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space

It's not my fault, society is to blame.

by space at 06:13 PM on November 05, 2001

So, I had a crisis of conscience yesterday.

I was standing in the open door of the refrigerator for a good five minutes, trying to solve it. There was beer in the refrigerator, Bass Ale. I wanted it.

More specifically, I wanted to take it to work for my lunch break. I was so sharply divided on the issue that familiar cartoon characters appeared on my shoulders to debate.

DevilCheese: C'mon, one beer. You're not going to be drunk.

AngelCheese: But it's work. You can't take beer to work.

SpaceCheese (moi): He's right, I can't take beer to work.

DC: Why not? Drinking one beer with lunch is not going to impede your performance. They do it in Europe! It's not like you're operating heavy machinery, for Satan's sake.

AC: But it's just not done. Society frowns upon. . .

DC: Screw that! Do you have any idea how good a beer would taste in the middle of your shift?

AC: I'm not denying it would taste pretty good. . .

DC: You better believe it, buddy.

SC: but people would smell it on my breath.

AC: That's right, they'd know right away.

DC: He can eat a fucking Altoid!

AC: Anyway, you can't set a beer bottle in the refrigerator, people would see it, and talk, and you'd get in trouble.

DC: Let 'em see it? What are they going to do, fire you? You know they need you more than you need them, they ought to make some allowances. You're a good employee, and having one beer at work wouldn't change that. Hell, they'd probably admire you! They'd say Look at the cojones on that guy, bringing beer to work. I wish I could be that confident

SC: No, I can't bring beer to work. I just can't.

DC: Fine. I'm just trying to point out that it's silly that your employers don't think you can handle one beer at dinnertime, and you could show them otherwise. It'd feel pretty damn great, a nice, cold Bass Ale in the middle of the evening, but if you're too chickenshit to take a stand against corporate tyranny, do what you want, I don't care.

*poof*

AC: You're doing the right thing. And since you're not going to drink that, you don't mind if I take it with me, do you? thanks. . .

*poof*

Fortunately, I was most of the way to work before I remembered that I own an actual, honest-to-God five-ounce flask. . ..

comments (6)

I don't quite get it. Does the place you work have some policy against drinking a beer for lunch? I have a beer sometimes, and when I brought my lunch would often have a nice Fischer or something. Nothing better with a salami or ham sandwich than a cold beer.

by Charles at November 5, 2001 9:04 PM


You know if those road worker guys can get sloshed outside of Stop-n-Go, I don't see why you can't have a beer.

Unless your operating on people. In that case, have two or three. Helps with all of the tension that comes with slicing up people meat.

by melly at November 5, 2001 10:38 PM


Bring back the three-martini lunch, I say! How much business would never have been done without a little "social lubricant"?

by kd at November 5, 2001 11:26 PM


Well, back in the dot.com hey-dey, we got drinks for lunch just about everyday. You'd come back from your late lunch (about 2-3), and at 5, almost two days a week, there would be some office wide even with cake and champagne. You have your slice, and a couple glasses, and then go back to work for another couple hours. I always felt I did my best work after those parties, but I suppose that all could explain why my former companies stocks are selling at about a nickel.

by mg at November 6, 2001 10:19 AM


Actually, I've never worked anywhere that didn't have a strict no-alcohol policy. That's including the bar where I have my second job. I guess things are a little different for those of us employed on this side of the poverty line. Eh.

by space at November 6, 2001 7:45 PM


Well, the M-Shop had a "policy," but you never saw anyone there not drinking. I guess that doesn't count as a real bar, though, considering they got rid of hard liquor exactly because the staff was drinking on the job.

by mg at November 6, 2001 8:05 PM