (haha long time but i've been many times before coz i got family there) - i'm sick of being cold (although it's not even here on anyone's scale) and feeling slightly dizzy all the time and feeling like i'm always under pressure compared to everyone else's facepaced life & mustangs (well maybe i am)...but then again i might drown or washed out by a tsunami or get eaten by mosquitos. it seems like the more people get of something the less they want it...unless it's money or sommat

by aiko at June 20, 2003 1:50 PM

Thank you for the article. I just moved here 2 months ago, after planning my move w/ my roomate for 2 years. Damn, I hate it here. When we visited fora week or two at a time, it was fine because everything was new to us and the beaches were cool. Now I see the REAL place and people. The 'Aloha' spirit is a total MYTH. and I mean total. the bums on the streets of San Francisco are friendlier. NO smiles, NO manners, NOT even a whistler from anyone. Everyone just lopes down the sidewalk like living dead.
God, what did I get into? Please heed my warning. Dont come here. Im getting out as soon as I can save a few $$$.

by Ronnie Shaddoc at June 25, 2003 1:25 AM

your right FUCK HAWAII, FUCK HAWAII IN ITS DUMB GOAT ASS

by at July 3, 2003 10:55 AM

well first off what did you expect , you live in honolulu! that snot the real hawai'i is the big iland the real hawai'i is my bbq's with all my frien and the real hawai'i is the uke, no? you say that aloha spirit is dead, i its not dead in hawai'i it's just dead in your heart. look a little closer...

MAhalo...

by Kaleo parker at July 21, 2003 11:30 PM

I see where you are coming from as far as how you view Oahu...let's say this much, it's not a party. It's a business created by the American way and values instilled in its local politico that everyone who does situate themselves in and around the Honolulu/town area are pretty much prostitutes. Meaning they do sell each other's souls to live there. Notice how many locals, born and raised, work in town compared to where they live. They live where we find it to be clean, well at least where it used to be clean. Why just last week some mainland US Army boys just coming back from their mission to protect America from bad information are sucking up brews and ripping up in a playground just a 100 yds from my back yard in the private neighborhood I overpaid to live in. I go down and ask them to keep it down, sheesh it's 2am. They ask me if I appreciate what they did for me. I told them no, they got all pissed and tried to intimidate (at least I thought so). I defended myself and sent them back to combatives school to learn how to fight with passion rather than fight with false bravery. Unfortunately the next day my family and a few of my neighbors had to clean up after these Army boys who obviously were bored with being in Hawaii and decided to make our local environment look like scenes out of movies made in the the US cities.

Now this is just a story of what happens in some communities here. Not really the whole state. There have been countless people who are not of mainland migration that have made a mess of Hawaii as well. I am not proud of that...so I support your observation on the mess you saw. As far as attitude, well there are nice people, who are outnumbered by little shits. Just remember one thing that exists in Hawaii that only locals can understand- a good ass woopin can get you far, meaning you giving the ass woopin. Now that has changed over time so anyone can do anything to you and you won't be allowed to express your feelings because the law of our state and nation doesn't allow you to express because you'll get sued.

Tell you this much, many people that I have met that have lived in the mainland all their life moved here to Hawaii to be with family because in the mainland there still exists colorism- meaning US has no clue what ethic backgrounds actually look like- so they treat all darker than white (and not sun tanned) as low class even if we are loaded with more bling than everyone in a restaurant. Colorism exists in the US mainland, in Hawaii it's more diverses than that. Everyone gets discriminated against here, but can unite when it comes down to scrapping a white boy (sad huh?)

Thank you for your posting experience in Haole-ville, which was made and presented to you by the Democratic Party of Hawaii. They try so hard to pimp us locals and our homes. Too bad you didn't get a chance to try the Korean Relaxation Parlors here...it's more fun trying to understand why that's the only cheap industry in comparison to mainland relaxation parlors.

by Feel your Pain? at July 31, 2003 10:06 PM

forgot to mention...in the Big Island there still exists 'Kill Haole Day'...and as moronic as it is, it does draw the line between paradise and real Hawaii. Also one thing you'll notice is that Hawaiian slang and words are mispronounced even by locals but who cares since Hawaiian isn't the most spoken language or dialect in Hawaii. And to reveal the 'Aloha Spirit' to you, there was never such spirit originating from Hawaiian natives. 'Aloha Spirit' was created by white/western businessmen when they began pimping the people of Hawaii (literally pimping because town was known for its prostitutes as it was a legit business, until the church and state got together). The Hawaiian women would literally swim to ships and 'Aloha' or love the shipmen. 'Aloha' became the catch-phrase that has stuck. Not too many locals know this sad truth, but I believe what you expected was a respect given to you that you, yourself would have given to visitors in your home.

by Feel Your Pain? at July 31, 2003 10:14 PM

I have no idea what is directed at me or the previous poster, but as the dude who wrote that A LONG TIME AGO, i had to say my first impressions of Hawaii were of the area around the airport and that wasn't representative. After my week in Hawaii, on Oahu, I have to say I came to appreciate honolulu for its diversity, chinese japanese korean whites blacks portugese. I felt right at home. As a fat dude, I don't like to go to lakes around my home state of Iowa because people are pricks, but in Hawaii, anything goes and people are plenty laid back enough to let a fat guy have his swim and not find it amusing.

I also blended in well. even a hawaiin dude I met started talking pidgeon to me because he thought I was somoan. I felt right at home, but I dig what you mean about being pimped. White people dont seem to get it that even if they are pimping you good points, they are still fucking pimping you and that aint cool.

by eff at August 1, 2003 6:28 PM

Just like most places, a ghetto exist somewhere in any
city. Whether it be the people or the environs.
Honolulu/Waikiki area is the product of haole pimps
disguise as missionarys. With the help of the U.S. Marines,
they pretty much detailed the script of what once a home
sweet home for many of us to another mainland shithole.

I suggest traveling to the Big Island and find the true
aloha spirit.

by Kaipo Z at August 16, 2003 1:27 AM

I dunno who the person is that says the big island is anthing better than any of these other damn rocks out here in the middle of nowhere, but that's a freakin big ass lie! This place sux THE WORST OF ALL!! There is NOTHING here on the Kona side: a borders, a walmart, one safeway, Kmart and Macy's. The rest is triple price tourist rip off shacks. The Hilo side has more places to go, even a pitiful so called mall with maybe 20 or so stores in it. But it takes 2 damn hours to get over there...screw that!
They beat the living shit out of all our mail and most of my xmas pkgs. got here on January 26th of the following year. You never saw so many bugs in your life and they are hard as hell to kill. I live in a posh place and we have ROOF RATS!! Ya not shit, real RATS!! Big fuzzy plague spreaders! I hear they are common! That's a real comfort when I can hear them digging into the dry wall in the attic right over my bed or in the hall, etc. Paradise my ASS!! This is the most pathetic, disgusting place on the planet! Bangladish aside of course! There is NOTHING to do. The people are rude and hateful, Fuck is their favorite word. Their little kids act like animals in the stores. And I am also one who hates the Damn birds! they make the most horrible weird noises and they never shut up, I dream of owning a nice 22. The noise level is way to high.
Construction is a nightmare if u live within a mile of the site. Say nothing of what it's like when it's a few lots away or next door. They use caterpillar jack hammers ALL DAy LONG to make a few ft. of progress for a pipe to go in or something. IT takes twice as many of them, twice as long to do ANYTHING as it does any other humans. And steal, OMG, if it's not welded or otherwise secured, it's gonna be gone in a heartbeat whatever it is. GOd forbid you should ever have to leave your car on the road, it will be stripped by the time the tow truck gets there!
Ya HAwaii is my idea of HELL opn earth, glad we all agree!

by T. at October 6, 2003 3:15 AM

T, what did you expect from the Big Island? What piece of crap advertisement did you study about the Big Island?

2 Hrs is actually very short between two places. Just ask somebody from California or from other parts of the Continental US that has to drive 2-3hrs to go to work and 2-3hrs to get home? That's 9-5 every week. That's a long drive. Oahu has everything a suburbanite-townie would ever want. That leaves very little to imagination.

You actually go to a tropical island to go the mall? Wow! lol

Concerning your mail, it's beat the shit out of no matter where you are.

Nature to you is Dr Doolittle right? Animals only exist when you speak to them? Name me a perfect place that nature has none of what you complain about? I laughat the fact you have a hard time killing the bugs. What do you use? Do you use the sissy spray or do you use your zori? Watch the barbarian animals and rude locals, they kill will extreme force. Rats! Birds! Why don't you kill them? Too busy crying and cowering in fear?

Funny you complain about construction. Must have started just after you moved in, and you didn't know it was gonna happen. Better get your pimpin' lawyer to do something about it. It always works. To address the stealing...you can thank the influx of drugs and havenots into Hawai'i. Something that feels so good can make people do the most unimaginable things.

So since it is so bad in Hawai'i for you, collect your pride and move on to another paradise. Good luck finding one so diverse. And yeah locals aren't gonna kiss your ass unless they are paid to. Respect is also earned within local circles. When it is then maybe then you will experience paradise?

You must also be a major eco-tourist. Yeah Big Island has some nice scenery, but the activities involved in the scenery are against the beliefs of eco-tourism. Go hiking wearing perfume or cologne, if you hear a bush ruffle run because a hunter will shoot you with his bow. Might just be me

by Pain at October 12, 2003 12:56 AM

I as well live in hawaii, and agree that the aloha spirit isn't what it is made out to be. I also agree that the heat does suck but thats what air conditioning is for right? honolulu is the city, and most of oahu is spoiled by military bases, tourists, and poor people. I own properties on the big island, 2 on maui, kauai, lana'i, moloka'i, 2 in oregon, and 3 in claifornia, as well as 6 on oahu. my favorite house on oahu is on the windward side, it is much cooler, people are nicer, and its more like "paradise" than the west side of oahu. And yes people in oregon are probably more friendly. but if you're only going to stay in one spot of hawaii, what do you expect? and by the way you are typifying the close-minded pig headed white man by stereo typing all of hawaii and it's people based on your experience. if you complain about it so much, what do you expect? you deserve the treatment you get. why do you thick you're stuck here? i would tell you to get out if you don't like it here, but as i would expect you're to poor to. This place isn't such a hole when you have money, a positive attitude, and a smile on your face. Maybe god will bless with some good fortune if you did something good with your time. and just f.y.i. this place was made a hell hole by you haoles. you came here to make it better and now you're complaining about it. i guess i'm just fortunate enough to be able to see the paradise in hawaii in my AIR CONDITONED $4.5 million estate, drive on the roads that make no sense in my $85,000 MERCEDES, and fly FIRST CLASS to my $8 million estate in OREGON when hawaii does suck. if you don't like it don't ruin it for the poor people of hawaii, they're ecomnomy doesn't need you.

by rants and raves at October 19, 2003 1:33 AM

I actually enjoyed reading this..lots of memories... I lived in Honolulu 20 years (most of my life really)...and yeah....I finally had enough....

pretty good though for a haouli boy.... :P

(ahhh...I was kamaaina too.... :)

I think most people handle 2 or 3 years before they get rock fever. It's good for surf....beach...party...hawaiian foods (lau lau and some kalbi...miss it)....and oh yeah....the strip bars....used to be the best in the world....at least in the late 80's early 90's (you could have some real fun back then)....it was a lot less crowded then too (early 80's)...drinking age was 18....i had a blast...and such peaceful nature....beautiful back then. Even some fun night clubs back then...

The 90's ruined it...drugs...too many people....economy went down...religion (lets not forget the born agains...)...club scene got kinda stuck.

But the REAL Hawaiian people....what a beautiful people....nothing like getting invited to a real local cook out on the beach (da kine) and having a few beers with some local bradas....mmmmm...best grindz and music....the sea.

I lived the rich life there....the poor life....the student life....all kinds.

You'll always be in my heart Hawaii...

Aloha nui...

Christian (CD) - Berlin, Germany

(yeah....i found a new cool place to hang out....lol)

PS - if someone knows me (think I knew too many people there...lol)....drop a line....like hearing from you...

by Kaimana at December 2, 2003 6:32 PM

Geez If you people dont like hawaii and what it has to offer quite bitching about it and leave... kill yourself....jump off a cliff....just dont bring other people down with your hate.
aloha

by kilika at December 30, 2003 5:33 AM

Doing a search to find dialects or pidgin.. Came across this decided to give it a read.. Excellent, although I dont hold the same feelings as you do for Hawaii though the way you xpressed yourself was done quite well. I hold alot of the feelings that Christian (CD) probably has for the wonderful group of rocks. I really enjoyed the years spent there. I like to think back and enjoy the memroies that carry with me from the islands and from all the other exotic locales Ive seen.

by Ken at April 25, 2004 10:54 AM

u know what. all theese posts about "oh i hate hawaii, oh its too hot here"...... WHATEVER i guarantee haole's posted them all. this is to all you haoles. you dont like hawai'i and hawai'i doesn't like you so pack your bags and go back to california or utah or where ever you used to call home and take america with you. SOVEREIGNTY.
=1 HAWAI'IAN NATION=

by kalei at May 13, 2004 6:11 AM

Well said bruddah! Exactly what I was thinking.

by Bufo at August 17, 2004 4:12 PM

A lot of people have comments about Hawaii sucking ass. I've lived here for 4 years and hate it more every day. I did get a chance to go out and see a few of the other islands. Oahu is the island that you should ban from you're list of places to go. Go to Maui or the "Big Island" Hawaii. When your travel agent sets you up tell him you want to visit the other islands. Oahu is way too crowded and due to that fact the people, especially the locals, destroy the land. Every building here that isn't in Waikiki area is ugly as sin. The cats and mongooses own the wilderness. The have what I call "do do" birds around here that don't get off the damn road until the last second making you think you hit them. Sometimes you do but mostly not. The major roads and highways are packed at: 6:30AM-8AM, again about 12NOON, and again from 4:30-7PM roughly. Coming to Oahu during Christmas time the roads are packed all damn day long. Everyone and their mothers are out there doing that last minute shopping or just out there because they "have to go somewhere". As bad as Oahu is there is lots to do but mostly only in the Honolulu area. They do have nice beaches but like I said the people abuse the land and I can guarantee that you have a good chance of getting cut by glass or getting that mouthfull of seawater mixed with tourist piss. Speaking of glass, there is broken glass everwhere on the roads. I have been biking here everywhere since I reject a car ownership here for 4 years. My wheels look like hamburger after about 5 months of hard riding as long as they don't get punctured. With all the money that tourism brings here I really don't understand where the money goes. I know for a fact that they don't put it into improving anything out of the Waikiki area. There are alternatives to Hawaii as well. Saipan is a small island in the pacific ocean. It is much worse than Oahu! If anyone living in Oahu thinks it sucks here then it would be Hell in Saipan! Guam is another small island in the pacific. There is much less to do in variety than Oahu but they have much better diving than Hawaii I'd say. You can get your hands on rare big guns and fire them off in a range. They have the slingshot! So after you come back from the sickest, wildest, craziest, most exotic nude dance club you can hop on the slingshot all sloshed and get launched up into the sky. I recommend club USA! Singapore is an island just south of China. They have the best places that I've seen to buy clothing, shoes, food, ....pretty much anything! The island is overpouplated but they control traffic on the road by putting heavy costs on ownership of personal vehicles. Almost everyone there uses mass transit which I'd have to say is the best! Taxis are a bit expensive. You can buy food from McDonalds using your mass transit card...how about that! The nighlfe is lively and wild. Almost everyone out there dresses up to go out. The bums don't even look like bums!
For those that want to move to Oahu for any reason this list is for you.
1.)Getting your pet here will cost you lots of $$ and its a slow process.
2.)Everything here is expensive. The gasoline here costs the most of all 50 states.
3.)If you have specific brands you like then you probably won't find them here. Technology doesn't exactly come here as fast as say California so you most likely have to import it from online stores and they only send 2 day which costs big bucks.
4.)They don't have many good stores to buy from. When you try to find a specific store the roads make it difficult to find.
5.)Hawaiians are in the minority here. The major populaion is of Japanese decsent or Island mutts/Locals. Most of them are stupid and unfriendly.
6.)Cops here suck! I think it has something to do with the fact that they live here and are a Local and therefore stupid.
7.)Nobody knows how to drive properly. Turn signals are optional to these people. Rarely do people stop at stop signs...they just roll by. When a red light is lit for awhile traffic still flows throught. I have a hard time trying to stay alive out there on bike. Also, when it rains here more than a light drizzle the people forget how to drive and soon after the rain begins the ambulance is out there scraping the roads of the remains.
8.)If you want to buy property or a house you can expect about $200,000 to $700,000 for a good place. Renting a place in waikiki area can run you about $400/month in a crappy no security building or in the high roller places that runs anywhere from $1,000 to $6,000 per month depending on how high and what view is available.
9.)The roads are low maintenance and pot holes will most likely do some damage to your suspension. Also, you probably will get a nail, screw, or glass puncture within a year so save up for new tires!
10.)If you're single and want to marry a hawaiian girl then be my guest! These women are out of their mind. I think it has something to do with being cooped up on this rock and never leaving it. They are set in their ways and stupid as stupid gets. Also, if you break up with them they usually have large families and will set their brothers on you. You will be happier and live longer staying away from them.
11.)Speaking of stupid. If you have kids and want them to go to school then you are in for a surprise. Almost all the schools here look like rundown low security prisons. All schools here have the lowest GPA of almost anywhere in the USA! Lots of the kids skip out and go to the beaches or malls. Recently the teachers went on strike. They might as well just have let them continue since they really don't do much teaching anyway.
12.)If you want to buy a car here they have a poor selection and they add a $3000 "just because it was sold in hawaii" fee to each new car sold. You also must purchase Hawaiian plates to make your car street legal. Unless you are in the military in which you can get details about that from your command when you arrive.
13.)The sun here is strong most times of the year. If you are irish or scottish then you will burn badly! Most of the rainfall comes during the winter months. In some places the power lines and telephone lines are so old and damaged that any rainfall causes an outage or grounds the telephone service so it is down for a few hours or days.
14.)Almost the whole island has cell phone coverage which is surprising. If you plan on going hiking or trail riding then thats probably where you won't get coverage.
15.)Cockroaches rule the island. You can be the cleanest guy in the world and still get an occasional visit by these fearless monsters. They are gigantic and are not afraid of you. Usuallly you can chase them for awhile and then they start to chase you. Its amusing and scary sometimes.
16.)In the near future due to population rise they will be having problems supplying potable water to regions of Oahu. Also, the locals have no respect for the land and usually dump their old junk appliances where they can which increases the chance of ruining what water supplies are still avaiilable. This can be witnessed by going near some harbors and smelling the water. It reeks!
17.)For such a small island with little resources of its own I'm surprised they don't have an enforced recycling program. I know of an old closed down landfill that they started to grow crops on. For this reason I refuse to buy "Hawaiian grown" produce whenever I can. These people scare me! God knows what toxins are collecting in those melons and vegetables. I don't worry about buying pineapples though. Those fields have been dedicated to growing the paradise fruits for ages.
18.)Despite all the bad things that I have said the island still possesses beauty that most likely cannot be destroyed by humans. The mountains and hills that cannot be populated, trails, and waterfalls are preserved. I enjoy the sunlight and weather most of the time. If you truely want to live here see if you can find a place temporarly for a month or two to see for yourself. The people living here are content because they know nothing else...for them this is their life.
The email address I posted is bogus because I know this post will generate a lot of hatred from locals of Oahu but what I speak is true! Its a nice place to visit but I wouldn't want to live here. Not anymore at least.

by Sneaky Pete at September 10, 2004 2:09 AM

Look haole, nobody asked you kooks to move here, most of the time we tell you go back to the mainland, this is our home, we dont go to your home and start talking shit. I have recently moved to Calif. not by choice but because of work, you dont hear me bitching about it. I will move back to Haleiwa soon but for now Im here and making the best of it. You stupid kooks see magnum pi , or some tourist video and say "gee dear, lets move there" then when you get here, you realize that its not a Hollywood movie.
Locals including myself wont be making it comfortable for you either, its our culture, that you haole assholes tried to take from us but guess what kook? Not happening, all of these shitty haole comments Im reading is the reason me and my boyz beat the shit outta you guys when you wander off to to places youre not suppose to be. Stay off the Local spots and watch your mouth and maybe we'd ease up, but i doubt it so, betta yet, go back to the mainland kook!!!!!!!!! O'Hana Taloa Haleiwa Pipe Boyz

by Big Joe Taloa at September 14, 2004 6:52 PM

I'm a local person educated on the Mainland...
Colorado to be specific.

My first year and a half was Hell and I thought the place sucked
(Colorado).
After that, I never wanted to return to Hawaii after somehow being woven
in numerous ways
into the fabric of Colorado.
A relationship with a wahine has brought me back to Hawaii where I've been for the last
30 years and I love this island more every day, in spite of increasing
problems.
Still, I've made life long pals w/ some Colorado folks and I'll treasure
memories and lessons.
My world became bigger.

It dawned on me that a Cultural Anthropology class I attended spoke of
an"Acculturation Process"
which means that the wide -eyed upbeat new resident will reach a point in
a new culture
that will have him spitting nails and in an intense, vile dislike for the
awkward position he's
required to be in. adjusting to a different environment and culture (the
buildup take approx. a year). Somehow, (the cultural
anthropologists have got it pegged) after a year, the veil of hatred for
the new environment and culture
may lift, and ....!

Some people, like a lot of ranters, are successful in their social
settings back where they
originally reside and find it difficult to adjust. I must say, from my
experience, I was no
different. Constant reminders that one has to work their way up a social
ladder depletes
certain hormone levels and adds other certain stress hormones (gluccorticoids?). They feel shitty and
angry.
Again, I've been there. As monkeys in the wild beat up the smaller
monkeys after getting their own
asses kicked( to regain
their testostorone levels)....an angry ranter mayl try to do this via the
internet.

Wherever you travel...or decide to reside...there's so many ways to add
to a community.

Local Guy

by Local Guy at September 26, 2004 4:57 PM

Just a last note directed to Big Joe Taloa from the proud hawaiian nation of losers. During my stay on Oahu for 4 years I was only beaten once and it wasn't by your fellow O'Hana. No, It was a simple misunderstanding of a drunk man that was in the Marines. Your O'Hana attempted beat downs about 5 times but every time we left them bloody and almost unable to walk. To rub it in your face...we did it outnumbered and almost always drunk. So Big Joe Taloa (pussy of Hawaii and California) find work elsewhere or have someone smack you upside the head with a shovel you Aboriginie wanna be. Walking meatbag bludger with 3 fat sisters working at Dancers. I hope that I meet you in some alley so I can show you how to repair your pathetic roads with your face! One last question, what are you doing watching magnum pi? Missing home are ya?
O'Hana Taloa Haleiwa Pipe Boyz meat grinder

by Sneaky Pete at November 16, 2004 5:00 AM

nobody mentioned all the dogs that constantly bark and how loud locals are

by maui newbie at December 16, 2004 4:45 PM

Boo hoo hoo there's myna birds chirping outside my window! And there's no decent strip clubs where I can act like a stupid misogynist pig and powertrip in typical fat-boy-that-can't-get-laid stlye! Oh, what hell! But I'm not leaving because I like living in a place where I can feel superior to everyone while ogling all the hot young girls who wear next to nothing cuz its so bloody hot! If you hate Hawaii and Hawaiians so much, fat-ass, there are daily flights to pretty much anywhere else in the world and you're more than welcome to hop on the next one. If you think people are unfriendly there, try living in the Bay area of glorious California--if you don't drive a Beamer and wear Armani you can forget about being treated like a human being unless of course you're shelling out dope money to a grateful piss-on-the-phonebooths bum. Then you might experience a fleeting moment of genuine human gratitude before some snotnosed bitch lays on her horn and tries to run you over(while laughing of course) for making her wait an extra .065 seconds cuz you misjudged the length of a red light and didn't get out of the crosswalk within your alloted time frame. Then there's Los Angeles, where crosswalks don't even exist because the only time people get out of their cars is when they parade their anorexic asses up and down Sunset Blvd looking for a meaningful overnight relationship(actually a whole night is too big a committtment for most SoCalers). At least the roads aren't full of potholes and there's actually free parking within the city limits down there. Yeah, I found the folks in Portland to be quite friendly too--I especially liked it when my boyfriend and I went into a bar to play pool and got propositioned by two young local white men(it must've been that slutty baggy sweatshirt and my come-hither Nikes that gave them the impression I was for sale--or maybe they just figured I was an Indian women--you know how easy those darkies are). The bar owner was really cool too--she tore herself away from her frumpy galpals in their knitting/chain smoking cirlcle just long enough to cook me a lukewarm veggieburger(it was her first and she wasn't sure what to do with it since there was no blood) and imply that we were crackheads since we were from out of state. I was born and raised on Maui and yeah Hawaii sucks in a lot of ways(vicious small-town gossip, racism, prices comparable to Alaska, San Fransisco, Tokyo,etc,) but your complaints are so shallow its pretty obvious that you wouldn't be happy anywhere exept that fantasy land that men of your ilk insist on pushing on those of us who both know better AND try to do better. As for Hawaiian women being crazy, I don't see many redeeming qualities in the catty, materialistic white bitches here on the mainland. Maybe they're crazy because too many men have treated them like shit, and yes domestic violence is a big problem in Hawaii, but try having your land yanked out from under you by greedy, ARROGANT foreigners with overwhelming superiority complexes and don't-give-a-shit attitudes(sound familiar?) and see if your culture doesn't suffer a little for it. With pigs like you migrating to the islands and whining about shit like the weather(apparently you were't aware that Hawaii is closer to the equator than any other state--that means TROPICAL-HOT-DUH!!!) Do the women of Hawaii a favor and go the fuck back to whatever stripper-happy state your sorry ass originated from. By the way, the quarantine laws for pets were changed almost a year ago, so now Paris Hilton( one of those admirable mainland chicks you so yearn for) can get her bug-eyed little ankle-biter back by her side in less than a week! Kill Haole day was created thanks to dipshits like you.

by mutt at December 21, 2004 10:07 PM

To all you "Braddahs" from Hawaii, you're just a bunch of lazy, slow speaking niggers.

by csjedi at December 23, 2004 4:32 AM

I’m a little horrified by people’s ignorance and disrespect. I teach middle school where that type of behavior runs rampant but you’d think adults would be more mature – I mean resorting to “cyber fights”. I love Hawaii and specifically Oahu. Maybe it is because I don’t worry about strip clubs and relaxation parlors (really, how pitiful). I was just blown away by it’s beauty. We stayed on the North Shore and I got used to the pace, and the people. I’d love to live and teach there and try to grow to be apart of the community. I currently teach at a 90% Puerto Rican school and I am as white as you can get. I had to work damn hard to prove myself to both those kids and their families before I was thought of as a “cousin” and it was worth it. Why should it be any different for you complainers? Get to know people, earn their trust and maybe your experiences would be different. Life is what you make it, you can choice to be happy or choice to be miserable. I came here to see if anyone would have any practical guidance in moving. Some of you did offer some good tips but I would be very grateful if someone would email me with the honest truth about what all is involved so I can figure out if I can swing this or not financially. My dream would be to teach in a "ghetto" school and work on my Master's in Counseling. I appreciate your help in advance.

Laura Hemingway
Florida

by Laura at April 4, 2005 5:54 PM

I have lived in Hawaii for over a year and am not very fond of it at all. No, I do not frequent titty bars or "parlors"--but I'm sure that if I ever wanted to I wouldn't be wanting for selection. There is at least one in every corner! Of course, I'd be hard-pressed to get to said shitholes on account of the amazing amount of potholes that never get fixed, and the number of morons getting into car accidents any time it rains less than an inch (which, if you 've been here at all, you know is a near-daily occurrence). And then there are the people who actually cross the highway on foot and close it down for hours, or the people who decide to commit suicide on said highway (yes, H-1) and.... you guessed it, shut the poor highway down for hours.
As for the city and county government: there's the ridiculous spending on dumb matters, such as nice signs for crappy neighborhoods (yes, Pearl City... it's all about you) or planting and then tearing out the trees on Kalakaua Avenue. There is the lack of priority when it comes to either fixing the highways or building new ones on a place whose population density keeps growing exponentially. And the ongoing mistrust of the light-rail system-- which although it would cost money, would probably solve more problems than the stupid buses that stop on every single motherfucking corner! This is a ridiculous place, run mostly by ridiculous people-- with some exceptions. Granted, you can be annoyed and find awful places anywhere; but Hawaii is overrated, overpopulated and does not do right by its own people. And there are nice, charming and generous people here, but unfortunately they are eclipsed by their numbnuts counterparts.

As for Ms. Hemingway.... if you want to sound erudite on a public forum and above the horrible complainers, you'd do well to at least proofread or spell-check your entry. ("it's beauty"? "apart of the community"? "choice to be"?) I cringe to think you're a teacher. As far as "swinging it financially," unless you have a spouse with a very good income or in the military, I think you might have unrealistic goals in moving to Hawaii: it is very expensive to live here, and not doable with only one teacher's salary. Teachers in Hawaii are not paid too well, but you might want to check the DOE site: http://doe.k12.hi.us/personnel/teachinginhawaii.htm. Good luck. You'll need it.

by M at April 19, 2005 2:28 PM

Hawaii sucks........I lived on that shit hole called the big island (should have been called the big suck). The locals are soooooooo friggin' ignorant and very backwards. I met only a few coconuts that were merely friendly. Most of these jungle savages had a stupid stone look on their faces. These idiots couldn't make it on the mainland. I laughed my ass off ever day there, watching these morons live the way they do. I really tried to 'fit' in with these savages and open up to their culture but after a while I just gave up. I have never seen people so damned dumb in all my life. If ignorance is their culture then they are rich in it. I couldn't wait to leave that shit hole in the pacific. To be honest, I wish that the volcano would blow and put that toilet island back on the bottom of the ocean where it belongs. F the coconut niggers, they're all punk ass, un-educated, poi eating bitches. HAWAII SUCKS AND HAWAIIANS SUCK MORE...........

by HawaiiHater at April 26, 2005 10:30 AM

The only reason why you Haoles think Hawaii sucks is because you guyz are what we locals call HAOLES!!!!! And yes we like to beat up haoles for fun too. Because they think that they're top shit. Like they're fuckin better than us locals. That's why we have fun in treating haoles bad, calling haoles any kind of shit, and the best of all.......Just Fuckin Kicking Their Ass all over Hawaii. So one thing left to be said FUCK HAOLES and FUCK THE DAMN TOURIST!!!!!!!! BITCH!!!!

by Hawaiian4life at April 29, 2005 1:47 AM

I request to you sir, Please communicate with us. We are Indians. We have surrounding poor christian childrens. Please help for books and cloths

by Vilas.M.Jogul at May 29, 2005 6:21 AM

what in gods name is wrong with you and your shit head comments about hawaii?! wow, you didn't like it, go cry to your mom! so fuck you and your dumb fucking personality!! your so fucking lame, you piece of shit! go fuck youself. you should burn in fucking hell you basterd! i'm with every body AGAINST you! your gonna get your ass kicked some day, i only hope i could see it. like americas any better! YOU FAT ASS BITCH

also im not from hawaii, i respect its people.

by screw you at June 19, 2005 1:40 AM

What is funny is the fact the US took Hawaii and those indians barely picked up a tomahawk to stop them. What a bunch of pussies. Next time the whiteman rolls-up, at least pick up a stick or throw a rock. I think even monkeys would do that to defend their shit.

Hawaiians = Owned.

by Whitey at June 28, 2005 3:55 AM

I came to only one conclusion after reading your rant. YOU ARE GAY - just haven't figured it out yet.

by Daniel at July 10, 2005 11:59 PM

No wonder I hate haoles and how they expect the fucking world when they come to Hawaii. Stay home.The aina does not need anymore fucktards like you.

by keoki at August 6, 2005 1:01 PM

I used to live on Kauai, and I didn't have nearly the bad experiences I'm reading about. I never tried too hard to fit in, You know, like the 55 year old woman trying to wear her hair a certain way and wear the same clothes her 22 year old daughter goes out clubbing in? kind of like that, if you try too hard. I had respect for their culture, because it was so different from mine (Cleveland, Ohio) I wasn't going to change anyone, I did however want to experience what they were about. I made friends and went to family parties that were the REAL version of the commercial luau that tourists pay for and only know their partner. the commercial luau is like going to a buffet restaurant. Oahu is not my choice, I found Honolulu to not be as friendly as I would have wanted it to be, but I'm not a big city person. I don't like washington dc, atlanta, cleveland, detroit, chicago, or tampa, either. That's just my choice. I find the same problems with all the big cities I have been in, so I choose to stay out. I had a wonderful 3 years on Kauai. I visited the other Islands and liked Maui also. Did I mention that I travel? I've had the opportunity to live in a suburb of chicago, virginia, florida, louisiana, suburb of cleveland, as well as kauai... out of places I've lived, Kauai is my favorite. But since I started moving as a child, I learned to expect each and every place to have it's own personality, it' own pro's and con's. If I were to move cross country, I would not expect a cookie-cutter copy of what I had just left. I have to agree with so many opinions that if you (no one in specific) don't like it, MOVE. There is far more there than meets the eye. As far as America TAKING the islands... Well, Captain Cook and his crew brought disease that decimated the population. The Hawaiians have been treated almost as badly as other Native American Indians have been by our Government, but hey,"we're all americans now". Yeah, right. These people have a culture and a spirit of individuality that most americans cannot grasp. They are doing a decent job of maintaining that heritage in part because of the isolation of the islands. and in part because of the way we (mainlanders) go over with our attitudes and money and think that we are "all that and then some" Very much the way we do when we go anywhere in the world. We force them to not like us, and then we get angy at THEM? Almost all europeans speak 2 languages. Many speak 3 or 4. Most americans speak 1. I enjoyed Hawaii for what it is, what it was, and how it treated me. but then, even though I don't like big cities, I appreciate many aspects about them. If you're an adult and don't like it, move. If you're in the military there and don't like it, suck it up like a man and wait to rotate out, you could be somewhere worse. Tracy

by Tracy at August 9, 2005 4:00 AM

Hi okay. i am going to post my comments. I have been on the island of oahu for about 3 months now from what i have seen the Island is awesome. there is alot to do if you are an outdoors guy and the night life aint to bad either. not great but not shabby. my main problem is the socially acceptable racism bye a good chunk of the locals against those of us not lucky enough to be born here. I am from oklahoma orriginally (I'm a hick i know lol) and was brought here by the Army to live on pearl harbor(strike two i know) alot of the locals are friendly warm and inviting but the ones who automatticaly see me and think white satan well to use a redneck phrase chaps my ass. I personally love to experiance local culters i lived in iraq for almost 2 years and grew to love the culture and clubs over there. you can often find me exploring area that people have warned me against goin to cause i am whit. because if i am living some where i want to experiance that place and not the tourist traps of it.
I dont go any where trying to find a fight and i would like to start seeing some common respect to live and let live on this island. again this isn't all local but a good number are like this.

by aaron at August 14, 2005 11:29 PM

wat da fuck. hawaii aint dat fuckin back k. i live Maui. Even if Maui does sux dats still my home island. and fuck if i could i would only go hawaii for vacation. but stil yet you shouldn't be talk your guyz shit. k. cuz brah dats like races. wat you fuckahs is races or sum thing. if you guyz really hate hawii dat much den keep it to your self k. buh bye if like you can email me back i noe kare k by

by cherae at August 18, 2005 3:54 PM

ah...Hawa'i's not all that bad.

by Chris at August 24, 2005 7:25 PM

Hawaii? Well, I guess it's *interesting*. Maybe I'll give it that much.

I just got back from going to Hawaii for the very first time. Perhaps my experience would have been better had I not gone to Oahu (maybe it would have been better if I went to a smaller, more "untouched" island?). Overall I can't say that I was all that impressed. To be honest, the overall experience, climate included, reminded me a lot California. It's hard to get past the fact that you find the same crappy commerce and sprawling suburbs there that you find in every other place in the US...then again, I shouldn't be all that surprised with it being just another stupid US state. Chilis, 7-11, Safeway, KFC, Longs Drugs, etc., along with cheap home developments/communities, ugly high-rise condos, and an all too familiar "common" working / middle-class public -- it didn't at all feel like I was in the "paradise" that so many people make it out to be. In the villages and city it has some nice pockets, but outside of these places some regions can be downright depressing and aesthetically displasing. Not to totally bash Hawaii though. It's not %100 bad, but in my opinion it's WAY overrated. Yes, some beaches here and there are really beautiful and clean, and Waikiki is pretty nice (though it is lamely about nothing else than tourism, and EVERYONE on the street is basically a vacationing American... *gag*), and the locals are overall pretty pleasant to be around. Honestly though, why shell out those kinds of bucks to sit on a flight that long to rub elbows with the same everyday crap that you are vacationing to get away from in the first place? Bleh. I can't possibly imagine living there, let alone on any other island, and feeling happy, satisfied, content, and *free*. Maybe one of these decades I'll go back for a visit...I'm not going to go back anytime soon though, that's for sure. As far as money and experience is concerned, and dare I say even as far as relaxation is concerned, I can get more elsewhere.

Just my thoughts.
Maybe they are helpful, maybe not.

-HG

by Homero_G at August 24, 2005 9:06 PM

eh! wat the fuk.. no bad mouth hawaii... i from maui.. well, born oahu..
but thats dix to bad mouth ur own state.. wat the fuk is wronge with u..
if my daddy saw this.. he'd hunt u down and kill u!

by angel at August 28, 2005 5:16 AM

First off, sneaky pete, look maybe youve came across some punks from the island, but the real guys, i mean the ones who dont start trouble, those are the ones if pushed, will rush you to the dirt and really tear you a new one, and those kine usually dont live near the military bases. But ill tell you this, put in for a transfer then because were here cause its where were from and its what we like. For example I cant stand texas, so guess what, I dont live there. Get it? As for being dirty people, judge one by one, not all by one. I know there are dirtier people on the mainland cause i seen it. As far as Big Joes concerned, yeah hes a drunk, maybe a loud mouth, but hell go the distance in a scrap, kine guy you want on your side when something goes down. Not all pick on mainlanders anyway, I dont, my friends dont, hardly ever get any over her on this part and thats how we like it. Dont let your head get to big i still havent met a military boy who was up for the challenge. we dont look for trouble but we have no problem endind trouble that by the way is usually started by you uptight military brats from the country

by junior at August 28, 2005 9:30 PM

Listen! Please cosider my words as you would hope for yours to be considered... I was not born or raised in Hawaii but was allowed the opportunity to visit the islands frequently throughout my life. I believe that it is a state of unsurpassed natural beauty--including its people. I plan on moving to the Oahu in a few months and will do so with the utmost respect for locals (and visitors that share my love of Hawaii and its people). Of course, Hawaii is not a fantasy island as we portray it in movies or television...but I ask you: What in life is like the movies? Only moments of our lives can live up to cinematic adventures. However, these brief moments...Aren't those what we live for??? Reality: Hawaii is a breathtaking film, a home of poverty, a tourist attraction, a home to locals, a place of crime, a place of rest, and for many, a place of dreams. If nothing else, it is a state that is a strong representative of the United States of America!!! For those of you that are unhappy where you live, this is very unfortunate for you and I hope you find the means and the courage to relocate! Evidentally, the islands are not the place for you, so make room for those that want to be there! Above all we humans must pursue happiness, which is not achieved by "ass-beatings" or words of hatred. All those things do is destroy dreams and tarnish silver linings.

by Minnesota-Wahine at October 3, 2005 4:23 AM

Directed to "junior" and all other passive or active Hawaiian troublemakers. I don't consider myself a "military brat". My father is a steel mill worker and has a hobby working a blacksmith repair shop. My mother is not originally from the U.S. I know what it means to be part of the minority. I joined the military for money and experience. I never proposed my lifetime loyalty to that way of life and have since been honorably discharged.

About Hawaiian bloodline, there is very few true blood Hawaiians, only about 4% according to the census. Even with a margin of extreme error the number of true blood Hawaiians would only be less than 10%. Most of that 4% doesn't live on Oahu. The remaining true blood Hawaiians ~.3% choose to live on Oahu and most likely mate with the foreign race to create the Hawaiian mutt. This most likely happens on the other islands but Oahu receives most of the tourism and is like a big steaming baby making sex factory. This Hawaiian mutt grows up as a first generation of the calamity. The mutt believes that he or she or he/she-male is a Hawaiian true blood when in fact only 50%. The cycle continues until today when that mutt is now only 12.5% Hawaiian blood. This cycle is only a small portion of the confusing issue. The flipside is that foreign people move here and have their own children. These degenerates grow up thinking they are "Hawaiian". They have children of their own and so on. Their children's beliefs that they are "Hawaiian" are reinforced by cutting the past. To be Hawaiian by blood shares the same pig headed belief that being born in Hawaii makes you Hawaiian. Those that were simply born in Hawaii of foreign parents are the majority of the trouble making fools that can't come to terms that they are just as bad as those that are visiting.

I remember when I visited Guam back in 2000 there was a huge problem with locals performing violent acts against tourist and military personnel stationed there. It was almost solely due to the fact that the locals hated tourists with a passion. They didn’t realize what tourism meant to their island until after 9/11 and a typhoon destroyed most of the island. They got what they wanted. The tourists stopped coming and their profits fell below the + line. I saw the change on my last visit before leaving the military. The violence has stopped and the tension that was able to be cut with a knife before is no longer felt. The only problem is that they really want tourism back but will probably not get it.

In conclusion, Non-True blood blessed Hawaiians , that would be those born of foreign parents, should realize that they are simply pawns in a much bigger game and should accept their place. Second, It may take a typhoon or similar natural disaster to perform “The great cleansing” of the Hawaiian islands to perform population control and forced construction on things that should’ve been repaired a decade ago. This would probably make the pigheaded “Hawaiians” realize that every visiting entity is not their enemy.

Specifically towards “junior”. I make my judgment of how dirty the locals are by what I saw across the entire island. I lived in Aiea and biked everywhere I had to go including work. I saw how Hawaiians have a blatant lack of respect for their land. This is why I don’t listen to those that blabber about how this is our land and blah, blah, blah. There is always a litter bug on every block but in Hawaii there must be at least 10 per block. I never before seen a whole community line their driveway with broken down appliances and thrash as if they were airplane landing strip guides. As for your bland threats I have nothing to fear. I’ve never met the ground even though I’ve seen my share of blood I’ve never lost. I’ve even been stabbed in the back once by a cowards friend. I had to put them both in the hospital for their stupidity. Shame I won’t be able to say hello to you since I’m back on the mainland and out of stupids way.

by Sneaky Pete at October 5, 2005 11:46 AM

All of you people bitching about Hawaii.. you're no different from the "aborigine niggers" and all of you people bitching about haoles aren't any different from the fanny pack/cowboy/leather chaps wearing half drunk assholes who invade your home en masse every year.

You're all fucktards. It's called being human.

by Commander Bojangles at January 4, 2006 11:02 AM

I must say, I miss the hapa girls and other mixed honeys in Honolulu soooooooooooooooooooo much!

*in dire need to return*

by Hapa Guru at January 8, 2006 4:42 AM

hawaii sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by adam polar at January 8, 2006 9:02 PM

The reason that Whitey treats the hawaiian natives like he's better than they are? He is. Take advantage of being in the United States and better your selves instead of snarfing down poi and Spam and beating up on your betters. Know your place, bitches.

by Twisted1 at January 11, 2006 10:53 AM

you fucking mokes wouldnt know how to open a coconut if we haoles hadnt teach you. you mother fucking pig eating sister fucking pidgin dogs should show respect to your genetic superiors. you fucks learned irrigation 10 thousand years after africans did. yeah africans are smarter than mokes. oh and a little known fact about you hawaiian morons. kamehameha only united the islands because haoles gave him cannons so show the respect you james cook eating spear chuckers should show. if not for us you still would not have pineapples or shoes. and small pox would kill all of you. oh and the japanese would own the island and we all know that you mokes are way to fat to fit inside the cubicles that the japs live in. oh and youd have no space in their society since you fucks cant quite understand agriculture or any type of math or science. so lets sum it up like this without the rest of the world you would inbreed yourselves to pure stupidity and starve. praise the white man.

by capt c at January 15, 2006 2:13 AM

Hawaii is a horrible, hostile, shithole. Fuck all the scum that are attracted to this toilet like a magnet. We should drop Hawaii and give the scumbags to the japanese or chinese. Don't buy the hype, Hawaii is hell.

by Matt at January 31, 2006 6:10 PM

How sad. Well coming from someone who has never been there, I find all this pretty disheartening. I had a totally different view of Hawaii before reading all this. Most of this makes it sound like the slums of the mainland. A place where no one would want to live or visit. The hatred is unbelievable. :(

by Danette at February 7, 2006 7:43 PM

I dont get all the bad vibes about Hawaii and white folk: I too am looking at
the spelling and grammar used by the posters its not very good. Did not the US help Hawaii Pearl Harbor or was that so long ago we just forgot:

I think this slam job on Hawaii could just be all hype!

by Char at February 13, 2006 12:49 PM

Holy shit!
This is great stuff!

I totaly agree that Hawaii freakin sucks!
I know I live here.
I'm not a haole.
The housing prices here is astronomical.
The job market well lets just say you'll need two or three to live ok.
Then they fuckin tax everything includng medicine.
I can go on.
They should just give it back to the mokes and be done with it.

This place should have not gotten out of the stone age.

by antihero at February 15, 2006 6:37 AM

whatever you do, don't move to Oahu--especially "town". this island has too many problems: it's a cesspool for criminals. the sidewalks are literally a dump. it's hot from May thru Dec.

yes, the women are gorgeous & so is the scenery, but the cramped living & high prices can make it unworth it.

3 weeks ago, my car nearly got stolen by iceheads in waikiki. they trashed it. & now my car is still at the shop, b/c they can't get the parts in! All i need is a set of LOCKS! & last year my car was in a shop for 6 weeks (5 wks of waiting)! there are just too many people here & too many cars! FORGET ABOUT LIVING ON OAHU.

by sickofoahu at February 17, 2006 8:07 AM

Directed to "Capt c". I really hate when one talks down on other races because they feel superior due to their orgins or race. I'm guessing that you are either a German war criminal in need of therapy or execution or you are a white southener of the USA still dillusional about equality and rights. In either case you can spout all your hatred and stupidity all you like, but your efforts will be in vain. Nobody respects your type other than those that share your fubared vision of white superiority, which is only a handful at best. I've seen KKK members come onto the Jerry Springer show and get publicly disgraced by everyone including Jerry. Now its my turn. Your kind makes me sick. Your organization, pitiful and weak, does nothing to benefit society. You might as well be part of the very same dillusional problem that you feel so strongly about. I guess that means that your part of your own problem and you should hate yourself and any of your followers as much as you do other non-white races. They should have used you for experiments in the Manhattan project instead of Army personnel. At least that way you could have contributed to society "FOR SCIENCE". Ha, maybe if you were lucky you could have gone blind from the blast and then race wouldn't be an issue for you.

I don't know about you but opening a cocunut isn't rocket science. I don't believe they were shown how to do that. Your "How to smack down other non-white races" book is incorrect in the department of history. You really should research more before you write. The Japanese or Asian race has the majority in Hawaii. They possess over 40% of the population as of 2000 and probably will own the island in time. You seem to be mistaken that the white man is superior in race because of his advances in science, math, and all other catagories. Well, I don't think you know that some of these increases of knowledge were due to non-whites that lived like savages but maintained a high degree of intellegence. A few to name would be the Mayan indians of central america or the Egyptians of Africa. I have no proof, but it is highly probable that other non-whites contributed to the pool of knowledge and some white man took credit for it much in the same way a man of the house would take credit for a womans work. Thats a whole seperate issue. So be warned that the current living conditions of man were not solely born of the white race but of many others bundled together and built upon. If you still feel that whites are superior based on their advancements then please tell me what exactly you have done, yes you mister "I think I'm the superior white man", to make life better for the rest of mankind.

I post my hatred with the natives of hawaii for various reasons but race is not one of them. I feel that some of them hate me solely based on the fact that I'm not born of hawaii. That makes them racist. I don't like hatred based on race so I add anyone that spouts their hatred based on race on my shit list. Hawaii in general is beautiful but what the people of hawaii have done to it is a disgrace. They continue to make poor decisions on how to manage their island properly. For that reason their government is on my shit list. I don't need to get into every detail. Just know that you are out of place in a world where your kind has no place.

Some of the smartest people I know are non-white. So unless your a genius, guessing by how you write I'm thinking not, you really have nothing to say that is important and not a waste of ASCII code. You should leave your weapons and beliefs at home and travel to see the world. I think then you may have a chance to understand that no race is superior in this world, ever has been, or ever will be. Unless, we are overtaken by aliens that want personalized human sex toys in which case I would personally appoint you as our willing leader and cream of the crop. (First to get it in the ass by a superior alien race! Ha, ha, ha! Just what you needed!)

by Sneaky Pete at March 1, 2006 2:55 AM

Well what can i say i accidentally stumbled onto this site as iwas looking for different vacations. thanks a lot i was going to hawaii for my spring break but now i don't know , i want to say well these are just a handful of peoples opinions and maybe its not that bad , i want to say are these people speaking from experience or just bullshitting. tourism no matter how much it helps the economy is never a good thing its not it can cause corrosion of culture, ruin landmarks, cause commercialism its not a good think in over abundance. TAking all that into consideration i'm sure its not what it was but i remember going 20 years ago and it was beautiful i was in awe and everyone was so friendly and the beaches were beautiful now i'm truly leery of going and taking my chlildren were going to honolulu and i hope it will be a good experience for them.

by honeyb5 at March 19, 2006 12:01 PM

I've lived on Oahu my whole life. I am caucasion with 1/8 Hawaiian. When I was a kid I had a great time here. Some of my greatest memories took place here. I grew up in the Aikahi area of Kailua. Such great memories.

I am a nice guy. I try to be polite to everbody. I never bother anybody. I just go to school, hang out with friends, go hiking, etc... What bugs me is that all these Hawaiian Locals assume I am just some white boy from the mainland and treat me bad. Everytime I walk past some locals at a bus stop. They glare at me with this terribly nasty stare. I see F... Haoles grafitti and all I here about at UH is how the America and white people are bad. I was about to go to Lanikai beach and some Locals said "Hey no whities at the beach." Again I am a nice guy and I never bother anybody. I was also born and raised here.

I've learned that there is not much you can do about it. My only advice is to leave.
If you are white, I recommed that you don't come here. If you want to visit a couple of weeks, go to Maui. Otherwise, don't come. I'm tired of dealing with prejudice. It really isn't a violently racist place. It is more of an attidude that permeates the island. But I wish that everyone could get along.

And people. Don't complain about stupid things like the birds. You sound like picky wusses. Cmon.

A lot of you guys have to look at both sides. A lot of things that the Locals and the mainlanders are saying is true. White people assume that white is the best and everybody should be white. Do you think that if you got a Hawaiian, African, or Asian to be act white he would be accepted by every white person? Put them with a bunch of rednecks and see what happens. Culture is also an issue. Admit it, most white people would like locals to talk and act just like white people. Look at Mexico, there trying to inhabit the southern border. They don't care about American culture whatsoever. Does that make you ticked. It makes me ticked. White people came to Hawaii and they want everybody to be white. How do you expect the Hawaiians to feel about that. Maybe Hawaiians like Asians more because the Asians respect hawaiian culture a little more.

You have to understand where I am coming from though. I am a patriotic American. I love America, and European culture. I think that America is the greatest country on the earth. But it is not our job to shove our culture down everybody's throats. I do think that some cultures are better than others. Some cultures need changes. (Like the human sacrifices to Pele.) But people need a culture, language and border to identify with. A place and a people to call their own. Plus it will NEVER work if you try to caucasionize entire races. They will rebel. Also, don't assume that white people can do no wrong. The Cherokee indians were terribly wronged. And one more thing, don't assume that white people are the friendliest smartest people on the earth. At the UH, there are a lot of mean nasty mokes, and prejudiced asians, but there are a lot of nasty, shallow white Cali people.

To the Hawaiian locals, embrace your culture, but also try to open your eyes and take school seriously. Also, take it easy with the prejudice. There are a lot of very cool white people. Remember too that life wasn't paradise in old Hawaii days. If you were a woman, you would be killed or have your eye scooped out for eating a banana. People were sacrificed, and you had to do your specialized are of work WHETHER YOU LIKED IT OR NOT. Also, only the Ali'i were allowed to surf. So it wasn't fun in the sun during the KAPU system days. Think about what opportunites you have now.

Well, basically, I think that the mainland is a MUCH better place to live. There are a lot of things not to like about here. But don't whine so much. people in Haiti have it much worse than most do here.

by Sam at March 26, 2006 12:39 AM

Let's get something straight here. A lot of locals in Hawaii feel a lot of resentment towards foreigners, namely people who are coming from the mainland to live here because of attitudes like the one displayed by "Capt. C" and a lot of the complainers here. It doesn't matter what your skin color is but when you come to Hawaii with an attitude like that, don't expect us locals to respect you in return. A lot of you mainland folks have no respect for the locals and the island in general.

Instead of coming here and attempt to adjust, you come here expecting Hawaii to be just like the place you came from and then complain when you find out it isn't. Well, what's stopping you from packing up your bags and going back home (wherever that is)?

I'm not condoning the racial epithets that's being thrown around towards the "whites" and it's a shame that some locals resort to that kind of behavior. It's unfortunate that
all the "whites" are being lumped in the same category even though some are born here (like Sam).

Speaking only for myself, I have a problem with people who come here and complain that Hawaii is this or that (as evidenced with some of the written posts above). I don't know where you got the idea that Hawaii is some kind of magical paradise because if you believed that then you were misled.

Bottom line, show some respect then maybe you will get respect back. To those foreigners who can't stand it here, LEAVE. It's that simple.

by Malia at April 7, 2006 2:46 AM

aloha,all iv'e been reading all the above comits and i'm really torn that people see hawaii as a horrible place i have been to the states and i have felt ignored by people there i think it was because they diddnt understand me. i have lived in hawaii all my life and yes we are not perfect raised here i have been tought by my mother and grandparents to repect your elders annd people in general but yes todays youth they have changed i believe that they have changed by the influence of the american way.the rights as a people of the united staes. we have made hawaii what it is today or by our rules and expectations,our thoughts of the way it should be.but if we stop and look at ourselves as a person how are we making a difference to people in general weather we come from hawaii or not did you smile at the person as you passed by or did you expect them to ? did you greet them with a hand shake or you would only if they did first? my point is that we make today by what we coose to believe,what we choose to do or what we choose to say. to our friends .family or just to a person that we pass by.so before we tell someone how bad places are we need to look at our selves and say was i apart of this tye of reaction if not then we must frogive those that don't understand why we are the way we are and continue to live in peace not in hate and havr everyone hate along with you . so you had a bad experirnce in hawaii .how did you make it better for your self. don't ruion others dreams because yours didnt.the choices we make today will rflect our tomorrow. so always look to good choices.
from all hawaiians(not locals) that are really from here apologise that you diddnt expeience the true hawaii not the hawaii that america says it is. because we the people of hawaii understands what true aloha means . if you want to experience that then find a true hawaiian.
be blessed

by echo at April 9, 2006 8:38 PM

Thanks Echo for your good words. A lot of the people that are racist and stuff are not Hawaiian at all or very little. I remember when I went to Molokai there were a lot of really cool people there(Hawaiians). But here, there's a lot of Filipino, Japanese, Chinese, Samoan, Caucasion mutts think that there Hawaiian but they aren't. The thing is I can't imagine a change. As I said before, I am think the mainland is better but it can be a little hard to get out of here once you're in.

by Sam at April 13, 2006 6:31 PM

First off...FUCK THAT PLACE! I had the sad and miserable fucken misfortune of being "pleasurely stationed there" for 8 (read that shit again!) eight FRIGGIN years! That fucken rotten island can sink for all I give a rats ass! 95% of "locals" are imbred, uneducated, lazy fucks who bitch all day, don't do shit, smoke weed or get high on ice and blame it all on the "white people". They weigh-in at fucken hundreds of pounds.....I MEAN HUNDREDS!!!
I saw one dude on the Waikiki strip, and when that fat fucker got into a F-350 (!!) pickup bed, IT NO SHIT sank down about 9 inches!!! I hated driving there. You get 2 types of fucken-hawaiian shit-for-brains drivers there:
a) the local bruddah cuz - in his piece of shit beater and a million stickers doing about 35 in 55 in the left fucken lane and the lazy bitch won't move over to the right "just cause cuz".
b) the local white-idiot gone wannabe-local cuz - in his fucken F-350, that is jacked up about 35-inches of the god damn ground, and he does 90 in 35 because "cuz...i gots a biggah truck bruddah".

Gas was mad fucken expensive, local stores and business do nothing short of fucking everyone in the ass on their prices...especially all those military families living there.
Fucken local leeches! But then shit hit the fan on 9/11, they were nearly handing out blow-job coupons for all the fucken stores to beg the military to come back to Waikiki and shop there again. And of course, as soon as the Japanese tourists came back, the local fucks screwed the military families again. Aloha Spirit my ass mo-fo's!

I sure as fuck hope that god damn island either implodes or explodes or something other then survives another decade! I would pay a months salary to fly over it and watch all the cuzzes and bruddahs swimmin' for Molokai (i think its the nearest island) and get eatin' alive by sharks.

Hawaii for Hawaiians?? ABSOLUTELY CUZ! Just give up welfare You bitches lived on for the last 100 years and go back to chucking spears at the wild pigs and climbing for coconuts!

YEAH, THAT'S MY 2 FUCKEN CENTS!

by SINK HAWAII at May 29, 2006 3:30 AM

First of all "Sink" - If you are going to call people uneducated ... it's spelled "inbred" not "imbred". Also making up ridiculous statements like that will just get you ignored. I was born in Hawaii and got my bachelors and doctorate in San Francisco. Now I live in Hawaii again but it is pretty obvious just by your posts who is "educated" and who is not. Hawaii is a special place for some just like any other place in the world. The last thing that anyone needs is for someone like you to spew crap from your mouth about a whole state and its people. Please have some respect for others - I've never been to the South but if I went there I am sure I wouldn't write something as negative and harsh as you have. If I had a choice I would go back to California to live but Hawaii has a special place in my heart too. Every place has its own special charms - if you are too blind too see that then its your downfall not the whole state you live in . I mean c'mon grow up please.

by hawaiiboy at August 1, 2006 4:47 AM

Everyone...please read the IMBRED, LOCAL, DA KINA Bruddaz and Cuzzes comments on "The White Men". I quote: we beat the shit out of you all over hawaii, we hate haole, we is da kind bruddah. You non-tree climbing 'cause you're too fucken fat, lazy ass, imbred, uneducated, dope smoking, extacy lovin lard-asses are already owned by us =) LOL

You can bitch and complain all You want about HAOLE you monkeys =) We own the fucken island, and just let you local bitches jump around in your grass skirts at the PCC =)
We watch you do your little dances, and chuck your spears, and eat da coconuts bruddah, and then we go home. YOUR ignorance and hate is the rason why you have all the shitty jobs on the island. Like servicing tourists, pumping gas, washing cars, selling drugs (yeah, that's a #1 job for a Bruddah in Oahu), fucking your family members to create more imbreeding etc =)

We also let you do all the construction jobs, so you can work some of that fat off your fat asses. Let you do some fishing bruddah, and drive your beater, super-jacked-up truck. Because everyone knows that you ain't DA KINE if your beater is not 40" lifted in da kine (read hawaii).

So Da Kine the da kine bruddahs, and cuzzes, and da kine away. Da kine?

LMAO

by Dominik at October 4, 2006 10:10 AM

Here's the deal... The island sucks because all of the tourists are over there. All of the drug problems were brought and introduced by an outside source. The hawaiian aren't nice sure. They have lost their island to the white business men. The DOLE plantation owner came in and took over. They were living fine under a monarchy. Leave it to the USA and their manifest fucking destiny's to come and take over a nice place. If you don't like it there then leave. It's people like you living there that ruin it for everyone. Oahu is a tourist island and always will be. 100 bucks says you weren't born over there, moved there cause you were a tourist over there, thought you loved it, and stayed. Don't blame the hawaiian people for not liking you.What if a bunch of tourist came into you're small little town in Massachusetts, Iowa, Oregon, Idaho, etc... You'd be pissed too and you'd want them to leave. So here's my message to you. THE HAWAIIAN'S DON'T WANT YOU IN HAWAII!!!! SO IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT THERE THEN LEAVE

by John at August 6, 2007 1:06 PM

by kalei at May 13, 2004 6:11 AM

_______________________________________

Kalei, you simply cannot blame all hawaiis problems on white people, you swine. It's racist pigs like you that made these islands to horrible. It ispeople like you that is whats wrong with this world. You and all racist bigotslike you deserve to die and burn in hell. Also, there will never be a soveriegnty, as hawaiians are being run out and driven to etinction, no soveriegnty, Kalei. You lose, we win. Go die.

by Adrift in a sea of stupidity at December 29, 2008 5:40 AM

Punani is Hawaiin for "I'm straight."

by effenheimer at 12:54 PM on November 22, 2001

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