swm iso his ideal woman for fun, friendship and butt play

by mg at 12:37 AM on July 18, 2001

A couple of years ago one of my girl friends (read: friend who doesn’t have a penis, but that I have never stuck my penis into) kept telling me, after a particularly painful breakup and my subsequent bitching about how I’ll never find someone to love me (still haven’t), convinced me to make a list of the qualities I’m looking for in a girlfriend (read: girl I’d hopefully get to stick my penis into).

It actually wasn’t as easy as all that, and it took her mentioning the list over the course of several conversations until she finally wore me down enough so that I would actually sit down and write this list. I thought it was kind of a girly thing to do, but eventually caved, since I didn’t have an actual girlfriend to occupy my time.

So, I sat down and wrote a list. Then I put it somewhere and forgot all about it.

And then, a day or so ago, this guy on my favorite TV show, Blind Date, was telling his blind date about the list that he had made. He carried the list around with him, which is just about the most scary and twisted thing I’ve heard in a long while. Of course, she forced him to pull it out and read it to her. His list of things he was looking for in a woman consisted of, and this is kinda paraphrasing things: Long, dark hair, tall, athletic. He mentioned nothing about personality, which really disturbed me, considering I’m such a sensitive new-age man.

Well, the funny thing is, just today, I found my list. Seeing as I’m all about looking deeply into random coincidences, I felt compelled to post my list. In no particular order or grammatical structure, here is my list of desired (if not required) qualities in an ideal mate:

She must be self-confident. She must be able to make me laugh. She must laugh at my jokes (but not all of them because sometimes I can be pretty lame). She must be someone I wouldn’t mind losing at Jeopardy too. I don’t care what her religion is, but she must be morally uncompromising. She must challenge me to better person and expose me to new experiences. She must be open to new experiences herself. I don’t care about her politics, but she must be able to fight about them. She must be able to lose herself in a song (or an idea). She must be someone who is good at being alone. She must be someone good at being together. She must be someone who can help make me a better/stronger person and she must be someone who I can help to make a better/stronger person. She must know when I am bullshitting myself (or her) and doesn’t let me get away with it (except for sometimes when she does).

There they are. And not a single physical characteristic in the bunch. Hard to believe, but I’m less shallow than your average person on Blind Date. Amazing, I know!

If you fit those requirements, please send a naked picture of yourself to this address.