« (not naked) osama bin laden pic of the day | Main | she's still a transvestite »

lizard

It's That Time

by lizard at 12:46 AM on October 06, 2001

So, he comes into the bathroom and asks her what she's doing. Uh, ok, let's review - she's standing over the sink with an assortment of bottles and tubes scattered here and there, with plastic gloves on, applying some sort of thick dark liquid to her hair. “My hair”, she answers, without jumping on him and ripping the flesh from his bones. “I thought you were making the bed for the boy”, he continues, “Why are you doing that now?”. He goes on whining, who knows what actual words he's using, and the funny thing he is, he KNOWS what time it is. Of the month, I mean.

Yet he continues to whine, perhaps underestimating the energy of the PMS'ing human female. She is capable of waiting until he is asleep, killing him, dismembering him, and disposing of the parts before the break of dawn. If she can do this, surely she is capable of simultaneously dyeing her hair, making a bed, and getting a four year old into that bed. Why waste the time (and incur the risk of her wrath) bitching at her while she is doing something, just one little thing for herself, that she has not done in months?

So she accomplishes all these things, within forty minutes of the first bitching, no sweat. The child is cozy in bed, the hair is done and wrapped in a towel, and in her spare time she has so far put together some two and a half paragraphs of desperately needed catharsis. She is quietly sitting, typing, finsihing off her second bottle of desperately needed beer, when he decides to pop his head in the door, a playful expression on his face. “Any chance I'll get a little head tonight?”

I know what you're thinking. No, he still has all his parts, and they are still attached to his body, in spite of the fact she is well aware there is ample legal precedent for the insanity defense in cases like this.

However if he says even one word about anything, anything at all, for instance the couple of unavoidable splotches of dye on one of the ratty-ass worthless bathroom rugs or the couple of streaks on the old, tattered towel, which are all perfectly acceptable and in no way bitchable offenses on her part, he's a dead man.

comments (6)

oh, this is too perfect!!! kd, you rule!

by bornfamous at October 6, 2001 4:56 AM


May I continue? Thanks! After man ask if he has chance of getting any "head" woman looks over her shoulder and says (SWEETLY), "sure if there is a chance that I can have some too!!!" (Man now considers how stupid his suggestion of this question really is when he thinks he saw woman with tapons in bag she just purchased from store with hair color!) hahaha!!! Reminds me of a joke but I WONT go there...it's too damn early in the morning and frankly I am in the same mood as you....literally! :-)

by Pristine at October 6, 2001 6:21 AM


Eww.

by ethereal at October 6, 2001 2:29 PM


Yep eeth, woman with period = major bad ass = dont fuck with us = you live :-)

haha

by Pristine at October 6, 2001 3:34 PM


Actually, what's even worse than a guy that is oblivious to PMS, is one that senses you have it and gets all patronizing, like, “Aww, honey, you're just PMSing, you don't really mean it”. DON'T try to be understanding. Just LEAVE US ALONE. We mean it.

by kd at October 6, 2001 11:42 PM


Boy, am I glad I never have to deal with PMS. Or tampons.

by snaggle at October 7, 2001 10:40 AM