F.U. Y2K1

by mg at 08:00 PM on April 16, 2001

So far, 2001 and has sucked royal platypus testicles. Looking back on the last three and a half months, anything that could have gone wrong in my life, has. Last year was great, this year greatly bites ass. To recount:

In January, I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me. She was also cheating with me. It was a whole sick love triangle thing.

In February, I was fired. Oh no, wait, I wasn't fired, I was laid off. Which has made being unemployed so much less painful, really. I began the year making more money than I could ever hope to spend. Now, I'm eating cat food out of a tin with my fingers. And it is not even Sheba, the good cat food, it is the generic Key Food brand cat food, that all taste the same whether it is Shrimp or Beef and full of bones.

In March, well, I was expecting all month to have some homeless person stick a dirty fork in my eye socket. That didn't happen. Then I kept expecting getting Tom Greened (and I don't mean marrying

Drew). I got through most of the month spot free, but eventually karma caught up with me. I don't really want to talk about what happened, but, needless to say, it is certainly something worthy of being on this list.

So now it is April. I had a little run in with the law, but that resolved itself quickly and relatively painlessly. But now, finally, the worst imaginable thing has happened, I think I may have found myself a job.

You might be thinking to yourself, "That doesn't sound like such a bad thing MG." And, I guess, you'd be right. It isn't terrible. I certainly like money, health insurance, and free Internet access. But I've also found in the past two months that I really like sleeping until noon, spending entire days without changing out of my pajamas or brushing my hair and teeth, being able to look at porn whenever I feel like it and spending all my time on this stupid website.

So, on the one hand this is a good thing. I can go back to eating two meals a day. I can have my electricity turned back on. I can start paying for sex again. Which are all good things. But, on the other, I'm going to have to do stuff. Which is a bad thing.