mg

hot hot hot

by mg at 12:10 AM on February 28, 2001

Back when I was in school there was this radio station called Hot 107. Every place I have ever lived had a Hot 107. I think every city is required, by law, to have a Hot 107. And for it to suck.

The Hot 107 in this town had some kind of relationship with one of the movie theatres. At the begining of every movie one of the radio station's DJs would make an annoucement. The DJ they had doing it was called the Dark Night. But, he was, in fact, an overweight albino.

He was once the MC at this festival I went to and I saw him there for the first time. I was expecting someone like Batman, the real dark night. Or Chef from South Park.

I could see this guy's mouth moving and hear words comming out it. But I just couldn't believe this dude, with a voice deep even by radio standards, and whose balls must scrape the ground when he walks, was in fact an overweight albino, who, if he had lost 200 pounds and died his hair red, would have look exactly like Ron Howard.

The annoucement they would play at the begining of every movie at this theatre would go something like While you are enjoying your HOT buttered popcorn, remember that we are playing the HOTEST music in town. My friends would always say While you are enjoying your HOT buttered popcorn, we're in your apartment pumping your HOT buttered girlfriend.

So, here are some links we think are pretty HOT. (actually, it's just a list of all the "Link of the Day" up to today)

(I removed the list because the Link of the Day archive is more up to date. Go there. )

comments (2)

mg

i'm not that prolific

by mg at 11:59 PM on February 27, 2001

Holy crap. I've got nothing to say.

Maybe it is the fact I don't have a hell of a lot going on in my life right now, but I have just had nothing to write about recently. And I feel totally bad about it. But what can I do?

mg

i'm not that innocent

by mg at 11:58 PM on February 26, 2001

Holy crap, I'm back!

Maybe you've noticed, maybe you haven't, but I've been away for about a week.

Did you notice?

Uhm, did I forget to mention that I was leaving?

Yes, yes I did. And for that, I am sorry.

But, like I said, "Holy crap, I'm back!" So, see you all, full force, tomorrow.

mg

the word panties

by mg at 05:36 PM on February 20, 2001

The word "panties."

You either love the word, or you hate the word.

Which is to say, you are either a guy or a girl.

Something about that word just makes guys want to say it. Maybe it's because we all want to see them. Panties, that is.

And equally so, something about that word makes women uncomfortable. I know so many chicks who get all upset whenever anyone, not just guys, use that word.

That, I just don't understand. Here women do all these things to make themselves look or feel beautiful yet something as simple as saying the word "panties" - that they wont do.

What is my point? None, really. Just didn't feel like writing anything today and noticed someone had hit the site via the word panties.

And when I say the word panties, I mean they went to Google and actually typed in the words "the word panties."

Glad to see that my site ranking within the top 15.

Anyway, this was the page the search sent them to.

comments (4)

mg

one sick puppy

by mg at 05:34 PM on February 19, 2001

I spent the entire weekend feeling miserable and for the first time in more than a month it wasn't because of something going on in my life. No, this time it was something going on in my body.

Not that any of you care, but I've spent the last couple days feeling very very sick.

Now it seems even my body has turned against me.

Stupid body.

I had some throat thing going on. That made it kind of suck to breathe, but at least I had that sexy, husky Kathleen Turner voice thing going on. Or so said everyone I talked to over the weekend. But then it got too painful to talk. Thank god for AIM.

I was brining up stuff that was an incredibly unnatural color. It must have been like an episode of X-Files going on in my lungs. I think maybe I'm the one carrying Moulder's baby.

I was also running a really high fever. Or at least I think I was running a fever, I don't own a thermometer. I was going through periods of about an hour of chills, followed by about two hours of sweating and burning up as the drugs started to work. And then finally about an hour of feeling just fine as the drugs were in full effect. Rinse, lather, and repeat for three days and that was my weekend.

I wish I'd had some aspirin. That would have probably done wonders. But I managed to make do. You know what they say, feed a cold, smoke Crack for a fever.

But there is one really good thing about running such a high fever. It's the hallucinations. You hit like 104 F and your brain starts to boil in it's own juices, causing some pretty nifty delusional episodes.

Unfortunately all my delusional episodes were reruns of "Two Guys, a Girl and Pizza Place."

comments (2)

mg

the funniest forward ever

by mg at 05:33 PM on February 16, 2001

I am a very sick boy little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. Don't cry, Mommy! Mommy is always sad, but she says it's not my fault. I asked her if it was God's fault, but she didn't answer, and only started crying harder, so I don't ask her that anymore.

The reason she is so sad is that I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I go to sleep. The doctors gave me an artificial body. My body is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us havin' no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work because she said employers don't hire crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap body. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap, and it chafes her real bad. I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this e-mail.

Dr. Van Nostrem from the clinic said if you forward this e-mail then Bill Gates will team up with AOL and do a survey with NASA. Then the astronauts will collect prayers from school children all over America and take them up to space so that the angels can hear them better. Then they will go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me better then. Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Or maybe just use my lungs and heart, when the doctors make them. The doctors said that every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take another prayer to the angels. Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10.

If you don't forward this e-mail, that's OK. Mommy says you're a mean heartless shithead who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow horrible death so you can burn forever in hell. What kind of goddamned person are you that you can't take five fucking minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame for the rest of their day, and then maybe help a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy?

Please help me. This really sucks. I try to be happy but it's hard. I wish I had a puppy. I wish I could hold a puppy.

Thank You.

Billy 'Smiles' Evans, the boy with just a head.

And a burlap sack for a body.

comments (1)

mg

love day wrap up

by mg at 05:31 PM on February 15, 2001

Checking the referal logs today, I noticed we got a hit from fcc.gov. Ahhhhhhhh! The Federal Communications Commission is visiting my site?! Nooooooooooooooooo! As Shaggy said, it wasn't me!

I remember Valentine's Day when I was in school. Kids would usually just give each other G.I.Joe or My Little Pony cards and some candy. Things sure have changed.

If I had a girlfriend, this is what I'd want to get for her this Valentine's Day. Not that I would need it.

Okay. The archive seems to be a little hinky in Netscape. It shows up, but displays in the wrong place and loses the CSS. Tell me how to fix it.

The archive is now active. Mostly. Everything through December. The rest soon.

A Japanese study has found evidence suggesting that the use of technology has an adverse effect on memory. They also say that it makes us stupid and... some other stuff.

Anna Kournikova. Anna Kournikova. I wouldn't mind getting infected by her.

mg

take another little piece of my heart

by mg at 05:26 PM on February 14, 2001

Do I need to say anything at all today?

It's Saint Valentine's Day. Can't you just feel the love?

I know I don't feel the love. And I wont be feeling anything else today either.

I find it kind of remarkable, but I've managed to spend the last 3 Valentine's Days alone. I've spent most the days leading up to it and most of the days following it with someone, but for some reason, I think I'm desitined to forever be alone on February 14.

So, what's a lonely lad to do when everyone around him is in love, or at the very least, knocking boots? Should I be happy for my friends and loved ones and wish them well in their relationships?

Yeah. Right. As if. You all make me sick. I hope you get a venereal disease. I hope tomorrow morning it burns when you pee, and not in that good way.

Okay then, do I go out and find someone to hook up with for the night?

Hell no. Only pathetic losers are out there looking for love on Valentine's Day. The crop of people to hook up with would be left to only the ugly, stupid or fragrantly unpleasant. I'd rather be alone than deal with that.

So, what does that leave? I guess I can just stay home, watch porn and drink my self silly.

mg

laid

by mg at 05:24 PM on February 13, 2001

Getting laid-off.

Seven days later I can finally talk about it.

For some reason getting dumped by an employer is so much more devastating than getting dumped by a person. At least with a person you can say, "they are stupid" or "they've got issues" or "they are gay." But with a job, there it isn't really about them, its about you.

I am stupid. I've got issues. I am gay. Okay, okay, I guess those don't all relate. But I do feel stupid. Untalented. Worthless.

Or at least I did. I feel much better now. I'll feel even better once I hook myself up with a new job, hopefully one that pays more. I don't feel worthless anymore. I know I'm not untalented. I know I'm not stupid. I know my first name is Steven.

Anyway, this is the story about how they got rid of us.

It started on the Friday before. Fucked Company posted up a rumor that my company would be firing 25-35% of its employees by 1pm that day. Enough people read that site that eventually the rumor was passed around person to person until everyone in the office had heard it, were reading the wonderful comments posted by the readers of that site, and were counting down until 1pm.

The time came and went and everyone still had their jobs. The rumor was wrong. At least partly.

At about 4pm on that Friday a bunch of the company's New York big wigs came up to my floor for a meeting. As they were walking past the person sitting next to me started humming Darth Vader's theme. It was appropriate.

What they were meeting about was pretty obvious. It also didn't help that all of the meeting rooms have big glass windows. For the rest of the afternoon everyone was nervously looking over to see what the hell they were doing in there.

They could see us looking in at them and we could see them looking at us looking at them. We knew what they were doing in there and they knew that we knew what they were doing in there.

On Monday morning everyone got an e-mail. Basically "We are having a meeting at 4pm today. Everyone must attend. You will be contacted later this afternoon about where it will be." Whatever could that meeting be about, we all asked ourselves and each other.

When the London office fired people they did this: everyone was told to go to a meeting. The people who were being fired were told to go to one place and the people who were being kept were told to go to another place. And yes, this process does seem very much like the concentration camps.

No, no, no. You all aren't being fired. You are just going in for a shower. A nice refreshing shower. Please remove all your clothing and jewelry. Don't worry, it'll be returned to you when your done, all fresh and clean. Trust us.

What truly sucked is that we all knew that the lay-offs would happen at 4, yet we all had work to do all day. Most people made a mad scramble to back up all their data, only to find... The company intranet was down. All of the CD burners (there is one on every floor) were disabled. E-mail and internet access was disabled from 2:30 on.

Luckily, I had spent the previous week burning all of my files onto disks, in the eventuality that I would be one of the ones to go (which I was). I have 4 full CD roms worth of files.

So, 3:30 rolls around. The phones start to ring. Everyone is getting told where to go. Its hard to tell, at first, based on who is going where, what is the better place to be going. When I find out that my manager is going to one room and me and the recent college grad who had been hired just two months ago are going to the same place I know I am screwed.

All in all, there were about 12 people on my floor (of around 30, which had been around 40 a month earlier) were leaving. We go to the meeting together. The New York manager reads some canned statement. We all laugh when he says, "Though we may be letting you go here, there are some opportunities available in other offices that you can apply to."

What?! You are firing us, but we can apply to another office? Thanks. Really.

We were sent back to our desks. My laptop had been removed. The security lock was clipped. There was an empty box to pack up my shit. All of the people who had been staying had been asked to leave the office. The only people up there were the security people to make sure we didn't steal anything or burn the place down. Apparently, they had brought in some off-duty NYPD officers to make sure nothing crazy happened.

So, I clean out my desk. Hugged everyone good-bye. Went home, got stupid drunk.

And I haven't been sober one moment since.

mg

robber barons

by mg at 05:22 PM on February 12, 2001

I'm reading a biography of William S. Burroughs. I love William S. Burroughs. He is the poster boy for drug use. That man never knew a drug he didn't like. Heroin, pot, bug-killer, whatever. He shot his wife in the head. He got an allowance until he was 50. He wrote novels about nothing - decades before Jerry Seinfeld was even born.

Something I learned from the book is that Burroughs' uncle was Ivy "Ledbetter" Lee.

Do you know who Ivy Lee is?

Probably not. Lee is the founder of modern Public Relations. He was able to make the public love even the most vile of individuals and corporations. Mind you, the public is pretty stupid. But, you know the phrase, "you can fool some of the people some of the time but you can't fool all of the people all of the time"? Well, Ivy Lee was able to fool all of the people all of the time.

Ivy Lee is most famous for representing John D. Rockefeller, robber baron extraordinaire. Lots of people today think that Bill Gates and Microsoft are some kind evil empire. Gates is Big Bird compared to Rockefeller, a man who is quoted as saying that "the way to make money is to buy when blood is running in the streets."

Lee really came into his own with his work for Rockefeller after the Ludlow Massacre.

In 1914 a small mining town in Colorado went on strike. Rockefeller called in the local National Guard to bust up the strike. When all was said and done 53 people died, including 13 of the miners wives and children.

People were, rightly so, enraged at Rockefeller about what happened in Ludlow. The muckrakers were screaming for blood, Rockefeller's, calling him a murderer. The public protested outside his home. Massive stikes and boycotts were being organized against all of Rockefeller's companies. How did Lee help Rockefeller out of this public relation's nightmare?

First, he had Rockefeller hang out with some miners in another town. Dancing with their wives. Kissing their kids. Of course, Lee made sure the press was there to write it all down and to get it all on film.

Next, he lied. He lied again. Then he lied some more.

A man after my own heart.

This brief American history moment provided by the good folks of Bad Samaritan.

comments (20)

mg

fast cars and pretty faces

by mg at 11:57 PM on February 11, 2001

I am just so crushed about the death of NASCAR legend Dale Earnhardt during Sunday's Daytona 500.

Frontline on PBS did this great show on hackers, security and the internet. I actually hate shows like that because they always get me all freaked out. I mean, I don't want some hacker on the 'net finding out and exposing my predilection for kitty porn.

Today's front page of the NASA website tries to dispel the conspiracy theories brought up by a recent TV show suggesting the 1969 moon landing was a hoax. Yup, that's exactly what I though NASA would do. The lying bastards.

FYI: I've survived the Interactive Antique Illness every time I've done it. Woo hoo! I truly was born in the wrong time.

mg

secret recipe

by mg at 05:21 PM on February 11, 2001

Since the MP3 revolution and the purchase of my CD Burner, I've been woefully neglectful of my CD collection. I've got about 500 CDs and a hardly ever listen to them. They must be so lonely! I've decided, since I'm going to be home a lot more often now, to listen to each and everyone at least once within the next month, even that Milli Vanilli disk I haven't played since '86.

Japan bans a soft drink touted as "the solution to your nighttime problems." The drink contains about twice as much of the active ingredient in Viagra as a tablet of that drug. The estimated 10 million Japanese men who suffer from erectile dysfunction are going to have to go back to watching videos of people eating poo in order to get hard.

Not sure what to do with your significant other this Valentine's Day? If you happen to live in Idaho you could go to the zoo and watch animals do it.

mg

sexy underwear

by mg at 05:19 PM on February 10, 2001

Hey, yo, what up all my Yahoo! peeps?!

My site just got officially entered into the Yahoo! web directory this week so I just wanted to make sure I gave all my new Yahoo! people the proper welcome. Which should explain this rare weekend update. Or not. Whatever. I don't have to explain myself to you.

So, I'm getting all ready to head out for some frivolity this evening. I'm not big on primping and perming (that isn't the way that phrase is supposed to go, is it?), but when I do go out I do like to look good. I mean, shit, who doesn't, right?

I'm not exactly sure what kind of scene this bar has. I don't really know who is going to show up (there is someone I hope will show up, but I don't wanna say anything because I don't want to jinx what could end up being a good thing. do'h! i just talked about it. stupid stupid stupid). And I don't know what we are doing afterward. So, I really don't know exactly how "pretty" to make myself tonight.

I'm not going to break out the leather pants or anything, but I am for goddamn sure going to be wearing a pair of my sex underwear.

I think I talked before about ugly underwear - what you end up wearing when you haven't done laundry in a long time. Well, just like everyone has got a pair or two of ugly underwear, everyone has a pair or two of sex underwear.

If your a fem then they've probably got laces or bows or something on them and if you are a dude then they are probably all tight and make your package look bigger.

So I don't exactly know what is doing tonight, but I am going to be doing whatever it is we are doing wearing some package-enlarging underwear. Or possibly not wearing them. If you catch my drift. (if you don't, I'm talking about S - E - X)

Wait. Wait just a second. I think a mistake has been made here.

I don't want any of you to think I'm planning on going out and having sex tonight. As much of a badass as I sometime make myself out to be, I'm not the casual sex kind of guy. Okay, so yes, I have done it before, I'll admit that.

But I didn't enjoy it.

Okay, yes, at the time I did enjoy it. What I didn't enjoy was afterward.

I get way too attached to people way too easy. And there isn't anything that will get a guy attached to someone quicker than sex. (tee hee)

So, let me make this perfectly clear - I will not be having sex tonight.

But just in case, I will be wearing my sex underwear.

(The place we are going to is called Black Star. If you happen to be in NYC tonight (Saturday Feb. 10) we'll be there from about 10ish, just yell out "mg.")

comments (1)

mg

just the faqs

by mg at 05:16 PM on February 09, 2001

Instead of actually writing anything today I decided to answer a few questions. So, shoot.

Hey mg, you're back!

That isn't a question. But I am back, kind of.

So, where've you been the last couple days?

Nowhere.

Why haven't you written anything?

Haven't felt like it.

Now that you're back will you be writing everyday again?

Hopefully, but you never know. I really haven't been feeling it the last couple days.

Are you doing okay?

Yeah.

No, really. You've been through a lot the last couple weeks. Are you sure you are okay?

Yeah, really. I'm okay. Don't worry about me. It's all good.

Really?

Yes, really. Do you have any more questions?

Oh, yeah, sure. Can we see a picture of you?

Maybe. I just hooked my scanner up. So, maybe I'll put up a picture or two, if anyone else wants me to...

Cool. So, what have you been doing since Monday?

Not a whole lot. But I'll be writing about all that shit eventually. Cleaning out my desk at work, getting drunk in the middle of the afternoon, filing unemployment. All that shit.

When can we expect that?

I don't know. Eventually. Keep your pants on. Unless you wanna send me pictures. In that case, by all means, take them off.

Have any plans for the weekend?

Sure. But without the high-paying job I need to cut back on the extravegant lifestyle.

What does that mean?

Instead of $10 mixed drinks it's a $1.49 Olde English 40oz. Instead of a supermodel its a crack whore on the floor of the F train. Instead of sushi at Nobu its pork rinds and stale bread from the corner bodega.

Are you really okay?

Sure, not bitter or anything. Have you got any more real questions?

No.

Okay, I'm going to go watch TV. I think Ricki Lake is on now.

Any more questions?

mg

got laid = no, get laid off = yes

by mg at 05:13 PM on February 07, 2001

So. I'm not enjoying 2001 so much so far.

In January I get dumped by my girlfriend.

And now, in February, I get dumped by my employer.

Isn't it all just fantastic?

I'll write about that and finish up my weekend story since it is a pretty interesting one, but not now. I just don't feel like writing. Sorry.

mg

weekend update

by mg at 05:11 PM on February 05, 2001

I had a good weekend. It started out pretty well and only got better.

First off, I didn't end up getting laid off on Friday. Fucked Company was wrong. At least about the layoffs happening on Friday. They are coming. Probably today, but they didn't happen Friday.

And in addition to not getting fired I actually got put on some new projects. I've spent the last three weeks with absolutely nothing to do. My last project ended and there was nothing new starting up for me to do. So I sat. Did a little research. Surfed the web a lot. Spent a lot of time on AIM.

Believe or not, that gets old really quickly. Like, after the second day. I need to be doing something constantly or I get really hyper. I become a bundle of pure energy.

I need to stand up and walk around every 5 minutes. I practiced juggling these two little stress balls I have on my desk with one hand. I went out to lunch three times a day.

Not having anything to do certainly didn't help out my mental situation regarding my love life. At least if work was keeping me busy I'd have 10 hours a day where I had other things to think about. With nothing to do... I tended to focus way too much on certain things I shouldn't have.

So, anyway, that ended on Friday. I got put on a new project. Two projects, actually. One of the projects is going to last a couple days and the other will last for at least a couple weeks.

The longer of the two projects is really exciting. I am going to be part of a team that is developing some sample mobile applications for a major auto-industry company. And by mobile application I mean something you can access on a web-enabled phone. They call those things WAP (for wireless application protocol, I think).

Since I got my new phone, the deliciously extravagant Samsung Uproar (which is a phone, a MP3 player, a simple PDA and a web-browser), I have kind of been enthralled by all things WAP.

I hate talking to people on the phone. Which is why I love the internet (well, one of the reason, besides for pr0n). You can get so much done on the internet without talking to uninterested, unmotivated and unintelligent telemarketing types.

The problem, though, is that my computer is waaaay to big to carry around with me and it is tough to find a phone outlet standing on the corner of Broadway and Houston. So, being able to access the internet via my phone gives me the mobility I need and the cold inhuman contact I desire.

Anyway, getting a chance to work on a WAP project is a pretty exciting concept for me. Hopefully I don't get axed before I get actually finish it.

So, I wrote a lot and I didn't even actually talk about anything that happened this weekend. Cripes. I'll get to it tomorrow.

mg

that hat is mine

by mg at 12:08 AM on February 03, 2001

Would you like your site to be hosted on Bad Samaritan.com? I'm looking to provide FREE hosting on this domain for a select few twisted, but high quality, sites. Gimme a holla if ya might be interested.

I finally have the entire archive up.

I feel blessed. On his site Scarecrow dubbed me as a new "daily read." I think that rocks and is pretty hilarious considering I just found his site yesterday and it has instantly became my new favorite. Go check it out.

A cast picture from the new Scooby Doo Movie. Looks lame.

I'm guessing everyone has seen this by now, but my friends were talking about this over the weekend so I thought I'd throw it up. Remember, All your base are belong to us. That is one kicking beat and some damn fine photo manipulation. Time Magazine, eat your heart out.

When is sex not sex? When you are doing it with a teenager.

If you haven't checked out today's link of the day go look NOW! These are the lyrics to the song from that video, translated from Arabic, into Sweedish and then into English. I have a feeling they aren't entirely accurate.

Again, if you haven't gone to today's link of the day go now. This is an explanation of the song and phenomenon.

What am I doing with my time now that I am unemployed and unattached? Well I'm "reading, going to see movies, listening to music and also a lot of thinking, looking at grass move in the wind or listening to raindrops falling." I almost want to stay single and jobless forever and now there is a whole Japanese society dedicated to helping me remain so.

blah blah napster blah blah.

mg

rumors of fuckwitage

by mg at 05:09 PM on February 02, 2001

oh, do i enjoy fucked company. they posted a rumor about the company i work for this morning and lots of people have written in to share the love.

i am begining to despise netscape. apparently the new site design was crashing netscape browsers. i figured that out a couple minutes ago. i checked the code and couldn't tell what was wrong. as a fluke, i tried removing some

tags. that fixed it. apparently netscape can't take nested paragraph tags. grrr. sorry to my netscape users for that.

the official tagline for this website is "bad samaritan - last in line for the nobel peace prize. first in line for pie"

kim relays to us, via her weblog a hilarious converation she had regarding that line. go read it now.

penguins are funny

...but they've got good balance, or so says a recently completed British Royal Navy survey. seems british pilots had claimed seeing penguins fall over backwards while watching aircraft fly overhead. during the survey not a single penguin fell over. danny devito gave a sigh of relief.

NBCi is running commercials for something called QuickClick. It's software that allows you to click on any word in any application and get instant access to more information via the internet. this isn't a new concept, flyswat has been doing the same thing for almost a year.

OOPS! I meant yesterday's Link of the Day to go to Booby Trap dot ORG not Booby Trap dot COM. I guess it really was a booby trap.

469 pirate attacks last year and not one of them was able to get to kathie lee gifford? what is the state of pirating coming to these days? oh, if Blue Beard could see them now!

i love technology. even if these are fakes, and fakes of apple products no less, they are pretty damn cool looking.

more scary news

pets.com, boo.com, icast.com. do you miss any these failed dot.coms? me neither. but, if you happen to feel nostalgic for these, or any one of the 120+ others at Ghost

Sites, you can take a look at a still image from the site and relieve those halycon days of early 2000.

safe or scary?

As folks entered the stadium for Sunday's Superbowl their images were "digitized and checked electronically against the computer files of known criminals, terrorists." Is this a case of Big Brother just get bigger or of life just get safer?

mg

sneeze guard momma

by mg at 05:05 PM on February 02, 2001

Our eyes met over the sneeze guard at the salad bar.

Hardly the most romantic way to meet someone, but sometimes you take what you can get.

And if it helps, this wasn't your average salad bar. No green Jell-O with marshmallows, held forever in suspension. No wilted lettuce. No fried chicken wings. No meatloaf.

This place was a health food store. High class. Everything at the salad bar was organic, most of it completely vegan.

I've got a thing for vegetarians. I've also got a thing for eyes. Especially blue eyes.

Christ, when it comes down to it, I've just got a thing for everyone and everything.

I meet someone. I fall in love. Instantly.

Well, perhaps love is too strong. Even though it reminds me of being back in middle school, thinking the best possible thing in the world was getting to second base with someone, lets call it a crush. Because a crush really is what it is.

When it comes down to it, I'm what you might call a crush-a-holic.

It happens all the time. Like, at least once a day.

Are you aloud to crush once you hit 20 years old? Do people even still get crushes?

And if they do, does it happen so often?

Is there something wrong with me?

I don't think so. It's probably cute, isn't it? Crushes are cute, right?

Its not like I stalk people. Or follow them around.

Though, I did follow the girl with the blue eyes, the vegetarian. My sneeze guard momma. I mean, not on purpose, but it's a salad bar. You walk around, trying to find foods you desire. You are looking for things that are going to satisfy you.

I found something.

But... I'm not a player I just crush a lot.

I've got these feelings but I'm not one to act on them. I don't even really know what to do even if I did want to act on them. I just don't know the words.

So, my little when my little blue eyed vegetarian met my gaze, I gave her my best sly little smile and twinkling eyes. She smiled back, but what else could there be?

Now, if we had spent a little more time at the salad bar, she would have been all over me. I don't know what it is, but women, all women, crush on me if we spend enough time together. The amount of time doesn't matter, because no matter how long it takes, every available woman I've ever spent any time with has eventually made some sort of gesture toward me.

And its not just ego saying that, because I have no ego. I really can't believe any woman would ever find me attractive. I can't believe any woman would find me funny, or passionate, or intelligent. But for some strange reason, they do. It may take some time, but eventually they do.

If you don't immediately love me, or immediately hate me, you are immediately indifferent. But I grow on people. Like a fungus. A good fungus. Like the kind the live on the bellies of whales and eat all this sort of bad bacteria that otherwise would kill the whale.

If that blue eyed vegetarian goes back to that salad bar tomorrow and the next day and the next, eventually, she will be mine. But that's unlikely to be the case.

And that's the problem. I immediately fall in love with people but it takes them months, or years to fall in love with me.

Ah, the ironies of life.

mg

new new new

by mg at 05:04 PM on February 01, 2001

New month.

New layout.

New attitude.

I know what month it is, February.

I know about the new layout. I made it. (as an aside, what do y'all think?)

The atitude. That I'm not so sure about yet.

Some random notes.

This site had been up now for 4 months. January was our best month, as it should have been. Nearly twice as many people came to the site in January as in December.

I'm going to continue to do this same kind of big block of stream of conciousness goodness on a daily basis. Well, these bits aren't really stream of concsiousness, they are, but I manage to stick on a topic, mostly. Don't I?

Anyway, in addition to the usual, I've also added that little bit over there on the right, well, my right, your left. That bit on the left, where I can post really stream of conciousness type stuff. In that area I'll be updating periodically throughout the day.

So, I'll keep this bit short now so I can have time to get the kinks out of the the whole multiple daily updates thing.

Oh, and I want to get back to having guest writers more often. So if you want to write something, anything really, let me know.

Additionally, if you have any links I should be checking out, just should send them my way. If you use the wanna submit a link? link to the left, you can do it through a really nifty web interface, you don't even have to bother sending mail.

comments (2)