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mg

he's on fire

by mg at 11:42 AM on May 23, 2001

I think I might have mentioned how much I hate my job. I don't think I've ever mentioned what, exactly, that I do. And I won't now either. Ha ha!

I will, however, say that the company I work for is in the medical technology industry. I was doing a little research today on WebMD and came across this gem which amused me terribly:

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One of the stranger complications of long-term alcohol use is so-called "spontaneous human combustion." The term describes a phenomenon wherein a human body catches fire and is consumed by the fire, leaving very little behind.

This topic excites strong interest, so we must tread carefully.

Fact 1: The human body is ordinarily quite resistant to fire. We are, after all, two-thirds water. People who are caught in fires do not themselves catch fire.

Fact 2: That said, there are well-documented cases in which people have been found aflame. An unusually large proportion of these people are alcohol abusers.

Fact 3: As far back as the 1850s scientists demonstrated that tissues heavily soaked in alcohol will support a flame. But once the alcohol in the tissue is consumed, the flame goes out, leaving the tissues only lightly burned.

Fact 4: It is the word "spontaneous" that generates the most heat. Careful investigation shows that virtually all cases occur when the victim is in the presence of a flame, making it very unlikely that ignition is "spontaneous."

Summary: Humans can, rarely, catch fire and burn away. Ignition does not appear to occur spontaneously, but to be the result of a nearby flame. It is thought that alcoholics are susceptible because they are more careless with fire and less able to respond appropriately to accidents. It is probably a person's fat that catches fire and burns -- "the candle effect."

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So, in summary, remember you drunken fatties, stay away from fire! Because I don't think Elton John is going to be putting out any special "Candle in the Wind" remixes out if you burn up and die. And if you happen to be a skinny smoker, keep your head away from burning stoves, because while you might not have enough fat to catch on fire, eyebrows do take a long time to grow back.

comments (1)

I once did a job (web design/graphics) for a medical tehcnology company who'd had their website on the news that night, and wanted a website as quick as is humanly possible. *shudder*

by Tim at May 23, 2001 5:24 PM