by zia at 06:17 AM on July 14, 2001
24 hours a day is painfully lacking to accomodate my daily grinds. I'll spare you the same old shit everyone has gone through in University but this same old shit is robbing my revered indulgences in writing, posting and attempts to do both of these. Why? So that on one fine day, I will be captured on film with a scroll tucked under my arm, grinning widely with a what looks like a pizza box for a hat in a robe generous enough to accomodate a baby elephant? How glamorous.
Michael is posting like mad while we slack like crazy. Amazing stamina he has! If I could generate half as much yak as he does...jealous jealous..
Been hibernating long enough during the wintry weeks. There should be an abundant supply of chilly students around the varsity which means stiff nipples should be good and plenty. Yay! Have I ever tell you guys that my favourite winter past time is nipple spotting? Haha.
I have always thought young kids to be adorable little piece of meat, especially those physically challenged ones. Until today. An isolated case hopefully. A family friend called in for a favour. I couldn't escape fast enough. Anyone agreeing to babysit for her double terrors needs a very long theraphy session. Looks can be so deceiving. But knowing how occupied ( harassed! ) she can be with the two spunky sugar high brats, it would be rude and inconsiderate to turn her down since I can spare the time. And two steps from utter hell.
True enough. They discoloured my hands upon my arrival with marker pens. Marker inks are freakin hard to get rid of! Their mom was too busy preparing their lunch in the kitchen to come to my aid. And they thought it was hilarious to have a girl many times their age, height, weight to be running around animatedly desperately trying to duck the ink attack. ( I was running for my dear life! and vanity! ). It was until I couldn't even recognize my legs anymore I gave a roar so loud that startled the mother as well who quickly came out to check what happened. I was too mad to explain but to point persistently at the 'work of art' they have managed to deposit on my limbs. They were intimidated. For half a second. The mother spank both their asses what seemed to me more like a caress. Wtf? I was very tempted to take over and show them what any ruffian who messes with me gets. A real squeal inducing spank. But alas, the mom scuttled back to the kitchen and I was again left to fend for myself. To provoke them without adult supervision is less advisable for those who wants to preserve their existence...
After a very tiring struggle armed with only a giant colouring book, I jumped with joy when they finally ditched their pens and began to wail for food. Lunch was only 10 minutes away and they are already biting each other. I dare not go near them but to watch from a safe distance. Relishing every minute when either one of them yelp in pain when the other sank their square teeth into the flesh. Once in a while they will stop and look at me. I swear I saw evil glints in their eyes! God certainly have mercy on me for I doesn't appeal much to those savages. Halleluyah! Lunch was no better though. To feed the little girl with the little mouth with a little spoon provides little comfort my little frayed nerves. Seemed to take forever for her to masticate the sorry few grains of rice.....and the boy keeps on putting his hands into the soup bowl...
Afternoon nap was supposed to follow after lunch but the kids showed no signs of lassitude. Tearing through the house at break neck speed. Many a time I was swiped off my feet and landed right on my bum. Just couldn't dodge those chugging bullets fast enough. By 4pm, the mom was finally done with the house chores just in time to sabotage my attempt to plant my hands on their little head, give it a nice firm twist and relieve their necks of their fancy heads. I would kill to do that.
I felt a tinge of remorse so much as to think of causing grievous hurt to her children when she gave me some most wonderful home made buns. But the effect wasn't enduring even when the kids gave me tight hugs and showered my face with kisses ( read: saliva ) as I leave with my hands raised in gratitude.
I have a sickening feeling that I will have to face them again not too far into the future. Other than excuses like PMS, homework, Xena on TV, car that mysteriously disappeared, any convincing suggestion of any excuses that would get me off the hook? Yes, this is a call for help!
tell them you'tr babysitting your parents
by minja ninjarama at July 14, 2001 7:50 AM
don't make excuses - just bring a roll of duct tape! works wonders.
by kd at July 14, 2001 12:28 PM
You could say you have to floss your cat.
by Muad'Dib at July 14, 2001 2:25 PM
Hahahahaha! Damn, I love it all! Yay!
by zia at July 14, 2001 8:35 PM
You can say you have to meet your parole officer
You can say you are too drunk/high to decide right now
you can say you've "caught something" and it's really contagious
You can say you are meeting your boyfriend, and will do it, because he REALLY likes kids
Any vague reference to the need to "start taking your medicine"
Say you are kind of afraid to babysit after "what happened the last time . . ."
by Charles at July 16, 2001 1:10 AM
And the crowd grows wild, waiting in line to meet the feline wonder.
Makes you wonder, is it the roar that piquez their interest, or could it be the hairy mane?
It prowls and waits....and it purrs softly.
The winter snow falls.
It goes to sleep, lulled by the cold.
The crowd waits. Huddled in the layers of vrginic white snow.
The felinic eyelids twitch in her amalgamic dreams of solitude.
What in her dreams vexes her so?
The storm is coming.
by Anduriel at July 19, 2001 8:21 AM