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Wedding Schmedding
by shar at 04:08 AM on October 29, 2001
Ever since I can remember, my immediate family and I would attend at least one wedding a year. Aside from the itchy lace-laden dress-up clothes, I have fond memories of them. Hooligan cousins came from out of state, uncles would get drunk and sing off-key kareoke, and random old women claiming that were my great aunt's cousin's stepsister or something would load me up with cash and gifts. My first kiss was even at a wedding (I was a 5-year old flower girl, he was a 6-year old ring bearer. When I gave him a peck on the cheek, he screamed and ran away... a sign of how my freaky love would be accepted later in life). Anyway, Filipino weddings rock. I highly suggest attending one sometime.
So this weekend I attended a wedding of two of my relatively good buddies, thus making this my first non-Filipino wedding. The ceremony was half as long, my siblings weren't there to make smarmy remarks, and there wasn't any rice served at the reception dinner. Still, it was a lovely time.
Based on actual events at weddings I've been to, here is a list of dos and don'ts when planning your own wedding/partner-joining ceremony:
DO toss the boquet. Women in high heels after a few glasses of wine skittering about for a bunch of flowers? How can hilarity not ensue?
DON'T have your 15-year-old cousin reciting stellar poetry that skillfully rhymes the words "my" and "sky," "true" and "you," and "love" and "dove."
DO have children in the wedding party. Seeing those antsy kids fidget will make you forget about your doubts surrounding your get-wealthy-by-marrying-the-old-rich-guy plan.
DON'T read long passages from the Bible that emphasize the submission of wives to husbands. It will make your angry feminist friends want to throw things and scream at you.
DO serve alcohol. If you forget, it will make your angry alcoholic friends want to throw things and scream at you.
DO invite lots and lots of Filipinos. Filipinos = instant party. If you don't have Filipinos handy, call me up. I'll bring my family on the condition that you serve rice.
comments (10)
How about dancing? Indian weddings always involve some interesting antics of the older generation attempting to do the Indian version of the "twist" and such at weddings - and consequently having to go to physical therapy. But do they learn? Never. That would dampen the party. Just give them some more alcohol and all will be well.
by snaggle at October 29, 2001 12:37 PM
Shar is funny. I have talked to Shar. Shar used to write for me first. But I had no skillz and no hits. But she loved me anyway.
She used to go by Skunk, and I called her a boy. That was the day.
by Elwoodrow at October 29, 2001 2:14 PM
Shar, you told me I was your first!
by mg at October 29, 2001 2:31 PM
I don't know about Filipinos - but I want Khai in all his dope ass Viet glory at my wedding, yo.
by Charles at October 29, 2001 11:54 PM
There's nothing like a Polish wedding. An affair of the heart! Great food, "dancing with the bride", plenty of beer, kielbasa, and thou. Then, there's the day after ---- The Mock Wedding. All roles reverse. Men=bride & attendants
Women= groom & attendants.
Fun= better than the wedding.
Polish/Lithuanian funerals of the past lasted 3-4 days also. The Irish weren't the only ethnic group that had great "wakes"!
by othercheek at October 30, 2001 6:27 AM
i gotta big cock and you want to suck me off like a fuckin tunafish
by Nutslapper at June 21, 2002 4:30 PM
Filipino weddings are great. The bestest fun tho, is trying to spot which of the frustrated women not married to an American can speak Tagalog the fastest. Sometimes you suffer whiplash!
by Yogi at September 8, 2003 2:55 AM
gee, where can i get me some NUTSLAPPER? i bet he gets all the chicks with such sincere and eloquent prose
i went to a wedding once. it was, umm, well, forgetable. i don't think they were Filipino though.
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by Paul Clark at October 9, 2005 8:06 PM
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by Paul Clark at October 9, 2005 8:07 PM