Too many chinese is too much for a chinese girl.

by zia at 12:07 AM on July 22, 2001

I woke up this morning trying to claw my way out of the heap of paperwork I’ve been working on the night before. Too many cases to be lodged into my head and my brain is rapidly running out of memory and space to accommodate them all. Oh bugger. Then I heard a series of loud giggling. For a split second, I instinctively grab my table lamp ( would otherwise be a bat if I had played baseball ) and inched slowly towards the door with growing apprehension. Then I recognized the chuckling. Shit, I forgot I have house mates damnnit. What the hell is wrong with me?

Now that I have two, I really have to get used to their presence. Her boyfriend just moved in a couple days ago. He needs the space I need the money she needs him. Fair enough. Both of them are from China. Urm, okay. Both are the only child. Hmm. Alright, no big deal. Both are major slobs. Now that surely explains the lack of house training!

I hate it how every time my heart had to wince in horror when I stepped on some squeaky stuff thinking I’ve just murdered some small animal with my big foot only to find some candy wrapper/some food covering squashed under my soles. Aww, that was mentally painful. Even that it wasn’t anything alive. Fcukers extraordinaire, don’t you fcuking know where the fcuking trash is?

We have amazing relationships though. Mostly because I am virtually hot on their heels picking up the rejects of those moving rubbish dispenser. I can qualify as a full time professional cleaner if it wasn’t for my academic commitments. Nothing annoys you more than messy living quarters. Especially when your house are specially built to accommodate anything above hodgepodges. I gave up complaining. My complaints are as sticky as runny honey. I nearly lost it this morning when my toes came in contact with something furry as I descend the stairs. There are no pets in my house and there shouldn’t be any. I remember me stopping dead at my track daring not to even look at ‘it’ before screaming all my way down. I remember everybody rushing out of their room. I remember my toes can’t stop wiggling in terror. I remember the girls approached the ‘furry devil’ with our longest kebab skewer. I remember how they laughed and how I cried. Fcukers extraodinaire, don’t you fcuking know fluffy bedroom slippers either meant to be confined in your room or on your feet, not in the middle of the fcuking stairs! You guys gave me everything short of a cardiac arrest!

Maybe you would say, why don’t you just kick their ass out of the house? And maybe I would say, holy cow, why didn’t I even think of that! But no. I can’t bring myself to do that. Dad has to support three varsity going kids in New Zealand, two in Malaysia, doing primary and high school respectively and a wife with a persistent fetish for leather. Oops…that is too much information already!

Many a times, driven mad by the outrageous hygienic standard of the kids ( Yes, that includes my botchy sister as well), I contemplated to move out. I would be most happy to work for my rent. I think my next door neighbor is really unfair. I cannot understand why he does not want me as a border. Haven’t I promise not to scratch his roof as I climb through my bedroom window at midnight?

Also many a times, I was forced to scheme strategies to get rid of them. But my conscience had to render those great blueprints redundant. What’s worse, did I say we get along annoyingly well? What a waste of my illustrious animus…

The year will wrap up in a matter of a couple months. The thought provides awesome comfort. Like any committed friendly host, I should make their stay a memorable one shouldn’t I? * Evil grin* You know what I mean….Hehe..

While I’m working on another strategy for this very purpose ( Yay! ), feel free to contribute your 2 cents and make me one host they’ll never forget! In both of a more flattering and distorting way thank you. Not that I don’t flatter them enough. Ahem. No reputation injuring dignity vilifying propositions please ( though I would appreciate it! Two crucial qualities for most gratifying strategies but alas… ). Who knows I might still have to put up with them for another year?

Great, I felt like impaling my brain with a very blunt extremely low quality 2B pencil just for coming up with that appalling thought!