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snaggle

Alcohol + Drawing on People = A Good Time

by snaggle at 10:25 AM on August 09, 2001

At long last, I have for you a story that actually occurred approximately one month ago and to which I have alluded several times. Finally, you’re all going to hear the story.

Here in the middle of Iowa, there’s really nothing to do; anyone who has been here can attest to that. In order to amuse ourselves, we tend to throw parties frequently. Not the wild, crazy, house-destroying parties you see in 80s movies, mind you, but wonderful, only slightly out-of-hand parties where everyone is fairly blitzed and where alcohol and good vibes are flowing like… well, alcohol at a drunken party. These are not your typical college keggers, however; oh no. We’re much more high class. My friends and I are masters of the theme party. Past themes from our parties have included luau, pajama, white trash/rich bitch, elements of nature, rock star, the standard Halloween, and the Canadian party (don’t ask about that one. I wasn’t involved in planning it; I just knew the people and showed up and drank.)

Keeping in the spirit of parties, we decided this next one should be creative. My current roommate, Brad, and I are both involved in the fine arts, and my best friend Jeffery is in the performing arts. Our friends and we sport multiple piercings and tattoos. What happens when you get people with a penchant for bodily decoration together with a bunch of artistic geeks? A Body Art party.

Originally, we had two reasons for this party.

  1. To have fun while drawing on each other and getting all prettied up.

  2. To get boys in wifebeaters or less. (Have I mentioned that sexual tension is often an overarching theme as well at our parties?)

Plans commenced and soon we had many markers, highlighters and blacklights, and stickers for drawing pleasure. We put on white wifebeaters and glammed up, preparing to be made pretty. Usually our guests get pretty into it; while we unfortunately didn’t have anyone show up in a grass skirt and coconut bra at the luau (though Shar did sport a grass skirt) most of our friends are silly enough that they go all out for a theme party. The crowd here in Ames over the summer is comprised of somewhat different people than during the year, however, and the sundry crew that we attracted that night for the most part wasn’t big into being drawn upon. That didn’t stop us, however; we kept on with the markers. (I actually waited to post this until I had pictures developed even though some people have been getting very cranky about my lack of posting and for teasing you. Here are some examples of our beautiful artwork:)

Group Shot 1: this is the main body art crew. From left to right we have Snaggle, Dani, Jeffy, Brad, and Becky. No, I'm not all sweaty; I'm glittery.

Group Shot 2: same people, a little less sultry.

Shar & Jeffy: imitating a multi-armed Hindu god.

The party was great. There was a minimum of drama, trauma, and tragedy, which always makes a host’s life easier. There was some forceful expungance of alcohol from a few peoples’ stomachs, which is to be expected, but no major damage or cleaning up was required the next day. We just went to town with our markers and such.

And in tonight’s performance, the role of the Typical Gay Man will be played by Snaggle. Here’s the part of the story where it gets juicy and for which I am going to Hell. At this party there was a boy. We’ll call him Alex because, well, that’s his name. Alex is a friend of Allen, my sometimes roommate, when he’s not off in a foreign country or a few hours away on an internship. Allen and Alex work together this summer and Allen brought Alex up to Ames to party a bit. Around 4 am or so, the party wound down completely. I had four out-of-town guests staying in my place that night and so as everyone settled down to bed I, like the good hostess that I am, was making the rounds to make sure everyone was tucked into bed and such. As I was checking on Alex, he asked I would mind giving him a backrub.

Interesting. I barely know this boy. Ah well, Allen and I have traded a good amount of massaging over the years; perhaps Allen has mentioned this.

He removes his shirt.

Even more interesting.

(Note: this story becomes somewhat graphic at this point. If you are too innocent to know what oIo is supposed to be, you may not what to continue reading. Also, if the thought of two oIo s together disturbs you, you also may not want to continue reading.)

I massage his back and then flip him over to massage his front. This is pretty standard procedure for me; I like to give at least full-torso massages, if not full-body. When I flipped him over, I kind of straddled him so I was in a good massage position.

He was holding onto my thighs as I was doing this. No, I didn’t need help balancing. Even more interesting. Up until this point, I had no idea Alex batted for my team. Within a short amount of time we were making out on the couch. I was still quite drunk, and so within a short amount of time we were more than making out on the couch.

Here’s a piece of advice to everyone: if you’re groping and 69ing and the person you’re with isn’t groping back or doing anything, there’s something wrong.

I stop.

“Um. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, this is just kind of weird.”

I blink audibly. “You’re straight, aren’t you.”

“Yeah.”

A pause. Then I say, “Do you want to stop?”

Another pause. “No.”


So the next day, I told my friends the shocking story of how I’d sucked off a straight boy. But the more we talked, the more we came to the conclusion that none of us really thought Alex is actually straight, just not out and that he’s never acted on his feelings. Which is fine. Maybe this little encounter will help him to deal and come out.

Then Allen said to me, “You know he’s 17, right?”

My jaw hit the floor. 17??? Statutory rape is the first thing that crosses my mind. But no, age of consent for males in Iowa is 14. 21 to 17 isn’t that large of an age gap, but still... he got more at his age than I did, and that tends to make me cranky. So hopefully, I’ve just enticed another closeted boy to come and bat for my team. As for Alex, we didn’t discuss any of the events of that night. I asked Jeffery what I should do and he said that pretending like you were too drunk to remember usually works well. And so I did.

After almost two years, my streak of not getting any action has finally been broken. There was a laundry room incident a while ago, but *ahem* that didn’t involve any completion of acts, so it doesn’t count. It wasn’t incredibly satisfying, but sometimes you just need to give head. Know what I mean?

Now, a month later, I’m left with one thought: wow, I need more.

comments (14)

So, Snaggle, we're talking virgin territory here, aren't we? That's pretty cool in and of itself. Funny thing, the only time I ever thought I had a virgin, it ended up I was only his first *girl*.

by kd at August 9, 2001 1:52 PM


*giggles* Yep... I'm not sure if I was his first or just first boy. Ah, sexuality.

by snaggle at August 9, 2001 2:04 PM


SNAGGLE! WHEW! Talk about da juicy details! (and I thought you would never give us any!!!) And then to be working over virgin material to boot! You sly pup you! In Texas I think the age is like 16? But then Texas also has all kinds of dumb ass laws like you can't chew gum and walk down the street at the same time, if you get my drift! So will we get another post or two from you??? (or should I keep-up the teasing to keep you posting?) hehehe

by Pristine at August 9, 2001 2:58 PM


Well, I actually have a few more posts up my sleeve... we'll see when I can get a little time to do that. Not having a connection at home really sucks. :( (Un)fortunately, I don't have any more juicy posts. At least not yet...

by snaggle at August 9, 2001 3:35 PM


Oh you homosexuals and your agenda! Corrupting America's youth! LOL

It occured to me that " . . . brought Alex up to Ames to party a bit. . ." is probably not a sentance you hear every day. Ames, Iowa - America's Partayyy town!

Oh - Prisitne: The age of conssent in Texas is 16 for males and 17 for females . . . I probably shouldn't go into why I know that.

by Charles at August 9, 2001 10:48 PM


Funny... the EXACT same thing happened between me and mg! go figure...

by Tom at August 10, 2001 1:15 AM


OH NOOOO Charles...you started this one we GOTTA hear this! (hell I am thinking I am in trouble since I, being female and attracted to the male gender, at least KNEW what the male consent age was....hmmmm...) But as it is, looks like Charles knew BOTH consent ages...We all know you have a story here so SPILL IT BROTHER!!! :0) And btw Charles, when are Denise, you, and I going to meet up? We really DO need to plan a night out ya know? (at the least we could blog about it right?) :0)

by Pristine at August 10, 2001 2:12 AM


Ach, Charles, if only we did have an agenda... maybe then I wouldn't keep forgetting all the important stuff I have to do!

by snaggle at August 10, 2001 9:48 AM


Hmmm..Well as a lawyer I can pull up the state statutes very easily. There was a short period before I met Denise where I chatted often with this girl who was a senior at Hockaday . . . and being the prudent guy I am, I pulled up the statute just in case I ever met her irl and...etc.

We never did meet, but the same statute covers males and females, so I filed away that bit of information for future use.

by Charles at August 10, 2001 10:15 PM


I'm starting to suspect, via Snaggle & also SpaceCheese, that Iowa is where all the really wild partying is going on. And here I am, stuck in boring old Ventura, where if you're out after ten PM, it's just you and a few dozen bored cops out there on those deserted roads.

by kd at August 10, 2001 11:38 PM


*in Janice from Friends nasel voice* Oh... my... God.

Ok, that was worth the wait. Truly classic. :-) Thanks, baby.

by Lilly at August 11, 2001 2:47 PM


Kudos, Snaggle. Glad to hear you finally got some.

All the same, I think you made some decisions that were ethicaly questionable. Age of consent is one thing, but discretion is another alltogether. A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell, much less engage in sloppy, drunken 69ing and then name names on a popular web site. Especially when the fellatee in question is purportedly straight, or at the least closeted. And certainly not when he's practicaly a child, and a virgin at that. OK, so you didn't know he was only 17 at the time, that's fair enough. But once you found out, you should have had the sense to keep this story to yourself.

Your post doesn't indicate you had Alex's consent to publish the details of your moment together. I doubt whether you even have enough information to know that he's gay, and not simply a teenager exploring his sexuality. He might not even know himself. So what gives you the right to out him? At the very least you could have used a pseudonym.

All of which is beside the point that there's a very fucked up double standard in play here. Suppose, for the sake of arguement, that someone on this site had published a lurid and self-congratulatory account of having de-flowered a drunk, underage high school GIRL at a college party. I kind of doubt we'd be seeing so much back slapping and high fiving around here. At least I'd hope not.

Maybe you'd find more partners your own age if you showed a little more maturity. Something to think about anyway.

by Jiminy Cricket at August 12, 2001 6:40 PM


I was not going to comment on the above post, and probably still should refrain. However, since I am who I am, I could not stop myself! (ugg) For one, the "high-5's" that you are speaking of are not necessarily about Snaggle's content insomuch as it is about the FACT that he actually FINALLY posted. If you were an avid reader of the comments you would find that Snaggle has endured several "pop shots" to his lack of posting herein. You have neither enough information to tell if Snaggle did not change this persons name etc. Having said that my next point is where was this young mans parents? Since when do we at college parties, card? Sure there is a judgement factor here, but this was also not a forced incident. I am sure we all have encountered many 17 year old females who have not only done worse, but also have gotten pregnant on a one night stand at a college party they had no business at to begin with. We make 17 year olds accountable for their actions in our courts, we sentence them to life in prison, we sentence them to death and they are old enough to live on their own in most states. Snaggle may have been *explicit* with his details, yet the day that we cannot read or have our say *freely*, will be a sad day....or as you put it, a "fucked-up double standard" not to mention would kill the right to free speech...I doubt anyone here is a well known and experience author. (and why the hell are we so serious here in the first place?) But then again, the old cliche` is, opinions are like assholes, we all have one....and this would just mine...

by Pristine at August 13, 2001 5:34 AM


Thanks, Pristine, for your support.

Well, Jiminy, I never claimed to be a gentleman — I am an author for a site entitled Bad Samaritan, am I not?

Okay, serious now. The first thing I'd like to say is that Alex, while being 17 calendar years old, has associated with people older than him for quite some time. He is a coworker with a friend of mine at a company where everyone working there either has a college degree or is working on one. Talking with him, also, reveals that he's much more mature than most 17-year-olds I know. I don't put a whole lot of stock in the "legal" ages of 18 and 21... for most I think they are just a fabrication. I know many kids who are 22-23 and still shouldn't be allowed to drink. I see some 17-year-olds that are more mature than my 30-year-old brother and sister. Whenever a person is a day under 18, there are always the requisite "statutory" jokes that can be uttered, but the fact of the matter, beyond the "legal" statues, is that we were both acting as consenting adults. I don't think 6 more months or however long it was until he was 18 would make him go from "practically a child" to an adult overnight. If it was the night before his 18th birthday would it suddenly be okay at midnight? One of my best friends had more sex before he was 17 than I've still had in my life (which probably says more about me than him.)

I also do not know if he is a virgin or not. We established that he hadn't done much with boys - I think he'd ever done anything with boys. But I could be wrong, and I really am not sure about on the other side of the fence.

While I did use his name, it's a common enough name. From that amount of information, you couldn't figure out who this person is, unless you had a close real-life connection with myself or my friends - and pretty much anyone who fits that bill was already there and I don't know of anyone who'd want to track him down or anything. That would just be rude. The posted account is hardly an outing. I think the possibility of real outing from this account negligible. The person that Alex and I know in common only reads this when I tell him to specifically, so I doubt he's introduced it to anyone.

In addition, he was much more sober than I was; I didn't see him drinking that night. I don't know if he did or not, but I at least didn't see any (as far as I can remember.) Perhaps there is a double standard at play; I've always noticed completely different standards for straight men, straight women, gay men, and lesbians.

Lurid, yes, it was. Whether or not that was a good or bad thing is completely opinion so I won't even address it.

Lastly, the "self-congratulatory" tone: as Pristine stated, most of that was from finally posting. The remainder was on my side, not for 'deflowering a helpless 17-year-old.' There's kind of a running joke about my lack of a sex life on here and some other sites as well as with my real-life friends who read Bad Samaritan. This was a play off of my constant bellyaching to that point.

Before I posted, I was thinking about what exactly to include. I decided to include a pretty full account of the night's events. That was a judgement call on my part. Post hoc, maybe it wasn't the best one in your eyes. However, it wasn't intended as hurtful. I don't think any harm was done either by the post or the night's "questionable" activities. In the end, I'd like to echo Pristine: why the hell are we so serious here in the first place? Keep in mind that everything you read here from a person is just one part of their lives and how they put that in words colors the actual experience.

by snaggle at August 13, 2001 10:33 AM