Taking a trip anytime soon? Find out if you'll die.
Not taking a trip anytime soon? Find out when you'll die.
Thinking of investing in an IPO? Find out when that dot.com will die.
How likely are you to be murdered?
Is your favorite celebrity a recent corpse? Can't bear to live without another chance to hear pointless information about their life (and death)? Interviews from the Netherworld.
Prostelitize about the misfortune of others for fun and profit.
For those of you who aren't dead, but would like to celebrate with a nice, over-priced coffee mug try death's gift shop.
And another, which just goes to prove how EVIL California really is.
If cartoon violence is still to real for you, try Stick Figure Death Theatre - you won't care if they live or die.
And oh so much more.
I offer no other explanation but weird treefrog death.
Got any more cool death links? Send 'em our way!
This must make one mean cup of java.
Vaguely election related news: Your chance to win a Mac G4 Cube and show up the entire state of Florida. It's time to design a better ballot.
The holidays are almost upon us, you know what that means, Big Layoffs. IXL, one of my employers big competitors tells 850 of their employees, Merry Christmas - You're Fired.
Check out all the latest and the greatest dot.com failures at Fucked Company. See your employers name on the list? Start polishing up that resume!
Isn't it funny the strange turns that life sometimes takes?
Like how sometimes, you think you are the President, and then you think you aren't. And then you think you are again, and then you aren't. And then, kind of, you are again?
I was just walking back from lunch and I realized I'm in New York City. Now, that is hardly a revealisation, or a weird turn. There are 10 million more people who are in New York City on a daily basis. Most of them don't even think about that fact. Why should they?
They never swore they'd never live in this city again.
Part of my thought pattern that led to my realization that I was, indeed, in New York City, was the fact that I'd just spent the weekend with my ex-ex-girlfriend. (Is someone an EX even if you've gotten back together with them? George H. Bush will always be called Mr. President even if George W. Bush never is.)
It was Thanksgiving weekend here in the States. Me and the EX had spent many Thanksgivings and Christmas' here in New York. We would spend the weekend and then head back to wherever it was we were living.
We haven't done that in two years because we haven't been together in nearly two years.
So, I basically spent the weekend with someone I never thought I'd be with again in a city that I'd thought I'd never live in again. Strange, huh?
When she left, I thought I should have been leaving too. These ideas, that New York is not my home and that I should be following my girl wherever she was going, are so in-grained in how I perceive myself it is kind of scary.
Both reactions are dangerous. That I know. What to do about them, I don't know.
I'll just finish my pumpkin soup and think about it some more, I guess.
Sometime this week, I can't be sure when, we will be getting our 2,000 unique visitor. Pretty damn cool. I've been involved with projects that get those kind of numbers in an hour, but this feels more special for some reason.
I want this phone. Will someone be my sugar-daddy?
On December 1, (or shortly thereafter), expect a new design and some new features.
So, mail was getting through, and is getting through, but it is just taking a long time to do so. Right after I made the last update, saying I wasn't getting email, I get about a dozen emails within the course of the next couple hours, some dated 3 days earlier. Oh well, I'll just pretend it is snail mail, 3 days is right on time then.
Oh my. We have sunk pretty low as a society. Stalking as entertainment? Which is not to say that I wont check this site out when it goes live. I might even try to win the money. If any of you win, you will, of course, owe me a 10% finders fee for pointing out the site to you. Right?
A friend told me this story about her sisters' boyfriends' cousin. I still believe it is totally true, no matter what they say.
The truth is always usually stranger than fiction. And funnier. What do people do on the internet? They search for strange ass shit. (Somewhat related, incredibly interesting, but not very funny, Ask Jeeves lets you see, in real time, what other folks are searching for)
With Thanksgiving fast aproaching (for those of us in the States) I'm starting on a Christmas mix disc. This is the playlist so far:
- The Vandals - Christmas Time For My Penis
- Rufus Thomas - I'll Be Your Santa Baby
- The Vandals - C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S
- Squirrel Nut Zippers - Santa Claus is Smoking Reefer
- Easy E - Marry Mutha Fuckin Christmas
- James Brown - Santa Claus Goes Straight To The Ghetto
- TvTv - daddy drank our xmas money
- How The Grinch Stole Christmas
- Snoop Doggy Dogg & Nate Dogg - T'was the Night Before Christmas
- Mu330 - I Got This Neighbor
- Cherry Poppin' Daddies - Butch The Gay Santa Claus
- Pansy Division - Homo Christmas
- The Vandals - MyFirstXmasAsAWoman
- Ru Paul- Here Comes Santa Claus
- Save Ferris - Christmas Wrapping
- No Doubt- Oi To The World
- Stuart Davis - I Wanna be Christ
- Mu330 - Angels We Have Heard On High
- Rev Run & Christmas Allstars - Santa Baby
- Fleming & John - Winter Wonderland
- KoRn - Xmas Song
- The Vandals - A gun for christmas
- Henery Rollins - Twas The Night Before Xmas
If I weren't already going to hell...
must ... resist ... urge ...
Once, whilst I was in the midst of trying to quit smoking a friend told me that if you start to feel the urge for nicotine all you have to do is wait 15 minutes. If you can manage to resist your nic fit for that just 15 minutes, then your body will kind of forget about it for a while. You'll stop craving the nicotine and you won't have another craving for a long while.
Then, the next time you have a craving, all you have to do is resist another 15 minutes. The time between cravings will get longer and longer. Eventually, you won't ever feel it.
I can't, with certainty, say whether or not that is true. It's like God, I'd like to believe, but I need some proof. And I've got to believe that the cravings will eventually disappear if I ever hope to kick the habit. The problem is that I've never been able to resist those urges for very long. Just like I can't be in church for very long before I start thinking how cute the altar girls are.
In the 10 years I've been smoking I only once managed to go as long as 6 months without a cigarette. I went that long, but couldn't last another 15 minutes when that craving did come, like it always does.
I'm trying again. I'm now at about a month without. A cigarette that is. It's been a lot longer than a month for some other things. But I'll save discussion of that for some other time. I've been lucky though. I was really sick for a good week of that month. It's really damn easy to not smoke when you are already coughing, sneezing, and having trouble breathing. Maybe that's the key - a constant state of pneumonia.
Either way, I'm at a month and still going strong. As long as I don't ever step into another bar or ever have sex again. I think I can make it this time. Wish me luck and please forgive me for I am about to give into another guilty habit...
must ... resist ... urge ... to ... make ... election ... commentary.
I think I may have mentioned this before, but I wasn't actually able to vote in this election. I just recently moved and was never able to find out if my registration had been processed and where my polling location was. Well, it turns out I could have just shown up anywhere.
Not only were some locations registering people on the spot here in New York, but my mother informed me that my name was on the register right below hers when she went to vote. Now, that really worries me.
I haven't lived at that address in 7 years. It was where I registered when I turned 18, as all good Americans should. But I've never voted there. In fact, I registered in another state a few months later when I went to college and have voted there for the last 6 elections (before this one).
Florida is apparently not the only place where something fishy is going on. I wonder if next year I should try voting at my mother's address, my college address, and my new address. Would anyone be the wiser? Can we say election reform? Digital voting? Anybody?
Sunday morning Joe Lieberman made the rounds to the morning news shows. Is it just me or does Lieberman look more and more like Alf's dad all the time? If Gore ends up winning the election I can just imagine him starting to grow rusty-brown fur and adding an "F" to the end of his first name. I'd love to see Joe "Willie Tanner" Lieberman chasing Alf Gore around the Whitehouse trying to stop him from eating Socks the Cat.
The Democrats are now protesting some of the overseas absentee ballots. What happened to wanting to make sure every vote gets counted? Oh, I understand, they only worry about every American having the right to have their vote make a difference if the difference means the Democrats win.
I can't wait until "Pregnant Chads" and "The Butterfly Ballot" are just the punch line to a series of lame jokes forwarded to me over email. If you've already received one such forward, please send it our way.
Leprechaun in the Hood (R) (Horror, 2000). An evil leprechaun and a powerful producer (Warwick Davis, Ice-T) pursue three rap artists who stole a magic flute. (1 hr. 31 min.)
This is an actual movie listing from the TV guide last week. Now come on, are they serious? Is this what movies have become- terrible sequels to terrible movies? Okay, granted, I have not seen "Leprechaun in the Hood," and itís a good bet that I wonít, so I donít know for sure that itís the worst movie ever made, but I feel comfortable in saying that the odds are on my side that this moving picture is bad. Very bad. Very, very bad. I feel sorry for Ice-T, if this is what he has to do for a living.
Of course, there are a lot of people taking it upside the head in this movie. Thereís Warwick Davis, the Leprechaun, irrevocably typecast as the little green bastard. Thereís whoever plays the three rap artists. Thereís the screenwriter, and the director. Thereís everyone on the crew: the cameramen, the cinematographer, the grips, the gaffers, the best boys, the worst boys, whoever the hell works on the technical side. There is, one canít forget, Ice-T, giving in to temporary insanity. Thereís also, surprisingly, Coolio, playing himself and doubtless regretting it. "Leprechaun in the Hood," I would think, is a credit all these people would want erased, as soon as possible, from their resumes.
This latest addition is number five in the "Leprechaun" pantheon. Yes, five. 5. There were three other sequels before this one. Is it possible that they did well enough to warrant making more of this crap? Amazingly, it appears so. So what this means, naturally, is that there will be a sixth. And a seventh. And, god help us, and eighth and ninth and so on, until that fateful day when some normally calm, rational person who just wants the madness to end storms onto the set and dismembers everyone (not that it would solve anything, but I bet itíd feel good).
Is there a less violent solution to this proliferation of "Leprechaun" sequels? Mmm, I donít think so. Thereís no reasoning with some people, especially if theyíre in pursuit of the big bucks (Ďbig bucksí and "Leprechaun" in the same sentence. Hmm). The only thing to do might be to just spread the word to avoid the "Leprechaun" movies, so that hopefully the millions who are reading right now get the message. If they donít, thereís always the dismemberment plan.
The lethargy continues. But at least we have a President. Kind of.
People may complain about spam but there is occasionally a gem. Just imagine a seven year-old seeing this subject line in her mailbox.
Subject: Christmas Could Be Cancelled!
From: "North Pole News"
SANTA'S WORKSHOP, North Pole, Nov. 16
A potential crisis is rocking the North Pole today as staff unrest and old, failing equipment are resulting in record-low production levels that could threaten to affect this year's holiday season, said a highly placed executive within Santa's workshop today.
The executive, known only as "Deep Snow," claimed that Santa is becoming increasingly nervous about morale and production levels among his elf and reindeer staff and hopes to find a solution to the problem before the holiday rush hits. Attempts to reach Santa for comment were unsuccessful.
After this is just begins to get lame, damn marketing.
We will be back with fresh content soon. Thanks for sticking around.
So, you might be asking yourself where we were the last two days. Otherwise occupied. My old bosses' son has asked me to take care of some business for him down in Florida and it has taken longer than expected. I think things should be cleared up by the end of the week.
Actually, I've been out of the office Monday and Tuesday. Out of the office means I have to rely on dial-up for internet access and my own two hands for preparation of coffee and generally not a lot of downtime. A general sense of lethargy also didn't help.
Apparently others have been feeling it as well since, as you are well aware if you are a frequent visitor, Wednesday has typically been "guest writer day." There was no one who volunteered to write today.
I'm still feeling lethargic today, so no real content. I'll pose a few questions. Answer them yourself. Or check back tomorrow and perhaps someone else will have, in case you don't want to bother thinking about it yourself.
Would all those people around the country who've been protesting the results in Florida still be protesting if, as had been expected leading into election day, Bush had won the popular vote and Gore had won the Electoral College votes?
When the Electoral College submits their official votes in the beginning of 12/ how many will choose not to follow the all-or-nothing system? Will the Electoral College, deemed to be the bane of democracy before the election, be the only thing to ensure that the candidate who won the popular vote wins the presidency?
With the now infamous "butterfly ballot" that's caused so much concern and punditry bring about any real change to the election process? Can digital ballots and online voting be too far into the future?
11/ 17th is the deadline for the overseas absentee ballots. We could possibly have another 2 weeks of this.
Six hours of coverage on election night is exhilarating. 240 hours of election night coverage gets to be a little tedious. Or not. More election coverage from around the 'net.
There are a bunch of pro-democracy demonstrations being planned around the country, find out where. Personally, I'm waiting for the anti-democracy demonstrations to start.
Forget about voting, the presidency should be determined by who is a better dancer.
Whoever ends up winning, these guys are going to screw you. The least you can do is make them look funny. Well, funnier.
Possibly the most entertaining thing about the news' coverage on election not was Dan Rather's weird, but awfully amusing, verbiage. There's no collection of this years yet, but these gems were from the '96 election. And excessive use of the colloquial isn't Dan's only quirk.
5-7-5 - Presidential haiku.
I don't agree, but I am inclusive of all opinions, not matter how stupid.
People should have voted for Bush, if only because he would be a much more entertaining president. There are lots of funny articles about Bush. Why none about Gore? Oh yeah, because he is boring as hell.
Will the fate of our country and the world come down to information design of the ballots in Palm Beach County? This is incredibly interesting to me, but I'm one of the usability wanks they are talking about.
Here is THE BALLOT everyone is talking about. Seems pretty clear to me. But I've got the right number of chromosomes. The arrow next to the candidates' name points to the hole you are supposed to punch. I could see how some people might be confused though, and I'd certainly take the job to redesign it.
On second thought, those Palm Beach County ballots were pretty difficult. Even god couldn't figure them out. The ballot box that was found in that church the morning after the election was empty.
Another example that the ballot was flawed, look at the voted for Pat Buchanon, by county in Florida. Note the spike.
The governments of the world are as confused about the election as an elderly Palm Beach County voter.
There's been a lot of talk about it, so find out how the Electoral College really works.
The campaign is over, but check out the logical fallacies of the debates, an old link, I know, but great still.
I think I must be some kind of weird pervert. Or maybe not, I'll let you decide.
I am going to tell you why I think I am a pervert now, or at least a different kind of freak than I was before. You see, as I was watching the election results roll in on Tuesday I got incredibly turned on.
Before you go getting the wrong idea about things this had nothing to do with Katie Curic. It wasn't about Cokie "I did it all for the nokie" Roberts either. And it certainly wasn't about Leslie Stahl.
No, it wasn't a person that was causing me to stand at attention, it was an idea. It was the process. Democracy gave me wood. Is that wrong?
I know I can't have been the only one creaming my jeans over this election and especially the way the networks reported things. Normally I can't say enough bad things about network news and what passes for journalism. But for the first time in a long time the drama of the coverage was equal to the drama inherent in the event. It isn't even just about drama, because OJ and Jon Benet and Elian -were all- dramatic events. They just weren't news.
This election, no matter who ends up winning when all the votes are counted and recounted, is the most important thing to happen in this country for a long time. And this story isn't just news, this is history.
Even before Florida became the focus of the nation's attention there was serious talk about constitutional change in regards to the Electoral College. I think that we are almost guaranteed some kind of reform at this point.
You know how many times the constitution has changed in America's 230-year history? Me neither, but it hasn't happened a lot. (Our extensive research staff has just informed me that beyond the original 10 amendments, AKA the Bill of Rights, it has happened only 17 times)
Even with that kind of monumental change in the air, I wouldn't have expected too many Americans, besides for a few high school global studies teachers, to have gotten excited. And I never would have expected anyone to be getting excited about this in the way that I was getting excited, especially not me.
Maybe it was all the power involved, whoever wins this election will go on to become pretty much the most powerful man in the world. Maybe it was the drama. This was so much more than the campaign had promised us in the way of drama. This was more drama than the last episode of Survivor, the entire 16 days of the Olympics, and all 48 innings of the Subway World Series (and I'm from New York!).
I can't say what it was exactly, but every time a new state went up in color on the big map, no matter red or blue, my blood started circulating differently. Whenever Tim Russert got out his dry-erase board, I broke that roll of stamps. Whenever Dan Rather used another weird colloquialism (on the premature announcement that Gore had won Florida - "Bush has got to be as mad as a rained on rooster" I put up a pup tent. And whenever Katie Curic (aka Katie Couric) tried to sound smart, well, what hot-blooded American male doesn't get a little cubby for Katie?
So, am I sick?
Or is the one true mandate from this election that, as part of whatever reform comes out of the debacle of this election, we should rename the Electoral College the Erectoral College?
Only YOU can decide, get out and vote!
So there are days when I truly wonder why the heck I am going to school for an advanced degree to stay in school. In particular I am receiving a Masters in Education with an emphasis on Higher Education Student Affairs. This means being the weirdo I am, I have chosen to work with college students. The areas that interest me are working in a student center helping to create and run education and entertainment programs. If you went to college, do you remember movie nights in the Union or the occasional cool concert that came to campus. How about Maya Angelou visiting and giving a lecture. Well that's the type of stuff I wanna organize.
On good days I rationalize that education is an integral component to being successful in America so I want to do my part to add value to students' lives outside of the classroom. So after all that serious sounding mumbo jumbo I also realize that I too get to benefit from the programs that come to a college campus. Where I attend now I get to see a buttload of speakers, movies, and concerts. On bad days I wonder why in the world I would want to interact regularly with some members of perhaps the most selfish and inconsiderate generation around.
Just the other night I helped with a sneak preview of Charlie's Angels for our campus. Some company out there came up with a concept to work as a middle man between movie studios and college campuses. This company asks movie studios to allow a satellite transmission of movies to a campus in exchange for some advertising time. The studios figure hey let a c couple hundred college students see the movie a few days before its in the theatres and they'll help create a buzz which will make all their friends run to the theater and dish out the cash.
So I'm in the middle of all this contractual fun, which requires us to hand out goodies from the sponsor companies. Also somewhere in some marketing office it was determined that when you give out free passes to people, usually only two-thirds of those people actually show up for the event. It has gone that way in the past. WE hand out 600 movie passes and 400 or so show up. Well for Charlie's Angels the studio in it's infinite wisdom mandated our campus hand out 1000 passes, figuring someone forgot they had to study for a quiz that night or work. Well apparently college students here have Charlie's Angels as a very high priority. This week I had the joy of explaining to over 300 students who could fit in our theater that the piece of paper they picked up did not guarantee them a seat. In fact it says so right on the ticket.
So I figure, you know it's free, show up early, try to get in, if you don't you only lost about 1/2 an hour. Plus it's not even Thursday so they can't be mad about missing Must See TV. Well sheesh we got the 600 who could fit into the room and then I had to contend with more bitchin' and whining than I've heard since a visit to a nursery school. People asked how early they should've come in order to see the 8:00 showing. I explained some students had lined up at 6:30. Now we all know an hour and a half early isn't extreme when it comes to waiting in line for a VERY popular event. Just ask those people with Play Station 2 systems. So one girl whines 'well excuse me for having to work till 7', another 'well this is ridiculous I got my pass two weeks ago and now I can't get in', another students ingenious reply was just 'bitch'. So to many of the current people aged 18-25 out there I'd like to say a few things.
- Life isn't always fair, sometimes you don't get what you want
- It's a movie, go home and watch some TV
- Free stuff always has a catch, get used to it
- You didn't pay for anything so the walk home is free as well
- No one's job description contains the phrase, 'I will gladly take verbal abuse regarding insignificant issues in your life'
I think it's funny that when people PAY $ for something, like a movie or concert they usually act like humans. Do people bother to complain when tickets are sold in a lottery fashion or surprise front row seats pop up, or the first person inline gets in first? NO. But how strange when a person has lost no investment of money and perhaps minimal time has been spent waiting they take the license to be mean. Mean people suck.
OK I think I'm done now. Just wanted to share my $.02
So after years of research and development, miles of press hype, billions of dollars spent on advertising, and too many arguments between the platform faithful to count, the time for reckoning is finally upon us.
That's right, its time to review the new Play Station 2.
Oh no, wait, we ain't talk 'bout Play Station, we're talking 'bout a revolution.
Yep, its time for us Americans to show the rest of the world how this "democracy" thing is done. That's right, there's no need for a bloody coup when you've got the Second Tuesday in 11/.
At least that's the way things are supposed to work. Democratic elections are meant to be a way to bring about bloodless revolutions. But lets get serious here, no matter who ends up getting the nod from the American people or who you personally choose to throw your vote away on, the results are going to be a long way off from a revolution this year.
This is another one of those elections where we, the American people (also Canadians and illegal Mexicans), are screwed no matter who ends up placing their hand on the Bible come 01/.
Did you know that in the four presidential campaigns that Franklin D. Roosevelt ran in, not only did he crush his opponents each time, but if you total the number of electoral college votes they got over that 16 year period they STILL wouldn't have hit a majority.
People loved FDR.
They liked Ike.
Today, people barely tolerate their candidates.
Besides for 96 when I was in love with Bob Dole - the norm Macdonald of politics - I've not felt strongly for any candidate in any election since I've been old enough to have any concept of politics.
I feel no special thrill when hearing any of the candidates speak. Most other Americans feel the way I do, and I don't need Gallup to tell me so. Just look at voter turnout. In recent years it's not been who you are voting for as much as who you are voting against thatís made the difference in getting people to trek out to the polls.
It might be the cool thing to do to vote for Nader, like driving a Volkswagen
while listening to Nick Drake, but Ralph has no political experience. The country
would be in ruins before he even had a chance to take the oath of office. (When
I was on the train this morning I saw something pretty funny. This dude was
wearing a "Nader 2004" button. I wasn't sure if the button was in
support of Nader running in the next election or an estimate of how many votes
Ralph would get. Either way, sad. Very, very sad.)
Pat Buchanan is entirely too much pat Buchanan.
Al Gore he is an habitual liar. I've got nothing against lying in and of itself. I lie all the time and I think the president needs to lie sometimes and should be a good at it. Which is the problem, Gore is an awful liar and he chooses to lie about the stupidest things. And to be perfectly honest Joe Lieberman scares me. All religious zealots scare me. I can't imagine how any intelligent person can really blame entertainment for the worlds ills.
I think I've made it clear now and in the past that I'm a Bush man. If only for the reason that he isn't one of those other guys. And also school vouchers. And privatizing part of Social Security.
Actually, I've got a couple reasons to go Bush. So, yes when I go into that little booth and close that curtain I'll proudly be pulling my lever in honor of Bush.
Or rather, I would be voting for the big W if not for that pesky felony conviction.
I'm sure you've read about it, seen it on the news, or heard about it in a chatroom. Bertelsmann and Napster came to an agreement last week.
You probably never heard of Bertelsmann, they aren't a household name like Sony, but they are one of the infamous 'Big Five' recording companies. You probably know them better as the folks behind CD Now or the BMG the music club. You know, they're the club where you get get 8 CDs for a penny instead of the 12 you get for joining Columbia House's. Exactly, what a fuckin rip-off!
Napster, of course, is the little file sharing program that's caused a whole lot of trouble.
The agreement ends Bertelsmann's lawsuit against Napster and, get this, provides for Bertelsmann loaning Napster money in exchange for allowing Napster legal access to Bertelsmann's catalog of music.
Now, I'm guessing there haven't been a whole lot of lawsuits that have ended in the (word that is the opposite of defendant - ugh, brain no work good now) giving the defendant money AND access to all the material the defendant has been "illegally" using for the past year. Its a fantastic deal for Napster, I can't see what's in it for Bertelsmann, which is kind of scary.
Maybe Bertelsmann just wants to look cool. Napster has tens of millions of users, most of them in the recording industry's prime demographic - young. Bertelsmann certainly have gotten their name in the news over the past couple weeks. They've certainly generated some buzz about themselves and their struggling 'net property, CD Now, a company they've just aquired within the last couple months and that has been losing money, like most e-tailers, for a long time now.
Maybe Bertelsmann just wants to be the first of the Big Five to jump on the bandwagon. When it comes down to it, short of hunting down every inter-net user and chopping off their fingers, there is no way to stop folks from using Naspter or any of the similar Person to Person (P2P) file sharing programs (such as the frustratingly difficult to use Gnutella). It's the whole "if you can't beat them, join them mentality."
As for Napster, wow! Way to go guys, this is a great deal. You get a lawsuit against you dropped, and you get to continue to use Bertelsmann's catalog of music, plus you get a truckload of money from them. You couldn't have come out of this better, now your one step closer to respectability. One step close to selling out.
Yep, selling out.
Because, related to their aggreement with Bertelsmann, Napster has announced it is looking for a way to charge users of it software a monthly access fee.
I can't imagine how this will work. Pay your $4.99 a month and get to download as much music as you want? There is no way the record companies, a group that charges $17.99 for a piece of plastic it costs them $0.90 to make, will go for that. So, will it be pay your $4.99 a month and get unlimited access to the music the record companies want you to listen to? Sorry, we already have a system like that, it's called MTV.
I thought the idea beind Napster was file SHARING. Where did Bertelsmann, Sony, and the rest, get into this? Sure, whatever, they own the legal rights to this music. Blah blah blah. Go cry me a river.
If I want to let my friends make a copy of a CD I paid for, who are the Big Five to stop me? Who is Napster to charge me? If I want to let a million friends, because on the inter-net everyone is your friend, what right does anyone have to say anything?
No one can't stop me, Muhowahahahahahaha!
So, I really feel as if I've had nothing to say for the past couple days. Nothing worthwhile anyway.
Which is weird, since I started this site because I thought I'd always have something to say.
Today is Bad Samaritan's one month anniversary (hooray us!), decades in 'net time (just ask boo) but a short time in the real world which is not a place I like spending time in, but I have to, that's where my apartment is. The commute is a bitch.
Here I am, having been at this for just a few moments and already feeling as if I've nothing left to contribute.
Come to think of it, this has happened before. I used to fancy myself a writer. I never had problems coming up with ideas and I never had trouble writing them down. And then it stopped. I haven't written a piece of creative fiction in more than two years.
And you know why? I'll tell you why.
It's because I was happy. And I think that might be the problem again.
After weeks of total bullshit being flung at me from every aspect of my life I'm happy again.
For a while there everything that could go wrong did. There was a scary sickness in the family, added to my fams usual insanity. I almost lost the girl I love for a second time (same girl, different occasion, I'll clue you in on that someday). There were a massive number of layoffs at work, plus I was putting in 12 hour days and was in the middle of this unfortunate interoffice romance. Lets not even mention the Mets losing the World Series - to the Yankees.
But the stars and planets must be in some sort of groovy celestial alignment now because things couldn't be going better.
What could have been a deadly disease turned out to be nothing more than some cells deciding to act all funky so now I can go back to only talking to the fam on birthdays and arbor day. I am back together with the girl I one day hope to impregnate... and also marry if I have too, I guess (if your reading, I love you honey, you know I'm only kidding). At work the project that had been keeping me drinking plenty of coffee, smoking plenty of cigarettes and not sleeping plenty of hours is over and has received gobs of praise.
In a matter of days things went from sol to aok. And now I've lost my voice.
I can't complain.
And I'm just getting started.
Subject: gay harrassment
Date: Wed, 25 Oct 2000 18:28:43 -0700
Maybe you should move to Toronto, Canada. Up here you practically have to wear a flashing neon sandwich board to advertise that you're gayer than Christmas and get *any* kind of attention (let alone harassment).
LOL Maybe the drunk was jealous or harbouring secret homosexual feelings. Who knows, right? Who cares. Idiots like him aren't worth spit, so don't take it personally (easier said than done, I know).
"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic."
I'd just like to point out, I AM NOT GAY. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Snaggle, my pal who wrote that bit your refering to, is. Me, I may be gayer than Christmas, but in that fun, jolly, heterosexual way.
Thanks for the heads up on Toronto, I wont forget to bring my neon sandwich board the next time I'm up that way and I hear Snaggle is booking a flight as we speak.
Subject: catching up
Date: Wed, 25 Oct 2000 11:51:33 CDT
just checked the ole website and started to look at the archived postings. just had to write back and say i feel your pain, do you remember when i saw some guy hauling big chunks of animal to that very place one day? well anyhoo it was just odd to be reminded of that guy with the flipflops and coat and the meat place. It was weird to realize how much i forgot.
I always wondered if anyone else noticed the flip flop guy and how he got there, then when the feelings of despair started filing in because i couldn't think of a way to help him or anyone else in such a position i would force myself to move on...
hope you are having a decent hump day
Gosh, I was having a good day until you mentioned the feelings of despair about not being able to help the lepper dude who wanders around my neighborhood. I thought he was kind of funny before. Now I realise its kind of sad. Great, thanks for writing, maybe you can run over my cat now and make this day complete?
Is anyone but me having a problem with the overwhelming number of kids who weigh in more than some adults? Absolutely disgusting.
Personally, I didn't get so much as a cup of soda until I was 12. I'm hearing about kids who drink a 2 liter. For lunch. And mommy and daddy wonder why their little vidiot N64 playing kid is starting to look like a punching bag.
If you have to wash yourself with a rag on a stick (Thank you Bart Simpson) you have a problem. If you have not recognized the problem, then you have a problem. Given that many height and weight charts are vastly out of date, and designed for a racial and cultural standard that has gone the way of the dodo, one would realize that it is merely common sense to tell if your on the heavy side. I.E. You can't see your own feet.
What did you eat for lunch? Think about it, for at least a minute. If one realizes that the only way to lose weight is to spend more energy than you take in, the epiphany is there. So, how does Fat Kid Joe (Known from here as FKJ) (Can also be taken as Fat Kid Jackie, if you're that gender sensitive) lose weight?
Well, mom and dad can start cutting down on letting the kid double-fist a turkey leg and a 2 liter of Mountain Dew all the time. (I love Mountain Dew, btw). Drop the Gogurt, the Now and Laters, AND STAY THE HELL AWAY from any food that has the word 'fast' in front of it. There is only one time in my entire quarter century of life I can remember eating half a pizza, and that was during finals time.
Remember FKJ, if it hurts when you put it in your tummy, stop.
And if it tastes like burning, stop. On to the exercise portion of my rant. Various health agencies have determined that there are many factors to the condition of FKJ. One of the most important culprits? Television. Or anything with the magical, hypnotizing cathode ray tube.
Stop watching the cartoons, playing Perfect Dark, or trying to save the Princess from Bowser. Go find your friends who you were trading Pokemon cards with, and run a few laps while you decide whether Electabuzz is stronger than Pikachu. It won't kill you. Better yet, hire a personal trainer at Gymboree.
Elevator or stairs? Well FKJ, you decide.