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lizard

A Tale of Several Roommates

by lizard at 11:45 PM on August 31, 2001

For the past ten years, more or less, I've lived with Chris, but there were times I simply could not live with him. During these times I could not afford a place of my own, so I rented my way into a few really rotten situations. I have a long history of bad taste in men, but I'm saving that for my novel. I also, apparently, have really bad taste in roommates:

Roommate #1. I don't remember her name. She was in AA when I met her, and her husband was in prison so she needed the money. (In retrospect, that was probably a bad sign. But I was desperate.) I was basically renting a couch and a closet from her. I was also thrity, single, and horny. I had very little privacy, and she decreed that I have no male guests past ten PM and no making out on the couch. Ok, fine. She then proceeded to fall off the wagon in a big way. There were mornings I'd wake to her hollering: ‘Karen! Karen!!’. I'd go upstairs to find her in bed, apparently naked with the sheets up under her armpits, room littered with beer cans, asking me plaintively to please find her clothes, she wasn't sure which room they were in. Oh, and could I please find her aspirin, and did I have any idea who she'd been screwing? Fine. I handled it. Here's your clothes and pills, I think it was that neighbor guy. Then, I made the mistake of mentioning once, to a mutual friend, without giving details, that I was unhappy with my living situation. That's *all* I said. This little tidbit beat me home, so when I got there, I was informed that if I didn't like it, I should go. I went.

Roommate #2. Immediately after roommate number one, I found a perfect place with my own room and bathroom, a nice big roomy room, in a nice apartment complex. My roommates were effusive about how happy they were to have someone sharing the rent - until one of their friends, by which I mean, one of the friends they liked better than me, needed a place. So, I was out.

Roommate #3. Years had passed, in which I was living with Chris, most of the time fairly unhappily. This ended abruptly the day after I started my current job, leaving me an underpaid part-time intern in school with an apartment I couldn't afford. My landlord had serious doubts in my ability to pay the rent, and gave me notice. At that time, Chris's ex-girlfriend happened by, needed a place, had adequate credit and took over my lease. I continued to pay most of the rent, while she obsessive-compulsively cleaned and bitched and bitched and finally blew up. It was five days after I'd paid my lion's share of that month's rent and had conveniently, as a condition of staying there, signed away my rights. She gave me three days to move out. Note: never, ever, decide to live with your ex's ex, thinking that by virtue of having broken up with the same guy, you have something in common.

Roommate #4. Seemed like a nice guy. Had a place in a bad neighborhood but utterly spotless. Spotless as in, ‘what are these drops of water on the counter’ spotless. Anal retentive as in, ‘one of my forks is missing’. Suffice to say I had no need of any of his raggedy, mismatched, sorry-ass excuses for forks. This happened twice. I swear on all that may or may not be holy that I had nothing to do with the mysterious fork disappearances. Then, there was the matter of the internet - we were supposed to share his DSL, but every damn time I came home my lan-wire would be unplugged, he did not like wires running through the house. So, it was either barge in his room and plug myself back in, or sit and sulk. First, I moved my computer to friendlier territory, then made a kind of last minute, I-spent-the-money-anyway-I-can't-pay-rent-I'm-moving move, which he countered with some ugliness and borderline extortion, which I caved in to and paid the money. He then changed the locks, failed to pay the landlord, informed me I had to be out in two weeks, and kept my deposit. I still run into him here and there, he wants me to continue working on his website, and does not understand why I won't.

Roommate #5. This is too long a story and probably I shouldn't discuss it (for legal reasons) while cases are still pending. There was my initial lawsuit, his countersuit, his subsequent, different suit, and now my appeal of that judgement, which has graduated from small claims to the Superior Court.

I have bad taste in roommates. Or maybe it's me? No, not really. It's them. It's always them.

comments (9)

Speaking from the mouth of a seasoned landlady, I couldn't agree with you more kd. It's ALWAYS them.

by Ghia at September 1, 2001 9:12 PM


See? I knew it was them. I'm too nice of a person for it to be me. I'm no fork-stealer!

by kd at September 1, 2001 10:52 PM


OMG! I sure the fuck hope none of those happen to me when I move in with roomates next month. Wish me luck!

by Lilly at September 3, 2001 10:34 PM


Maybe one day I'll blog about my one and only (non-romantic) roomate. I call her: THE ROOMATE FROM HELL. I found out after moving halfway across the country that she had a fetish for ex-cons. And when one would go back to the joint, she'd take up with one of his recently-released buddies . . .yes, that was quite an expierience at 17.

by Charles at September 4, 2001 7:35 PM


that's nothing, u should see the cheap pig i live with. He steem baths with garlic!??

by mb at October 3, 2001 10:02 PM


my room mate is a pig, his girlfriend is there 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I get woken up every day because he likes to blast music or scream and laugh with his girlfriend with the door open when i'm sleeping, doesn't clean up after himself, doesn't clean anything, doesn't change the garbage, doesn't put out the garbage, ocassionally my food goes missing, he stopped buying toilet paper and uses napkins now, his girlfriend parks across both driveways so no one else can get in, he leaves food lying around, clothes lying around, he doesn't put anything in his room, he will buy something take it out the packaging , leave it all on a counter or table. His only beef with me is that i walk around in my boxers when his girl is there. Hey, it's hot, and I am the one paying rent. He doesn't like that fact that i'm a lot better looking then him because i don't eat mcdonalds 5 times a day like they do. can you believe this? His friends are all suprised I lasted past the first month. I am waiting to bash his skull in with a brick while he sleeps, but I never see him without his girlfriend. Did I mention he gets tan in a can all over the bathroom.

by yayo at July 12, 2003 2:52 AM


Im soory but I have to bitch. I cant stand my roommate! she a great friend but thats it. before she moved in i agreed that her rent would be $150(for a room and laundy) since she was going to school and and would only beable to work part time, BUT she needed to clen up aroun the house. nothing she loads the dishwasher once a month. she biches how i ask her to do something. i dont boss her aroun but if the garbage is full, dont just keep piling it up, EMPTY it! it not hard. she just leaves her dirty dishes on the floor, pop cans every where. I go to take a shower and she had used all MY towals! she has her own towals! she dirtyed mine and never evn cleaned them after! I asked her why she used mine and shes like"but mine are dirty" WELL THEN FUCKING WASH THEM!!! ITS NOT MY PROBLEM!!! she dyes her hair evey week and get hair dye every evey where. since by bathroom was now black, i disided to paint and replace the floor. I told her not to dey her hair again in the bathroom(shes moving out in two weeks anyway....cant she wait) NO she couldnt.so whe she came home from work i asked her to clean up her mess. she biches!!!! she uses all my girly face wash, body wash and doesnt replace it when its done. she looks like a drage queen so you can imagine the makeup she wares, make up all over the carpet! her room smells like a dead whore was baried under the mess, so i asked her to please clean it, she gets so angry!"its my room" no! it not your room! and since i never charged her damadge deposite i wont get any thing back the i lost! sorry for bitching, had to get it out.

by Darline at March 11, 2004 4:06 AM


Ok, although I can understand your frustration "Darline", maybe your roommate isn't terribly thrilled with you either... you sound a bit neurotic, and you can't spell/type. It's towels, not towals. Generally, new sentences begin witth capital letters, and you should look into what the word "synonym" means. (read: wares). Trust me hon, the world will treat you with a lot more respect the day you show some signs of intelligence.

by Sara at March 21, 2004 8:51 PM


This woman and I were friends. She claimed she was living in a bad apartment and had bad credit. She claimed that every place she tried to rent from turned her down. She also was in the middle of a breakup from her boyfriend of 11 years.

I asllowed her to move in at a really low rate. It wasn't really rent rather a payment on my utilities.

Well it turned out to be 10 months of pure hell. First she wanted her married lover to stay there overnight. Then she got back with the boyfriend she had dumped and he wanted to just drop in all of the time. The worst part was she rarely paid.

Anyway, in February she finally moved. What do you think she did? First she refused to give me her new address telling me to look it up on the internet. Then she went through a month of basically not speaking to me. The kicker has come now, she emails me with a bunch of nasty comments.

I have had a lot of trouble getting over this. I feel she used me not to mention she ripped me off big time for the money.

by Boo at March 12, 2005 5:47 AM



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