Word Wit and Wisdom

by snaggle at 02:55 PM on April 29, 2001

Here's something blatantly not my own. Don't blame me; it's finals week, and all energy is diverted from normal procrastinatory activities that put off studying and redirected towards finals-mode hyperactive procrastinatory activities that put off studying. So here's something that some of you may have seen before but that I hadn't heard. They make me laugh. (thanks Allen)

The Washington Post's "Style Invitational" asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and suppy a new definition. Here are some of them. Incorporate them into your daily repertoire of pithy words and the world shall be a better place.

DIOS: the one true operating system.

Elepants: too-tight jeans on broad-beamed people.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Burglesque: A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate)

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Doltergeist: a spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank.

Goodzilla: a giant lizard that puts out forest fires by stamping on them

Writer's tramp: a woman who practices poetic licentiousness.

Sata: a mythical being who brings toys to bad children.

Deifenestration: to throw all talk of God out the window.

Synapple: a perfect beverage to accompany brain food.

And my personal favourite:

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.